July 20, 2007

Schadenfreude Friday: Seussenfreude

First up, a football player named Vick
Who fought dogs (compensating for the size of his dick?)
Vick, with small willy, will soon be arraigned
No touchdown, no cheering, no talk of yards gained
There's no reason Vick shouldn't wind up in jail
With a dog-loving cell-mate, who's huge, gay and male.

Then there's the suit brought by Valerie Plame
Which was tossed out of court, no assignment of blame
See, Plame was outed by Bush and his cronies
After her hubby discovered Iraq reports were phony
Val will keep fighting, may win, may not
But her hubby feels lucky because Plame? Kinda hot.

Then there's Britney. Oops, she did it again.
She took off her clothes and dove in for a swim.
And Gary Dourdan, that CSI dude
Went hunting for photographers, copping a 'tude.
Tori, that's Spelling, is back on the air
Selling cheap jewelry on cable for everyone to wear.

And that's it, all I've got, all the schaden, and freude
But there will be more next week, there's too much to avoid.
Have a great weekend, day one and day two
Don't think about Monday because, just, well...ew.

Posted by Chris at July 20, 2007 7:04 AM
Comments

Being a VT fan, I am so disgusted by the Vick story. I think they should have a big bonfire during halftime of the opening game and burn his "retired jersey".

Have a good weekend!

Posted by: jaime at July 20, 2007 8:03 AM

Now I'm going to feel like rhyming all day long. :-)

As for Britney, I'm glad she was at least wearing panties. I wish someone would explain to me why starlets are either showing us their undies or their naughty bits.

Posted by: Maria at July 20, 2007 8:19 AM

Awesome.

And also, how stupid is Michael Vick? First with the pot at the airport, now with the dogfighting. Hopefully he realizes that he gets caught when doing things that are illegal and he'll wise up. I'm not holding my breath though; I'm not that stupid.

Posted by: Jessie at July 20, 2007 8:43 AM

Bet you had fun with that.

Have a great weekend.

Posted by: ann adams at July 20, 2007 9:42 AM

Clever.

Posted by: William at July 20, 2007 9:47 AM

the Vick one was great! huge, gay and male....haha!! very clever. but seriously is he kidding? terrible what they made those dogs do. just another case of 'why dont these incredibly lucky, overpaid, should be on their knees thanking God for their good fortune idiots that should just stay they hell home and keep their shit clean and out of trouble'.

Posted by: madmom at July 20, 2007 9:51 AM

the Vick one was great! huge, gay and male....haha!! very clever. but seriously is he kidding? terrible what they made those dogs do. just another case of 'why dont these incredibly lucky, overpaid, should be on their knees thanking God for their good fortune idiots that should just stay the hell home and keep their shit clean and out of trouble'.

Posted by: madmom at July 20, 2007 9:51 AM

the Vick one was great! huge, gay and male....haha!! very clever. but seriously is he kidding? terrible what they made those dogs do. just another case of 'why dont these incredibly lucky, overpaid, should be on their knees thanking God for their good fortune idiots that should just stay the hell home and keep their shit clean and out of trouble'.

Posted by: madmom at July 20, 2007 9:51 AM

Schadenfreude poetry -- I love it! Particularly when it is Dr. Suess style.

Posted by: bad penguin at July 20, 2007 9:54 AM

Hey cac man!!
I'm thinking that britney is getting tips from prison hiltons agent, and getting nake for publicity. Sad thing i was looking at the pictures and then at my bagel and thought it might be yummy to dip my bagel in her cottage cheesy thighs

Posted by: squeeky mental machinery at July 20, 2007 10:02 AM

How masterful a piece I have never before seen
I am humbled by your greatness,
Yes, you and the Bean,
I look forward to Fridays when the truth will be told,
For you my dear Cactus are ever so bold!

Posted by: Maribeth at July 20, 2007 10:06 AM

Nice job, Dr, Seuss! I can't even watch anything about the Vick stuff; it gets me so mad. Somebody should put his ass in a death match.

Posted by: Fraulein N at July 20, 2007 10:20 AM

That is my kind of poetry. Rock on Chris!

Posted by: August at July 20, 2007 10:32 AM

This is why the masses love you. Not only schaudenfreude, but the lyrical poetry of it all.

Posted by: hannita at July 20, 2007 11:50 AM

See, I'm just glad that Tori is working. Sure, it's crap, but she's at least trying to work within a legal system, not exposing herself or taking part in illegal activities. Really, out of the list, Tori looks like the good girl of Hollywood...

HOW SAD IS THAT?

Posted by: alektra at July 20, 2007 12:56 PM

Someone has a little too much time on their hands now. I love the part about Vick, so proud that you took the obvious route there for the rhyme! I have no idea who Plame is but then I dropped politics all together recently because I have decided that they are all idiots, every last one of them.

Posted by: Jeff A at July 20, 2007 1:13 PM

Great ending to a great post :)

Posted by: GreenCanary at July 20, 2007 1:49 PM

Well done! The Vick verse is priceless. Priceless!

Posted by: ironic1 at July 20, 2007 2:57 PM

Brilliant!

Posted by: laura at July 20, 2007 4:23 PM

Oh, someone's feeling very creative today! And Britney? I did not think she wore underwear, but all I will say is "THANK YOU GOD" for that!!

Posted by: Dee at July 20, 2007 7:06 PM

You missed the Posh Spice comes to America TV show post. However I will say, in all honesty, I watched it and she did crack my ass up.

Posted by: Phoenix at July 20, 2007 7:46 PM

I love the rhyme! I hope you're having a wonderful weekend :)

Posted by: Nadine at July 22, 2007 1:54 PM

I think you need to do it that way every week.

Posted by: aimee/greeblemonkey at July 22, 2007 5:26 PM

SO MUCH schadenfreude! It's CRAZAY! LOVE the poem! You nailed it! ;)

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