August 8, 2008

The Weeklies #48

The Weekly Movie. We watched Cinderella for the 735th time. I'm slightly over it.

The Weekly Worst Piece of Crap on TV. Instant Beauty Pageant. Yes, it's as bad as it sounds. Here's the down-low. Two hosts and a camera crew go to a mall and find five women to compete in an impromptu beauty pageant. They're given $400 and told to get everything they'll need. The competitions are standard - eveningwear, swimsuit and talent - and the payoff is a vacation. If it sounds bad in theory, the execution is worse. I'm not sure if they tell the women they pick to the most annoying, catty and obnoxious wastes of space on the planet or if they just get lucky and pick them randomly but the participants are some of the worst examples of humanity I've seen on television. Tragically bad. And yet I watched a whole episode.

The Weekly Read. Last week I tackled Heartsick by Chelsea Cain. This week, I plowed through the sequel, Sweetheart. It hasn't been released yet. I have a source. You can be jealous. Was it as good as the first? No, not really but it was damn strong. Take my advice: if you're up to a good serial killer novel, grab a copy of Heartsick. Then, when Sweetheart is released next month, you can be first in line to pick up a copy. Because you'll want to.

The Weekly Listen. Sail Away by Randy Newman is one of my all-time favorite songs yet, for some reason, I don't really own much stuff by Newman. So when I saw his latest - Harps and Angels - arrive this week, I pounced. Not literally but you get my drift. Anyway, it's good. It's happy and sad and everything in between. Newman's voice remains one of the most emotive I've ever heard. His lyrics are poignant and his messages are clear. There's no one like Newman. Now, if you'll excuse me, I'm going to go download everything he's ever recorded.

The Weekly Ways In Which America Pisses Off The World. Apparently we're keeping Iraqis in wooden boxes and executing foreign nationals against international law. Nice.

The Weekly Schadenfreude. Victoria Osteen, wife of megachurch preacher Joel, is on trial. Apparently she got pissy on a flight from Houston to Vail and knocked a flight attendant around. She's being sued for 10% of her overall worth. The ground? Loss of faith. But there's something else. This rather odd sentence jumped out at me in the CNN article I read: "According to court documents, Brown says that she suffers from anxiety and hemorrhoids because of the incident involving Victoria Osteen and said her faith was affected." Um, hemorrhoids?

The Weekly Hypothetical. You are forced to move either backwards or forwards in time. How far is unknown. What is known is that you can't return. Do you move ahead or back? And why?

Posted by Chris at August 8, 2008 6:30 AM
Comments

Move me forward. I'm not 'over the moon happy' at the moment, but bright lights are ahead. Send me forward to spring and sunshine please.

Posted by: del at August 8, 2008 7:56 AM

Back. I would go back and save Katie and then go and find my current Hubby with both my girls in tow.

Posted by: Maribeth at August 8, 2008 8:14 AM

Forward. No guarantees, but at least then there's a shot I'd get to see my kids.

Posted by: Laura at August 8, 2008 8:18 AM

If her faith was lost that easily, then I would argue that it wasn't doing her much good in the first place.

Neither forward nor backward. I'm at an interesting place right now. Were I to go back and make a couple decisions that I still regret not having made, I would never end up where I currently am. If I went forward, I'd miss what I'm about to do, which is pretty spectacular and worth sticking around to see. So, for maybe the first time ever, I find myself wanting to stay in place.

Posted by: You can call me, 'Sir' at August 8, 2008 9:30 AM

Worst Piece of Crap on TV: Easily the funniest thing I've heard recently.

Listen: Thank you for the recommendation.

Schadenfreude: ROFLOL ... still ROFLOL. My schadenfreude would be Detroit Mayor Kilpatrick.

Hypothetical: I would move forward. I'm ready for a new phase and forward would mean a new start.

Have a great weekend.

Posted by: Maria at August 8, 2008 9:31 AM

Back. I was a history major so at least I know what to expect. I could do with less technology and I think the future would be riddled with it to the point of over-exhaustion.

Posted by: Claire at August 8, 2008 9:33 AM

Thanks for the book heads up. I'm leaving for the beach tonight and need some good reading.

I think back. I'm frankly somewhat terrified of what the future of this world will be like.

Posted by: Candy at August 8, 2008 9:40 AM

Very hard question. However, I'm going back. I think we're moving forward as a race and global society, but the cost is very high, and I don't like it. I don't find the future times quite as fulfilling for humankind as the past.

I'm going back because it'd be amazing to have today's knowledge in the past.

Posted by: Brad at August 8, 2008 9:43 AM

Back. And not even to change past mistakes. Totally back, because I think I was born in the wrong century. I'm totally an 1800's kind of gal.

Posted by: k8 at August 8, 2008 10:08 AM

Easy - I'd go back 20 years so I could have an additional 20 years with my husband :)

Posted by: Sue R at August 8, 2008 10:09 AM

Isabella gave up cinderella for enchanted, which is slightly more tolerable ;)

Posted by: ali at August 8, 2008 11:17 AM

Forward. I don't know what it holds, but I have a pretty good idea of the past, and depending on how far back, my opportunities as a female might be lessened. I'm also quite fond of modern medicine and have a condition or two that could cause problems without the appropriate medications.

Posted by: rai at August 8, 2008 1:57 PM

Back. Totally. Would like so many do overs. Instant Beauty Pageant totally blows. You should watch Clean House you Style Channel fan! Foolishness and mayhem are way more fun. Nothing beats being a fly on the wall. Actually, a fly in a swarm of flies on the wall because hello have you seen how those people live?

Posted by: denise at August 8, 2008 2:02 PM

Back: I'd move back about 10 years. My son would be 7, my grandparents would still be alive. I would be a better parent to Son, not that I was bad but I would be better. I would take care of my ailing grandparents who lived across the country from me, although I'm not sure how I would do it.

And hemorrhoids? REally? Loss of faith? REALLY? *eyeroll*

Posted by: zanie at August 8, 2008 2:13 PM

I'd go back. Leaping forward would mean I'd miss parts of my life. I don't want to miss a thing. I'm not a go back and change it kind of person but I'd rather go back and do it again (even the not as pleasant parts) than miss parts of my future. Sounds cheesy, I know.

I have a question. How in the heck does a scuffle on an airplane give someone hemorrhoids (is that really how you spell hemorrhoids? what a weird word)? I though that you only got the from ummm... anal trama.

Posted by: SassyPants at August 8, 2008 2:19 PM

Back. I wouldn't want to, really, but the thought of missing out on a chunk of my kids lives by jumping forward? No way. Better the devil you know, than the devil you don't. Plus I might could keep myself from having that eighteenth rum punch that one night in March of '07. ; )

Posted by: OS at August 8, 2008 4:46 PM

The Weekly Schadenfreude. Victoria Osteen, wife of megachurch preacher Joel... "According to court documents, Brown says that she suffers from anxiety and hemorrhoids because of the incident involving Victoria Osteen and said her faith was affected." Um, hemorrhoids?

Yes hemorrhoids. Although not widely publicized, Vicki O, as we call her down here, is known to carry one of these at all times. http://johnnysmoke.pbwiki.com/f/t-div-1353.jpg

She's just doing the lerd's work.

Posted by: Johnny Smoke at August 8, 2008 5:41 PM

I forgot to mention, she calls it Jesus' Jackhammer.

Posted by: Johnny Smoke at August 8, 2008 5:46 PM

I feel yah on the Cinderella. We've moved passed that to Barbie and the Twelve Dancing Princesses.

Hmm. Tough question. I surely would have answered this different a day ago but after a conversation with my daughter this morning I'd have to say backward with the hope that my kids could spend more time with my Dad. Not as cheeky of an answer as I would normally strive for but the truth.

Posted by: Jen at August 8, 2008 7:15 PM

You can sue for hemorrhoids???? Oy!
Also, I think I would go forward, so that I wouldn't have to be in school anymore. I am rather sick of it.

Posted by: Heather at August 8, 2008 7:39 PM

She REALLY must've knocked the shit outta that flight attendant to give the woman hemorrhoids!

And I honestly thought you'd have done a Schadenfreude addendum just for John Edwards, once he fessed up to his affair this afternoon!

Posted by: coolchick at August 8, 2008 9:31 PM

Hemorrhoids? I hate how litigious our society is! I also hate divas, but I'm not sure if Osteen qualifies as one. Seems like a money grab from an "anal" wannabe.

If I had to choose, I'd go forward in time because I don't think I could survive the 90s again!

Posted by: Jeremy (Discovering Dad) at August 10, 2008 10:20 AM

Hemorrhoids? I hate how litigious our society is! I also hate divas, but I'm not sure if Osteen qualifies as one. Seems like a money grab from an "anal" wannabe.

If I had to choose, I'd go forward in time because I don't think I could survive the 90s again!

Posted by: Jeremy (Discovering Dad) at August 10, 2008 10:20 AM

Wow, I haven't seen "Cinderella" in eons. I just loved the little mouse who said "Happy Birt-day!" I can't remember his name. He was too cute.

Posted by: Jessa at August 10, 2008 2:03 PM

actually, I'd opt to stay put. Yes I'm finding things a bit hard now and then, but I'm too scared I'd go too far or too back and miss my kids and hubby!

Posted by: mamacrow at August 10, 2008 2:46 PM


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