July 3, 2008

Rain of Pears

Last night I discovered a great stress reliever. Pear tossing. I know that probably needs some explanation. Let me back up.

We have three pear trees in our backyard. They're so loaded with pears, each of them is on the verge of collapsing. Unfortunately for us, the pears are inedible. They're like little green wood balls masquerading as pears. So, last night while Mia and I were hanging out in the backyard, I started to pick pears and throw them as high, hard and far as I could. They disappeared into the woods behind our house. It was cathartic. I kept throwing. Of course, after a while my arm hurt and I was apparently not suffering alone as I heard a couple of guys on the track at the high school behind us complaining as well. This is why I don't run.

Mia asked for a few pears and she tossed them a few feet while I continued to lob them as far as I could. Then I heard a loud conversation coming, again, from the track.

Guy 1: Jesus! Fuck!
Guy 2: What, more?
Guy 1: Yeah, something hit me in the head again.
Guy 2: What the hell's going on?
Guy 1: What the fuck is this, a pear?
Guy 2: Yeah, there are, like, pears falling from the sky.

Apparently I have a really good arm because a) I was letting loose a volley of rock-hard pears on an unsuspecting group of runners and b) that track isn't all that close. So, uh, pear throwing - cathartic for some, painful for others. Oops.

What do you do to unwind?

Posted by Chris at July 3, 2008 6:43 AM

As childish as it may sound video games is my stress reliever. Nothing gets rid of any pent up aggression live killing some mutant zombies while trying to save the world. It’s also a great way to kill time after the rest of the family goes to bed.

Posted by: harrylips at July 3, 2008 7:17 AM

Thank you *so* much for the early morning laugh. I needed it!

Posted by: Alissa at July 3, 2008 7:57 AM

We bought our house last year and there's a hot tub attached. No one knew if it worked or not, so this year we finally cleaned it up and tested it out. Bonus! I get in it every day after work. And to think I originally told my husband we should get rid of it!

For aggression - throwing phone books works great (if it's a nice big one). It takes a little effort, makes a satisfying thump, and doesn't damage anything. Usually. I used to break plates, which was very satisfying, but that got rather expensive.

Posted by: Sherri at July 3, 2008 8:14 AM

Pretty impressive that you hit the same guy twice!

Posted by: Jeff St Real at July 3, 2008 8:36 AM

I'm a hockey guy. Playing just once a week is such a huge stress reliever that I seriously miss it when I have a week off.

Posted by: Brad at July 3, 2008 8:41 AM

This honestly made me laugh out loud. Several times.

Posted by: Lisa at July 3, 2008 8:41 AM

I throw pears too!

Ok, no. I snuggle in bed with whoever wants to snuggle and watch internet TV/movies.

Posted by: Poppy at July 3, 2008 8:49 AM

ways that I can actually share with the internet? I snuggle w/ the girls, get on the internet, or sometimes I just be grumpy till I get over whatever is boggin me down.

Posted by: kris at July 3, 2008 8:52 AM

This was such a good morning laugh, just picturing those confused guys on the track!

I actually need to learn how to unwind better. I usually try to relax with a purring cat and a book.

Posted by: diane at July 3, 2008 8:57 AM

haha, that's awesome!!

I crank my music up really loud on my way home from work. Or I go around screaming "WHORE" and "BULLSHIT". That really helps. I do make sure there are no children in the area first, though, hehe.

Posted by: secha at July 3, 2008 9:01 AM

That is hilarious! It sort of reminds me of the Seinfeld episode where Kramer hits the golf balls and one of them lands in the whale's blowhole.

I have yet to figure out what to do to unwind.

Posted by: Stephanie at July 3, 2008 9:14 AM

I knit! Or crochet! I know...it sounds totally old granny, but it's very therapeutic! :-)

And thanks for the laugh...haven't laughed that hard in a while!

Posted by: lilfootsmommy at July 3, 2008 9:18 AM

Swing. I'm like a professional swinger of sorts. And I do mean swing-set swing because I'm not married so by definition I can't "swing" like that. When your not married it's just called being a whore.

I really just started singing "It's raining pears, hallelujah, it's raining pears, amen" aloud. Thanks, I think they are going to extend my long weekend and call it a "medical leave of absence" now.

Posted by: Mymilabean at July 3, 2008 9:21 AM

I say REALLY bad words and then go take a nap! By the way, I chuckled out loud when reading this. For some reason I knew you were going to hit someone with those stunt-pears!

Posted by: theirateprincipal at July 3, 2008 9:31 AM

Ha ha ha! You assaulted random high school students. That is hilarious.

I need to find something like that to do to relieve my stress. Only without hitting anyone in the head.

Posted by: donna at July 3, 2008 9:37 AM

I actually go to a high school track and throw fruit at the runners.

Posted by: You can call me, 'Sir' at July 3, 2008 9:46 AM

I relax by just vegging with the tv on but not really watching... or a book.

Oh, and possibly your pears are little green rocks because they aren't ripe yet. Our pear trees don't ripen until August or so... Save some to see. Plus... if you lived near us, the true test of ripeness is if the rat bastard squirrels steal them before you get them.

Posted by: Karen at July 3, 2008 9:59 AM

I sing. It's teriffic for stress relief. Especially angry chick songs!

Posted by: NotAMeanGirl at July 3, 2008 10:09 AM

I run at the high school track hoping to be pear pelted.

Posted by: Stella at July 3, 2008 10:16 AM

I run at the high school track hoping to be pear pelted.

Posted by: Stella at July 3, 2008 10:16 AM

This seriously made me laugh out loud. PERFECTION.
Sing to the tune of It's Raining Men:
It's raining pears!
What the fuck? It's raining pears!
Jay-SUS, still raining pears.
Oh my GAH, it's raining pears!

Thanks for checking in - I think it went okay. TBD, I guess, interview's can be so hard to gauge! Working on an update now, check back soon!

Posted by: Caitlin at July 3, 2008 10:19 AM

oookay, and I just saw that a commenter above was singing the same song. GREAT MINDS.

Posted by: Caitlin at July 3, 2008 10:20 AM

I usually surf bad internet sites......What guy doesn't?


I tell my old lady that "I'm gonna go get me some *ss!"
she says..."Good Luck"
then I go watch some TV

Posted by: moe at July 3, 2008 10:28 AM

I really needed the laugh I just had after this, so thanks!

Posted by: kmum at July 3, 2008 10:29 AM

I rarely laugh out loud at work, but I did this morning. Thank you. :)

Posted by: Gayle Weiswasser at July 3, 2008 10:53 AM

a shot glass, a fifth of whiskey, and a bottle of mommys happy pills does the trick.

Posted by: shannon at July 3, 2008 11:24 AM

Okay, laughing, laughing and laughing... Love the "pears falling from the sky," comment.

I cut apart cars to unwind. Oh yes, it is good to be a firefighter and to do extrication drills - very good for the soul at times.

Posted by: RC at July 3, 2008 11:31 AM

What could be more stress-busting than hearing that exchange between the guys on the track?!?? Good thing I'm at home, because I laughed out loud.

As for me, to relax or unwind, I usually surf the 'net with some music on (radio or iPod -- doesn't matter). If the weather's nice, I also will go out in my back yard and sit in one of the chairs and close my eyes and take in all the nature sounds around me. It is quite peaceful. Luckily, there are no pears nor HS tracks around. ;-)

Posted by: ironic1 at July 3, 2008 11:46 AM

Ooooooooh. I SO want to pelt pears at joggers.

Posted by: GreenCanary at July 3, 2008 12:04 PM

that. is. hilarious.


I paint to unwind. And sometimes play around in Flash. It's fun. Also, it generates less bruising.

Posted by: jessica at July 3, 2008 12:18 PM

Chicken Little. If you don't know what that means, look in Mia's bookcase.

I read. And then read some more. And then maybe have a couple of cigarettes and I'm good to go.

Posted by: k8 at July 3, 2008 12:54 PM

Chris, that is hilarious. I really needed a good laugh and as usual, you came through for me.

Posted by: Jeff A at July 3, 2008 1:18 PM

I knit and ruminate. So while it doesn't help me to totally unwind, it helps me put my troubles in perspective. To really unwind, I watch tv and just do nothing else and just sit there for hours.

Posted by: NancyJak at July 3, 2008 1:22 PM

Nothing nearly as cool as pelting high school kids with pears from Heaven.

Posted by: Mr Lady at July 3, 2008 1:30 PM

This was such a funny post! Sucks to be a runner around your neck of the woods. I can't stop giggling...thanks for the laugh!

Posted by: Jenn at July 3, 2008 2:22 PM

Well, I used to run at the track but pears kept falling on my head. :P

Posted by: Nat at July 3, 2008 3:07 PM

Thanks for the laugh! I needed it today!

Posted by: kali at July 3, 2008 3:14 PM

Holy shit! Its RAINING pears!
Laughing until my sides hurt! Good thing they didn't know it was you...unless of course they read you! Then your in trouble! Snort

Posted by: Gypsy at July 3, 2008 4:08 PM

i can just picture these jocks running around getting pelted by pears and having no idea where they were coming from. awesome, haha. :)

unwinding for me consists of a bottle of wine and a bubble bath. i'm such a girl. :)

Posted by: tiffanie at July 3, 2008 4:38 PM

Ok this is going to sound weird, but it is incredibly fun to towel-snap my teenager in the ass (or where ever else I can hit). He totally deserves it, too.

Posted by: Peggi at July 3, 2008 4:58 PM

You made my day! Hilarious! You'll be happy to know that I went to my own site, clicked on Beth's site, cleverly noticed that "index.html" was added onto the end of her site and added that ending to your site as well and eh voila - found a post past 6/30. I really am a natural blond.

Thanks for the laugh!

Posted by: That Girl at July 3, 2008 5:14 PM

What do I do to unwind, I read this blog - because it usually makes me laugh so hard it hurts! Well, that or hang out on the deck with a good book, a beer and the dog.

Posted by: Mandy Lou at July 3, 2008 5:27 PM

I laughed so hard reading this my husband took my computer away to read it himself.

thank you.

Posted by: ewe_are_here at July 3, 2008 5:39 PM

Yup. Mine too. Bryan was like "What's so funny? I wanna hear! I wanna hear!"

So thank you.

Posted by: samantha jo campen at July 3, 2008 9:19 PM

thats awesome.

that sounds like something that would happen to my father. except the fact that he would just do that on purpose with the intent to of hit those people. he's also into driving by golf courses to honk at the person about to tee off.

im not sure what i do to unwind. im not sure i can unwind. it may be a problem.

Posted by: cri at July 3, 2008 9:19 PM

Brilliant. Love this post.

Posted by: Lani at July 4, 2008 2:12 AM

I have say, you make pear chucking sound like something worth trying.

I bake when I'm stressed. Or go online and look at expensive stuff I probably will never buy.

Posted by: bad penguin at July 4, 2008 8:21 AM

I bake bread (cinnamon rolls when sugar is the only thing my brain wants), or break out the speed rope and spin. I wish I could spin and knead at the same time...

Posted by: derek at July 4, 2008 10:03 PM

Note to self. Do not try to read (or in this case catch up on) your blog on a Saturday morning while brushing one's teeth. I nearly sprayed a mouthful of toothpaste all over my monitor. Good stuff.

I actually asked this question of my interviewees last week. . .one girl swore she didn't ever get stressed. (and I'm not offering her the position of my assistant). I actually run or drink to unwind. Never at the same time, though. . .that would be difficult.

Posted by: Beth at July 5, 2008 7:41 AM

tee hee hee

Posted by: Lori at July 6, 2008 5:22 PM

tee hee hee

Posted by: Lori at July 6, 2008 5:23 PM

OMF! Hilarious...

Posted by: Holly at July 6, 2008 8:38 PM