January 25, 2008

The Weeklies #20

The Funniest Line Of The Week. Mia, after cracking a joke. "Goodnight Washington. I'll be here all week."

The Weekly Odd Factoid. The longest recorded flight of a chicken? 13 seconds.

The Weekly Reads. I read two books this week. The first was a novel from Kevin Wignall - Who Is Conrad Hirst. I felt kinda meh about it. It wasn't bad but as the book progressed I felt like I was reading a much less dramatic Jason Bourne story. It didn't rocket to the top of my list but it certainly wasn't bad. Richard Flanagan's The Unknown Terrorist was a different story. The novel is a very literate thriller that, while entertaining, also asks the reader to face some fairly serious concerns about a nation's reaction to terrorism. Or the threat of terrorism. In this case, the nation is Flanagan's native Australia. It is a very plausible and scary look at what can happen in a scared society. This one is definitely worth picking up.

The Weekly Schadenfreude. I'd be crazy if I didn't mention the Heath Ledger media storm, right? It's sad, yes, but the coverage is insane. And Amy Winehouse (aka, Fucking Mess) entered rehab (yes, yes, yes). It's rumored that Eddie Murphy wanted to take his mother on a honeymoon (consider me shocked that marriage didn't work out). And Britney's still a first class trainwreck. The more things change, the more they stay the same.

The Weekly Worst Thing I'm Planning to do Today. The dentist. I have to get a cavity filled. Fucking teeth, betraying me like this.

The Weekly Band Name I'd Love To Use If It Wasn't Taken. The Atomic Bitchwax.

The Weekly Hypothetical Question. You're forced to make a terrible choice - you must choose to keep either your hearing or your sight. Which do you keep and why?

Posted by Chris at January 25, 2008 6:21 AM

That is hilarious that Mia added that bit after her joke. We usually say something like that, only we add some sort of foreign accent and say, "Tank youuu, I be here all the week. Pick up my CD on the way out!"

My husband and I have recently started a running list of celebrities who are going to kick the bucket (probably sooner rather than later) due to the stupidity of their actions. Amy Winehouse tops my list (can you say FUGLY CRACKHEAD?!?) and Britney tops his list. It's really sad when it comes down to something ridiculous like a Death List of Celebrities (Who Is Gonna Kick the Bucket First?).

The funny thing is that when I read "Atomic Bitchwax," I immediately thought that it would make a great band name. Heh.

Hearing or sight? Though I would seriously miss either one terribly, I would prefer to keep my sight. There are just too many beautiful things to see. Don't get me wrong -- there are just as many beautiful things to hear, but I think I could cope better with the loss of hearing.

Posted by: ironic1 at January 25, 2008 7:04 AM

Mia is hilarious - you guys are training her well!

And it's sad that Heath Ledger seemed to live a relatively out-of-the-spotlight life (comparatively), yet Britney keeps on going and going. And Amy Winehouse? Oy.

I would choose to keep my vision. I've actually had a pretty severe hearing loss most of my life, and while I can still hear I already kind of sort of know what I'm missing - the devil you know vs the one you don't. While I would miss miss miss music terribly, I've HAD that, and would still be able to know music and sing, and even feel it, through vibrations...But if I could never see my kids again? If Icouldn't watch them grow up? Devastating.

Posted by: sarah at January 25, 2008 7:11 AM

Im with Sarah on this one.I am losing my hearing (hereditary problem) and the way I console myself is by telling myself I would far rather be deaf then blind.It would devestate me not to be able to see the beauty around me (especially seeing my beautiful children grow up).I also read a lot so that would mean my hobby would be gone!

Posted by: vanessa at January 25, 2008 7:20 AM

Im with Sarah on this one.I am losing my hearing (hereditary problem) and the way I console myself is by telling myself I would far rather be deaf then blind.It would devestate me not to be able to see the beauty around me (especially seeing my beautiful children grow up).I also read a lot so that would mean my hobby would be gone!

Posted by: vanessa at January 25, 2008 7:20 AM

I'd keep my sight. I could live without music but not without books and seeing my kids.

Posted by: Loth at January 25, 2008 7:24 AM

Schadenfreude for Heath Ledger? What possible (even small amount of) pleasure can come from his death?

Posted by: Karen at January 25, 2008 8:04 AM

I'd keep sight, I;d rather be able to see things and read.

I had a filling this morning too, it was ok.

Posted by: Katherine at January 25, 2008 8:20 AM

I would lose my sight because I don't like to drive and I never want to stop hearing the people I love tell me they love me too.
Just ordered the book for my husband, I have realized anything you really like, he will really like. Poor Henry Thompson...

Posted by: Arwen at January 25, 2008 8:54 AM

Sight - I'm a very visual person. Sometimes sounds overwhelm me and I can't imagine never seeing my children grow up or sunsets or leaves in the fall; the architecutre of an old house, pandas at the zoo.

Ohh. This question makes me sad. I'm leaving to continue being lazy on a Day Off.

Posted by: Paige at January 25, 2008 8:56 AM

Hands down I would keep my sight... A) so I can continue to read my daily blogs... B) so I can appreciate the visual beauty of life and C) so I can see my unborn child grow up

Posted by: Stephanie at January 25, 2008 9:02 AM

Ok, freakily enough I have actually thought about this many times. It's no choice, I would keep my sight. I have such freakish hearing that there are sounds that DRIVE.ME.INSANE! Things no one else can hear but are like nails on a chalkboard to me. Someone rusteling their coat in church. My husband rubbing something between his fingers, the cat licking himself, I hate noises! But with my sight I can still read, watch tv (closed captioning) and see all the beauty in the world!

Posted by: Lisa at January 25, 2008 9:07 AM

I'd definitely choose to keep my vision. It just seems like it'd be (relatively) easier to make the necessary adjustments in my life.

Also, how funny is your kid, man?

Posted by: Fraulein N at January 25, 2008 9:08 AM

My sight. I nearly lost it a few years ago and I have to tell you, darkness is a scary place.

Love Miabean, She sure is a chip off the old block! Too funny!

Posted by: Maribeth at January 25, 2008 9:16 AM

Wow, she actually said that?

Hearing. Music and books on CD. That's all I have to say about that.

The Weekly Band Name I'd Love To Use ... And It's Not Taken: Aryan Superqueer.

See others here (http://walkingdead.net/bands.mhtml), as well as a truly stellar euphemism generator (http://walkingdead.net/perl/euphemism).

Posted by: You can call me, 'Sir' at January 25, 2008 9:25 AM

I was just thinking about this yesterday as I walked to the bus stop listening to my iPod. As much as I'd hate to not see the Pacific Ocean or San Francisco or the faces of my loved ones ever again, I would probably die if I lost my hearing. Being able to hear my mother's voice is far more soothing than seeing her, most of the time, and I would be forced to rely on my sense of touch, which is one of my favorite and most under-used senses. Plus, to not hear Ray LaMontagne again? To not hear the roar of the surf or the car horns or birds or the wind in th trees? I would be terrified of that silence.

Posted by: Sparkle Pants at January 25, 2008 9:38 AM

Re the Mia punchline: ZOMG!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Chris, seriously, that kid just needs to be the ruler of the universe when she's older.

Answer to question: I've already got this one down. I keep my sight. I need to be able to see the world. I often wish I couldn't hear because the world is too loud to me, but I never wish I couldn't see.

Posted by: Poppy at January 25, 2008 9:40 AM

Can I keep one ear and one eye?

Posted by: GreenCanary at January 25, 2008 9:48 AM

PS - You're a potty mouth. Yar.

Posted by: Poppy at January 25, 2008 9:50 AM

hearing. I couldn't live without music.

(also? I'm totally calling my ride into work in the mornings the Atomic Bitchway from now on.)

Posted by: kalisah at January 25, 2008 9:54 AM

(my bad. I thought it said "BitchWAY." Which I'm still going to call the highway into town.)

Posted by: kalisah at January 25, 2008 9:55 AM

"I'll be here all week"? TOO funny.

I'd keep my sight, because I love to take photos. And I want to watch my kids grow up.

But the music...oh...I suppose hands on the speakers would have to suffice. It's a tough call, but then you knew that, didn't you?

Posted by: Alison at January 25, 2008 10:02 AM

Are you sure Heath Ledger should fall under the category of schadenfreude? I remember you had a post once where you talked about schadenfreude as detailed here is not really technically shadenfreude but this jumped out as being out of character with your usual bonhomie.

Posted by: Laura GF at January 25, 2008 10:11 AM

keep my sight. no question.

don't put heath ledger in the same category as britney spears and amy winehouse. please. ;)

also..mia is hilarious!

Posted by: ali at January 25, 2008 11:10 AM

My sight, I would keep. It seems like it would just be easier to get around. Also, I'm vain, and need to be able to see myself in the mirror to make sure I look good. :)

And I love Mia's line.

Posted by: Cassandra at January 25, 2008 11:22 AM

No contest, I'd keep my sight. I'd miss the music, but I'd be able to read, care for myself and my daughters, work, etc., etc.

Posted by: alison at January 25, 2008 11:29 AM

I would have to keep my hearing. There's no way I could survive without music, although I would miss reading there's always books on CD.

Posted by: Claudia at January 25, 2008 11:29 AM

That line Mia said after a joke is hysterical.

I'm with a lot of the others. I'd keep my vision and lose the hearing. Noises bother me in the first place. If I'm in a room with a TV or radio on and then someone starts talking, I can't stand it. It really bothers my ears. And makes me batty. Ditto that with taking my daughter to gymnastics. The kids, the TV's, the parents gabbing away, it makes my head spin. But without vision, I wouldn't see my daughter grow up, wouldn't see the beauty in every day things...and...really...sometimes I can tell more about how someone feels by looking into their eyes rathar than hearing them say it. You know? Tough question though! I like your Friday posts.

Posted by: js at January 25, 2008 11:29 AM

Go ahead and take my eyes. I'd die if I can't hear any music. :)

Posted by: oakley at January 25, 2008 11:31 AM

That is a hard one. Even though I have terrible vision and I've wondered about this before, I don't know that I could make that choice. So um....I'd keep my vision. I'd be sad not to hear music. Horribly sad, in fact. But to not see the beauty of a sunrise or sunset or see people expressions...not to mention seeing my future babies. Yeah, vision.

Posted by: Phoenix at January 25, 2008 11:35 AM

I almost never go to the movies but I made an exception for Brokeback Mountain. Sad about Heath. Some things come as no surprise; this news did. It's sad.

Sight or hearing? I don't think I could adjust to loss of sight.

Cold, wet, and windy here in beautiful central California.

Have a good weekend.

Posted by: ann adams at January 25, 2008 11:42 AM

It's interesting that you pose this question - it's one that my husband and I have discussed a number of times in the past. I would definitely prefer to be deaf than blind for one major reason: the ability to live an independent life. You can still drive a car, go to unfamiliar places and get along normally, etc. The deaf can also still appreciate music, although not in the way that hearing people do. And, there is less stigma with being blind than deaf because you don't have a handicap that is readily apparent to others.

Posted by: Latte Mommy at January 25, 2008 12:14 PM

Without question, I would keep my hearing. Two of my favorite pastimes are music and reading, and it's easy to find books on tape (CD), or I could learn Braille.

Also, your child is brilliant, but I'm sure you know that. =]

Posted by: rai at January 25, 2008 12:16 PM

I'd keep hearing. I'd go nuts without music.

Posted by: Sarah, Goon Squad Sarah at January 25, 2008 12:45 PM

Hearing. Hands down. Even if I couldn't read opera scores, I could still throw down at Blues Alley if I couldn't see.

Clicked through the Atomic Bitchwax entry and eventually found myself looking at the website for a band called Alabama Thunderpussy. Good grief.

Posted by: Sassy at January 25, 2008 12:50 PM

I would also keep my sight. I want to see my babies grow up. I would miss their voices and laughs, but I would get to see them become adults.

Posted by: varinia at January 25, 2008 12:55 PM

I would choose to keep my sight. I have pondered this question before and KNOW I would want my sight. As much as I love music, losing my sight would end my career.

Posted by: Aimee Greeblemonkey at January 25, 2008 1:12 PM

I would keep my sight. I love music but I love visual arts much more. Plus, my career and hobby are pretty much out the window should I go blind. I don't think my life would be too affected if I lost my hearing. I already watch movies with the subtitles on.

Posted by: Rengirl at January 25, 2008 1:29 PM

I'll keep my hearing because nothing brings a bigger smile to my face that my little boys voice...

Posted by: darren at January 25, 2008 1:40 PM

I'd choose my eyes over my ears. I'd hate not to ever be able to watch my children grow into adulthood.

Plus, I love reading.

Posted by: Redneck Mommy at January 25, 2008 2:00 PM

Um, how about one eye and one ear?

If I *had* to choose, I would choose to see. I mean, really, I am a photographer and shit. I would go batty without my shutter-mind.

Posted by: Julia at January 25, 2008 2:21 PM

Mia is such a doll... and what a sense of humor!

I think if I had to lose my hearing or my sight I would have to go with hearing. Though I'm sure I could live with either and I know there are much worse things in the world, I feel I've heard enough at 25 years that I would be able to read lips and still talk somewhat. I would remember songs and music and would have all those experiences. I can't imagine not being able to see though. The thought of not watching my godchildren grow up or see the things I love anymore pains me.

As for Heath... so sad. The saddest part is the little girl who is the absolute spitting image of a father she will never see again.

Posted by: Rachel at January 25, 2008 2:36 PM

As much as I love music, I'd give up my hearing before my sight. There are just too many beautiful things I'd miss seeing, like my future children's faces.

Posted by: Tink at January 25, 2008 2:46 PM

Well, I had to answer your question this week. I am legally deaf in both ears and have a cochlear implant. Being Deaf isnt that big of a deal..I lost my hearing when I was 12 years old and yeah it sucked donkey balls, but it has made me who I am today. So I would definately recommend the hearing loss...there is just so much out there to help the Deaf population and more is being created everyday!
On another note...Chris you NEED TO READ THE BOOK "The Year of Living Biblically" by AJ Jacobs. This guy makes me think of you for some reason. No it is not a religious preaching book, it is hilarious but a major awesome read. The guy is probably such a genius that he is hysterical.

Posted by: Cheryl at January 25, 2008 3:01 PM

Mia obviously has a bright future. You can't learn that kind of timing.

I'd sooner give up my hearing. I think I'd find it too hard to function without my sight. I'd miss music and the voices of those I love, but I think I would live much more as I do now deaf as opposed to blind.

Posted by: Annie, The Evil Queen at January 25, 2008 3:01 PM

I'm sort of wondering about Ledger as Schadenfreude too...
I always used to think I'd rather be blind than deaf, but I'm not so sure anymore. To give up music, or reading!? It's too hard! Can't do it!

Posted by: Heather at January 25, 2008 3:29 PM

Breaking my no comment streak to say I'm also confused about Heath Ledger making the schadenfreude list.

But I am also breaking the streak to say that your rhetorical q is the hardest one of all time. I think I'd rather keep my sight ONLY because you can feel sounds so you're not completely left out of that. Plus I kind of dig the sign language. There are so many unpleasant sounds in the world anyway. The construction of supermansion next door at 7:00 a.m. , six days a week for the last 18 months would qualify as a sound I could live without.

Posted by: Trix at January 25, 2008 3:56 PM

Mia is too funny! I love her and I don't even know her!

Posted by: Kelly at January 25, 2008 4:23 PM

I have a close friend who was born deaf and is independent in nearly every way. She has a flashing light attached to her doorbell and a vibrating pad under her mattress wired into the smoke detector and alarm clock. Other than that, she drives, reads, reads lips (she actually grew up not knowing how to sign- didn't learn until college!) and leads an essentially normal life. She's a wife and an amazing mom. Being blind would scare the bejeezus out of me. Never being able to drive or shop for myself or see my baby? No thanks.
I'm a music fanatic, but I'd consider never having to hear Celine Dion sing to me in waiting rooms and restaurants a small price to pay.

Posted by: Kara at January 25, 2008 4:27 PM

I have no idea about the story on Eddie Murphy. I think that's that my head just is unaware of a tiny bit of albeit interesting pop culture.

I would keep my sight. I already know how to speak so I could probably learn to control volume and read lips. I could still watch movies and read. I have also always been proud of my stellar vision that the internet is slowly killing....

Posted by: Heather at January 25, 2008 4:50 PM

SIGHT. I couldn't depend on the meager supply of books that have been either put on tape (and I hate books on tape) or in braille. Also, so much of my intuition depends on me watching body language of others.

Posted by: ocdcontrolfreak at January 25, 2008 7:41 PM

For those confused about why Heath Ledger would make the Schadenfreude list... I can't speak for Chris, but what I took it to mean wasn't the death itself but the fact that the media seems to be getting such a satisfaction out of it. I mean putting cameras in the faces of his family, asking every person in Hollywood (those close and not close to him) their feelings on his death, and just the general lack of respect they are showing... they seem to be getting a really disturbing pleasure out of all of this...

Posted by: Rachel at January 25, 2008 9:08 PM

I would choose to keep my sight, I couldn't imagine not being able to see all the beatiful things there are to see and reading. Even though I do like music and sounds, I think this would be the better of the two to lose.

Posted by: Adi at January 25, 2008 10:20 PM

. Mia, after cracking a joke. "Goodnight Washington. I'll be here all week."----Nu-uh!

So as for the weekly question...I instinctively say i'd forgo my hearing, because,well...it's your sight, and i can't imagine never seeing my husband's sweet face...or the mountains, ever again! But then again...i really fucking love music:)

Posted by: bethany at January 25, 2008 10:22 PM

like I said in my own blog post about Heath - do all the details really matter? give the guy some respect. give his family some respect... sad.

send amy and britney to an island, far far away...

i'll keep one eye and one ear - how's that?

Posted by: Holly at January 25, 2008 11:13 PM

PS. i was referring to the media storm on Heath - THEY should just let it go....

Posted by: Holly at January 25, 2008 11:16 PM

Sight. I have zero faith in my ability to learn Braille.

Posted by: Nic at January 26, 2008 5:29 AM

Mia is hysterical.

And I hope Amy Winehouse also gets rehab for her hair, because that platinum blonde look she's been trying out is just awful

I think I would have to keep sight. As much as I love music, I think it is easier to get through life when you can't hear than when you can't see.

Posted by: bad penguin at January 26, 2008 8:38 AM

i would definitely choose keeping my sight over my hearing. i would rather be able to see everything and imagine the sound, than to hear everything and have to picture what it looks like.

Posted by: mcgee at January 26, 2008 4:29 PM

The Atomic Bitchwax: thats what the crazy Russian lady who does my waxing should call her salon. Feck-arse she is a wax nazi.

Posted by: SleepyNita at January 26, 2008 6:11 PM

I keep my sight.... No question. How 'bout you?

LOVE the chicken factoid! Fascinating! ;)

Posted by: Haley-O at January 26, 2008 11:26 PM

Wow, I keep my hearing, no contest - how else could I listen to music?

Posted by: Stephanie at January 26, 2008 11:54 PM

I'm all for keeping my hearing. I'd cope with blindness - there are books on tape. But without music, life is a mistake...

Also, you have the funniest child ever.

Posted by: suze at January 27, 2008 12:17 AM

Without a doubt I keep sight. Sight gives me goosebumps!

Posted by: Dana at January 27, 2008 7:38 AM

I would keep my sight. I can do my job if I'm deaf. I cannot do my job if I'm blind. Web design, unfortunately, is not an audible career. Though the silence that would ring in my ears would be tragic.

Posted by: Emily at January 27, 2008 11:06 AM

If I was deaf I could at least still talk with sign language and watch tv with closed caption capability. However, I would feel so alone in all that silence. It might feel like I was more engaged if I could hear people, but I'm a very visual person. I would probably keep my sight...but it would be a tough choice.

Posted by: Anastasia Beaverhausen at January 27, 2008 11:37 AM

All weekend, I kept saying "Goodnight Washington, I'll be here all week." Every time I said something I thought was funny.

I always think I'm funny.

Posted by: Vaguely Urban at January 28, 2008 12:30 AM

my sight... I'd miss music terribly... but I'd rather be able to drive, read and well... see....

Posted by: Tori at January 28, 2008 1:06 AM

ofcourse it is sight. did anyone even answer anything other than that? u can still cope with hearing loss, but sightless is unimaginable.

Posted by: NM at January 28, 2008 2:52 AM

Every body admits that life seems to be not very cheap, however we need cash for various issues and not every one gets big sums money. Thus to get fast loans and short term loan would be a correct solution.

Posted by: LENORA27Pratt at May 14, 2010 12:43 PM