December 19, 2008

The Weeklies #66

The Weekly Fatalities When Technology Strikes Back. Apparently three people in Japan have been killed by their foot massagers. What's next? Sex toys revolt?

The Weekly Read. Mixed Blood by Roger Smith has to be one of the most brutal yet compelling pieces of fiction I've read in a long long time. Set in Cape Town, South Africa, this thriller takes on affluence, the remnants of a country divided by apartheid, corruption, crime and gang violence. It's populated with unsavory characters, and even the more savory aren't necessarily deserving of the reader's sympathy. While this isn't for the faint of heart, I strongly recommend it. Pick up a copy when it comes out in February. That's right - I was lucky enough to get my hands on an advanced copy.

The Weekly Funniest Commercial Ever. Jones Big Ass Truck Rental & Storage. Seriously. Funniest thing ever.

The Weekly Solved Mystery. John Walsh - he of America's Most Wanted fame - finally has a little closure. Police formally named his son Adam's killer, a drifter who died in jail in 1996.

The Weekly Strange Dining Companion. Robin Leach. I was at a business lunch and a few of us looked over at another table and all came back with the same comment. That's Robin Leach. Sure enough it was he of champagne wishes and caviar dreams fame. He'd clearly had too much of both. Robin's a little on the hefty side.

The Weekly Schadenfreude. Despite previous reports that Hootie and the Blowfish were dead following the launch of frontman Darius Rucker's country solo career, it turns out they'll be back together again. Just because they're still together doesn't mean we have to listen, does it? Please?

The Weekly Hypothetical. You can bring back any famous person - this excludes immediate family and other relatives unless you're somehow spawn of the famous and haven't bothered to share that fact with me - so they can continue to contribute whatever it was they contributed to society. Who do you bring back and why?

Posted by Chris at December 19, 2008 7:15 AM

That is the funniest thing I have ever seen - "the drunk discount"!!

I saw Darius Rucker listed and listened to the snippet on a downloading site....thought to myself, no, it cannot be....YIKES.

Posted by: Debbie at December 19, 2008 8:17 AM

Jonathan Larson. I've said it before here, I think - because I'm kind of a total "Rent" fangirl, but if he even just wrote one more thing that I enjoyed half as much as I enjoy RENT, I would be happy. Plus, he died way way too young.

Posted by: sarah at December 19, 2008 8:26 AM

Come on Chris think about what you just wrote. "Sex toy revolt" What a way to go...dying by your vibrator, having the best orgasm of your life...WHEW!!!

Posted by: Dee at December 19, 2008 8:44 AM

Well, I would certainly NOT bring Hootie and the Blowfish back from the dead, that's for damn sure!

Posted by: Shelly at December 19, 2008 8:48 AM

Jesus. His motives were pure.

Posted by: Heather at December 19, 2008 9:03 AM

FDR. Just so we have someone who's already fixed the economy once.

Posted by: tutugirl1345 at December 19, 2008 9:36 AM

i heard that foot massager death thing on the radio. i laughed all the way to work.

Posted by: ali at December 19, 2008 9:36 AM

I am bereft that you are busting on Hootie or his Blowfish. They and the winter of 1995 will always hold a special place in this college student's heart.

I bring back Marie Curie. She died way too young, and I think she had so many more advances to make in the sciences. Also, she would get a kick out of today's technology.

Posted by: Coleen at December 19, 2008 10:06 AM

HA! Next time I will check my references - Curie was actually 67 when she died. I thought she was much younger. But still, bringing her back in this day and age, who knows what kind of advances she could make with modern medicine and technology at her fingertips?

Posted by: Coleen at December 19, 2008 10:25 AM


Posted by: Kalisa at December 19, 2008 10:33 AM

David Foster Wallace, sans depression (which might complicate things, because maybe it was the underlying depression that made him such a brilliant writer) or maybe Frank Herbert so he could write Dune: The Sequel.

Perhaps Abe Lincoln, so he could walk to his monument, point, and yell, 'HOLY SHIT!!!!', as well as see a black dude inaugurated and get high-fived by the aforementioned black dude.

Posted by: You can call me, 'Sir' at December 19, 2008 10:39 AM

I think Jesus as well. Not because I am overly religious, but I do believe he was a good man and he preached love and peace.

Posted by: Maribeth at December 19, 2008 11:02 AM

JFK or Martin Luther King....I'm not sure which. But I would love to see what they could have done if given the chance.

I cried when they closed John Walsh's sons case. I just can't imagine having a case like that open for so long. I was just a baby when it happened, but I remember hearing about it as a young kid. Way to young to have to hear what happened to him. I'm just glad they get some form of closure.

Posted by: Issa at December 19, 2008 11:33 AM

A couple of people pop to mind. One of which is JFK. I wonder how our country might have been different if he had never been shot.

Musically, probably John Lennon.

Posted by: Brad at December 19, 2008 11:40 AM

Hey I like Hootie and the Blowfish - well their first album anyway. It brings back some fun memories of a job I had.
I was very sad for John Walsh because the guy is dead and he doesn't have the chance to go spit in his eye; but closure is a good thing. Very, very sad.
I started a response earlier and also said Martin Luther King Jr. I think I'll stick to that. I think we would be so much farther in the quest for equality if he was able to carry on his mission. His speech always brings tears to my eyes when I hear it (Miri Ben-Ari's "Symphony of Brotherhood make me sob!).

Posted by: NancyJak at December 19, 2008 12:24 PM

I was thinking JFK or MLK too...with Obama in the White house and one of those two in his cabinet...imagine the wonderful things they could accomplish. FDR would be a great asset to Obama too...

Posted by: Lisa at December 19, 2008 1:00 PM

First, I listen to country music and can't stand the Hootie guy. I mean, really? Are you seriously trying to sing country music? You've posed a great question and I have no idea. I'll have to ponder a while.

Posted by: Dianna at December 19, 2008 1:01 PM

Funniest Commercial Ever: Hysterical.

Solved Mystery: I'm glad he finally has closure, but I also feel like crying for him.

Hypothetical: The ones that come to mind have already been mentioned. Lennon, JFK, and MLK for the reasons already stated.

Hemingway because I would like to see what he could write sober.
Jacob Riis because I would like to see what he would do to help the city he loved so much.
Berenice Abbott because I am selfish and would like to speak to her aobut her work.
Honoré de Balzac because I am selfish and want to discuss Honoré de Balzac.

Posted by: Maria at December 19, 2008 1:13 PM

the first person that came to mind was jeff buckley.

and i just think i need to tell the world. taylor has been outside shovelling my parents driveway for like an hour. dude. the guy is thorough.

who would YOU pick?

Posted by: Cri at December 19, 2008 1:26 PM

I'd vote for bringing back Jesus. I'm not much on Christianity as it stands today, but I bet that if we could bring him back, he'd set things straight. Or maybe they'd just crucify him again. Either way, I'd like to have a chat with the guy.

Posted by: Michelle at December 19, 2008 4:27 PM

I don't know... Cobain? Lennon?

Bobby Kennedy.

Posted by: Sarah, Goon Squad Sarah at December 19, 2008 4:27 PM

I'd bring back Lincoln. If I could bring back more than one, I'd bring back MLK too...I've thought a lot about both in this past election season. I think both would be interested in the going ons.

And, I have to admit, I wasn't a fan of Hootie back in the day, but kinda dig them now. And I kinda dig Darius's solo music.

And it would be totally awesome if Lennon could come back to life. Imagine (I know, bad pun, but totally unintended) the music we could have gotten from him over the years since he's been gone? Wow!

Posted by: cyndy at December 19, 2008 4:46 PM

I can't think of anyone I'd bring back, except maybe Heinlein, he's my favorite author of all time and I keep looking for something of his that I haven't already read.

The actual reason I commented is because my husband does have a famous relative - at least in certain circles. His grandfather was a famous Hungarian mathematician. It's so far above my head, I couldn're really tell you what he specialized in, but he had something to do with there being computers today and that's not even what he's famous for.

Actually, Chris has another semi-famous relative - a cousin who is a Hungarian sculptor. He made the angels on the Bass Performance Hall in Ft. Worth, as well as other sculptures that are displayed world-wide. Sad thing is I can't remember his name and my Flickr page isn't loading so I can't look it up. Chris has met him a time or two, but they haven't had any real contact.

Posted by: sherri at December 19, 2008 5:25 PM

Maybe Lady Di. She did some pretty cool stuff. But there's probably more worthy people, I just can't think right now.

Posted by: Heather at December 19, 2008 5:25 PM

Hootie, schmooty, Darius was HOT. Just sayin'. I think I'd have to go with MLK. Unoriginal, I know, but still.

I'm offline until the new year. Merry Christmas to you and yours, Chris!

Posted by: Mr Lady at December 19, 2008 5:49 PM

I'd bring back my father, who passed away 10/15/07 at age 86. He was loved by his family and his many friends. He was one of a kind, a WW II vet and Pearl Harbor survivor. He was the best dad ever, and an incredible grandfather. Totally selfish I know, but hey, you asked!

Posted by: coolchick at December 19, 2008 9:03 PM

Hey, Hootie & the Blowfish are the pride of South Carolina. You HAVE to be a fan if you live here.

And to answer your question - Michael Crichton. I'm sure he had plenty of stories left in him!

Posted by: Stephanie at December 19, 2008 9:06 PM

Jones Big Ass Truck Rentals -- funniest thing in a while...
Hysterical. (Love the weed discount.)

Posted by: Nat at December 19, 2008 10:06 PM

So I'm going to be the Christian on this string who points out: if you're Christian, Easter's kinda already brought Jesus back. He's alive if you believe.

In that vein, I'd bring back Mother Theresa. She did a ton to help people who really needed it, and I think she was the kind of woman who inspires more than any celebutant we have nowadays.

Posted by: alektra at December 19, 2008 10:38 PM

Stevie Ray Vaughn....

Posted by: NotAMeanGirl at December 20, 2008 12:29 AM

Personally I did not know that Robin Leach was alive. So that is the guy I would have brought back.

Since I can't I would bring back Elvis. I am intrigued as to what he would have recorded and who he would have partnered with - maybe Coldplay maybe Jay-Z?

Posted by: DC Urban Dad at December 21, 2008 8:15 AM

Mr Rogers. Because we need him now more than ever. At least I do.

Posted by: Jodi at December 21, 2008 5:28 PM

Bring back: Jerry Garcia
Why: my 2 year old would die of pleasure and rock it out at a concert. (When she's old enough to survive a contact high, I mean.)

Posted by: Sabrina at December 22, 2008 1:07 PM