September 13, 2007

How To Make Friends and Influence Pregnant Wives

I'm a pregnancy veteran. Not in the sense that I've carried a child in my uterus, for I have no uterus. But I am experienced in the ways of pregnant women. Wait, that doesn't sound right. That sounds dirty. What I'm trying to say is that I learned many lessons the first time around when I found myself dealing with my pregnant wife. And unlike my behavior in most other situations, I actually took something from that experience the first time around.

Example? Yesterday I came home with the following items:

  • shortbread cookies
  • two bars of dark chocolate
  • lemonade
  • roses

In other pregnancy-related news, we got our new bed. It's a king-sized bed. At various points of the evening, I actually lost Beth. I had to look for her. The hugeness of the bed was slightly disconcerting. But it was comfy. Although I think I was off by five on my sleep number.

Finally, tomorrow morning we learn the sex of our little fetus (and doesn't Our Little Fetus sound like a really disturbing idea for a line of kids' toys?). What do you think it'll be? Come on, give it a shot. There are only two possible answers. You've got a fifty-fifty shot.

Posted by Chris at September 13, 2007 7:12 AM

I vote boy. Mmmm dark chocolate melted over shortbread cookies.

Posted by: Maria at September 13, 2007 7:24 AM

OMG! We have a sleep number bed and it is the best thing ever!! I can't live without it now.

Can't wait to hear what Lil' Fetus is...

Posted by: DebbieDoesLife at September 13, 2007 7:31 AM

Little Boy Fetus. OH and I learned to bring homw strawberry icecream

Posted by: William at September 13, 2007 7:59 AM

Ooohhh...little girl fetus! I can't wait to find out!

Posted by: Heather J. at September 13, 2007 8:05 AM

Gotta be a girl, you're so good with them!!

Posted by: Dawn at September 13, 2007 8:21 AM

I think it's another girl.

I felt the same way when we got a king-size bed. Entire nights could go by and we never saw each other! But later, when various and sundry kids started joining us in bed after various and sundry nightmares and tummyaches, it started seeming like a very idea indeed.

Posted by: Karen at September 13, 2007 8:25 AM

When the day comes that I am pregnant would you please email my husband with that EXACT list of what you so wondefully brought home to Beth??
Looking forward to finding out is Mia is going to be a big sister to a little sister or little brother!!

Posted by: Stephanie at September 13, 2007 8:36 AM

Mia's got a brother, right? :)

Posted by: Alex at September 13, 2007 8:42 AM

I am really hoping you guys have another girl.

Posted by: linda at September 13, 2007 8:57 AM

What's the prize for the winners?

I kid.

I am guessing a girl. Don't make us wait too long now!

Posted by: BID at September 13, 2007 8:58 AM

I'm guessing girl too.

Posted by: Fraulein N at September 13, 2007 9:09 AM

Ok first, I must have missed to post about impending fatherhood, so CONGRATS! Awesome, that. have a sleep number bed?? I am in the market for a new mattress and this one has me quite intrigued. Do you recommend it??

Posted by: Candy at September 13, 2007 9:17 AM

congrats on your wife's pregnancy.

i'm really jealous of your king-sized bed, that's something i've coveted for a long time!

Posted by: jen at September 13, 2007 9:22 AM

I guess... boy!

Of course, my one attempt at guessing (when my sister was pregnant) was completely wrong. So, I guess that means girl?


The bf and I have shared king sized beds in hotel rooms before. I wasn't such a fan... too easy to roll to opposite sides of the bed. But, I imagine that if I had a big pregnant belly, that it would be all kinds of awesome to have that much space!

Posted by: Hope at September 13, 2007 9:31 AM

That was a wonderful list of goodies to bring home to Beth. When I was pg, my then-husband learned not to come home without a pineapple. I have a queen bed, which seems big enough for me, if I had a king I would probably need to pack a lunch for the trip to the bedside table to turn off the alarm.

My guess on the fetus? Girl. I have 2 girls, and it's a lovely dynamic.

Posted by: alison at September 13, 2007 9:35 AM

A healthy baby who actually sleeps even through theething. That is my wish for you and Beth, and Mia.

Posted by: Katherine at September 13, 2007 9:49 AM

A healthy baby who actually sleeps even through theething. That is my wish for you and Beth, and Mia.

Posted by: Katherine at September 13, 2007 9:49 AM

Oh! You ARE a smart man! : )
AND I think another girl...a VERY bestest lifetime friend for Mia!

Now "I" want shortbread cookies and dark chocolate! Gah!

Posted by: Gypsy at September 13, 2007 9:52 AM

Whoa, Lindsey Wagner won you over for the Sleep Number bed?! Is it worth the hype of the infomercials? I've always been oddly fascinated by them, but have never known someone who actually owns one. And I think it's a boy.

Posted by: susannah at September 13, 2007 10:02 AM

I'm hopping on the girl train too. Wait...that didn't sound right. lol But I definitely say you are in for girl #2 and I wish you luck w/ a house full of horomones! bwahahaha

Posted by: Kris at September 13, 2007 10:05 AM

You. ...are Pregnant Husband Gold.

Posted by: Paige at September 13, 2007 10:08 AM

You had me until you said dark chocolate. Now it's all over between us.

Posted by: Traci at September 13, 2007 10:14 AM

Im voting girl :)

Posted by: steph at September 13, 2007 10:21 AM

I want a king size bed! That much space for two people would be awesome.

I am going to guess boy this time. Simply to be different, since I guessed Mia was a girl last time.

Posted by: bad penguin at September 13, 2007 10:27 AM

I'm going with girl! Two sisters! Imagine all the hair products in your house in 15 years!

Posted by: Pocklock at September 13, 2007 10:28 AM

Excuse me while I wipe the drool off the keyboard. Dark chocolate does that and I'm certainly not pregnant.

I vote healthy but after that, maybe another girl?

Posted by: ann adams at September 13, 2007 10:32 AM

I think Mia will soon have a BROTHER.

Posted by: Mala at September 13, 2007 10:43 AM

Oh, what the hell... I'll play. I'll say, boy. Why? I'll tell you if I'm right. ;)

Congrats on the bed! I'm a 30 and Hubs is a 55. Thank goodness for beds like this!

Posted by: sue at September 13, 2007 10:44 AM


Posted by: Milly at September 13, 2007 10:49 AM

GIRL. Absolutely a girl. Which means, if my premonitions are consistent with when I had Button, you're having a boy. I missed out on that whole "women's intuition" gene.

Posted by: Amy at September 13, 2007 10:49 AM

Our Little Fetus sounds like the cousin of My Little Pony...only the fetus probably won't have a tail. Probably.

I'm guessing "boy" because that's what I guessed earlier on Beth's blog. Having three sons probably makes me a little biased, but I went to Savannah to meet four bloggers last summer (three of whom had fertility issues) and every single one of those women became pregnant after meeting me (and the fifth blogger) WITH BOYS!! One of them had twin boys and the other two had singles. Sure, the husbands had something to do with it, but I cannot deny the power of my influence. I know guys have a tendency to produce mostly either xx chromosomes or xy. Pilots almost always produce female children because the heat kills the little male sperm. Sometimes, if the woman's body ph is very very acidic, it doesn't matter what the father produces. My mother's body is very acidic and I think she killed off all of my father's xy sperm. One set of twins and three singles (all girls). It's hard to argue. Either way, I'm hoping for ten fingers and ten toes and a baby as smart and healthy as Mia.

Posted by: wordgirl at September 13, 2007 10:51 AM

I'm going to go with girl.

Posted by: Kim at September 13, 2007 11:12 AM

So you're saying you had room for the Bionic Woman in that sleep special bed?

I love your blog, Chris. How sweet of you to bring those things home to Beth!

And I'm sure lil fetus is a GIRL!

Posted by: Anna at September 13, 2007 11:17 AM

I think you guys are having girl #2.

And king sized beds are totally huge! Seriously, I think the display models they show you in the store are like smaller... I lose Chris all the time, although, I do blame the greyhound, who is the size of another human.

Posted by: Phoenix at September 13, 2007 11:19 AM

I'm voting for boy. I would love to see you parent a Man and send him out to the world. I'll cross my fingers for you.

Posted by: Chantel at September 13, 2007 11:26 AM

I'm guessing it's a boy. No wait... girl. Maybe.

Posted by: krystyn at September 13, 2007 11:33 AM

A.) Those items are welcome by all women, not just pregnant ones.

B.) I get kinda freaked out by the hugeness of king-sized beds. I always end up way too tangled in all those linens and it takes a while to free myself from their fabricky grip.

C.) My guess is boy.

Posted by: Stephanie at September 13, 2007 11:34 AM

Well, if the same things such as chocolate and lemonade are working for this pregnancy as well, I have to vote that it will be the same I vote GIRL.

Posted by: Jen at September 13, 2007 11:53 AM

TWINS! Boy & girl.

Posted by: zanie at September 13, 2007 12:24 PM

I'm going to go with girl, because absolutely everybody I know that is pregnant right now is having a girl. Plus, I'm hoping that theory works as I am also pregnant and really want it to be a girl this time!

Posted by: dee at September 13, 2007 12:25 PM


Girls happen in twos, which was scientifically proven by myself when I had a girl, then another girl and finally a boy. What further proof do you need?

Posted by: Procrastamom at September 13, 2007 12:25 PM

I'm going to guess...Girl. But I would love for you to have a little boy. We need more Chris Cactii in this world. :)

Posted by: Allison at September 13, 2007 12:38 PM

Well, I guessed girl over at Beth's a while back, so I'll guess boy at your blog. I have my bases covered! :D

Also, I read that as Our Little Festus. I think your kid has a name already! Wally Festus Cactus-Fish.

Posted by: Sparkle Pants at September 13, 2007 12:38 PM

I'm guessing boy.

Posted by: Noelle at September 13, 2007 12:52 PM

I'm rooting for a boy - we need to be regaled with stories of little Cactus Jr. And I definitely need to take notes from you on what to bring home. Although flowers are occasionally on there, I think I've missed out on the rest of the goodies :-)

My wife and I bought a king sized bed (not sleep number) about 3 years ago and we'll probably never go back to a smaller bed. There's nothing to stop us from getting close to be near each other, but when we want some space to stretch out, it's there! As an added benefit, I can get out of bed on my side without making the whole bed move, thereby waking my wife, queen of the light sleepers.

Posted by: Ross at September 13, 2007 1:16 PM

I am thinking BOY!!!!!

Posted by: Nanette at September 13, 2007 1:28 PM

I have two girls, so I always choose to wish others the same horrible fate as me, I kid. Anyway, I say another girl. Good luck.

Posted by: Denise at September 13, 2007 1:40 PM

I love those sleep number beds. The only thing better is the Tempurpedic ones. Like sleeping on a cloud. My mommy has one and I covet it.

Oh and I'm convinced boy, but only because I'm two years older than my brother. Please don't really name him Wally though, Ok?

Posted by: Phoenix at September 13, 2007 1:41 PM

I vote its another girl

Posted by: Punk Rock Mom at September 13, 2007 1:47 PM


Posted by: Janet at September 13, 2007 1:50 PM

i think it's a puppy!!

Posted by: jodi at September 13, 2007 2:10 PM

You're having another girl.

Posted by: bhd at September 13, 2007 3:11 PM

Are there any more shortbread cookies? I could go for a cookie.

Posted by: GreenCanary at September 13, 2007 4:30 PM

I'm going with girl. This assumption is based upon the fact that what you learned in the previous pregnancy is actually applying to the current pregnancy. Had the gender/hormone factor changed, there is a good chance that nothing you learned previously would still therefore apply. But then again, I could be wrong.

Posted by: Amy at September 13, 2007 4:31 PM

I'm thinking it's a girl. And you should name her Isabel. You know, just 'cause.

Posted by: Isabel at September 13, 2007 5:17 PM

OH! A king-sized bed!!! I would TOTALLY sleep better if I had a king-sized bed!!! Our room doesn't fit one, though....The wall is shaped to fit a Queen....


I have NO idea what it is. I'll guess Girl, though, just for fun. :)

Posted by: Haley-O at September 13, 2007 5:54 PM

I hate making decisions, so I'm going to guess twins -- one boy and one girl. That should do it. And if that's the case, you're probably going to want to stock up on some more cookies and dark chocolate.

Posted by: angela at September 13, 2007 6:40 PM

An apple with a stem.

Posted by: kari at September 13, 2007 7:03 PM

That right there sounds like an excellent list of things to bring home. Good job ;-)

Posted by: Heather at September 13, 2007 7:31 PM

boy oh boy

Posted by: Christina at September 13, 2007 7:44 PM

I say boy because Beth said she felt sicker this time around.

That is totally a Second Trimester list. Those things would make me sick now. So, what I'm going to do is print that off and give it to Bryan so he can refer to it in a few weeks. And for that I thank you. You're a good one.

Posted by: samantha Jo Campen at September 13, 2007 7:44 PM

I say boy because Beth said she felt sicker this time around.

That is totally a Second Trimester list. Those things would make me sick now. So, what I'm going to do is print that off and give it to Bryan so he can refer to it in a few weeks. And for that I thank you. You're a good one.

Posted by: samantha Jo Campen at September 13, 2007 7:45 PM

beth is one lucky lady :)

oh, and it's 100% girl!

Posted by: ali at September 13, 2007 7:53 PM

My money is on another darling little girl for you both.

Posted by: ironic1 at September 13, 2007 10:30 PM

I can't decide which is better: another girl so you have two (sisters!) or one of each. Anyway, whatever food your pregnant wife wants, provide. You seem to have picked up on that. Good for you. Oh, and although you have a king-sized bed now, only use that when you really need space. When the younger rug rat is big enough to say "Daddy, I had a night-nightmare" (direct quote fromt he FoilKid, ca. age 3) and climbs on in (along with older sister) you'll be glad for the bigger bed.

Posted by: foilwoman at September 14, 2007 12:20 AM

I'm thinking girl.

Posted by: Brad at September 14, 2007 11:17 AM

I just made a guess of boy over at Beth's site, so I'll stick with that here too.

Posted by: kmum at September 14, 2007 11:45 AM

I think I read this in the express this morning. AND DC Blogs.

Congrats on the baby. When I was pregnant, we had a full sized bed. I wanted a bigger one. I was so huge that I had to roll back and forth a bit to gain enough momentum to actually get up. A bigger bed may have been ideal so I didn't disturb my (ex)husband so much with my antics. He may not have felt everything being so far away on the other end of the bed!

Posted by: startingtoday at September 14, 2007 11:53 AM

I am usually REALLY good at this (thank my grandmother's mystical genes) but I didn't get a strong feeling either way when I read this for some reason! HMPF!

Looking forward to finding out, though.

Posted by: aimee/greeblemonkey at September 14, 2007 3:36 PM

You are a prince among men. I'm not even pregnant, but shortbread cookies, dark chocolate, lemonade, and roses sounds perfect. I can only imagine how much more perfect it would be with raging hormones.



No. Boy. For real.

Posted by: Melissa at September 14, 2007 7:57 PM

king sized beds are the best. granted, the only time i get to sleep in one is when we're on vacation and in hotels. hmph.

Posted by: tiffanie at September 14, 2007 10:18 PM

I guess that to receive the mortgage loans from creditors you ought to have a great motivation. However, one time I have got a car loan, because I wanted to buy a house.

Posted by: Higgins24James at September 5, 2010 8:26 PM