October 8, 2007

You Can Dress Us Up, But...

While the rest of the country gets a holiday, I get work. And I could have used the day off to recover from the weekend.

My niece's christening went down this weekend. Yesterday, we got all dressed up, headed to the church in which Beth and I tied the knot (and haven't been since - sorry baby jesus), and watched Payton get sprinkled with a little shower of eau de god.

...from left - Mia giving a shout-out to god; Mia cracking Beth, my mom and dad up; and Mia with
"Baby Payton"...

The metaphorical train started to derail when Mia sang the Happy Birthday song while everyone else sang some sort of hymn. The problem really arose when everyone stopped singing and Mia shifted into a rousing rendition of the ABC song. Though that paled in comparison to what really made the ceremony special - Mia's running commentary about the christening proceedings themselves. We are partially to blame because of the explanation we provided prior to the ceremony. Still, not everyone had the benefit of this knowledge as Mia exclaimed to a silent congregation, Baby Payton get clean! and Put Baby Payton in the bathtub! Of course I'm no better. When the minister began discussing the concepts of Liturgical East and Liturgical West, I might have mentioned, a little too loudly, that I'd heard Liturgical North By Northwest was Hitchcock's finest film. The people sitting around me didn't really appreciate that despite the fact that I still think it's comedy gold.

The rest of the afternoon passed wonderfully. We attended a brunch where we could be much more inappropriate, Mia passed out in the car on the way home, and I did several hours of yard maintenance in the abnormally hot October heat.

Lightening didn't strike so I'm guessing god's not overly pissed. Certainly he can take a joke, right? Cos, come on, the Hitchcock thing was funny.

Posted by Chris at October 8, 2007 7:16 AM

Here's another poor schmuck stuck at the office when other folks get the day off...I feel your pain.

Oh, and the NxNW joke is definitely comedy gold, no matter what evil looks the minister or congregation might give you :-)

Posted by: Ross at October 8, 2007 7:46 AM

'a little shower of eau de god'

THAT is comedy gold.


Although, the Hitchcock thing was pretty funny too. :O)

Posted by: Jen at October 8, 2007 7:47 AM

MY niece was baptized yesterday, too. AND we went out to brunch. Caaarazy.

My five year old son kept asking, "When are they going to pour water on her head?" He did a nice running commentary, too. Sadly, I didn't have such good comedy coming from my mouth.

Sorry. I'm not working. But I do have to go close on a refinancing with my monkey butt of a soon to be ex husband.

Posted by: Sharri at October 8, 2007 8:16 AM

This post made me laugh even though there was no mention of hookers.

Posted by: William at October 8, 2007 8:20 AM

I do not know anyone except govt people who get Monday off... I wish!

Ah well, so it sounds like the church experience was what one would hope for (okay at least what I would hope for were I in church) - entertaining!!

Also, I would agree a little shower of eau de god is hysterical. North By NW... tee hee.

Posted by: Christina at October 8, 2007 9:25 AM

Sadly, people can only appreciate church humor when it comes from the mouth of babes (i.e. Mia). Once you're an adult their countenances grow ridgid and freeze into their "disapproving face". I don't know why. I'm sure God (be it a he or a she...probably both)enjoys a good laugh.

Posted by: wordgirl at October 8, 2007 9:36 AM

Rigid. Sorry.

Posted by: wordgirl at October 8, 2007 9:37 AM

I'm not working either, but my company is running without me. Unfortunately it's not a national observance that has me away, but I am enjoying ample to time to blog. Love the christening story. Which reminds me, now I must bathe.

Posted by: Amy at October 8, 2007 10:22 AM

You do know that God holds a huge grudge right? ANd has a verrry long memory?

Posted by: Candy at October 8, 2007 10:32 AM

That's hilarious. When my son was baptized, he shrieked like there was literally some kind of demon inside him. He started the service in a nice little suit, and by the time it was over, he looked like Michael Douglas in "Falling Down." It was impossible not to laugh, but the minister handled it quite smoothly.

Posted by: Holmes at October 8, 2007 10:45 AM

Most definitely comedy gold! Of course, I'm also not so good at the churchy stuff.

Posted by: bad penguin at October 8, 2007 10:55 AM

For what it's worth, I would have giggled at the North by Northwest comment.

PS--Did the VA assembly vote to move the state a mile closer to the sun while I was at BlogHer? Cause, jeez it's hot here.

Posted by: MammaLoves at October 8, 2007 11:19 AM

Don't feel bad Chris... I am at work today too, and its been ONE HELL of a Monday...

Posted by: Stephanie at October 8, 2007 11:23 AM

The Hitchcock thing was pretty funny. I'm sure God thought so, too, although he might also have thought, "Ooooh, zing, nice one. Funny. How about a kidney stone in a few years? Yeah, I think so."

Posted by: You can call me, 'Sir' at October 8, 2007 11:32 AM

yeah...that pretty much happens every time i attempt to take Isabella into a synagogue... ;)

it does make for a lovely little excuse "oh, mom, sorry, i couldn't possibly go...you know, because of Isabella?!" hahahaha!

Posted by: ali at October 8, 2007 11:34 AM

I happen to believe that god's got an excellent sense of humor. If you don't believe me, go visit a Wal Mart and just look at the people there.

(OK, I stole that joke from Mencia)

Posted by: kalisah at October 8, 2007 11:47 AM

Reminds me, we need to schedule a christening ceremony for our youngest over the holidays .... hmmmm.... better let out the baby kilt!

Posted by: ewe_are_here at October 8, 2007 11:54 AM

I thought Columbus day was Friday? Either way, I've never had it off, never will.

Holidays are reserved for government workers only, I'm afraid.

Posted by: Brad at October 8, 2007 12:02 PM

Now I'm curious - Liturgical East and Liturgical West? (I'm in a church history class right now) But yes, Liturgical North by Northwest, hysterical.

Posted by: hannita at October 8, 2007 12:03 PM

Comedy Gold? As a former church goer, I'd rate that as platinum. Seriously, that was good stuff.

Posted by: Elaine at October 8, 2007 12:21 PM

Hey Chris, I have two questions. What's the holiday in that States ? Here (Canada) it's Thanksgiving. My family didn't communicate. We had 4 pies. For 5 people.

My second question is touchy, so feel free to ignore it. I'm curious as to why you passed up the chance for a lovely outdoor (or other) wedding if you are not into religion ? Unless you are of course.

Have a nice day :)

Posted by: Heather at October 8, 2007 12:32 PM

While I love a good day off, I don't necessarily mind working on Columbus Day or Presidents Day because I'm one of those people who doesn't think we should celebrate Eurocentrisism and the genocide of the Native Americans, both of which were fueled by Columbus and those presidents.


Posted by: Sparkle Pants at October 8, 2007 12:44 PM

People kept asking me if I had Monday off and I was all WTF?? What do you mean Monday off? No one gets off except the post man and the government. Do I look like a banker?


Posted by: Edge at October 8, 2007 12:50 PM

Some of my funniest times have been in a church but Liturgical North by Northwest kicks them all to the curb.

Posted by: Arwen at October 8, 2007 1:03 PM

The walls of the church didn't come tumbling down when you walked in either. All in all, a very good day.

I love hearing the things the kids come up with.

Posted by: ann adams at October 8, 2007 1:13 PM

You heathen you! LOL I guess ya do what you gotta do for family. I sort of like Mia's version of things.

Posted by: Maribeth at October 8, 2007 1:14 PM

I love it. It sounds a lot like the last time I went to church with my dad's dad and some little-people relatives.

Posted by: sandra at October 8, 2007 1:19 PM

When there is a momentous occassion to be celebrated in a church, leave it to kids to prick everybody's solemnity balloon. When my brother in law got married--his m-i-l to be rejected my then 3 year old dughter as a flower girl because she was too much of a "loose cannon". We had already bought her the dress, so we let her wear it anyway, and when my husband came down the aisle escorting the matron-of-honor, and our daughter starting calling out to him " Daddy--psst hey daddy"--getting progressively louder, I had to laugh. It was classic. M-I-L didn't think so though ;)

Posted by: Clare at October 8, 2007 1:31 PM

This totally cracked me up!

Posted by: Colleen at October 8, 2007 1:39 PM

Good thing I wasn't there and didn't hear the Hitchcock thing 'cause I would have been struck down by God for the laugh that burst from my lips.

I'm a huge Hitchcock fan. Not so much God. Uh oh. Did I say that out loud? I mean, not so much organized religion. God is okay. ;)

Posted by: sue at October 8, 2007 1:52 PM

I absolutely agree; Comedy Gold!!

Posted by: Chantel at October 8, 2007 1:59 PM

I just hurt my throat with the weird laughing snort that came out reading about Mia's various serenades.

Posted by: Sarah at October 8, 2007 3:27 PM

Hey, I thought it was funny.

Everyone I know has to work today. My niece had to go to school too. I asked her if they learned anything about Columbus, because I wanted to screw with her teachers mind. But no, they learned about Scarecrows today.

Posted by: Phoenix at October 8, 2007 3:31 PM

I didn't realize there was a holiday...oops.

At least you and Beth were married in one and I'm sure you'll get credit for that. I was bad and had a (inadvertently religious) ceremony not in a church.
I still fear I'll burst into flame whenever I enter a church.

Posted by: Jessica at October 8, 2007 4:49 PM

Most churchy people don't have much of a sense of humor, period. My husband doesn't really do the one liners, but he whispers a running dialogue of sarcasm every time we're in that setting. And, he doesn't whisper quietly.

Posted by: Heather at October 8, 2007 4:50 PM

I'm still laughing over the songs Mia chose to sing. But hey, at least she was singing. When I'm in a similar situation, I'm doing good to just sort of move my lips in an effort to throw people off.

Posted by: angela at October 8, 2007 6:51 PM

Even if you DO get sent to Hell, you'll make them all laugh down there anyway. Cuz that WAS funny :-)

Posted by: samantha Jo Campen at October 8, 2007 8:15 PM

Funny. As. Hell.

Insolence in church is Always Funny.

(Perhaps explaining why I've been excommunicated...)

Posted by: Paige at October 8, 2007 9:09 PM


Posted by: Chris at October 8, 2007 9:20 PM

I only got to the part where Mia sang happy birthday before I had to close the post while I was at work because I was laughing out loud so hard, and I only knew it'd get worse.

And it did.

But man, was that a good story! And such a good laugh!

Posted by: Emily at October 8, 2007 10:54 PM

I am a true believer... in God's sense of humor, that is.

Posted by: aimee/greeblemonkey at October 9, 2007 12:00 AM

I say the "Happy Birthday" and "ABC" is what was comedy gold. Toddlers have the best sense of humor.

Posted by: NM at October 9, 2007 12:45 AM

Sam sings Happy Birthday at every event. He wished my girlfriend a happy birthday several times during her wedding ceremony.

Comedy gold indeed. Save me a seat next to you at the next church event.

Posted by: Annie, The Evil Queen at October 9, 2007 1:10 AM

So totally not about a christening, but when a friend of my parents turned 40, she went to church with her youngest son (he was 4 at the time, I think) on her birthday. Every time the minister said "Lord", her son would pipe up in a sing song voice with "Lordy, lordy. My mom's 40." Kids + church = opportunities galore for comedy gold.

(And yes, the Hitchcock thing is hilarious!)

Posted by: Teenuh at October 9, 2007 1:22 AM

That Hitchcock comment was gold.

Posted by: Maria at October 9, 2007 6:02 AM

It's nice to meet another family that gets inappropriate in the house of God. Some of my best (and worst) stories happen in a church.

P.S. I'm CERTAIN God finds it funny. I mean, I'd laugh if you'd said it in MY house. So why not The Man himself? Keep on, keepin' on my friend. Keep on, keepin' on. Word.

Posted by: GreenCanary at October 9, 2007 2:13 PM