February 26, 2008

Through The Looking Glass (Or, A Heavy Dose of The Crazy)

Yesterday I returned to work. After two weeks of being away, it was clear that the universe stored up all my individually wrapped doses of crazy and sprung them on me in one concentrated burst. Among all the phone calls, conference calls, emails, meetings and general catching up, here are the day's most notable happenings.

Thing 1. I got stuck in an elevator. Right out of the chute, I knew it was going to be an interesting day. Luckily, it opened up a minute later. It's not the first time that's happened. Stop, drop and roll...wait, that's not for stuck elevators which explains a lot...

Thing 2. I took a break with some coworkers and headed to the cafeteria in the building I work in when I'm spending time in Monkeytown. Whilst doing so I observed one man carrying a tray with two lunches. Not odd in and of itself but it took a strange turn when he began setting the table for two and unpacking both lunches in a very particular manner. It was stranger still when he began conversing with who I can only assume to be his well provided for invisible friend. After twenty minutes, he completed his lunch, repacked his "friend's" lunch and left.

Thing 3. I encountered a tiny midget with a giant afro. Not a slightly large afro. A huge one. It was about half as tall as the midget herself.

Thing 4. I ran - bodily and with great force - into a marginally famous politician. I was happy he was only marginally famous, as he didn't have an entourage to act in his defense.

So I ask you, what could possibly happen today? Wait, I'm not sure I want to know the answer to that.

Posted by Chris at February 26, 2008 7:08 AM

Holy Crap that's quite a collection for one day. No clowns though (well, the jury is still out on the politician).

I was at a store recently and a woman there was laughing and mumbling and talking, really discussing, something with her "invisible friend". I actually walked around to look and see if anyone else was there. Nope.

Step back from the heaping plate of crazy.

Better yet, wear a diaper on your head. That'd work. So fiiiiiiiiiiiiine!

Posted by: Julia at February 26, 2008 7:27 AM

Thing # 4...when you say "running into" was it because you have a wide stance in the bathroom stall?

Posted by: william at February 26, 2008 8:00 AM

I was in the parking garage elevator the other day when it made this HORRENDOUS noise. At the time, one of the guys that I know that works downtown hopped out, screaming, "Get out! It gets stuck!" I just stood there, blinking at him.

The elevator went down. The doors opened. Crisis averted.

I realize that this isn't the same as your scenario but you'd think they'd learn not make elevators not get stuck anymore - wouldn't you?

I think you should tell us who the marginally famous person was. That's what could happen today. :o)

Posted by: Emily at February 26, 2008 8:03 AM

I have a question about your job and midgets...

Posted by: Sarah, Goon Squad Sarah at February 26, 2008 8:10 AM

As soon as a Thing 1 happens, I'm tempted to return home and crawl into bed with a book because it is always downhill from there.

Please tell me you didn't encounter the midget in the bathroom.

I avoid asking that last question. The crazies flock to you when you do. :-)

Posted by: Maria at February 26, 2008 8:21 AM

Dude, what branch of the dilapidated psych-ward to you work in?

Posted by: croutonboy at February 26, 2008 8:22 AM

Ooo, the neighboring sex toy shop could explode and rain strange and interesting paraphernalia on you......
you could get stuck on an elevator...WITH A CLOWN!!!!.......
OMG a combination of both- a clown armed with sex toys traps you on an elevator.

Ok, I need to go get some coffee or something....

Posted by: Greta at February 26, 2008 8:35 AM

How nice that the gentleman got to eat with his friend. I hate eating alone, perhaps I should use this the next time I go out. Although it could be an expense. Think I could write it off my taxes?

Posted by: Maribeth at February 26, 2008 8:36 AM

If you had a cat, it could have puked on your floor in the bedroom right as you were climbing into bed. That's how my terrifically shitty Monday ended.

Posted by: Brad at February 26, 2008 8:41 AM

Whenever I start to think I'm going crazy, I'm going to remember the man from your cafeteria. And I will feel better.

Posted by: GreenCanary at February 26, 2008 8:43 AM

What, no bathroom incidents?

Posted by: Karen at February 26, 2008 8:53 AM

perhaps the man "eating for two" was talking on one of those ear piece phones? They are so weird, epecially when I see someone talking to themselves in the grocery store, only to see later that they have the phone emitting waves next to their brain.

As for the two lunches ... well, maybe he was extra hungry, who knows? Ah, corporate America ... you never fail to entertain me.

Posted by: moo at February 26, 2008 9:22 AM

Wait-the midget with the afro was female? Where the hell do you work? P.T. Barnum's home office?

Posted by: Nic at February 26, 2008 9:28 AM

Never ask that question. It is sure to jinx you.

Posted by: Poppy at February 26, 2008 9:36 AM

The midget with an afro is awesome beyond words. Probably also some sort of wierd omen.

Posted by: You can call me, 'Sir' at February 26, 2008 9:49 AM

But no freakish bathroom stories? Huh. I am a little disappointed -- on your behalf, you understand.

I suppose the imaginary lunch friend makes up for it, though.

Posted by: Fraulein N at February 26, 2008 9:56 AM

Dude are the IT guy for a mental institution?

ps...pretty sure they prefer "little people"


Posted by: Pamalamadingdong at February 26, 2008 9:57 AM

The imaginary friend thing is hilarious. Nothing strange happened to me yesterday. Um...I hope nothing totally freakishly bizarre happens to you (or me) today. I'm ready for the week to be over. heh

Posted by: Sparkle Pants at February 26, 2008 10:06 AM

Crap and I thought NYC was surreal.

Posted by: jessica at February 26, 2008 10:28 AM

I sure would like to see the tiny midget with the giant afro. I don't suppose you took cameraphone photos? :-)

Posted by: Alissa at February 26, 2008 10:39 AM

A clown could trap you in the bathroom as the light goes out...?

Posted by: oakley at February 26, 2008 10:49 AM

If you would stop spraying yourself with crazy juice every morning, you might be able to repel some of these things.

Posted by: Candy at February 26, 2008 11:50 AM

Isn't the phrase "tiny midget" redundant?

Posted by: Susan at February 26, 2008 11:51 AM

What? No bathroom horror story??? Wait, perhaps that was being saved for today.

Oh, I'm surprised that you haven't learned by now that you just don't ask questions like, "What could possibly happen today?" Because? More weird stuff happens! Granted, it can all become blog fodder, but you need a break on your second day back to work!

Posted by: ironic1 at February 26, 2008 11:54 AM

Haha I love when you tell stories of weirdness. How you end up with so much in your life rather amazes me ;-)

Posted by: Heather at February 26, 2008 12:44 PM

seriously..the CRAZIEST things happen to you. :)

Posted by: ali at February 26, 2008 3:21 PM

Thing 2 is just cracking me up! LMAO!

Posted by: Jenty at February 26, 2008 3:33 PM

You don't eat lunch with your imaginary friends? Are you a snob and too good for them? How rude! ;-)

Posted by: RC at February 26, 2008 5:13 PM

I love that it is a "she" midget with a huge fro. I'd assumed at first mention that it was a dude.

welcome back to the grind!

Posted by: Vaguely Urban at February 26, 2008 5:56 PM

this must be the universe keeping work interesting for you to make the transition time easier on you. works for me...

Posted by: Amy at February 26, 2008 11:31 PM

Only in Monkeytown man.

Posted by: Jules at February 27, 2008 11:00 AM

Wow...yeah, I'd say you were back...

Posted by: sue at February 28, 2008 11:27 AM

Wow...yeah, I'd say you were back...

Posted by: sue at February 28, 2008 11:51 AM