April 24, 2008

The Sky Is Falling

There are several things that, were they to occur, would surely signal the beginning of the apocalypse. As terrifying as these possibilities may be, imagine if you will...

...a Star Jones sex tape. I mean, can you imagine? Or a Rush Limbaugh and Ann Coulter ticket winning the Republican Presidential nominations and the presidency itself. We wouldn't even be safe in Canada. Of course, there's always the chance that Air Supply and Starship both get back together and tour the world on a double-bill. That could either be a sign of the apocalypse or cause it. Small Wonder could make an astonishing return to television. Lindsay Lohan could, well, stay sober and Britney could win the Mother Of The Year Award. Worst of all, The Chipmunks could cover the Beatles. Thankfully for mankind as we know it, none of these things have happened. Oh shit...

Okay, nobody panic. I doubt this is the end, but seriously? I realize this is a re-release but in many ways that's actually worse. Someone saw fit to ruin the contributions of rock royalty and, off the shelves for many years, someone even worse with no regard for mankind decided it needed to be out there again? This is a hate crime. But I guess I really can't talk. After all, I own some seriously bad shit.

What's your personal indicator that the end of times is near? And what's the most embarrassing thing you own?

Posted by Chris at April 24, 2008 7:12 AM

Shatner has done some stuff with Ben Folds that I find....fascinating.

Posted by: william at April 24, 2008 7:18 AM

OMG I have been LØOKING for the Will Shatner album...I think his stuff is great (in a disturbing and funny kind of way).

I think the most embarassing thing I own is the movie Armageddon...in VHS AND DVD...and also...if that wasn't bad enough...I absolutely LOVE the movie and have watched both versions about 50 times (yes, I know, I know, it's near hopeless)

Posted by: wn at April 24, 2008 7:33 AM

My personal indicator would be seeing my mother doing something kind for someone else. She's the most selfish person I know.

I don't think I own anything that is embarassing. I don't embarass easily. I have John Travolta's albums. I asked my husband to get me a Diana camera for Christmas. I have more than 3,000 books in my to-be-read pile. These are the things that others find strange. :-)

Posted by: Maria at April 24, 2008 7:35 AM

Did I or Did I Not inform you that I read this blog over my treasured first cup of coffee in the morning? HOW DARE you ask me to contemplate a Star Jones sex tape with my first cup of coffee in the morning?

Chris, what kind of a world do we live in where all of these are even discussed as worst case scenarios? Oh, the humanity!

(and you know I swing to the Right on most matters political, but even to me a Coulter/ Limbaugh ticket confounds. Do I laugh or cry?)

Posted by: chatty cricket at April 24, 2008 7:40 AM

For a time, I thought my Air Supply Greatest Hits album WAS the most embarrassing thing I owned but I've come to terms with that. I guess I consider that Aqua album the worst. That Barbie girl song was pretty catchy but I don't particularly want anyone to know I have that.

Posted by: claire at April 24, 2008 7:46 AM

My key indicator that end times are near is when there's a full Beatles reunion -- using clones.

Most embarrassing thing I own? My Lance Bass beanie baby bear. :D IN THE ORIGINAL PACKAGING. I have another one (Chris, not Lance), but it lives with my mom and dad.

Posted by: Sparkle Pants at April 24, 2008 7:52 AM

The end is near if Dakota Fanning gives up acting in big films so she can direct high quality midget porn.

I own a "Nelson" cassette that I won't discard.

Posted by: Brad at April 24, 2008 8:33 AM

HA! Love your face in that picture. :)

I had the "Simpsons Sing The Blues" tape (yes, tape)...I'm not sure where it ran off to, but now I'm strangely compelled to try and hunt it down. Do the Bart-man!

Posted by: Allison at April 24, 2008 8:55 AM

I SO want a copy of Mr. Spock's Music From Outer Space. I'm putting it on my Birthday Wish List.

Posted by: GreenCanary at April 24, 2008 8:57 AM

Hey, "The Transformed Man" is a classic. No shame, man, no shame. I, on the other hand, own Air Supply's greatest hits, and for bonus points, actually know all the lyrics. My shame is outlined for the world here, in case you need a laugh.

Posted by: Martin at April 24, 2008 9:00 AM

My mom gave me her copy of that very Chipmunks album when I was rugrat. The key is to enjoy it until you develop a sense of shame, at which point you feel compelled to stop. I've heard a track off of that Spock thing, too. Scary, but it sort of sucks you in like a tractor beam to hell.

Reality TV spells doom to me.

The most embarrassing thing I own is probably a CD of James Bond theme songs played by the Electric Light Orchestra. It's so bad that when I see the CD, I actually have to sit down and consider with awe that I actually made an effort to buy that during some confused point in my life. I don't throw it away because I want to always have something handy around to remind me of my ability to fail.

Posted by: You can call me, 'Sir' at April 24, 2008 9:00 AM

I own Alanis Morissette's first album, from way back when she was a permed 16-year-old Janet Jackson wannabe in Canada.

The apocalypse is nigh when I lose the ability to recall all the words to every song on that album. Or maybe it's due to that recollection, I'm not sure.

"My name is Alanis, I'm a white chick singa!"

Posted by: (slightly) less cynical at April 24, 2008 9:20 AM

My husband also has both of those albums. Or at least, he has a Spock album and a Shatner album where he does a version of Mr. Tambourine Man which is hysterical.

I secretly read romance novels sometimes. That's a little embarrassing.

Posted by: bad penguin at April 24, 2008 9:27 AM

Ok first I have to say I loooooooooved Small Wonder. lol

And I'm with Brad, can't discard Nelson. Along those lines I think most embarrasing thing I own would have to be a NKOTB cd......

Posted by: Kris at April 24, 2008 9:27 AM

Im not sure how to answer the strange/embarassing thing question because I apparently do not recognize when something is odd.

Embarassing...my Scorpio tendencies are screaming at me to STOP WRITING NOW but...the girl who doesn't own a TV does have all ten seasons of Friends on DVD. Which is extremely embarassing.

Does owning some other odd but very cool stuff cancel that out?

Posted by: jessica at April 24, 2008 9:50 AM

I actually fought to get the Westside Story box set at a Christmas DVD swap. I treasured my Spice Girls debut album. And somewhere in there is Michael Bolton's Greatest Hits I stole from my brother back in the days.

Sign that the end is near? New Kids on the Block are back on tour. And I am actually considering going to a show with some friends...

Posted by: oakley at April 24, 2008 9:55 AM

So, do you have Shatner's Has Been? It's pretty entertaining.

Posted by: ari at April 24, 2008 10:30 AM

hrm..most embarassing thing I own?? Probably a Backstreet Boys CD... can't tell you where it is but I have it...

Posted by: Sue R at April 24, 2008 10:33 AM

Senators win the Cup! (boom)

Posted by: Mr Lady at April 24, 2008 10:58 AM

Oh, but those two are classics!! I mean Shatner and Nimoy? The laugh factor is intense!!

Yeah, all I have to say is that I went through high school in the early nineties, so you can imagine what kind of things I collected then and in the middle school years. Ugh. At least I can say I NEVER owned a New Kids album. I thought the apocalypse was upon us when they announced their reunion.

Posted by: Sassy at April 24, 2008 11:06 AM

the go-go's "vacation." on vinyl, no less. (!) gleaned it from my recently deceased father's collection. i'm sure there are some other treasures, but i haven't been through them all yet. more dylan than you can shake a stick at. that is, if you're into stick shaking...

Posted by: jessica at April 24, 2008 11:14 AM

I own the Spice Girls movie. I have no excuse, as it still cracks me up. But I never owner their CD's.

Posted by: Phoenix at April 24, 2008 11:14 AM

Oh yeah-- the most embarrassing thing in my collection? The smarmy stylings of the Saturday morning show band the "Guys Next Door." I am so ashamed.

Posted by: Sassy at April 24, 2008 11:24 AM

Mine is when I get all three kids to nap AT THE SAME TIME.

I think the most embarrassing stuff I have is the boxes of crap my mom packed up when I got married. I can't believe some of the stuff I saved, and I can't believe we've been hauling the boxes around for the last five moves!

Posted by: Becky at April 24, 2008 12:01 PM

My signs of the end times. Mr. Cactus will finally see the light and become a Republican. ;)

Most embarrassing thing I own? Gee there are so many, but hey, why ruin my rep any more than I already have?

Posted by: Jeff A at April 24, 2008 12:22 PM

I van't think of anything for myself right now, but I will happily out my husband.

He owns the Spice Girls movie in VHS and DVD as well as all the CD's. This from a man with a degree in music and usually excellent taste. Go figure.

Posted by: SleepyNita at April 24, 2008 12:23 PM

The Chipmunks and The Beatles, sounds like a match made in music heaven.

End of time is near? I was filling out an app for Summer's first dentist visit and they used the word "guesstimate". The practice is for kiddos so they may have been trying to be cute, but there is nothing cute about bad grammar and made up words. I guess they didn't get the memo.

I have a red 80's Michael Jackson jacket.

Posted by: Mymilabean at April 24, 2008 1:17 PM

I was going through a box of my husband's old CD's last week and I found not one, but TWO Stryper CD's. Of course he had no recollection of them and swore they weren't his. Ha! But I also found a Ricky Martin CD. That one was mine. Ouch.

Posted by: April at April 24, 2008 1:46 PM

we have Spock and Shat's greatest hits and I'm proud to own up to that!

I'm somewhat sneaky-er about actually quite liking Cliff Richard.

It's cool to like ABBA again so I'm ok on that front.

Posted by: mamacrow at April 24, 2008 6:43 PM

Def Leopard making a comeback on Dancing With the Stars is a pretty clear sign to me.

Posted by: margo at April 24, 2008 10:52 PM

I am not that surprised, since Micheal Jackson is the one that owns the Beatles music. So I bet he had to agree on this one. But still, that is wrong in many ways.

The end of times? When my mom stops cleaning (she's a germophobiac).

Most embarrassing thing I own? A stuffed animal dog named Bear that I've had since I was a little baby.

Posted by: Nadine at April 25, 2008 4:46 AM

I have "The Peanuts gang sings the Beatles". Sad day.

Aside from that, the most embarrassing thing I own?

Probably the 6 pack of Diet Coke that's hidden in my desk. But there's a whole story behind it and nobody wants to hear that.

Happy Friday.

Posted by: Isabel at April 25, 2008 2:27 PM

The McRib is Back.

That alone signals the End Times, if you ask me.

Most embarrassing thing I own?

Oh it's a very ugly lamp, circa 1970s ish that Hubs won't get rid of. It's in the living room. When movers came they asked if I wanted them to somehow "lose" it along the way.

Posted by: Scatteredmom at April 26, 2008 2:23 AM

Ahem...I have that Chipmunks album. It's sitting right next to my brand new pricey turntable. I can't say that I've listened to it, nor do I plan to ever, I just have it. There are so many other things that I have that are equally or more embarrassing, I don't know where to start!

Posted by: Empress at April 26, 2008 6:13 AM

I think you and I think about Small Wonder way too often. Other than that, I have nothing to contribute as I am very tired.


Posted by: laura at April 26, 2008 11:36 PM

Seeing this photo of you makes me realize that you haven't been posting photos of yourself in quite a long time! (Or at least with not as much frequency as you used to...)

Posted by: Zandria at April 27, 2008 11:12 PM

oh man, I have soooo much garbage music - but I am not embarrassed by any of it. It all has it's time and place. Especially when used in conjunction to annoy Bryan.

My mom did still have all my teen romance novels from the 80's, so I brought those home the last time I visited. I have reread them all - AND THEY ARE A RIOT!

Posted by: Aimee Greeblemonkey at April 28, 2008 6:48 PM

Well, I've still got that Jordy Cd.

And a blankie.

Posted by: Sarah, Goon Squad Sarah at May 1, 2008 12:27 PM