December 12, 2008

The Weeklies #65

The Weekly Thing My Daughter Said That Cracked Me Up. I'm drinking french-fried juice!

The Weekly Read. The only way I can really describe David Sedaris' latest book When You Are Engulfed In Flame requires a little explanation. To me, funny makes you laugh while amusing makes you chuckle in a Family Circus kinda way. And, in my view, Sedaris has, with each book, become less funny and more amusing. That's not necessarily a bad thing, just an observation. When You Are Engulfed in Flame was about 50% amusing, 35% funny and 15% whiny. Maybe I mistook introspective for whiny. I'm not sure. Is it worth reading? Hell yeah. I don't foresee a future in which anything by Sedaris isn't worth reading even if he keeps moving in the Family Circus direction. Still, not quite as funny as he's proved he's capable of.

The Weekly Stupidest Network Television Move. Did you see that when Jay Leno retires from the Tonight Show he'll be getting his own one hour weeknight prime time slot on NBC. Yes, NBC is sacrificing five hours of prime time per week for Jay. Who I think is about as funny as the bubonic plague. God is that going to suck.

The Weekly Music. I'll admit that while I own the entire Queen catalog, I've only been a passive fan. Sure, I like some of their stuff but I also find a lot of their stuff to be, well, kinda lame. Yet I've long dug the original incarnation of Bad Company and, specifically, vocalist Paul Rogers. When most of the remaining members of Queen brought Rogers on board for vocal duty and toured, I was doubtful. Yet somehow Rogers singing Queen worked. He sounds nothing like Freddie Mercury and yet it's that difference that made it work. I mean, a Freddie Mercury clone would just be crass. Queen + Paul Rogers just released their first studio album together, Cosmos Rocks. And I like it. If you're expecting something that sounds like Queen of old, you're going to be disappointed. But if you're expecting a good solid album chock full of rock anthems and startlingly good guitar work, this might be right up your alley.

The Weekly Schadenfreude. Illinois governor Rod Blagojevich and O.J. Simpson are in a dead heat for the Schadenfreude title this week (while clearly the governor wins the funny name and bad hair titles). Frankly, their exploits are nothing short of Schadenfreude Hall Of Fame material. First one to be caught with a dead hooker or crackpipe wins!

The Weekly Measure of How Much You Guys Rock. As of, well, now I received 321 comments. At fifty cents a pop, that's a $160.50 check for Fisher House. Courtesy of fellow blogger Brooke, that same amount will go to the charity of her choice. Words cannot express how much you guys rock. I watched the emails come in and the comments pile up all day yesterday and it was just an awesome feeling.

UPDATE: The Stiletto Mom has agreed to match the total donation to The Fisher House. So, for the record, we managed to raise a whopping $481.50 for charity yesterday. That's so insanely awesome I might weep.

The Weekly Hypothetical. Why? (Now, I know that's not much of a question but it happens to be the single most often-asked question in my house courtesy of my daughter. I'm just seeing if any of you happen to know the answer because clearly I can't come up with it. So...why?)

Posted by Chris at December 12, 2008 6:52 AM

I'm not the only Jay Leno why-is-this-person-even-on-TV disliker? Great news! I've always preferred Letterman. Or Stewert. Not Ferguson. No to Frank TV.

Posted by: David at December 12, 2008 7:11 AM

I've been to two David Sedaris readings. Once while I was still in high school and another when he came to my college.

The first one I stood in line and patiently waited for the man to sign my book. When we finally got to the table he asked how I had acquired my copy, when I told him a friend gave it to me for Christmas, he nodded put his head down and feverishly wrote


Hopefully next year your friend will get you something useful for Christmas.
Like a dildo.

All the best
David Sedaris

Posted by: Dani at December 12, 2008 7:33 AM

Have you gone with "Just because, that's why!"

Posted by: Tera at December 12, 2008 7:53 AM

Read: I still haven Sedaris in my TBR pile. LOL at Dani's autograph.

Music: Not much music for me this week. My Zune wasn't feeling well.

Schadenfreude: I think Marc Drier of Drier LLP is giving those two a run for their money. He was arrested in Canada for impersonating a Canadian attorney. Upon his return to NYC, he was arrested for allegedly stealing $380 million from clients.

Measure: No, you rock for thinking of it in the first place.

Hypothetical: Why? Because people are stupid. :-)

Posted by: Maria at December 12, 2008 8:03 AM

1) I have never read anything by David Sedaris but I think I will have too now.
2) The whole Jay Leno thing is so stupid (I don't watch any late night talk shows) and I'm disappointed they are taking away an hour of prime time television. However, having worked at a local tv station twice - once in programming and once in traffic (commercial scheduling) - sponsors and commercials are where they make the money and talk shows and reality shows cost far less to produce and are most watched so they can charge more for commercial time.
3) As a Polish-American I am mortified by Blagojevich! Wasn't there some other Polak politician from the Chicago area that was really corrupt too? Geez guys!
4) I, of course, went back and read all the comments from yesterday. You made alot of people think and possibly donate on their own. I wrote a check to the Conn. Food Bank (but it was in my pile to do so anyway) and today while shopping I'm going to buy some hats and mittens to put on the Public Library's Giving Tree.
I don't feel bad about buying the gifts I've bought for Christmas this year because when I was worried this summer about being able to buy ANYTHING I got up and went out and got another job (my lunchlady gig) and put it away each week for this Christmas. I've spent less than in the past but I'm content with myself.
5) "why"? well, if it's in response to a command, the simple answer is "Because I said so". If it's in response to a statement such as "Mia, did you know the moon is going to be the biggest it will ever be this year TONIGHT!" you can then bring her to the library or to the computer and show her how the moon waxes and wanes, etc. and maybe she'll grow up to be a great astronomer or astronaut and credit her devotion to the sky to her father!
Sorry for the book - it must be the moon. They say it's a myth that people are crazier when there's a full moon but I have five lunch waves today that are going to prove otherwise!

Posted by: NancyJak at December 12, 2008 8:08 AM

Why? Because we love you! (LOL) Sorry I haven't been around for a few days. I'm visiting my sister and we're having fun doing Christmasy things. Back to the grind tomorrow!

Posted by: Maribeth at December 12, 2008 8:44 AM

Why? Because we love you! (LOL) Sorry I haven't been around for a few days. I'm visiting my sister and we're having fun doing Christmasy things. Back to the grind tomorrow!

Posted by: Maribeth at December 12, 2008 8:44 AM

Why NOT?

Posted by: jane at December 12, 2008 8:53 AM

Because I said so.

Now, I'm going to go shoot myself because I have turned into MY mother.

Posted by: Robyn at December 12, 2008 8:56 AM


Posted by: daisy at December 12, 2008 9:01 AM

You're right, Paul Rogers was a good (surprisingly!) replacement. I actually like him, and like the way he sings the Queen songs. Which surprised me.

And we should have known better with Blagojevich. Anyone with Donald Trump hair is SO NOT to be trusted.

Posted by: caleal at December 12, 2008 9:14 AM

Lately, Mia turns my brain to Calvin and Hobbes, apparently.

Calvin's dad was a patent attorney. As was Bill Watterson's...

Posted by: alektra at December 12, 2008 9:14 AM

If you figure out the answer to "Why?," I would love to know. Then I'll finally have an answer for my kid.

(Also, I will echo other commenters in saying, yay! Glad to know that I, too, am not the only person who really does not care for Leno. At all.)

Posted by: gabrielle at December 12, 2008 9:16 AM

I could not agree with you more about Leno. I told my husband that if I am ever up that late (which is mostly never unless I am tending to a child) I would much rather watch Dave then Leno who just annoyed the heck out of me!

Why ask why?

Posted by: Christina at December 12, 2008 9:21 AM

definatly because...thats the answer....yup

Posted by: becky at December 12, 2008 9:22 AM

Why no weekly picture? *pout*

Posted by: Michelle at December 12, 2008 9:23 AM

Additional to my last comment: I just saw the video on Beth's site...there HAS to be a back story to that!

Posted by: Michelle at December 12, 2008 9:26 AM

When I completely run out of answers or reasons why, this works: because that is the way God made it.(never mind that it usually does not make sense, it just works) Or maybe you could use the sweet baby Jesus in some way?

Look at me, two comments in a row from a lurker!

Posted by: stacie at December 12, 2008 9:27 AM

You mean you haven't busted out "Because I said so" in response to "Why?" yet? You're a strong man, Mr. Cactus.

Jay Leno in prime-time: one more reason NOT to watch TV. Maybe I'll use that time to catch up on my reading.

Posted by: Fraulein N at December 12, 2008 9:45 AM

cause i said so!

Posted by: madmom at December 12, 2008 9:51 AM

Because monkeys fly, because I might cry, let's practice a sigh, because I'm high.

Anything that rhymes. THEN you can play the rhyming game for HOURS ON END.

Posted by: k8 at December 12, 2008 10:00 AM

I was gona try and come up with a rhyme for the next line but i have mush for brain !!!!

Posted by: Linz at December 12, 2008 10:28 AM


That is my answer to all of the questions in my house. I fear I am raising little Wiccans, unless you or Beth practice Wicca, in which case I do not fear it at all and it is sooo awesome. Don't cast a spell on me.

Posted by: mymilabean at December 12, 2008 10:29 AM

To answer the question, start with your own personal creation theory; I like to start with my kids explaining about how we don't fully understand what happened at the Big Bang, but it may very likely be an explosion from a perpendicular space-time fabric exploding into a previously vacuum space creating our Universe. Then the gradual cooling and particle collection. Finally, a random ( or guided, adjust for personal taste ) mixing of basic chemicals created a self-replicating pattern. Add a few quadrillion interations, and we have lizards and people and birds and doggies and ice machines and fire trucks and computers and houses and cups and grape juice and carpets. And because carpets stain when grape juice is poured on them, that is why you need a lid on your cup.

You may just overload her brain long enough to get some peace. Downside is that you have now create a whole new category of things to be asked about, but at least it's sciencey, so more fun. ( I personally love my daughter asking me after being tucked in "How does my brain know how to talk to my legs"; I actually had to get some paper to make diagrams! )


Posted by: at December 12, 2008 10:51 AM

Why? Just so you could ask me that question!! And isn't it cool that it worked!? Crazy! (Must match pitch and enthusiasm of toddler or just sounds dickish.)

Posted by: sunshine at December 12, 2008 10:54 AM

I loathe Leno. This is serious suckage.

I've read two David Sedaris books and thoroughly enjoyed them but haven't read any lately. I am laughing loudly at Dani's autograph.

You, Brooke, and Stiletto Mom rock!

Well, why do you think (whatever she's asking why about)?

Posted by: Kelley at December 12, 2008 11:47 AM

Just cuz'

Posted by: Jess at December 12, 2008 11:54 AM

There are two very obvious answers to that question:

"Because I said so."


"Because I'm the daddy, that's why."

Duh, Chris.

Posted by: Kalisa at December 12, 2008 12:01 PM

"Because that's the way God made it."

Have you pulled out the big G-word yet? She might be the perfect age for this abstraction and she might love having some invisible force to attribute everything (good AND bad) to.

Posted by: Sabrina at December 12, 2008 12:39 PM

Because I'm the mommy.

Posted by: Mindy at December 12, 2008 12:41 PM

Because sometimes that is just the way it is.

Posted by: Amy at December 12, 2008 1:11 PM

Answers to "why" are as follows:

1) because.
2) because that's just the way it is.
3) because I'm the grown up & I said so, and as the grown up, I get to do that!

Posted by: Kris at December 12, 2008 1:41 PM

Just reply to all the whys with your own why in different accents and/or voices? Though this could go on for awhile and end up in a complete giggle fest. Trust me on this.

Posted by: Jody at December 12, 2008 1:43 PM

Hope you saw Jon Stewart's reflections on the Gov's troubles. Apparently, four of the last eight Illinois governors will have gone to jail. "Get elected, go to jail."

Posted by: Gramps at December 12, 2008 2:06 PM

Why not?

Posted by: Jen at December 12, 2008 2:47 PM

I like the "Why not?" answer one of the other commenters suggested!

Posted by: Nadine at December 12, 2008 2:49 PM


Because when Adam saw Eve he said, "Whoa-man!"

Because nothing rhymes with "orange" or "silver".


(The trick is to confuse the asker with the answer.)

Posted by: Tink at December 12, 2008 4:16 PM

This is great. I donated $75.00 to Fisher House because of your generosity.

Posted by: One Mom's Opinion at December 12, 2008 4:17 PM

answer to 'why' -

'I dunno, why? Hey, Mia, Why? Why? Why why why?'

Posted by: mamacrow at December 12, 2008 6:42 PM

I just read a book by Sedaris because it was supposed to be the "most hilarious book ever". I was looking for a laugh, and like you mentioned, all I got was a brief chuckle. I was expecting better so I read through the entire thing and when I got to the last page, I was very disappointed. I don't think I'll read another of his again. I'm not saying he's a bad writer, but definitely not my taste. I'm sure he is a funny person though, considering Dani's autograph. (lol)

As for the "Why?". I still ask that question. "Because" is a good answer, or "Why do you think?" Then the dialogue goes back to her and she has to come up with the answer! The end. ;P

Posted by: Laura at December 12, 2008 6:49 PM


Posted by: Nat at December 12, 2008 10:39 PM

I agree about Leno. Awful.

Sedaris: I agree, except that the parts that made me LOL were so gut wrenchingly funny I actually cried reading them aloud to my husband. The Japanese barber with shit on his hands sent me into hysterics. And the conversation with Hugh about how he can beat old retarded people swimming. Oh. Dear. God.

Posted by: Amy at December 13, 2008 10:43 PM