September 6, 2007

Search String Madness: Mimes, Mipples and What Happens In Aruba Stays In Aruba

It's been a while since I took a stroll through the old search logs. I'm reminded why - sometimes they scare me. Bad. But of course all the freaky people out there in the internetwebworld came through in providing a few amusing tidbits. See for yourself.

  • Pahara dunes beach. Dude. Learn how to spell.
  • I hate plumbing. Amen, my friend. I'm no lover of the pipe either these days.
  • Mowing Cactus. Since we've gotten this new yard, that is, actually, my official new name.
  • Excuses to get out of a meeting. Leprosy, raging case of herpes, stuck on the can all day, currently on fire. Take your pick.
  • Did Simon Cowell invent the Teletubbies. Whether he invented them or not, I don't know. But he was responsible for getting them on television. You always knew he had a dark side, didn't you?
  • Nutritional information big island donkey balls. 100% of your daily recommended allowance of island donkey balls. And no transfat!
  • 2007 Aruba trip fuck sister in law husband drunk not go afraid to fly. That's an awfully specific search. I have no idea what you're talking about but it's suspiciously specific. What exactly happened in Aruba, dude?
  • Where Miss Doxie. Right here, actually.
  • Eat Crayons see a rainbow. You'd think. But really, all you do is poop wax.
  • Excuses to leave earlier. Leprosy, raging case of herpes, stuck on the can all day, currently on fire...this sounds familiar.
  • Came home to find my glove compartment open and the lite on. Why do you have a glove compartment in your house?
  • Long mipples. You're the same bastard who was looking for "pahara dunes beach" aren't you? Spell-check anyone?
  • Confessions of a dangerous mime. I'm sorry - this just cracked me up. As you probably know, the book and movie were called Confessions of a Dangerous Mind. But I can see the plot of this one - Confessions of a Dangerous Mime - He's a mime...and a stealthy killing machine!
  • Asinine in a sentence. This search is asinine.
  • Picture Ron Jeremy penis. Sweet lord of all that is good and holy, why in the name of Henry Winkler would you want to see that?
  • Things i don't understand in life. People who want to see Ron Jeremy's junk, the Rolling Stones, dressing up like a woman when you're obviously a man and can't even be bothered to shave, why I get 500 channels and there's nothing to watch...
  • Are Ikea mattresses good? For the first month. After that, a mattress of broken glass and used syringes would be more comfortable.
  • Petite sex pics. Now, are these small pictures of people having sex, pictures of small people having sex, or pictures of normal sized people having small amounts of sex? Because there's a difference.

Posted by Chris at September 6, 2007 7:08 AM

Yay! I love these posts! People really are weird, aren't they? I want to know if they found what they were looking for (except for the Ron Jeremy one), and I want to see it too.

Posted by: Jessie at September 6, 2007 7:51 AM

I would like more excuses on how to get out of meeting :-) There are too many useless meetings on my schedule.

Posted by: Maria at September 6, 2007 8:56 AM

I am now mopping tea out of my keyboard. It's not just you that attracts the crazies, is it? Your blog gets its fair share.

I went and checked my search logs, and most search hits on my blog were quite mundane -- people searching on Noresund bed from IKEA or the string "What happened to Greg Wiggle", but I did get one bona fide perv whose search for "WWW hot pussies in Dartmouth N.S." found my post about my Nova Scotia vacation. I trust he was disappointed.

Posted by: alison at September 6, 2007 9:47 AM

Note to self: Chris does not love 'the pipe'. Cue imagination.

Posted by: You can call me, 'Sir' at September 6, 2007 9:55 AM

I'm afraid to look at my search logs. Truly I am.

Posted by: wordgirl at September 6, 2007 10:31 AM

OMG! *totally rolling* You never disappoint Mr Mowing Cactus!!

Posted by: Kris at September 6, 2007 10:37 AM

THAT, my friend, is exactly what I needed this morning. Thanks for the giggles.

Posted by: Elaine at September 6, 2007 11:03 AM

Someday I supposed I should check my own, but after seeing yours? I'm afraid... very, very afraid.

Seriously, the mime thing could work...

Posted by: sue at September 6, 2007 11:28 AM

Oh my word that was funny.
"Eat Crayons see a rainbow. You'd think. But really, all you do is poop wax."
THAT is genius.

Posted by: Wack-a-do at September 6, 2007 11:33 AM

Best search string madness ever! Mipples! I agree that the Aruba one is suspiciously specific. And how did they find your blog on that anyway?

Posted by: Trix at September 6, 2007 12:45 PM

Confessions of a dangerous mime! Mipples! Hol-e-shit, that's funny. Mine are always disturbing. Like, "Supposedly fraudulent hermaphrodite pictures."

Posted by: Tink at September 6, 2007 1:32 PM

Those are so funny.

But, you know, Miss Doxie hasn't been there since June 22. She must be out lawyering or something.

Posted by: Janet at September 6, 2007 3:34 PM

How do you know what happens when you eat crayons? When the cats eat them, or Play Doh, there's colors in the litter box. Shall we have a test? You eat some crayons and get back to us. OK?

Posted by: BID at September 6, 2007 4:54 PM

I don't know what's funnier -- THEIR search strings or YOUR commentary. Thanks for the late-week pick-me-up!

Posted by: ironic1 at September 6, 2007 8:26 PM

I can understand not getting why the Stones are seen as one of the best bands of all time, but you have to appreciate what Exile on Main Street is as an album.

Posted by: Chris at September 7, 2007 5:19 PM

Mine are nowhere near as funny. Except that nekked w r e s t l e r post has received a huge amount of pervs. There are come nasty people out there, I tell ya.

Also, I wonder if Mipples are cousins to Poobs.

Posted by: aimee/greeblemonkey at September 10, 2007 5:02 PM