July 1, 2008

Conversations With The Bean

I feel so insanely uninspired. I have no idea why except the wait for the holiday weekend and, with it, the vacation that will follow. Did I mention the vacation? We're taking one. There's a beach involved. And I'm sure beer. And most importantly? No work. Luckily, on days like today when I'm feeling insanely uninspired, I can fall back on the fact that my kid says some insane stuff.

Conversation 1: The Ground Beneath Her Feet

Me: We've got a whole lot of ground to cover.
Mia: Let's cover the ground!
Me: No, that's an expression.
Mia: What?
Me: An expression. When I say "we've got ground to cover" I mean that we have a long way we still have to walk.
Mia: But what are we going to cover the ground with?
Me: Uh, our feet!
Mia: No. I don't want to cover the ground with our feet. I want to cover the ground with something real.
Me: Our feet aren't real?
Mia: No. We need something real.

Conversation 2: Love and Marriage

Mia: Who's that a picture of?
Me: That's a picture of mommy and Uncle E when Uncle E got married to LaLa.
Mia: I got married once.
Me: Oh you did?
Mia: Yes.
Me: What happened?
Mia: It didn't work out. So I have to get married again some day.

Conversation 3: Ni!

Me: Okay, I want you to say something.
Mia: Okay.
Me: Say, "We are now no longer..."
Mia: We are now no longer
Me: "...the Knights who say Ni."
Mia: The Knights who say Ni.
Me: Great. "We are now the knights who say Ekki ekki ekki ekki ooooo-ptang zoom boing." You try.
Mia: What?
Me: We are now the knights who say...
Mia: Ni!
Me: No. Ekki ekki ekki ekki oooo-ptang zoom boing.
Mia: And Ni!
Me: Okay. Try this. "You must cut down the mightiest oak in the forest with...a herring!"
Mia: You must cut down the mightiest oak with...a carrot!
Me: A herring. Try it again.
Mia: You must cut down the mightiest oak with...a baby!
Me: Can you cut down an oak tree with a baby?
Mia: No. A herring!
Me: Yes, everyone knows you should cut down trees with herring.
Mia: Ni!

What's the oddest conversation you've had recently? And where's your vacation destination this summer?

Posted by Chris at July 1, 2008 6:35 AM

Funny conversation about the Knights who say Ni. When I was back in High School, my best friend's mother ran in in-home day care. My friend and myself tried to teach one of the kids the whole Knights who say Ni bit. Months later, he finally got it.

Posted by: harrylips at July 1, 2008 7:26 AM

I love mia. She is possibly the awesomest person in the world. Scratch possibly, she IS the awesomest person in the world.

My oddest conversation lately probably had something to do with my boyfriend, me, and our best friend and buttsecks... No, no buttsecks actually occured, but it was a big long conversation about buttsecks. Or, maybe the conversation with my boyfriend, me, and his best friend about why some women like buttsecks... and how the best friend didn't think it was possible to make a woman have an... Um... O while doing certain acts that involve the tongue, despite teh best friend having never been with a woman...

Posted by: secha at July 1, 2008 7:34 AM

My youngest is like 2 -3 days younger than mia, so we have a LOT of goofy conversations around here. The funniest was Sunday as we were going to the store - she fell asleep before we got there, so I was getting her out of her seatbelt and she sleepily asked if she could bring her stuffed dog (Woofy - lol) in with us. I said sure and as I hoisted her into my arms, I tried to hand her the dog - but... my kid was outcold. I ended up carrying her all through the store (she's like 34 lbs!) while pushing a cart - it was insane. We got BACK to the car, I put her back into her seatbelt and she opened her eyes and said: "Can I bring Woofy in?" She thought we hadn't been in yet! Okay. It may not be Ni and Herring but it was funny to me...

Vacation destination? I wish. We may leave the kids with grandma and go to Cedar Point for a day. I love roller coasters.

Posted by: sarah at July 1, 2008 7:37 AM

I'm torn between my awe at how nearly perfectly she did Monty Python without having seen it, and the feeling that someone should call child services for you exposing her to a lifetime of geekdom (and bear in mind, this is a man who goes by the pseudonym SciFi Dad...)

Last night, my daughter started asking about how the baby gets food. So, my wife explained the umbilical cord and how it worked, and showed her a toddler-friendly "how babies are made" type book. What happened next was priceless: she asked my wife to sit, and then proceeded to explain (in surprisingly accurate detail) the process to her in-utero brother. She also said things like, "I know it's not fun when you're at the ultrasound, but it's OK, because I'm your big sister."

Posted by: SciFi Dad at July 1, 2008 7:50 AM

Sigh! I should have had children. I don't have any odd conversations to offer unless we count 50+ year old lawyers who act like 5 year olds.

No vacation for me until the end of October. I haven't decided yet if I'm going away or playing hermit.

Posted by: Maria at July 1, 2008 7:55 AM

Remember how Mia used to tell everybody her daddy has penis? You still have it right? Well Monkey has a penis too and yesterday he told our neighbor, and tried to show it. Right after saying she is a beautiful lady. She's 17 and thought it was the funniest thing. You think we can still ask her to babysit?

Posted by: Freezem at July 1, 2008 7:56 AM

San Diego baby! One month from today!

Posted by: steff at July 1, 2008 8:25 AM

"It didn't work out"?! That's hilarious. I don't think anything can top that.

Sadly, I am going absolutely nowhere this summer.

Posted by: Fraulein N at July 1, 2008 8:51 AM

Conversation: My mother, who hasn't spoken to me since a fight two weeks ago, emailed me one of those "immigrants are loathsome and use all of our stuff, we hate them" emails yesterday. Yeah, I know, it's a nice to way re-break the ice. Anyhoo, I hate those things so I snopes'd it and found that the email's allegations were false. Shocker, right? My response to her was to send the snopes link. I like to let her know when she's spreading hateful lies. Her response? "Well, I guess that proves we all believe what we want to believe." HUH?

Vacation: Nowhere. I got to spend a week in Cabo in March so I'm done for the year. Have an awesome time at the beach!

Posted by: Gwen at July 1, 2008 9:00 AM

Well I'm glad to know you're properly educating her! lol And I'm loving the whole "it didn't work out", she is wise way beyond her years.

My youngest is just a few months younger than Mia and most conversations w/ her end w/ her saying "Because I'm the boss and I'm mad at you!" and it cracks me up everytime! lol

Posted by: Kris at July 1, 2008 9:07 AM

Our son is a few months younger than Mia, and our baby daughter is a few months younger than Owen.

My mom: That's my mommy.
My son: No, that's MY mommy!
My mom: No, it's MY Mommy!
My son: NO! It's MY MOMMY!
My mom: Well, okay, but that's my baby.
My Son: Okay! Here you go!

Posted by: Cassandra at July 1, 2008 9:11 AM

I obviously haven't been having too many conversations with my child, as he cannot speak but here's one:
(weird guy whose nametage says "Marky Mark" appears from behind a shelf and approaches me, creeping)
Crazy guy at Circle K: "We have smoothies now.
Me: Uh, ok
Crazy guy: I know you like the smoothies.
Me: (I nod)
Crazy guy: You've ordered them before. Hee hee. They taste good.
Me: Alright then. See ya!

It was totally awkward; the guy was so freaky.

Summer destination: none. We have no trips planned. Maybe a trip to Jacksonville Beach but the next trip I am planning is to EPCOT for the Food and Wine Festival in October.

Posted by: claire at July 1, 2008 9:17 AM

I love the marriage conversation, that's hilarious! I was once talking to my brother (then aged 3, I must have been 22) about other members of the family and he asked in a very serious tone 'but what about your daughter?'. To my knowledge I've never had one but he said it so sincerely.

Already had one holiday to one Scottish island, another follows in September.

Posted by: Katherine at July 1, 2008 9:21 AM

ROTFL All makes perfect sense! AND the apple does not fall far from the tree! LOL

Posted by: Gypsy at July 1, 2008 9:35 AM

kids are so funny. i usually save all my weird / funny aim conversations with my friend (i have a whole category just for conversations!), but lately i've been forgetting to. I think the last odd conversation I had was with my dad about buying ninja gear.

and my (End-Of-Summer) vacation: Seattle

Posted by: Denise at July 1, 2008 9:38 AM

hmmm...a weird conversation...let me dig around my brain...

I think I'm suffering from holiday-week-itis...i can't think of a single weird conversation at this moment in time...

...but I can tell you our vacation plans for the summer include going to Hawaii (Maui) in September for 2 weeks.

Posted by: lilfootsmommy at July 1, 2008 9:44 AM

I love her nonchalant, "It didn't work out." As in, "Oh, you know. It was just one 'those things.'" Mia rocks.

Posted by: GreenCanary at July 1, 2008 9:59 AM

Too cute! I especially loved the marriage conversation!

Summer trip: we haven't decided, but are looking at a long weekend when D finishes his MBA! Thinking about heading to Monkeytown!!

Posted by: Krush at July 1, 2008 10:10 AM

Convo with 5 year old:
Mila: I don't want to go to Mexica (Mexican resturant).
Me: OK, well it's mommy's birthday so we are going to Mexica.
Mila: Noooooooo, I want to go to Cuddle House (aka: Huddle House)
Me: You can go to Cuddle House on your birthday but today it's Mexica.
Mila: Why would I want to go to Cuddle House on my birthday? That's boring!
Me: uh, ok?

Convo with 3 year old:
Me: Summer, put your clothes back on or I will make you sit in time out
Sumer: No!
Me: (picking her up and placing her in the chair) I will tell you when you are done.
Summer: I-CALL-DFACS-ON-JEW (Thanks mom for teaching her that, I really appreciate it)(Oh, and, No, my child is not anti-semitic, that is how she says you)

I am taking the kiddos to the beach and visiting Savannah this long weekend.

Posted by: Mymilabean at July 1, 2008 10:28 AM

Office Guy: If I'm having two meetings a month, is that a biweekly or bimonthly meeting?
Boss' Assistant: Bimonthly. That's twice a month.
OG: So biannual would be...?
Me: Twice a year. Like our conference.
OG: So, bi is twice. I get it. (Walked away).
Me to BA: With that logic, does biology means you ology twice? Bisexual means you get twice the sex? And a bison is named because it's the size of two men, two sons?
BA: *sigh* Oakley, go back to your desk.

You don't have to be a kid to have silly conversation.

Posted by: oakley at July 1, 2008 11:04 AM

Today...Kris returned for the final time before we re-deploy.

Me: Say it again and I swear I will cut you.
Him: Oh Really?
Me: I saw you look at your hat. No you can NOT pull rank on me.

And I promptly gave a raspberry.

Vacation Destination...First week of August

HOME. Wedding in Washington State. Time with my family in Louisiana. Back to Germany.

Dude. We're COMING HOME!!!!!

Ahem. Sorry. A little excited.

Posted by: Holly Selden at July 1, 2008 11:17 AM

Never to early to start being a Python fan... that was hilarious!

vaca - already went to St. Martin in May.. Will be headed to Va Beach for Labor Day weekend and Vegas in October for a few days. Will be spending a week in Williamsburg when my niece is born in August too...

Posted by: Sue R at July 1, 2008 11:26 AM

Conversation with my sister who was engaged to a Jewish man.

Me: Have you ever been to the Juice Stop? It's my favorite place to go in the summer.
Her: The Jew Stop? You have a place called the Jew Stop? You've got to be kidding me. (She's really taking offence here, raised voice and everything.)
Me: Well, yeah. It's like Dairy Queen slushies, only better.
Her: I don't know what politically correct is to you people living in South Dakota, but there is something very wrong there. (Said from her Upper Manhattan apartment.)
Me: What are you talking about? It's really yummy. What's wrong with slushies? What needs to be politically correct about slushies?
Her: I don't care what they serve. If it's called the Jew Stop, then I really don't think you should be patronizing the store.

And on and on and on, until I get what's going on and I'm screaming, "Juice! It's juice!" And I'm laughing, but she's still somehow offended by the whole thing and it ends badly anyway.

Turns out the dude dumped her anyway. Jew Stop. Yeah.

And family vacation in northern Minnesota. This year will be 30 years that we've gone to the same resort. And the Italian dumped her too, so I think I'll be sharing a room with the sister this year.

Posted by: k8 at July 1, 2008 12:05 PM

Puerto Rico next week, YEAH! I have already started packing and I am NOT a pre-packer, oh no. I'm a "oh, what? I'm leaving tomorrow? Perhaps I should throw some things in a bag" packer.

Anyway, I shall raise some Puerto Rican rum in honor of you on your beach vacation.

Mia sure is hilarious. And cute.

P.S. I used to go by Noelle on the internet, but since shut down my blog and started a new one with my real name. I no longer fear the frightening and crushing power of the Internet. (eep!)

Posted by: Erin at July 1, 2008 12:22 PM

haha I really love the Monty Python bit! ;-)

Posted by: Heather at July 1, 2008 12:30 PM

Your daughter is a natural comic and genius! Lucky you!

Posted by: Maribeth at July 1, 2008 1:17 PM

No vacation this year.

Although Daya woke up this morning all ready to go to the beach.

I had to explain we could not to to the beach today because I had to go to work. She said that dissapointed "awww" that only mad toddlers can do. I think she kicked something too.

Kudos on the Monty Python infusion. Get Mia a shrubbery for her birthday.

Posted by: jessica at July 1, 2008 3:04 PM

I was reading a I Spy book with my 8 year old and one thing we had to find was a chick.

son: So when they say chick do they mean a hot babe or a baby chicken?
me: laughing too hard to answer.

I guess that isn't a conversation but just the one of the many gems that come out of his mouth.

As for vacation we are leaving next week for New Mexico. My parents live in Albuquerque and have a pool.

Have a great time at the beach!

(LOL at the Monty Python!)

Posted by: kali at July 1, 2008 4:24 PM

best conversations ever, haha. it's amazing what comes out of kids mouths!

p.s. i changed my website URL...please update your link? (actually...i didn't see me on there! oh noes! haha) it's back to just http://beautiful-addiction.org again, lol. i still have you linked at my site

Posted by: tiffanie at July 1, 2008 4:45 PM

Oddest conversation I've had recently:

Button: I see JESUS!
Mama: Um… Button, that’s Chuck E. Cheese.
Button: Chucky Jesus?

With a newborn at home now, we don't have a vacation destination this summer, aside from perhaps an evening at the movies if my parents volunteer to watch both kids for us. But I'd totally take that.

Posted by: Amy at July 1, 2008 4:59 PM

The love and marriage conversation was fantastic. Probably best she ended it early. She's a bit young for that type of commitment.

**cringes at thought of Monty Python** What exactly were you expecting out of conversation based on Monty Python? Of course it was odd. And seriously you should know that introducing that stuff now will lead to her actually wanting to watch it later. I should know. I have a 4 year old daughter obsessed with Darth Vader who asks to watch Star Wars twice a day. I mean I dig those movies but not every day.

At the moment I can't recall any odd conversations.

Vacations...hmm. There is rumor of a family trip to Wisconsin but not sure it's going to make. Otherwise no vacations planned.

Hope you have a great time at the beach.

Posted by: Jen at July 1, 2008 5:44 PM

Haha. "It didn't work out." I love that! She's so well-adjusted. My vacation destination this summer is a weekend in Myrtle Beach with the family, and various shows with some friends, but the BIG vacation is in Tulsa, OK this September :)

Posted by: Stephanie at July 1, 2008 9:36 PM

My kiddo has begun using a suffix of -sey- on everything. Mommy, I'm feeling very gamesey, is it my turn on the computer? Mommy, I don't need a bath, I'm feeling trainsey right now. No, I don't want chicken, I'm feeling very cookiesey.

I could happily spend a month camping in the mountains somewhere right now.

Posted by: OS at July 1, 2008 10:23 PM

Yup, yup, love this post. I'm google sharing it. Deserves to be shared.

Posted by: Poppy at July 1, 2008 11:40 PM

It's never too early to start them on the Holy Grail. Good job. (And the conversation about her being married? Priceless.)

Posted by: Dawn at July 2, 2008 12:34 AM

Haha, lovely. :))

Hope you were doing proper British accent when making Mia a knight who says Ni! :)

Posted by: Alex at July 2, 2008 7:36 AM

Conversations with a 4 year old know-it-all often involve me being told the how and why things happen. The latest was how farts are made. Oh so charming.

As for holidays, we are on winter break at the moment and heading to my folks for a well deserved break and hopefully some sunshine.

Posted by: del at July 3, 2008 8:53 AM

Conversations with a 4 year old know-it-all often involve me being told the how and why things happen. The latest was how farts are made. Oh so charming.

As for holidays, we are on winter break at the moment and heading to my folks for a well deserved break and hopefully some sunshine.

Posted by: del at July 3, 2008 8:53 AM

"It didn't work out. So I have to get married again some day."


Posted by: Aimee Greeblemonkey at July 7, 2008 6:02 PM