January 22, 2008

Room With A View

While I spent the weekend doing whatever the heck it was I did, a moving company was employed to move my office (and many others) to a new building. So, while many of you were enjoying your Mondays off, I was not just working. I was working and unpacking. Don't be jealous. My six boxes of assorted crap arrived and I found myself safely ensconced in a nice, new larger office with multiple windows and a view of something other than a parking garage. A view that includes an adult video store.

I am sincerely hopeful that this gives me a pornucopia of blog fodder. For instance, it would be cool if, one day, they hosted an outdoor pole-dancing clinic. Or, perhaps, the building itself exploded and an unholy rain of dildos showered the local office parks. That would sure be something to see. Perhaps my expectations are a bit high. Nevertheless, I begin what is hopefully a regular installment. I'm calling it Crap I Learned While Watching The Local Porn Shop. I think that's fairly self-explanatory.

  • The average stay for a patron is surprisingly long. Mr. 1987 Nissan Stanza was in there for about an hour. Mr. Ford Explorer clocked in at around two hours.
  • Porn - it's what's for lunch. The lunch hour was pretty busy.
  • Second busiest time of day? The evening rush hour.
  • No surprise, it's a sausage-fest in there. All guys, no women.
  • Be careful when you walk into a porn shop. Some asshat like me is probably watching in the hopes that it yields something interesting for his blog.
  • I refuse to contemplate the possible explanations for a hearse parked in front of the place. That can't be good, right?
  • I need binoculars.

On a totally unrelated side-note, do you realize that just yesterday we broke the 365 day barrier between us and the end of Dubya's presidency? Now there's some light at the end of the tunnel. Never let it be said I don't try to inspire. Today alone I've brought you both political hope and porn.

Posted by Chris at January 22, 2008 6:19 AM

How long before you're shopping there? ;)
It's pretty creepy when dudes "hang out" in those places

Posted by: tesco at January 22, 2008 6:49 AM

Raining dildos. Nice. My Tuesday morning is complete.

Posted by: You can call me, 'Sir' at January 22, 2008 7:05 AM

While glad the end of dubya is near, I'm not sure I'm feeling optimistic when looking at the candidate pool. I may have to be put on morphine to get through the very painful process of voting this year.

I don't know if it's just this campaign is particularly sad, or if I'm just paying a lot more attention now.

Posted by: ocdcontrolfreak at January 22, 2008 7:23 AM

How will you ever get any work done? That's just too discracting.

Posted by: Nila at January 22, 2008 7:29 AM

Have to say,
Great Post!
Pol x

Posted by: Pol at January 22, 2008 7:42 AM

my ex worked at the ren-cen in detroit with its 4 towers and a hotel in the middle... his office window faced the hotel...everyone on that side had a pair of binoculars (mandatory), one day he called and said to listen to hear if anyone in the news said something about tower "400" leaning... i guess come stewardess on layover "knew" what she was doing...(putting on a show)... sittin and watching TV in her underwear... walking around... getting this....gettin that...with the curtains open... and when they had to stay late, or go in at some ungodly hour? the things they saw? unbelievable... !

Posted by: the unicorn at January 22, 2008 7:55 AM

*giggle* "sausage-fest"

I love it.

Posted by: Alissa at January 22, 2008 8:06 AM

A porn shop within eyeshot (eww, nothing gross meant there, tee hee)??? Damn, I wish I was that lucky. You definitely need binocs. I wonder how many coworkers you'll see there.

Posted by: Greta at January 22, 2008 8:24 AM

Less than 365 days. Sounds like magic to me.

Posted by: Anastasia Beaverhausen at January 22, 2008 8:29 AM

Do you think your Restroom Encounters will be more or less interesting in the new building?

Posted by: Shelly at January 22, 2008 8:31 AM

Hmmm you've been so busy checking out the porn shop that you haven't checked out the mens room situation?

Sounds like a nice new office. My new office is greatly inferior to my old one. One window- with an a/c permanently mounted in it. Can't see anything and an entire wall of heating vents that make my office sauna like. Enjoy your new space!

Posted by: Lisa at January 22, 2008 8:45 AM

You are one lucky bastard to have that view. Now you need to start documenting the frequency of the visitors.

Posted by: william at January 22, 2008 9:02 AM

I think you should start bringing your camera to work. You never know when you might need it.

Here's hoping you have much porn shop and restroom blog fodder.

Posted by: Maria at January 22, 2008 9:02 AM

I anxiously await your porn store diaries.

Seriously, this would only happen to YOU.

Congrats on the nice office. It'd be cool to see a picture of it, but I'd understand if that was too personal.

Posted by: Brad at January 22, 2008 9:21 AM

You'll have to do video if there is pole dancing.


Posted by: Edge at January 22, 2008 9:34 AM

Some of the blogs have a counter on the sidebar which calculates not only the days but minutes and seconds left until he is finally back in Crawford.

However, if our two leading candidates don't stop behaving like two year olds, we'll end up with 4 more years of the same or worse.

And once again Dennis K. was conspicuous by his absence. What are they so afraid of - the truth?

Congratulations on your office, especially the view.

Posted by: ann adams at January 22, 2008 10:03 AM

"Porn: It's what's for lunch." Dang, all I have for lunch is a measly peanut butter sandwich :-(

Posted by: GreenCanary at January 22, 2008 10:23 AM

Not to nitpick but you didn't bring us porn. You brought us talk of porn. I'm just saying.

Posted by: pea at January 22, 2008 11:05 AM

Two things: given the prolonged stays of the patrons, perhaps they're selling something extra in the back room?

And, maybe if you're lucky you'll see Dubya passing through those doors, and you can get him out of office even sooner... wouldn't that be nice? (Hmm...no....wait a minute, then Cheney would be head honcho. That can't be good.)

Posted by: Latte Mommy at January 22, 2008 11:13 AM

Oh I cannot wait to see the stories this brings about!

Posted by: Heather at January 22, 2008 11:56 AM

About a block away from my old apartment was a video store that advertised "adult movies" AND "martial arts movies." I was quite curious about the existence of kung fu porn, although not enough so that I'd actually go in there.

Posted by: Stephanie at January 22, 2008 12:01 PM

That's nothing, Chris. My boyfriend used to work in a porn shop. They had like, 5000 movies, and there were people who would come in ever week and read. every. single. cover.
Because plot was important to them? I don't know. But I do know they'd clock in four, five hours just looking at porno boxes.

Posted by: Cassandra at January 22, 2008 12:05 PM

Enjoy your, uh, inspiring view. People-watching is usually quite entertaining, and I imagine the new location will provide plenty of perverts, uh, I mean *people* for you to watch.

Posted by: Caryn at January 22, 2008 12:07 PM

Something tells me you're not going to very much work done.

Posted by: Sparkle Pants at January 22, 2008 12:45 PM


HAPPY DANCE!!!!!!!!!!

I voted for "the other guy". Both times.

Posted by: Poppy at January 22, 2008 12:48 PM

Hey, just found your site and this was the first post I read ... gotta say, I'll definitely be coming back! You made me laugh so hard ... porn and politics, doesn't get much better than that!

Thanks for the chuckle!

Posted by: moo at January 22, 2008 2:34 PM

Oh I can hardly wait for the "Porn Posts" to start. There has to be a lot of material there to write about! LOL
I am celebrating as my computer came back from "the company" all repaired and working great. Although next time I will toss it in the trash and get a new one from another company!!!

Posted by: Maribeth at January 22, 2008 2:39 PM

Theres that MVC store in Tysons...The SAIC building my friends Hub works at over looks it...Im constantly teasing her about his lunch breaks...what will you do on yours?

Posted by: shannon at January 22, 2008 2:43 PM

I am all kindsa jealous over here. I have no view. Unless you consider grey felt a view.

Posted by: Candy at January 22, 2008 2:45 PM

hearse? seriously?

Posted by: ali at January 22, 2008 2:48 PM

I think I'd be more excited about GWB having less than a year to go if I had a candidate I was wildly excited about. So far, no excitement. Just more of the same.

Posted by: ewe_are_here at January 22, 2008 3:11 PM

Political hope and porn.

Really, could I ask for more from a blog?

Wink, wink.

When I was 18 I worked in a sex shop for two weeks before I quit. I am still permanently scarred over how many people (re:dudes) buy anal beads and whips for birthday presents.

Posted by: Redneck Mommy at January 22, 2008 3:21 PM

I have a feeling this new location is going to bring even MORE entertaining bathroom encounters for you.

Posted by: linda at January 22, 2008 4:21 PM

Well now...between your political hope and porn, and my antioxidants we're all set. The nation can rest peacefully knowing all is well. Sorta. Ahem.

I wonder how many clown feet they get in that shop?

I see excellent blog fodder on the horizon. Ooooh! Get thee a mirror or laser pointer and blast them with rays from afar...they will scatter about the lot in fear, wondering who knows...

I am evil.

But, you knew that. Heh.

Posted by: Julia at January 22, 2008 4:43 PM

I'm inexcusably excited about the new porntastic possiblilties! Rude Cactus - Now with more porn!! Woot!

And what you NEED is a zoom lens...

Dang. Working out of my home is so boring.

Posted by: Paige at January 22, 2008 6:14 PM

you need binoculars.

Posted by: jodi at January 22, 2008 6:25 PM

I really didn't think it'd get better than the bathrooms. I didn't think it was possible.

You, however, have proved me wrong!

Posted by: Emily at January 22, 2008 7:58 PM

Oh yeah, you definitely need binoculars. A telescope would be too obvious to your co-workers. And perhaps Mr. Nissan Stanza and Mr. Ford Explorer are owners, checking on their staff? This should make for really interesting stuff!

Posted by: coolchick at January 22, 2008 8:21 PM

I am thinking I need Rude Cactus via IV now.


Posted by: Aimee Greeblemonkey at January 22, 2008 11:42 PM

ha, i loved this post!
you seriously need binoculars i agree.

Posted by: kimmyk at January 22, 2008 11:53 PM

I believe your expectations are a bit high.

I used to work for a website that sold Japanese animation. Which included Japanese animated porn.

Once I went to an anime convention. I saw the people who buy Japanese animated porn.


Posted by: Krystyn at January 23, 2008 1:15 AM

Political hope and porn... Are you sure you're not Santa Claus?

Hoop and I went into a porn store once. The people in there were kind of scary. They all looked at me like they'd never seen an actual breathing woman before. Like, "Holy shit. This one isn't made out of plastic!"

Posted by: Tink at January 23, 2008 8:40 AM

I have to say...only YOU would get put in an office that overlooks a pornography shop. I mean, REALLY? :)

Posted by: Zandria at January 24, 2008 10:05 PM