July 6, 2007

Schadenfreude Friday: Let Me Count The Ways

Honestly, some weeks there's just too much schadenfreude.

  1. Scooter Libby. Apparently if you're rich and connected enough you can do whatever the hell you want. But the real story? What kind of asshat goes by the name scooter?
  2. Al Gore III. Busted doing 100 in a Prius. Who knew a Prius could go that fast?
  3. Paula. Trainwreck Paula Abdul opened her big, annoying mouth recently. When describing herself she exclaimed, "I have risen from the bowels of hell and come out tripping and singing and dancing. I’ve always been counted out, but I come back, like a stealth warrior." Stealthy just isn't the word I'd have used. Nutcase maybe.
  4. Microsoft. Xbox 360 is so problem-plagued, Microsoft will dole out over a billion dollars to fix them. Of course, Bill made that in the time it took him to drop a deuce this morning.
  5. George Dubya. Instead of dealing with important shit like, you know, the war and all, George took a break from commuting sentences and took in a Washington Nationals baseball game. Joke's on him - the Nats suck!
  6. Britney. Apparently that whole umbrella incident a little while back - the one in which she beat the crap out of a photographer's car - was just Britney lost in her role. See, she's a serious actress. She got caught up in her part. Funny thing? She didn't get the part she claimed she was lost in.
  7. Paris. She wants to become a true triple threat. She's mastered being a useless skank and crossed jailbird off her to-do list. Next up? Acting. Yep. Be afraid.
  8. Nicole Richie. She's knocked up. In seven months or so, we'll be able to see schadenfreude personified.
  9. Bill O'Reilly. Old Bill lost his Washington DC affiliate for his Radio Factor program. I'm so bummed I won't get to hear him anymore.
  10. John Edwards. Campaigning, in part, on his pledge to help the disadvantaged, it seems that Edwards gets pretty regular haircuts that cost somewhere north of $250 a throw. I sincerely hope he's getting a trim and a blowjob for that price.
  11. Ann Coulter + Perez Hilton. While surfing Perez's site, I noticed a rather odd advertisement. For Ann Coulter's site. I can totally see those two dating. They're both a little extreme and they're both almost men, right?

Posted by Chris at July 6, 2007 6:53 AM

6. Um, yeah, get it right...she said it was for a roll. ;)

11. Ha! I saw that too! Not that I ever visit those celeb gossip sites--it was my first time, I swear. ;)

Posted by: Nanette at July 6, 2007 7:20 AM

I had the same thought about Scotter's name. Do people really take someone with that name seriously?

NR pregnant. It is rather scary. I hope she starts eating.

Have a great weekend!

Posted by: Maria at July 6, 2007 7:22 AM

They had to keep Scooter out of prison because with a name like that? He'd be somebody's bitch before they finished the strip search.

And seriously? If you lie for the (Vice) President? You can do anything you damn well please.

"Vice" is latin for "I'm really the".

Posted by: Jon (was) in Michigan at July 6, 2007 7:41 AM

Yeah, I was gonna point out Brit-Brit was acting crazy for a "roll" because that's how she roles.

Posted by: Traci at July 6, 2007 8:41 AM

agree with u on everyone except paula. she is not annoying

Posted by: mimi at July 6, 2007 9:04 AM

Scary when all of that is listed in one place.

Have a good weekend.

Posted by: ann adams at July 6, 2007 9:26 AM

I went to high school with a kid named Scooter. He was as much as an ass as Libby. I guess that's not surprising.

Oh, and lmao @ john (was) in michigan for the "vice = I'm really the" comment!

Posted by: Arwen at July 6, 2007 9:38 AM

The island of Tonga. That's where I want to live out the rest of my days. Their idea of schadenfreude is having a guilty chuckle when they see someone's dog get conked on the head by a falling coconut. No Nicole Ritchie demon baby. No Paula Abdul (although I had a serious crush on her in the 80s). No Bill O'Reilly. Just dogs in the wrong place at the wrong time.

Posted by: You can call me, 'Sir' at July 6, 2007 10:30 AM

Are we sure that all these things happening at the same time isn't a sign of the apocalypse? Nah, that would have to be presaged by a movie starring Britney, Nicole, and Scooter, co-directed by Ann Coulter and Paula Abdul.

Tonga *is* sounding good right about now...

Posted by: alison at July 6, 2007 10:57 AM

Wow! What a week it was! Glad it's over. At least for now!

Posted by: Maribeth at July 6, 2007 11:08 AM

I'm glad that Britney finally remembered that excuse. I mean, she's had enough opportunities to use it.

Posted by: alektra at July 6, 2007 11:20 AM

I said that same thing about the Prius! Great minds think alike!

Posted by: Leah at July 6, 2007 11:35 AM

too much to comment on.

Posted by: William at July 6, 2007 11:55 AM

Crap, now I am bummed I *didn't* buy the Prius. If I had known it could go 100 it would have been back in the running!

And I thought Paris already did the acting thing. Remember House of Wax??? (Which I promise I did not see!)

And ohmigod. Ann and Perez, sittin' in a tree... k-i-s-s-i-n-g! Match made in heaven. Totally.

Posted by: aimee/greeblemonkey at July 6, 2007 11:56 AM

6. Lol, nanette beat me to it, she said it was for her "roll". I like how she said she "Takes all her rolls very seriously"... yeah all except for that mommy thing.

8. In even scarier news; Nancy 'dis'Grace is having twins...

Posted by: Rachel at July 6, 2007 1:10 PM

For some reason I thought Scooter was a female. Imagine the shock when I Googled him. That chick is ugly!

Nicole Ritchie pregnant? I don't get how she is even fertile.

Posted by: Nadine at July 6, 2007 1:51 PM

so, i guess i'm not original because i was about to make the same Britney "roll" joke that everyone else made. hmph.

Posted by: ali at July 6, 2007 1:54 PM

I thought the same thing about the Prius. They should get him to make their next ad.

And for $250, it seems like you could get more than just the trim and the blowjob. Unless I misunderstood how you intended "trim"...

Posted by: Annie, The Evil Queen at July 6, 2007 2:23 PM

How much do I love the new Paula show on, is it Bravo? Or E? Whatever. She is truly a trainwreck and man how I love to watch it *sinister, evil laugh*

Posted by: GreenCanary at July 6, 2007 2:27 PM

Hasn't Paris tried to "act" before? I didn't see it, but I can only imagine how hot it was.

Yeah, what is the deal with being named Scooter? I mean, wouldn't you do something about that?

Posted by: Isabel at July 6, 2007 3:00 PM

#8. I have trouble believing that in her anorexic state her reproductive system is actually functional. And that she's managed to make it to the second trimester. Let's hope she's eating enough to keep that baby properly nourished...

Posted by: suze at July 6, 2007 3:02 PM

EGADDD!!!! So funny...LOL...schadenfraude personified..hahahhaa...And yes, Ann and Perez make the perfect couple.
On a serious note I wonder if its a real expectation for Nicole to actually grow a baby inside her; such people should'nt be allowed to conceive.

Posted by: Dee at July 6, 2007 5:51 PM

LMAO @ the Perez & Coulter concept! Woooooo!!!

Posted by: coolchick at July 6, 2007 7:23 PM

I thought Ann Coulter WAS a man.

Posted by: Recovering Straight Girl at July 7, 2007 6:36 PM

Um, one of the most beloved Yankees, Phil Rizzuto, is known as the Scooter. I'm just sayin'...

Posted by: laura at July 8, 2007 10:54 PM

Britney's full of it. That was no role she was all into. That was just her being her usual unstable self. Heh...

Posted by: Amy at July 8, 2007 11:55 PM

Scooter Libby sounds like a name a toddler would give a rat.

Posted by: Phoenix at July 9, 2007 7:53 PM

#2 had me laughing, not sure why.

#3 I can't believe this nutcase has her own TV show now.

Posted by: Atomic Dave at July 10, 2007 3:21 PM

Been out of the country for a week and this alone got me all caught up in all things American. Better than VH1 Best Week Ever, yo. :)

Posted by: oakley at July 10, 2007 6:19 PM