June 15, 2007

Schadenfreude Friday: Squirrels and Sopranos

Weird shit going on this week, all over the world. Take a look.

Attack of the Killer Squirrel

from Reuters...
An aggressive squirrel attacked and injured three people in a German town before a 72-year-old pensioner dispatched the rampaging animal with his crutch.

The squirrel first ran into a house in the southern town of Passau, leapt from behind on a 70-year-old woman, and sank its teeth into her hand, a local police spokesman said Thursday. With the squirrel still hanging from her hand, the woman ran onto the street in panic, where she managed to shake it off.

The animal then entered a building site and jumped on a construction worker, injuring him on the hand and arm, before he managed to fight it off with a measuring pole. "After that, the squirrel went into the 72-year-old man's garden and massively attacked him on the arms, hand and thigh," the spokesman said. "Then he killed it with his crutch."

Several questions. Do you think the "measuring pole" referred to in the story is some sort of weird German euphamism for a penis? If so, that's one innovative construction worker. Do you think it's possible that the squirrel was, perhaps, a communist squirrel longing for the days of cracking nuts and climbing trees behind the Iron Curtain? Regardless, yay for elderly crutch-using old German dudes for taking down a true threat to freedom!

F-ing Shame

A 73-year-old Indian farmer who vowed not to marry before passing his high school exams has failed to get through for the 38th time. Shiv Charan Yadav has been taking the exams -- normally given to schoolchildren at the age of 15 -- every year since 1969, without success.

He was in his 30s when he first decided to better himself through education.

This year, he failed everything except Sanskrit, scoring only 103 out of a possible 600 points.

It's clear this is a person who is either not all that bright or doesn't test well. At some point, you have to learn to accept failure. And spell failure in sanskrit.

If you watched the series finale of The Sopranos, chances are you come down decidedly in one camp - the camp who loved it, or those who hated it. Me, well, aside from the brilliant use of a classic Journey tune and the palpable tension which built to a crescendo, I thought the finale pretty much blew, primarily because of the ending.

Me, well, aside from the brilliant use of a classic Journey tune and the palpable tension, I thought the finale - how do I say this - sucked donkey balls, largely because of the ending that wasn't so much an ending but more of a total fucking let down. Actually, I thought the entire final season licked a ball or two. You know, it reminds me of the time I was driving through the Cayman Islands. I spotted a broken-down Jeep on the side of the road, it's driver hunched over the raised hood. He caught my eye because of his two false legs and the parrot resting on his shoulder. I pulled over and offered my help. He grinned and made his way to the driver's side of his broken down car. It was then that he pulled out his giant


Posted by Chris at June 15, 2007 6:53 AM


That's a sad story about the indian farmer :(

I stopped watching the Sopranos seasons ago. So I'm not caught up in the frustrating ending. However, Slate has a good arguement for why Tony is dead: (Okay, I can't find it anymore, which is frustrating, because it was really well argued...However, I did find this proposed ending to Harry Potter, which I think you'll enjoy: http://www.slate.com/id/2168397/fr/flyout)

Posted by: suze at June 15, 2007 7:20 AM

I liked the ending.. I wrote a post about it yesterday. I thought it was quite fitting. As for your story, well, that sucked! LOL.

: - )

Posted by: Kate at June 15, 2007 7:41 AM

The squirrel story is much better when imagined with the music from the old Benny Hill show playing as the soundtrack. That is, until the 'massive attack' occurs, when everything suddenly goes techno.

Do you, perhaps, listen to the Don and Mike Show? They were ragging pretty hard on The Sopranos finale in much the same way. Your production was much cleaner than theirs, though.

Posted by: You can call me, 'Sir' at June 15, 2007 8:11 AM

Good example. Although I don't have HBO anymore, and didn't watch the series but a few times, I would have been pissed, too.

Posted by: Allan at June 15, 2007 8:14 AM

*i liked it*

Posted by: ali at June 15, 2007 8:40 AM

I didn't watch the Sopranos finale, mostly because I don't have HBO and have never watched an episode of the Sopranos, but I have read quite a few interesting theories about what the ending meant. I may have to start renting the DVDs now, because the finale has made me curious.

Posted by: Jessie at June 15, 2007 9:03 AM

I have had a fear of squirrels since 5th grade. My 5th grade teacher told us how his brother was attacked by a rabid squirrel when they were kids. They were walking home from school and this insane squirrel jumped out of a tree onto the brothers shoulder and started biting his neck! They had to beat the squirrel to get it to let go!

Posted by: Lisa at June 15, 2007 9:13 AM

OMG on the squirrel! i was attacked! i was riding my bicycle he was on one side of a fence (with like and acre to turn to) and i was on the other (all i had was traffic to turn to)... i surprised him, when i saw him start to run real fast..i slowed down so he wouldn't panic ...but he did...so i started to speed up...instead of turning toward the park...he decided his best out was to climb the fence between us.. and just as i got up to him... he reached the top of the fence and jumped right on to my back! i shook as much as i could without losing control of my bicycle.. and perhaps traffic took him out, because i never saw him after that...

Posted by: the unicorn at June 15, 2007 10:11 AM

Okay...you have to spell failure in sanskrit? I think that should be one of the Commandments or something. Brilliant! If I could spell it in Sanskrit, I'd feel pretty good about myself.

Posted by: wordgirl at June 15, 2007 10:34 AM

Okay...you have to spell failure in sanskrit? I think that should be one of the Commandments or something. Brilliant! If I could spell it in Sanskrit, I'd feel pretty good about myself.

Posted by: wordgirl at June 15, 2007 10:35 AM

you're cruel!! and hilarious.

Posted by: b. at June 15, 2007 10:51 AM

Those squirrels are everywhere lately. One attacked a school sometime last week. The school went into lockdown. I'll see if I can find the article for you.

I have never watched The Sopranos. Shame on me. I remember though that I never watched Dallas back in the day and was probably the only person in the country who didn't care who shot JR.

Not because of the subject matter btw, I just know how obsessive I can be about a continuing drama and decided to just say no to begin with.

Have a great weekend.

Posted by: ann adams at June 15, 2007 11:20 AM


Posted by: Manda at June 15, 2007 11:24 AM

Y'know- maybe I'm really, really mean, but the first thing I thought of while reading the story about the Indian man was "Gee, he sure did the gene pool a favor by not marrying and reproducing, didn't he?"

Posted by: heels at June 15, 2007 11:30 AM

Maybe Indian Farmer Guy has been pouring all his efforts into Sanskrit, and sadly neglecting his other studies in the past, uh, few decades?

Posted by: Sphincter at June 15, 2007 11:34 AM

Here's the link to the squirrel story I was talking about.

Posted by: ann adams at June 15, 2007 11:58 AM


Posted by: Isabel at June 15, 2007 12:02 PM

Nice work. If David Chase is ever looking for a partner, I bet you'd make a good team.


Posted by: Pocklock at June 15, 2007 12:15 PM

hahahahahahahaa!! That was awesome.

I never watched the Sopranos but the brouhaha over the ending fascinates me!

I have a phobia of vicious, and probably rabid, squirrels. I'm probably going to have nightmares now. Thanks! ;)

Posted by: Trix at June 15, 2007 12:41 PM

I never watched the Sopranos. The lack of cable helps a great deal with that. Glad to hear that our senior citizens of this planet can kick more ass when nearly immobilized than one of our teenagers can today.

Posted by: alektra at June 15, 2007 3:24 PM

I'm never going to watch the Sopranos on HBO again... until I can write Schadenfreude Friday in Sanskrit with my "measuring pole"

Posted by: Johnny Smoke at June 15, 2007 6:00 PM

I have never watched a single episode of the Sopranos and after that review, I don't know that I ever could. I know, it's supposed to be so brilliant and wonderful, but if I get all invested and then the season finale lets me down... I really have nobody to blame but myself. At least you went in full of school girl anticipation. I would just be setting myself up to fail.

And as for the Indian dude. Is there anyone out there wanting to marry this guy or is that just his way of making himself feel better that nobody wants him.

Lastly, I was wondering where my pet attack squirrel had run of to.

Posted by: Elaine at June 15, 2007 8:42 PM

You suck donkey balls David "Rude Cactus" Chase! I'm never going to read your drivel again--I can't believe I pay money for this! Oh, wait, I guess I don't pay. Carry on Mr. Cactus! ;)

Posted by: Nanette at June 16, 2007 4:25 AM

lol there was recently a squirrel here that attacked a few people at a school. There was a class that was getting ready for a field trip and the class was in a portable classroom. The door was open and the squirrel ran in the room, was possibly freaked out by the noise from the 20 first graders and ran up the nearest thing it could find, a parent chaperone's pants leg! It sunk its claws into her leg, then another mom helping to get the squirrel off got bit in the finger and arm as well as the original mom getting bit in the leg by the squirrel. Then it ran out and jumped on an 11 y.o. girl that happened to be passing by and jumped on her and bit the girl on her arm and finger! Pretty nuts.

I think their, uh, measuring pole is a yard stick? I can't imagine they would call it a yard stick in the metric system. But perhaps he's a tripod?

I felt so bad for that farmer.

And I don't watch the Sopranos but their finale sounds an awful lot like the let down we got when we were watching the movie Next. The last 30 seconds of that movie RUINED the entire movie!!

Posted by: Teenuh at June 16, 2007 11:24 AM

So, the squirrel died? Poor little guy.... Looks like he had some issues, though....

Posted by: Haley-O at June 16, 2007 5:38 PM

Just for that I say you lick a ball or two too. ;)

Posted by: Laurie at June 16, 2007 7:20 PM

Happy Father's Day Chris!

Posted by: coolchick at June 17, 2007 10:08 AM

Happy Daddy's Day!

Posted by: Peggy at June 17, 2007 12:18 PM

Happy Father's Day!

Posted by: hazelhazel at June 17, 2007 12:48 PM

Happy Father's Day!

Posted by: laura at June 17, 2007 7:55 PM

hey big guy...happy father's day!

Posted by: croutonboy at June 17, 2007 10:28 PM

ok, so I knew you were going to do that... but you *still* suck for doing it :)

Posted by: don at June 22, 2007 8:01 AM