August 3, 2007

Schadenfreude Friday: Bears, Midgets and Ted Turner (Oh My!)

Little Person, Big Problem

Matthew Roloff of TLC's "Little People, Big World" was arrested for Driving Under the Influence of Intoxicants last month in Washington County, Oregon. "Mr. Roloff allegedly failed the field sobriety test and was arrested for DUII. Mr. Roloff was transported to the Washington County Jail where he was cited for DUII, refusing the breath test, and failure to drive within the lane."

Look, I don't really have any good smartass comments but I'm all over midgets in the news. All of them. All one of 'em.

The Butler Did It

Pulitzer prize-winning author Robert Olen Butler sent out an e-mail yesterday announcing that his wife had dumped him for billionaire Ted Turner. "Put down your cup of coffee or you might spill it," Butler, 62, wrote to his graduate students and fellow professors at Florida State University in Tallahassee. "Elizabeth is leaving me for Ted Turner."

Elizabeth is Butler's wife of 12 years, Elizabeth Dewberry, 44, an author in her own right, who might be attracted to Turner, 68, because the media mogul resembles the grandfather who molested her as a child, Butler writes in the shocking e-mail.

How does one, exactly, arrive at the conclusion that an e-mail distributed to the world is the best way to deal with a situation such as this? Oh, and, burnnnn!

Grin and Bear It

On another occasion in California’s Sierra Nevada mountains where he was filmed biting off the head of a snake for breakfast and struggling for survival “with just a water bottle, a cup and a flint for making fire”, he actually slept some nights with the crew in a lodge fitted with television and internet access. The Pines Resort at Bass Lake is advertised as “a cosy getaway for families” with blueberry pancakes for breakfast.

In one episode Grylls, son of the late Tory MP Sir Michael Grylls, was shown apparently building a Polynesian-style raft using only materials around him, including bamboo, hibiscus twine and palm leaves for a sail.

But according to Mark Weinert, an Oregon-based survival consultant brought in for the job, it was he who led the team that built the raft. It was then dismantled so that Grylls could be shown building it on camera.

In another episode viewers watched as Grylls tried to coax an apparently wild mustang into a lasso in the Sierra Nevada. “I’m in luck,” he told viewers, apparently coming across four wild horses grazing in a meadow. “A chance to use an old native American mode of transport comes my way. This is one of the few places in the whole of the US where horses still roam wild.”

In fact, Weinert said, the horses were not wild but were brought in by trailer from a nearby trekking station for the “choreographed” feature.

So, a fake reality show? Fake reality? I just can't believe it. Surely reality television would be above such things. The next time Bear is out in the wilderness, he should really watch out. If he's, for instance, being sodomized by an actual, real life yeti and calls to his crew for help, they'll probably just think he's off for a wild romp in the woods with a distressingly ugly hooker and do nothing. He's the reality star who cried wolf, or bear, or yeti.

Now, if you'll excuse me, it's been a long week and I need a weekend.

Posted by Chris at August 3, 2007 7:02 AM


Fake reality? Now that's something totally new, right?

Posted by: Maribeth at August 3, 2007 8:06 AM

Getting a long weekend? Sounds like heaven to me. Oh'll be packing up a house...maybe not.

Posted by: daisy at August 3, 2007 8:33 AM

Uh, that picture, SO goes with how my week went. Eesh. No wait, imagine the wagon falling over, THAT would be my week. =)

My husband and I watch Man vs Wild every week. I laugh and count how many minutes in it is going to be before he has to take his shirt off and or climb up or down something. The hubs, being an ex-hunter,camper, fisher, can survive out in the woods with nothing but a shoe string and a flint has a blast ripping him apart. Ahh the things we watch for entertainment.

BUT it wouldn't surprise me if a bunch of that stuff is staged. What a twit.

Posted by: Lauren at August 3, 2007 8:45 AM

LOVE the pic. Enjoy your weekend sir, you deserve it!

Posted by: Kris at August 3, 2007 9:26 AM

Nice crease in those pants. Very professional. And those wheels indicate that the wagon is capable of off-road adventure.

Posted by: You can call me, 'Sir' at August 3, 2007 9:54 AM

The worst part about the Bob Butler thing, to me, is that he's really a nice guy and this sort of ruins a lot of people on him. Being an acquaintance, I'll stick by him though; women are just fickle I guess. (And I can say that because I am one)

Posted by: Anon at August 3, 2007 10:31 AM

Seems like DUI is thing to do nowadays! You just not one of the cool people, if you don't have a DUI.

You totally cracked me up with that photo!

And I see you guys did start packing! Joy!

Posted by: Nadine at August 3, 2007 10:34 AM

I prefer Les Stroud. And in a survivor expert cage match, Les would totally kick Bear's ass. And eat him to survive.

I never like Bear as a survivor guy. Every time there's a water way somewhere, he--I meant his crew--always makes a frickin' raft and hop into the water.'re in the Sierra Nevada, the sun is setting and you're sopping wet. What a way to survive the wilderness, jackass.

But the hotness factor is pretty high for Bear. He's a Christian Bale doppelganger. Me-ow!

Posted by: oakley at August 3, 2007 11:31 AM

you are all legs in that picture!

Posted by: ali at August 3, 2007 11:37 AM

I saw Dewberry and Olin Butler at a writers' lunch once. I never thought she was much to write home about...but neither is Ted Turner. I'm sorry she took the stereotypical way out and abandoned a fellow writer for an old guy with money.

Posted by: wordgirl at August 3, 2007 11:39 AM

I saw Dewberry and Olin Butler at a writers' lunch once. I never thought she was much to write home about...but neither is Ted Turner. I'm sorry she took the stereotypical way out and abandoned a fellow writer for an old guy with money.

Posted by: wordgirl at August 3, 2007 11:39 AM

If I've learned anything from television, it's that there is no reality.

I'm so tired that wagon looks comfortable.

Posted by: whit at August 3, 2007 11:43 AM

Love that photo.

My Schadenfreude for the week are the groups urging the judge to uphold NYC's rule requiring fast food restaurants to list calorie counts, which is an attempt to fight obesity. Seriously?! Do we really need to spend our tax dollars on court proceeding re: telling people fast food is not good for them? Are we that stupid that we don't know this?

Posted by: Maria at August 3, 2007 12:29 PM

I hadn't heard that about Matt Roloff. That makes me sad. Good thing nobody was hurt.

Okay on to Bear...dude, I KNEW that guy was a fake. There is no way you can do what he does. I prefer to watch "Survivorman". He is all alone and does his own filming. That seems a little more accurate. He's not at cute as Bear, but I trust him more.

Happy weekend.

Posted by: Isabel at August 3, 2007 1:45 PM

Matt Roloff was a big surprise to me. I guess because I never notice him drinking on the show (not that they'd promote it or anything...) but it's just sort of strange to me.

I love Little People, Big World. I find it strangely captivating.

Posted by: Emily at August 3, 2007 1:55 PM

"All over midgets in the news." Oh crap. I can't breathe. That is too dang funny...

Posted by: GreenCanary at August 3, 2007 1:57 PM

That photo is priceless. You totally deserve to be in that wagon over all those boxes stacked in the corner.

Posted by: smoness at August 3, 2007 2:01 PM

I find it interesting that I'd never heard of this guy until I happened to see him on Oprah. Gee... another O debacle?

Love the pic... don't we all feel that way some days?

Posted by: sue at August 3, 2007 2:08 PM

Sorry, I should have clarified. I meant the "wild" guy...

Posted by: sue at August 3, 2007 2:10 PM

Man, apparently I'm not watching enough television because I've never heard of either one of those shows.

I have, however, read the letter that Butler wrote. Disturbing on so many levels. On a side note though, who knew that Ted Turner kept a small harem of girlfriends? News to me!

Chris...come over to my site when you have a chance. I have a music quiz and I'm curious to see what your selection would be. Peace out.

Posted by: MetroDad at August 3, 2007 4:38 PM

Love the picture.

I lost a lot of respect for him when I read about that. It's such a selfish and stupid thing to do. Not only does he have a family to think about but he could hurt someone else.

Posted by: Stephanie at August 3, 2007 5:16 PM

I'm so shocked about my beloved Bear! So all those times where he peed on his shirt and then wore it on his head to stay cool, do you think he just used a nice, refreshing glass of lemonade?

Posted by: angela at August 3, 2007 9:36 PM

Dude, that picture is a total classic!

Posted by: Jeff A at August 4, 2007 12:38 AM

You know what's sad? I am actually genuinely disappointed in Matt Roloff.

Posted by: Fraulein N at August 4, 2007 1:38 AM

That picture rocks. Hope your weekend was great.

Posted by: Suzanne at August 6, 2007 12:59 AM