July 26, 2007

John Mayer And The Teenage Hookers From Mars

After a nice, long ten hour work day, I headed out with a few coworkers for a nice dinner in downtown D.C. Since I apparently don't give a shit about traffic or the environment, I was the only one who'd driven. While the others took the subway, I drove across town in search of the restaurant and a parking space. And while trapped in traffic of epic proportions, I noticed that I was, quite suddenly, surrounded by teenage hookers. They were everywhere. Fifteen, sixteen years old wearing things so tight you could actually see their internal organs. The conspiracy theorist who's watched too many 1950's sci-fi movies in me immediately jumped to the conclusion that we'd been invaded by the Teenage Hookers From Mars. Their mothership was nowhere to be seen as I inched along nervously towards my destination.

I managed to find a parking space after about five hours. (Okay, really it was like 10 minutes and I ended up in an underground garage that charged me something like $500 and my left nut to park for three hours but you get my point.) When I emerged from the lot? Surrounded by teenage hookers. I met my coworkers at the packed restaurant. It was filled to the breaking point with, you guessed it, teenage hookers.

"What's the deal with all the teenage hookers?" I asked one of my coworkers. "I mean, look, I can see that one's spleen."

"John Mayer concert," she replied.

"Oh, well, that explains everything."

So, it wasn't an invasion of Teenage Hookers from Mars. Just a bunch of John Mayer fans. And don't get me wrong. I like John Mayer fine. But you'll never find me in a tight tank top and short skirt at one of his shows.

My point (yeah, I actually have one) - don't parents pay attention to what their kids are wearing anymore? Or did someone change the rules on me and slutty is new conservative?

Posted by Chris at July 26, 2007 6:49 AM
Comments

What's really great? Is the Mom's dress JUST like their daughters!

Posted by: Debbie at July 26, 2007 7:26 AM

Assuming we're roughly of the same generation...

Think back to late high school, early college/university time. Remember what clothes girls/women wore that we thought were "hot" or "provocative" that older generations thought were slutty.

Now think about the teenage girls you saw last night, 10-15 years after your high school/college era I described above. Consider the changes, the differences.

Now apply those relative changes to the clothes from last night. That's what's going to be socially acceptable when our daughters are that age.

You're welcome. It'll be nice to know I'm not the only one staring at the ceiling at 3am with these thoughts anymore.

Posted by: SciFi Dad at July 26, 2007 7:40 AM

This parent pays attention, and my 15 year old daughter dresses appropriately. She doesn't like her stomach to show, thank goodness. However, my 10 year old daughter has no problem showing her stomach (I have a problem with it, so she doesn't).

Unfortunately, the way girls' clothing is sold, the 7 year olds are shopping in the same section as 14 year olds, thus even clothes for 7 year olds are slutty. And I become the bad guy because I won't let my daughter dress like a slut.

Posted by: Carolyn at July 26, 2007 7:46 AM

I'm really hoping that Little House on the Prairie style becomes retro-awesome when my kids hit the teenage years. I would much rather deal with dingy petticoats than skirts that land three feet above the knee.

With that said, I DO enjoy the Twilight Zone image of someone innocently searching out a parking spot then suddenly being surrounded by teenage spleen-revealing hookers.

Posted by: Angela at July 26, 2007 7:56 AM

Well, I imagine that some parent's DON'T pay attention, or they have no issue with the clothing because they dress the same way.

However, I do remember being 15, 16, and 17 and changing clothes in public bathrooms and in the backseats of cars and wearing in public things that my parents would have never, ever let me out of the house in. And then changing back before I got home.

Posted by: Alissa at July 26, 2007 8:07 AM

our city was all in an uproar about a Hooters restaruant coming to town... and one of the remarks from our office "whats all the noise about? the girls in our high schools wear much less than that!"

Posted by: the unicorn at July 26, 2007 8:09 AM

I bet one of them was Hermione.

Posted by: William at July 26, 2007 8:25 AM

Yeah, as you were never a teenage girl (I'm guessing) maybe you didn't know about the time-honored practice Alissa mentioned, that of changing clothes once you get out the door.

You're welcome for that tidbit too.

Posted by: Fraulein N at July 26, 2007 8:44 AM

Wow...you really are a parent of a daughter aren't you?

Posted by: daisy at July 26, 2007 8:44 AM

Makes you wonder what you'll have to deal with when Mia's 8 years old. Kinda scary, huh?

It is a shame that girls dress that way. I see them all the time and they look like 21 year old strippers. Training bras come padded these days. What 7 year old needs a padded bra? Times are changing.

Posted by: Nila at July 26, 2007 8:52 AM

I think people of all ages just don't pay attention or care what they wear anymore. "Does s/he own a mirror?" runs through my mind constantly.

Posted by: Maria at July 26, 2007 8:53 AM

I guess the new vogue is wearing skirts so short that flashing one's wahoo is common practice. My daughter is five. I hope she thinks that Dora rocks for the next 15 years.

Posted by: Wack-a-do at July 26, 2007 9:11 AM

I remember reading somewhere that skirt length and slutty dress have an inverse relationship with the administration in Washington. Let's look, historically:

40's Roosevelt, Truman, Democrats. Women were working in factories, so they were wearing work shirts and safety boots.

50's: Eisenhower, Republican. Girls dressed kinda hot in tight sweaters and fancy skirts.

60's: Kennedy, Johnson, Democrats. Girls dressed in long dresses and tie dye.

70's: Nixon, Republican. Carter, Democrat. Well, everyone dressed like crap in the 70's, we we were all confused.

80's: Reagan, Bush Sr., Republican. Skirts got shorter, heels got higher. Hair got bigger. Think Tawny Kittaen on the hood of that car.

90's: Clinton, Democrat. Grunge era. Girls were wearing a lot more flannel (at least some of the ones I hung out with).

2000's: Bush Jr, Republican. Progressively sluttier at younger ages.

So when a Democrat wins next year, which is inevitable, expect things to settle down. They will be wearing burlap sacks by 2015.

Posted by: Jeff St Real at July 26, 2007 9:13 AM

It's been going on like this for the last 5 years, at least. The group of girls at my dance studio who are 4 or 5 years younger than me, always dressed like sluts. And they still do.

I hate it. I really just don't get it. Half the time, the parents just plain out don't care anymore.

Posted by: Secha at July 26, 2007 9:19 AM

I may be mistaken and possibly cynical, but I believe that now that Chris Hansen and Dateline are on the job, parents feel confident that nothing bad can happen to their pristine little whore apprentices (apprenti?).

Posted by: You can call me, 'Sir' at July 26, 2007 9:20 AM

I agree. A tight tank top and short skirt just aren't my cup of tea for a Mayer concert. I would much rather go with a netted half shirt and tight gym shorts and knee high tube socks. I'm kind of partial to the Boy Shikera look - but without the Shikera - that's just me!

Posted by: Johnny Smoke at July 26, 2007 9:34 AM

I've been to a John Mayer concert, and it was pretty disgusting seeing the young girls in that little clothing. Every time we see something like that my husband starts muttering something about "Never...not my child...won't leave the house...locked in her room..."

And we don't even have kids yet!

Posted by: Jessie at July 26, 2007 9:38 AM

I constantly look at what young girls wear these days and think that I never would have the self-confidence in my body to show it off like that - or the stupidity - when I was there age. Hell, I'm 36 and don't have it now. lol.
But I think it's pretty damn sad that I have to hunt for clothes that don't make my 7-year-old look like a mini Britney Spears. I usually wind up buying her shirts a few sizes too big so they actually cover her belly. Sigh.

Posted by: Traci at July 26, 2007 9:46 AM

This hits especially close to home as I have 4, count them FOUR, daughters!! I'm going w/ the whole "never leaving the house" frame of mind so therefore it won't matter what they wear! lol Honestly, I'm all for cute clothes but when we turn our children that don't even know what sex is into sex objects I have a HUGE problem!

Good thing we have LeCactus to save us from the invasion of the teenage hookers ;)

Damn the man, save the empire!

Posted by: Kris at July 26, 2007 10:11 AM

It really is appalling, no? I saw this same phenomenon four years ago when Robbie Williams played in Edinburgh. Plus, every B&B and Hostel was packed to the gills, with both the hooker girls and their similarly dressed moms it seems!

Shudder.

(I didn't even know who the hell Robbie Williams was at the time, although I do now - ex boybander.)

Posted by: ewe_are_here at July 26, 2007 10:32 AM

My wife and I don't have kids yet, but this is already scaring us to death... :)

There may be hope though. Check out this "Girls Gone Mild" article from Newsweek:
http://www.msnbc.msn.com/id/19762075/site/newsweek/

Interesting line from the very end of the article:
"What makes the movement unique, according to Shalit, is that it's the adults who are often pushing sexual boundaries, and the kids who are slamming on the brakes. "Well-meaning experts and parents say that they understand kids' wanting to be 'bad' instead of 'good'," she writes in her book. 'Yet this reversal of adults' expectations is often experienced not as a gift of freedom but a new kind of oppression.'"

Posted by: Drew at July 26, 2007 11:30 AM

My wife and I don't have kids yet, but this is already scaring us to death... :)

There may be hope though. Check out this "Girls Gone Mild" article from Newsweek:
http://www.msnbc.msn.com/id/19762075/site/newsweek/

Interesting line from the very end of the article:
"What makes the movement unique, according to Shalit, is that it's the adults who are often pushing sexual boundaries, and the kids who are slamming on the brakes. "Well-meaning experts and parents say that they understand kids' wanting to be 'bad' instead of 'good'," she writes in her book. 'Yet this reversal of adults' expectations is often experienced not as a gift of freedom but a new kind of oppression.'"

Posted by: Drew at July 26, 2007 11:30 AM

My wife and I don't have kids yet, but this is already scaring us to death... :)

There may be hope though. Check out this "Girls Gone Mild" article from Newsweek:
http://www.msnbc.msn.com/id/19762075/site/newsweek/

Interesting line from the very end of the article:
"What makes the movement unique, according to Shalit, is that it's the adults who are often pushing sexual boundaries, and the kids who are slamming on the brakes. "Well-meaning experts and parents say that they understand kids' wanting to be 'bad' instead of 'good'," she writes in her book. 'Yet this reversal of adults' expectations is often experienced not as a gift of freedom but a new kind of oppression.'"

Posted by: Drew at July 26, 2007 11:31 AM

I blame Britney Spears.

The original teenage hooker.

Posted by: kalisah at July 26, 2007 11:33 AM

Seeing how it's eight-million degrees and humid, here in Houston, teenagers pretty much walk around like that 24/7. It's kind of like seeing a Starbucks on every corner... you just get used to it and stop noticing. Which, I agree, is rather unsettling. My father would have NEVER let me leave the house dressed the way these girls are. Kids these days...

Posted by: smoness at July 26, 2007 11:51 AM

Seriously. It has gotten bad. 4 year old in little ity bity bikinis?

I am afraid of what it will be like when the expected baby girl turns 11. Maybe the trend will turn back to big, baggy, and coverage?

Posted by: Bethany at July 26, 2007 12:06 PM

it scares me how whore-ish today's preteens are dressing...

Posted by: ali at July 26, 2007 12:13 PM

Interestingly enough, my 30 year old son and his now-wife are both John Mayer fans and I would be shocked if he ever dressed other than professionally. He rarely even wears jeans, and his wife wouldn't be caught dead in anything revealing.

Having said that, I've seen exactly the girls you're talking about and as a mom I would have to put my foot down and expect a little bit of decency... just me being old fashioned, I guess.

Posted by: sue at July 26, 2007 12:15 PM

Muffin tops and pregnancy seem to be all the rage with the zaftig teens around here. I have no idea why a girl's beer belly hanging over the hip-hugger belt is attractive, but apparently it is.

Posted by: bhd at July 26, 2007 12:26 PM

ROTFLMAO.....just wait about 12 years!!!

Just like someone else said, they hit the door and off those conservative clothes go and on come 'what the hell is that' clothes.

I don't know if my daughter did that, but I certainly know her friends did.

Posted by: been there, done that at July 26, 2007 12:38 PM

While I may never find you in a tight tank top and short skirt...there's still a good chance of finding you in miniature pink shorts...right? :)

Posted by: Allison at July 26, 2007 1:06 PM

it must have been confusing for the actual teenage hookers

Posted by: whit at July 26, 2007 1:33 PM

I have to hunt, very hard, to find clothing that doesn't have "HOT" or "Sweet Thing" or some other oh-so-inappropriate verbage in huge sparkling letters across it for my daughter. It is hard to find age-appropriate clothing that doesn't scream "Mini-slut" for young girls. There seems to be enough of us parents that DON'T want our children dressed this way, so why do clothing lines not provide it?

Posted by: Jen at July 26, 2007 1:36 PM

Wait, is John Mayer supposed to be sexy? And teenage girls dress like hookers for him?

Although I do have to admit that in high school I had a whole sepate wardrobe stored in my friend Laila's trunk. It wasn't that I wanted to dress slutty necessarily, but my mom was determined to make me wear pink and peach and turquoise, and I was determined to skulk around in black, being dramatic. So at least some of their parents are probably trying to pay attention to what their daughters are wearing.

Posted by: bad penguin at July 26, 2007 1:52 PM

I'm seriously hoping that by the time Zoe is older the clothing trends will be less slutty.

Posted by: Colleen at July 26, 2007 1:53 PM

I can't really comment on parents or their kids. All I know is that I was always the dork in khaki shorts and a polo at Pat Green concerts. :P

Posted by: Emily at July 26, 2007 2:10 PM

I went to see Fall Out Boy a couple months ago and the wardrobe seemed to be mainly goth-wannabe-whore but the beer line was terrifically short and the bathrooms were pretty empty excpet for the mirrors. Whole lotta lipgloss appliciations going on in there.

Posted by: Jody at July 26, 2007 2:28 PM

My mom used to use scotch tape to make her (yes) Catholic school uniform skirt shorter after she got out of school, before she got home. This was 1970-ish, and the original mini-skirt was WAY short, people. People complaining about how girls are dressing aren't noticing that we're basically doing something horribly wrong to their psyches to make them starved for attention from men (or women, whatever. A lot of women see it as a competition) this way. And it's been that way forever.

Perhaps because I wanted to rebel against my mother's fashionista ways, I wore mostly boys' clothes and was hiding all my skin in high school. But that's not the answer, either. I think it's just being who you and Beth already are as parents, and convincing Mia that outward stuff really shouldn't be the focus of her existence.

By the by, John Mayer, according to people who went to Fairfield High with him in Connecticut that I knew, said he was quite a jerk in high school and pretty mean. If he hasn't grown up, it wouldn't surprise me that he can generally attract attention-starved high school girls. See how it all comes full circle?

Posted by: alektra at July 26, 2007 2:29 PM

I am laughing more about the currency of your left nut for parking.

But speaking of John Mayer, we must be on the same wavelength, because I did a roundup post today and one of the most important posts I linked to my Declan's birthstory, of which John Mayer plays an integral part.

Posted by: aimee/greeblemonkey at July 26, 2007 2:35 PM

Here's hoping trends get just a titch more conservative before Mia starts going to concerts, or I think you may have apoplexy!

Posted by: Heather at July 26, 2007 3:21 PM

Oh Chris, where have you been? Clearly not at the mall.

Posted by: laura at July 26, 2007 3:52 PM

Totally. The thing that makes me really sad though, is that there are girls out there who are wearing the baggy clothes and hiding their bodies out of shame and self hate. Then there are the hoochie dressed girls who, I fear, are showing off too much of their bodies out of...self hate. Either way, it's girls who are experiencing super size quantities of hating themselves. I don't care if young girls are showing skin or not, if they are truly loving themselves and genuinely proud of who they are. That's not happening.

I'm totally depressing myself, so I will shut up. Happy Thursday! :)

Posted by: Librarian Girl at July 26, 2007 4:34 PM

Yep. Mayer concerts have a tendency to bring out the crazies. I felt like the oldest person at the Sydney gig, and I'm 22. ;)

Posted by: alyndabear at July 26, 2007 5:33 PM

I wasn't necessarily surprised by the high number of mini-prostitutes that were roaming around the JM show I saw three years ago. No, I was more surprised by how fucking filthy his mouth is. And these little girls just squealed and ate it up like he was feeding them crack. Mildly disturbing.

Posted by: Sparkle Pants at July 26, 2007 6:02 PM

I swear when I walk through the kids' section of stores I wonder what the designers are thinking. We refer to those children as "prostitots"...scary, but true.

Posted by: Krush at July 26, 2007 9:07 PM

And this is why my husband says, "I hope we don't have girls." Lucky you!

Posted by: Pocklock at July 26, 2007 10:55 PM

You don't wear mini skirts and spandex when you go to John Mayer concerts?

Posted by: angela at July 26, 2007 11:47 PM

Maybe you should read Celia Rivenbank's Stop Dressing Your 6 Year Old Like a Skank and Other Words of Delicate Southern Wisdom. It'll fill you in on some disturbing things.

Posted by: Sphincter at July 27, 2007 9:42 PM

I guess I'm just surprised that John has that type of fan. I don't listen to him...so I wasn't aware he was singing to the slutty teenagers of America. Hum, learning something new everyday.

That being said, clothes today are horrible. I'm 32 and I have a hard time finding clothes that are appropriate for me to wear in public. When did sleeves on shirts and skirts longer then 2 inches go out of style? I missed that memo.

Posted by: Isabel at August 1, 2007 2:21 PM


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