March 7, 2008

The Weeklies #26

The Weekly Most Ridiculous Moment. Mia hates having her toenails cut. Last night before putting her to bed, Beth decided it was time to give her a pedicure. With Owen on a blanket on the floor, and Mia screaming, I decided to distract everyone as best as possible. I took off my shirt and armpit farted, attempting to diffuse a tense situation. I did it with such fervor, my armpit is actually quite sore this morning.

The Weekly Reads. Spy by Ted Bell is a silly book. Bell writes about hero Alexander Hawke, a very James Bond-like figure who happens to be an ancestor of Blackbeard. So yeah, there's plenty of swashbuckling whatever the hell that is. It's pretty mindless fiction but it's fun to read.

The Weekly Music. Mia and I were in the car the other day listening to Prairie Home Companion. I know, that's got to be thrilling for a toddler, right? But once I explained that the music she was listening to was country - the music that cowgirls listen to - she was all over it. Turns out that what we were listening to was an attention grabber for me too. See, I've always been a closet Neil Young fan during the few moments each year I can forget how bad his voice actually is. So three angelic voices singing one of my favorite Neil Young songs - Old Man - was pretty great to hear. I headed to iTunes and found the album 40 Days by The Wailin' Jennys. Honestly, a really fantastic album.

The Weekly Schadenfreude. Obama lost to Hillary. Bummer. Paris got a shaman to help improve her spirituality. Of course, the bearded mystery Asian guy turned out to be an actor. And there's that little matter of Southwest Airlines flying unsafe planes. Sometimes its very clear to my why I hate to fly.

The Weekly Hypothetical Question. You will receive $100 million dollars for 20 years of your life. Let's say that those 20 years you lose will travel in a flash. You won't have any sense of the passage of time - nothing good, nothing bad...nothing. With the money you will obviously be set for life, every financial concern a thing of the past. Do you take it?

Posted by Chris at March 7, 2008 6:19 AM

Hell no, to the hypothetical question.
I never trade time for money. You can always make more money. You can't make more time.

Posted by: fauve at March 7, 2008 6:54 AM

I am with Fauve on this one, Chris. How about 100 million for a week in a dentist's chair!? Still no.
Have a bitchin' weekend, d00d!

Posted by: Julia at March 7, 2008 7:05 AM

NO WAY! I'd totally miss out on the kids' best years. I'm almost positive you'd say the same.

Posted by: ocdcontrolfreak at March 7, 2008 7:25 AM

You didn't specify. Is it 20 years passed or 20 years in the future? Giving up the last 20 years might hold more appeal for some.

Posted by: Amber at March 7, 2008 7:43 AM

It seems like the last 40 have flashed by so sure, why not. That would put me close to my "golden years" So I could retire in style!

Posted by: Jeff A at March 7, 2008 7:46 AM

You really need to start live-action recording scenes like the one described. Watching such a thing seems like a potentially effective cure for depression.

As a long-time listener of PHC, I'm always amazed at the great music from obscure little bands that Garrison manages to find. The Hot Club of Cowtown is one example that, sadly, is no longer together, but still out there for the listenin' if you dig Texas swing.

No. In the Venn Diagram of life, the circles representing Happiness and Money never really intersect. Besides...what if you died the day after 'waking up' from the 20-year 'sleep'?

Finally, remember the band-name question you asked awhile back? Well, I have another one. From an actual band. And the blurb from the drummer's website: 'It is highly recommended that you buy [our] latest album, More Blood in the Monitors, in order to get into heaven. To quote the New York Times review, “The album contains 10 songs.” It was also described as “so ball-blastingly huge that it made my goddamn taint bleed” by The Wall Street Journal.' And the name of the band and their website:

Posted by: You can call me, 'Sir' at March 7, 2008 8:16 AM

The Weekly Most Ridiculous Moment: I'm sorry that you're sore, but I'm going to be laughing about this one all day. Thank you. I need the laugh. Did it work?

The Weekly Schadenfreude: Dude! Is it any wonder I make myself physically ill whenever I have to drive?

The Weekly Hypothetical Question: I don't have children, so I'm going to side with Jeff and say I'll take it and retire early.

Have a great weekend.

Posted by: Maria at March 7, 2008 8:22 AM

I don't think I would take it. Those 20 years would be full of my marriage, the birth of my children, and countless precious memories workign with children in the school system. I don't think there's any amount of money worth those memories.

Posted by: Kate at March 7, 2008 8:24 AM

Schadenfreude should read: Dude! Is it any wonder I make myself physically ill whenever I have to fly?

Posted by: Maria at March 7, 2008 8:24 AM

I LOVE Prairie Home Companion. Every Saturday evening we are tuned it. He just did a show here in town but we could not make it. However we say him in person last year. I love everything about it but the music is the best. I swear I am a throwback - I wish there were more radio shows like this :)

Posted by: Christina at March 7, 2008 8:34 AM

RE: The Hypothetical...

No, No and Hell No. I would miss the best years of my kids' lives. Proms, graduations, weddings, babies.

Not to mention, I'm having a pretty good time in MY life right now. I have the most wonderful 4 people in the world that love me and I love them and I wouldn't trade it for 20 BILLION!

Posted by: Holly Selden at March 7, 2008 8:36 AM

If I ever have kids, that's all they're ever going to listen to on the radio. I hate the radio. The radio is evil. Except NPR. :D

And your question leaves me puzzled. Part of me says GOD YES TAKE THE MONEY but I think that's in large part due to the fact that I have exactly $3 in my checking account heh But at the same time, if those 20 years just kind of disappear with no affect other than aging...hmm. But then I'd be 50.


Posted by: Sparkle Pants at March 7, 2008 8:43 AM

Nope. No matter how much I hate snow and winter and being home with 2 kids in the winter, I would never give up the opportunity to watch the kiddos grow up. Not even for millions of dollars!

Posted by: Mom On The Run at March 7, 2008 8:53 AM

Nope. You see the greatest joy for me is watching my daughter grow into the woman she has become. I want to watch her find love, maybe marry and have kids and watch her grow older.
I think once you have kids, you would never want to miss a second of your life!

Posted by: Maribeth at March 7, 2008 8:58 AM

I would immediately think my answer would be no...but I'm relatively young and think that twenty years might not be so bad...but then I think about how short life really is and what I potentially would me missing. I'm going to have to say no, but I would really consider it if this weren't a hypothetical offer.

Also, Neil Young is amazing. Absolutely amazing.

Posted by: Arwen at March 7, 2008 9:20 AM

I don't take the money. As dorky as this may sound, I'm looking forward to the rest of my life and I don't want any of it to disappear :)

Posted by: Stephanie at March 7, 2008 9:40 AM

No, I don't think I'd take the money. I'd rather have the time.

Armpit farting to defuse tension...interesting technique!

Posted by: bad penguin at March 7, 2008 9:52 AM

Obama did not lose to Hillary in my state. :)

(Yes, I am very proud of that. And now you know where I live!)

Posted by: Poppy at March 7, 2008 10:38 AM

Re the question: No. I need to enjoy life with the people and furry kids I love. I need to.

Posted by: Poppy at March 7, 2008 10:39 AM

Neat question this week.

Absolutely not. No hesitation in that answer. Time is nearly unmeasurable in dollar amounts.

Posted by: Brad at March 7, 2008 11:02 AM

The past 18 years have already gone faster than I like... My baby is graduating this year and going away to college... I would pay 100 million to go back and spend the time again... even if I had to do it all exactly the same. I would pay attention more.

Posted by: Karen at March 7, 2008 11:08 AM

Absolutely not. No way. Couldn't make me take money for time. I feel like I already did that in my previous job. Ack. Now I answer phones for a living. I'm MUCH, MUCH happier.

And I'm totally bummed about Hillary even being able to continue the race. Enough already. Go away and leave us alone.

Posted by: k8 at March 7, 2008 11:13 AM

Okay, the weekly moment was hilrious.
As for the money...Nope, thanks.

Posted by: Dianna at March 7, 2008 11:42 AM

Another "hell, no!" to the question, which totally redeems the thought of you with the armpit farting and listening to country music.

Congrats on the new baby boy, as well, I've been remiss in commenting for obvious reasons. Hope all is glorious in house of cacti.

Posted by: Bridget at March 7, 2008 12:17 PM

I am of the same mind that I would take the time. I wouldn't want to miss the time with my kids and money can always be made. Money doesn't equal the happiness that I get from spending time with my boys and watching them grow up.
And when they grow up they can support me since I spent all of that time with them!

Posted by: kali at March 7, 2008 12:21 PM


Posted by: steff at March 7, 2008 12:52 PM

Nope, don't want the 100 mil.

Posted by: jessica at March 7, 2008 1:43 PM

Keep the money. I have a son to raise.

Posted by: RC at March 7, 2008 1:57 PM

Ouch, I have to say I lost a teensy-tiny, miniscule bit of musical respect for you when you talked about disliking Neil Young. That's okay, though--to each his own, right?

Posted by: Liz at March 7, 2008 2:48 PM

Toe nail clipping suggestion.... has Mia had her toe nails polished? We just went on a cruise and I had a pedicure to prepare for my sandals. Zoe was quite interested in my painted toes, so she had her toes polished at the ship spa. Zoe is now obsessed with having "pretty toes". If she wants them painted... they have to be clipped first. Maybe it would give Mia some incentive?

Posted by: Colleen at March 7, 2008 3:04 PM

Does your kid sleep like a rock? Can you go in her room once she is asleep, lift her arm up in the air, and drop it without her noticing? If yes, then clip her toenails while she is sleeping.

And no, I would not take the money and miss watching my kids grow up and start their lives.

I did my best for Obama down here in Texas. I even stood in line for 3 hours with my 2 kids waiting for the second vote in the caucus. It was completely insane. There were no lines, people just mashing in to sign a piece of paper. My kids were trampled more than once.

Posted by: jen at March 7, 2008 5:17 PM

I LOVE the Wailin' Jennys and was so happy to hear them on Prairie Home Companion last week! PHC is great for all ages - the first autograph I ever got from someone was from Garrison Keillor when I was 8.

Posted by: Phoebe at March 7, 2008 7:33 PM

Nuh uh. I'm happy just being a poor mofo.

Posted by: Sphincter at March 7, 2008 8:03 PM

I don't think I'd take it, because hopefully sometime in the next twenty years I'll be having kids and I'm thinking that experience will be priceless. (Except all the screaming and the not sleeping, but still...)
(And wow, that's an easy one to be able to do theoretically but would probably be much harder in reality.)

Posted by: Heather at March 7, 2008 9:58 PM

Book of Questions by Gregory Peck. Full of the sort of hypothetical questions you are always asking. I think you would enjoy it.

Posted by: Leilani at March 7, 2008 10:12 PM

Five years ago I would have said yes, give me the money. But now I have a 3 year old girl and a new baby boy, and there is no way in heck I want to miss out on the next 20 years with them!

Posted by: Steph at March 8, 2008 1:26 PM

Ever the pessimist, my first thought was, "What if I don't have another 20 years left?" Then I would have some very sad (I hope) but very well-dressed heirs. All things considered, I think I'll keep the time I have left.

Posted by: Becki at March 8, 2008 4:14 PM

Armpit fart injuries are never good. Hope you ice that thing so you can get back to practicing your skill in no time.

And if I lost 20 years, there's no way I'd take the money. I'm not so sure I'd want that much money messing with my life even if I got to keep my 20 years!

Posted by: angela at March 9, 2008 10:06 AM

Would it be like amnesia?

Either way, it doesn't sound like a very good deal.

Posted by: Sarah, Goon Squad Sarah at March 9, 2008 11:49 AM

I Heart the wailin' jenny's!
And no to the hypo!

Posted by: amykoop at March 9, 2008 1:45 PM

I took 1 st business loans when I was a teenager and this aided my business very much. However, I need the financial loan again.

Posted by: SaundersRACHELLE34 at September 10, 2011 7:56 AM