June 7, 2007

Eyeball Eyeball!

It wasn't long ago that the Mia Bean was toddling around the house trying desperately to keep her legs under the rest of her. She learned early on that gravity is somewhat of a mixed blessing. Of course, she later perfected walking, moved onto running and tried her hand at jumping. Now, at almost two years old, words, like those legs are desperately working to support her.

The forward momentum of language is, at times, more than she can handle. During the past two weeks, she's had an explosion of words and we're picking the verbal shrapnel out of every nook and cranny. She's not learning words at a rate of one or two a week or even a day. Instead its one every five or ten minutes if she's truly interested. And when the words don't come, when her brain moves faster than her mouth allows, she just makes something up. In the process, she comes up with the craziest sentences I've ever heard.

Mia: Mia noodles and cheese!
Me: You want noodles and cheese for dinner?
Mia: Eyeball! Eyeball!
Me: And eyeballs?
Mia: Noodles and cheese! Paprika eyeball meow!
Me: Huh?
Mia: Dada name Chris. Eyeball! Eyeball!
Me: And what is mommy's name?
Mia: Mommy Beth! Knees meow! Shhhh, night night. HAMMER!
Me: Whatever, kid.

And then comes the Song Of All The Words We Know which grows exponentially each day. Mia claps and sings eyeball, eyeball and we're obligated to join in with eyeball eyeball ourselves. This can go on for hours. Really. I'm not exaggerating or extrapolating here. I know. It's a cold hard fact.

You learn as a parent that there's always something. If it's not teething then it's a cold and if it's not a cold then there's no pooping and if there's no pooping there's too much pooping or just a brand new set of teeth coming in. What you also learn is that that there are cool always somethings too. Like walking, running, talking, or wanting to kiss you every minute of every day for a week. And those always somethings vastly outweigh the other always somethings. All of them, taken together, are remarkable.

Eyeball eyeball! That cracks my ass up.

Posted by Chris at June 7, 2007 7:20 AM

Noodle, cheese and eyeballs.

I don't think that kid is a vegetarian.

Posted by: Sarah, Goon Squad Sarah at June 7, 2007 8:03 AM

Haha! Both Mia and Sarah are quite hilarious! Thanks for that smile nice and early this morning! (I'm so glad I don't usually have to get up this early.)

Posted by: Heather at June 7, 2007 8:10 AM

Even Mia recognizes that her mother is the cat's meow. :-)

Posted by: Maria at June 7, 2007 8:20 AM

And, perhaps, the bees' knees. Where are you letting her hang out, at a speakeasy?

Posted by: Fraulein N at June 7, 2007 8:53 AM

Sarah took the words out of my mouth....

Posted by: suze at June 7, 2007 9:15 AM

I can't wait to hear what Mia says when she's older and looks back on posts like this to find out what she was like as a kid. "Teapot" has me rolling in the floor.

Posted by: Emily at June 7, 2007 9:16 AM

Maybe you should take advantage of this time to change her name to Pearlbean, teach her the word bitch, make a 2 minute video clip of her and put it on You Tube.

The only problem with this is then you'd have to deal with asses like this: http://www.msnbc.msn.com/id/19078413/

Posted by: Candy at June 7, 2007 9:17 AM

It's a great age and a wonderful collection of words.

Posted by: ann adams at June 7, 2007 9:28 AM

If you throw just a teaspoon of Tourette Syndrome into her sippy cup, it becomes a recipe for dark comedy:

Noodles and cheese! Paprika! Ass! ASS!!
Dada name Chris. FARTKNOCKER!!

As an award-winning uncle, I highly encourage the teaching of words like 'fartknocker'.

Posted by: You can call me, 'Sir' at June 7, 2007 10:15 AM

Catching up again. Eyeball, eyeball, dog poop, you always make me laugh.

Posted by: Heather at June 7, 2007 10:20 AM

And I see you've past on the hilarious genes to the lovely Mia. Eyeball & teapot has me rolling!! I think that's the most hilarious conversation I've read....EVER! lol

Posted by: Kris at June 7, 2007 10:45 AM

Histerical. Zoe hasn't picked up "eyeball" yet. I should work on that. The conversations are getting much more interesting every day though. Toddlers can be so much fun.

Posted by: Colleen at June 7, 2007 11:33 AM

I think Mia and I will have a good time together, making up words and stringing them into sentences. OakSpeak, as we called it over here.

Recently I have me a "I've been on a regular coaster but I never rolled"...you know, as in I haven't been in a roller coaster.

Noodle, Cheese, Eyeball...makes perfect sense to me...I think...

Posted by: oakley at June 7, 2007 11:36 AM

But don't you look at her and just almost melt with love?


Posted by: Edge at June 7, 2007 11:41 AM

Sorry...my link didn't work.

OakSpeak is here: http://www.oakmonster.com/?page_id=805

Posted by: oakley at June 7, 2007 11:48 AM

That is seriously one of the most hilarious things I have ever heard in my entire life.

Posted by: Sparkle Pants at June 7, 2007 12:20 PM

Sure, she's only two; but I think she's one of those super-computer, genius kids... and she's totally fucking with you.

This had me laughing out of my seat. =)

Posted by: smoness at June 7, 2007 12:54 PM

I think "Mommy Beth! Knees meow! Shhh, night night. HAMMER!" may be one of the best sentences ever uttered. Clearly, your daughter is a genius.

Posted by: bad penguin at June 7, 2007 1:25 PM

Paprika!??? I think that's the funniest part.

Posted by: Janet at June 7, 2007 1:27 PM

Mia: Mommy Beth! Knees meow! Shhhh, night night. HAMMER!

That? Had me ROTFL. However, if I didn't know better, I'd fear for her thought processes (or speed of them).

And yes, my kid(s) will know the word, "fartknocker" -- I believe I come from the same camp as "Sir" above. That would be the Beavis & Butt-head Camp of Language. Ass-munch!

Thanks for the belly laugh!

Posted by: ironic1 at June 7, 2007 1:29 PM

This cracked my ass up too :)

Posted by: laura at June 7, 2007 1:32 PM

Isn't there language amazing? Michael said to me today, we are oging backwards. And he was right. Our car was going reverse.

Posted by: jodi at June 7, 2007 1:33 PM

Too funny. I hear Mia has been accepted to 4 different ivy league schools, and a full scholarship none the less.

Posted by: Kari at June 7, 2007 1:40 PM

Once again thanks Chris for lifting my spirits. I just did a typo....and typed "Christ" instead of "Chris" but no worries I caught it. Not sure where I want to go with that slip of the tongue...
Mia is AWESOME! I can only pray that my little "bean" inside of me gives me even half the pleasure as Mia gives you. I looooooove this post! Totally made me laugh on a day that well, I just didnt feel like laughing. YOU ROCK!
What book you reading? Me: John Saul "In the Dark of the Night"

Posted by: Cheryl at June 7, 2007 3:06 PM

That's awesome. That conversation is a lot better than the ones I've been having lately with Booger.

Me: *stubs toe* Fuck!
Booger: FUCK!
Me: *stunned* Oh shit, you said fuck.
Booger: Ssss... shit.
Me: Aww crap.
Booger: Cap.
Me: I gotta stop damn it.
Booger: Dunnit.

Fortunately the bad words don't stick... that is until the next time I forget to stop myself from dropping an f-bomb in front of my kid.

Posted by: Rengirl at June 7, 2007 4:40 PM

That's just too cool...

Eyeball! Eyeball!

Posted by: Alison at June 7, 2007 7:08 PM

and then, one day you wake up and realize that you haven't been in the pediatrician's office in AN ENTIRE YEAR and you better get your kid in there for a physical or he's not going to be allowed to play freshman basketball.

Posted by: kalisah at June 7, 2007 10:35 PM

That's some seriously funny shit.

Posted by: lorien at June 8, 2007 12:38 AM

Tape her before she learns how to use those words...

Along with some you'd rather her NOT use or understand. The moment is fleeting. :)

Posted by: Tink at June 8, 2007 10:31 AM

Too, too cute! Now I'll be saying, "paprika eyeball meow" all day.

Posted by: the weirdgirl at June 8, 2007 1:47 PM

Haha! That is cute! I think you should let us all hear an audio file of that!

And yeah, what Sarah said: she is not a vegetarian! :)

Posted by: Nadine at June 8, 2007 3:20 PM

Damn, I miss that time. That was the BEST.

And I can't believe I actually typed those words, like a total keister of parenting. Declan is like 2 fricking years older than Mia.

Posted by: aimee/greeblemonkey at June 8, 2007 4:02 PM

I want to put "Paprika eyeball meow!" on a T-shirt.

Posted by: Leah at June 8, 2007 4:28 PM

DUDE! I had that same conversation with a friend from High School! Of course, he was high at he time.

Posted by: Elaine at June 8, 2007 7:43 PM

my ass is cracked as well.

Posted by: HollowSquirrel at June 9, 2007 2:41 PM

Sounds tasty! I will have to try it!

Posted by: Amanda Taylor at August 22, 2009 11:32 PM

Sounds tasty! I will have to try it!

Posted by: Amanda Taylor at August 22, 2009 11:33 PM

Cars and houses are not cheap and not everyone is able to buy it. But, loans are invented to support different people in such situations.

Posted by: NewmanFlora19 at June 17, 2010 10:27 AM