July 27, 2007

Schadenfreude Friday: Sucks To Be...

...Lindsay Lohan...Well, smack my ass and call me Edna. Lindsay Lohan got busted for drunk driving and cocaine possession. Screw Iraq, people. This is some shock and awe. Who could see this coming? Not even Jesus with a wicked-good pair of binoculars.

...Rumer Willis...The next Britney? The next Lindsay? Look no further than the spawn of Bruce Willis and Demi Moore. Yep, the 18 year old was in a hotel room in which several people were busted by the cops. The real issue is that the hotel was a La Quinta Inn. Surely no self-respecting Hollywood starlet-in-training who really wants to meltdown in public spends more than $100 per night.

...Tim Donaghy...The NBA referee is under investigation by and protection of the FBI after an investigation revealed he'd been betting on NBA games. Some of which he officiated.

...A Drunk Astronaut...Seriously. According to the good old Associated Press, on two separate occasions, astronauts were allowed to board and fly the space shuttle when flight crews and doctors knew they were too drunk to fly. I'm appalled. So appalled that I'd like to unveil - BADA, Bloggers Against Drunk Astronauts. Who's with me?

...Cyclist Rasmussen...The leader of the Tour de France got the boot this week after suspicion of doping. And the famous yellow jersey passed directly to someone else who, well, has a bit of a cloud of suspicion over him as well. Honestly, they should just hand the yellow jersey to Barry Bonds. Maybe he can hit his totally meaningless homerun while finishing up the Tour then he can get drunk, do some blow with Lindsay and fly a space shuttle.

Posted by Chris at July 27, 2007 7:53 AM

I wonder what a hangover in space would feel like? The vomit probably just floats around and hits all the equipment. But the bed spins with no gravity must be ...I don't know...I guess the no-gravity thing would make it feel like you were not spinning at all. I guess.

Posted by: William at July 27, 2007 8:05 AM

i loved lindsay's response to all of it... "i did not do drugs. the drugs weren't mine."

because that'll make everyone believe you.

Posted by: Denise at July 27, 2007 9:15 AM

Yeah, my husband said this morning that Barry Bonds should just do true baseball fans a favor and retire today and leave the true record alone.
And Lindsay, what more can be said about her? I do feel a little sorry for her though, parental guidance probably would've done wonders for her.

Posted by: kmum at July 27, 2007 9:19 AM

I will happily join BADA. I think we need a badge for our sidebars. Get on that, will you?

Posted by: Stacy at July 27, 2007 9:28 AM

I'm with Stacy - make up a badge for our sidebars and I'll proudly display it. Though I must admit - the only way I'd ever fly to space is drunk.

Posted by: Janice at July 27, 2007 9:36 AM

at least rumer willis is frugal about her meltdowns....maybe she's starting a new trend?

Posted by: reb at July 27, 2007 9:40 AM

Now all the calls made by refs that could go either way are going to have players crying, "Foul".

Sorry for the horrible pun. I think I fell asleep with Conan on last night.

Posted by: anna at July 27, 2007 9:44 AM

The whole sports 'doping' thing is starting to make me wonder if the labs are considering every slightly medicinal substance (whey protein, vitamin supplements, Froot Loops, etc.) to be 'dope', because I'm finding it harder and harder to believe that all of these athletes are still willingly putting illegal crap in their bodies.

And as for the astronauts, define "drunk". If you were about to strap a rocket to your ass, you'd probably want a shot of something, too.

Posted by: You can call me, 'Sir' at July 27, 2007 9:49 AM

Sir, you're right; they're considering just about everything a banned substance today.

I actually have reservations about Rasmussen being stricken from the tour on hearsay, but I won't deny that he wasn't keeping up with his paperwork like a good little cyclist. Whether that means he is suspicious, or simply that the bureaucracy of cycling is excessive remains to be seen. I, for one, take his 16+ clean tests during the Tour to mean that he's probably closer to the not guilty end of the scale.

As for Contador, yes, there is some suspicion after that raid in Spain last year. I'd like to see some of the documents that were sealed, but how likely is that?

Sorry for not commenting on the celebrity schadenfreude, but it's just too low to register on my radar. ;)

Posted by: auri at July 27, 2007 10:05 AM

i'll join but only if you rename it 'bloggers against drunk austranauts, son' cuz then it would be badas, and dude, you totally are and so am i so it's only fitting, no?

also, i don't drink but i'm thinking if i were in a steel contraption with tons of fuel power, ready to ship off into the last frontier, well, i'd have to at least a little drunk. i'm just saying. that shit is mad crazy, you.

Posted by: patricia at July 27, 2007 10:24 AM

Sometimes, these schadens just write themselves, as you've noted before.

Yeah, Lindsay, WE believe you. The drugs in YOUR pocket aren't YOURS. Uh-huh.

La Quinta Inn? Perhaps Rumer's GPS fucked up whilst trying to get her to somewhere a bit more glamorous. So, instead, she found "the next best thing."

Don't watch the NBA, so I really don't care... but I understand the seriousness of it. I keep thinking back to umpires in the MLB and the refs in the NFL....

BADAS... damn funny, and I think I'm on board for that one!

Does Barry Bonds really think that anyone is going to take his totally meaningless homerun (at least to US, it is) seriously? I believe most people think he shouldn't be in the record books for it, and if he IS, there definitely should be an asterisk next to the entry that reads something like: *Crock o' shit homerun record due to 'roids.

Posted by: ironic1 at July 27, 2007 12:18 PM

I just shake my head at people this week. And in the case of stupidity I think this:

takes the cake.

Posted by: Nat at July 27, 2007 12:46 PM

As the Wicked Witch of the West is fond of saying, "What a world! What a world!"

Posted by: wordgirl at July 27, 2007 2:32 PM

As the Wicked Witch of the West is fond of saying, "What a world! What a world!"

Posted by: wordgirl at July 27, 2007 2:33 PM

call you Edna....hee, you crack my ass up!

Posted by: Sue R at July 27, 2007 4:14 PM

Remind me to tell you my La Quinta story sometime. It's long and involves rednecks. But no Rumers.

Posted by: aimee/greeblemonkey at July 27, 2007 4:56 PM

*smack!* Edna!

Posted by: oakley at July 27, 2007 8:43 PM

I suspect Rumer Willis was doing a little "shopping" rather than partying. She's lucky she didn't get busted. It's just a matter of time though.

First Paris, now Nicole's going to jail (albeit only 4 days -- wait, is that 2 days with good behavior?), and I suspect Lindsay's next. Maybe they are all trying to out-jail the others. Sheesh. I heard on the news this morning that she's now basically uninsurable, which means unemployable.

New reality show concept.... Big Starlet. Put Paris, Nicole, Lindsay, Britney and a few others in an underground house with no news source, TV or internet, and don't allow them to leave at all, a la 'death match'. It'll be survival of the fittest. It'd do the world a favor. Whoever's left at the end of 6 weeks wins. So does the public.

Posted by: coolchick at July 28, 2007 9:21 AM

You crack me up ;) Amazes me what people consider news worthy.. But a good overview even so ;0

Posted by: Chrissie at July 28, 2007 7:08 PM

You crack me up ;) Amazes me what people consider news worthy.. But a good overview even so ;0

Posted by: Chrissie at July 28, 2007 7:08 PM

You crack me up ;) Amazes me what people consider news worthy.. But a good overview even so ;0

Posted by: Chrissie at July 28, 2007 7:08 PM

I'm late, but this is one of your best yet!

Posted by: Maribeth at July 29, 2007 6:47 AM

Because flying to space isn't enough of an experience, right? They have to up the high by doing it DRUNK. Jeeesus.

Posted by: Tink at July 29, 2007 8:33 PM