January 30, 2009

The Weeklies #71

The Weekly Quote. You're using our child as a human shield from a mouth-fired plastic drumstick!

The Weekly Time Waster. Asteroids - The Diamond Dave Edition. Yeah, seriously, a Van Halen themed Asteroids game. Rawk.

The Weekly Worst Meeting. The one I was in yesterday, in which the guy next to me kept farting. Not loud ones. Silent. And very deadly.

The Weekly Television Addiction. I'll admit, I didn't really see the true genius of the show when I first turned in but I'm now totally addicted to How It's Made. It's like product porn. I mean, where else are you going to see how an ATV, condoms and mustard are made inside a half hour?

The Weekly Hit Single Made Up By My Daughter. Yo-da-lay-hee-hoo, Have You Any Pie.

The Weekly Dick Move. Drum major John Coleman was suspended from the Cleveland Firefighters Memorial Pipes & Drums after acknowledging President Obama during the inaugural parade. The band leader stated that Coleman broke protocol by nodding and waving. Coleman owned up to the gesture but maintains he was only acknowledging the new President's own wave. Coleman has since quit the corps, citing not his unhappiness with the suspension but the negative publicity it focused on the corps itself. Hell, if Obama acknowledged me, I'd be a gushing idiot saying something like ohmygawdholyshitiloveyouman! and then pass out. So, I don't blame old John.

The Weekly Read. You know I love Charlie Huston. That's why I was pretty excited when I got my hands on a copy of his newest release, The Mystic Arts of Erasing All Signs of Death. Honestly, though, I was a little concerned. See, this is the second stand-alone novel that Huston's written. And while I loved his Henry Thompson trilogy and enjoyed his Joe Pitt series, his first stand-alone novel - The Shotgun Rule - wasn't as strong as I would have hoped. But it's the only thing Huston wrote that I wasn't a fan of so I'm willing to give him the benefit of the doubt and assume that I just wasn't in the mood. I'm happy to report that The Mystic Arts of Erasing All Signs of Death is a stunning return to form. The action is fantastic, the plot is suitably twisted and the dialog reads like a bizarre teaming of Aaron Sorkin and Quentin Tarentino. If you've never checked out Charlie Huston, this might be the perfect place to start.

The Weekly Thoughts On This Week's Posts. I was pretty happy with Monday's post about our anniversary. Tuesday's topic just jumped into my lap and discovering crap I wrote way back when was kinda cool. I'm not sure I picked the right pictures for Wednesday's post. They didn't really show the aging thing. Maybe I should have taken a picture of my tummy. Of course, I'm not sure I have a five year old tummy pic to compare it to. But nobody really wants to see my tummy. Now or then. I liked Thursday's post but I kinda felt like I phoned it in.

The Weekly Awesome Photo That I Didn't Take. Photographer David Bergman shot a 1,474 megapixel photograph of the inauguration. Check it out. The quality is so amazing you can almost see the tiny flickers of evil in Dick Cheney's eyes.

The Weekly Schadenfreude. John Rempel is hard not to feel sorry for. But the dude gave away $150,000 (some of which he borrowed from friends and family) to Nigerian scammers and even hopped a flight to London to give away his money. And then he bought the fact that the money which he was given had to be bathed in a special potion in order to make it legal tender. Poor stupid bastard.

The Weekly Hypothetical. You are given the choice between living forever and knowing everything. You must choose one or the other. Not choosing is not an option. Which do you choose and why?

Posted by Chris at January 30, 2009 6:22 AM

Been a while since I've commented on your blog (3 years ago)...anyways, I always start my day reading what you have to say.

Seriously, you're a good guy and hope you'll continue this for a long time.

Posted by: Lee at January 30, 2009 7:05 AM

Living forever. I firmly believe that ignorance is bliss when it comes to most things.

Posted by: Stephanie at January 30, 2009 7:30 AM

that poor guy is from leimington! holy crap. thats the little town next to where i'm from(windsor)
i didn't know that stuff happened in Canada.

i choose living forever. because through the process of living forever i would learn a lot of stuff. not too mention, who really wants to know EVERYTHING?

Posted by: Cri at January 30, 2009 7:38 AM

Knowing everything. Two reasons: (1) Because then, I'm pretty sure I'd have no desire to live forever. And (2) I'd be smart enough not to spend an entire meeting sitting next to a human farting machine.

Posted by: Marshall at January 30, 2009 8:29 AM

I'd choose living forever. Because if you know everything, there's nothing left to learn, and life without learning isn't worth living, IMO.

And OH MY GOD, how much do I love How It's Made? The coolest thing about it is the fact that it's so bare bones. How it's made. Nothing else. If it were an American program, the cameras would be focused on some fluff-spewing wanna-be for half the show.

Posted by: Elise at January 30, 2009 8:33 AM

I'd rather know everything. I like knowing things. Plus, I have zero desire to live forever. That's a Twilight Zone-kinda gift where you'd probably end up trying to give it back.

I like the concept of How It's Made, but the production values and the narrator make it deadly boring for me. Maybe it would be the perfect thing for me to watch at bedtime.

Posted by: Fraulein N at January 30, 2009 9:34 AM

My first time with How It's Made was at friend's place who TiVos it. It's dangerously hypnotic. After two hours, I think I muttered, 'We should eat', and he was like, 'Yeah', then maybe an hour later, the last TiVo'd episode finished and we went into withdrawal.

I'll take knowing everything. As that fruity talented bastard Freddy Mercury once wrote in a song, 'Who wants to live forever?'. Not me, Freddy. Not me.

Posted by: You can call me, 'Sir' at January 30, 2009 9:37 AM

re: weekly quote - uhm.......wha?

I think Mia has acquired her daddy's musical talents ;)

Posted by: Kris at January 30, 2009 9:48 AM

I would choose to know everything, and contribute as much as I could before I passed. Immortality would become too difficult once my loved ones were gone.

Posted by: April at January 30, 2009 10:00 AM

I'd choose to know everything, since "everything" may include the secret to living forever...

Plus, you know, kung fu.

Posted by: cyniclite at January 30, 2009 10:02 AM

Hard question.

I'd like a mix of the two... like, living for 200 years and knowing everything. But if that's not an option I guess I'd have to live forever. I'd pretty much know everything in a few hundred years.

Posted by: Brad at January 30, 2009 10:23 AM

How do you choose between super sucky and and rancid donkey balls sucky? I'm in a funk today so I'm going to go with the sucky choice.

If I live forever, I will eventually know everything. I will also be alone, watching all my friends and family die. Watching all the horrors in the world over and over again. No escaping. Alone.
If I know everything right now and it's super crappy and depressing and awful then at least I have the option of killing myself because I don't have to live forever. Yep, that's my choice.

How's that for pissing in your Cheerios this morning. Sorry.

Posted by: SassyPants at January 30, 2009 10:32 AM

I think SassyPants is my brain twin!!

If you live forever, all your loved ones will die. What would be worth living for? It also raises questions of aging. Would I age or would it be all Buffy/Angel someone's going to get wrinkles and someone's not? Plus the neighbors are going to figure out that something's weird about you and you're going to have to move a lot. The logistics of this seem too bad for me.

But if I know everything, maybe I can know how to make things better. And fix them. And bet money on who wins the Super Bowl!!

Posted by: NGS at January 30, 2009 10:38 AM

cool picture but thought that CNN's the moments was cooler..

Posted by: Darren at January 30, 2009 10:48 AM

I'd almost always choose anything over living forever. That would be exhausting.

Posted by: Kalisa at January 30, 2009 11:05 AM

Tough choice, I guess I would do living forever but only if I could choose to do it via Richard Alpert on LOST and be 35 forever. LOL I don't know that I would want to have the burden of knowing what is coming next for me or my friends and family...

Posted by: Deirdre at January 30, 2009 11:17 AM

Asteroids was TOTALLY my FAV. Mix that with Van Halen? OH.MY.GOD! I'm so gonna get no work done today. Thanks for that! Where the heck do you find these??

I'm torn...I'd pick living forever because I LOVE learning. I'd pick know everything because I don't think I want to live forever. I don't think I can pick. I guess that means I'll die a young idiot! ;-)

Happy weekend!

Posted by: cyndy at January 30, 2009 11:20 AM

I usually love your questions but this one is REALLY hard, which I suppose is the point. All I know is I don't want to live forever if the people i love can't, so I guess I'm going to choose "know everything" - which is no fun either - if I know everything, I don't have the experience of learning it. Sigh.

Posted by: Sarah at January 30, 2009 11:32 AM

I would choose to live forever. I am a "lifelong" student so if I knew everything what would there be to live for?

Posted by: Krush at January 30, 2009 12:05 PM

I wouldn't want to know everything. I've been in situations where I've had information about others that they either don't know I have, or don't have themselves and it's awkward. I'd rather live forever.

Posted by: Brooke Habecker at January 30, 2009 12:26 PM

Thanks for the link to that picture, it's awesome! Especially since I hardly followed the inauguration. I'm just taking it as a potentially good thing that I couldn't recognize Dick Cheney, only Bush and Obama.

Posted by: Hannah at January 30, 2009 12:30 PM

How It's Made is awesome. My wife does not understand my fascination with that show.

The Nigerian Prince scam. What kind of rock has that guy been living under?

Know everything. That was I always be right when arguing with the wife :)

Posted by: Rex at January 30, 2009 1:06 PM

If I live forever, won't I come to know most everything anyway? Or at least, more than anyone else?

But I only want to live forever if I'm forever 27 years old.

Posted by: Laura at January 30, 2009 1:12 PM

Live forever. There will always be new experiences, new relationships, new interests . . . but to know everything is so finite and terminal, I think. To never learn anything again, to never experience some thing with fresh eyes would be sad.

Love How Its Made in our house. Oddly addicting, huh? And, it appears that nearly everything is made in Canada.

Posted by: kate at January 30, 2009 1:15 PM

it makes me laugh that you used the word 'tummy'

that is all. as you were.

Posted by: ali at January 30, 2009 1:37 PM

I would say live forever and take that time to learn everything. Plus...it might have something to do with the Twilight books and me wanting to live forever and marry a vampire....haha...I'm kidding...sort of. :) Have a great weekend Chris!

Posted by: Kristin at January 30, 2009 1:45 PM

I learned early to love that sort of thing by the fine folks on The Polka Dot Door; their little snippets were mesmerizing.

I'm with Steph about ignorance being bliss. Although I'm not sure I'd want to spend eternity telling kids to get off my lawn.

Posted by: Meg at January 30, 2009 2:23 PM

I guess I would chose to know everything. I do not want to live forever. Living beyond your children, sisters, brothers, cousins, friends, etc. is not for me.

Posted by: Maribeth at January 30, 2009 5:45 PM

Nope, not living forever.

But - I am spending all next week at sea with David Bergman. And he will be photographing me in the nude, just as he did last year when we were on the BNL Ships -n- Dip Cruise. Well, me and a large crowd of other naked people.

Posted by: TheQueen at January 30, 2009 9:31 PM

Watching "How It's Made" sort of goes with the Wiki thing - loving knowing utterly random things ;)
I think both living forever and knowing everything would make you by default incredibly jaded - and the longer you lived the more you'd know anyway. But if you knew everything - you'd know horrible things, of course, but would you know the cure for cancer? for AIDS? Because that might make it worth it. And then you'd die and wouldn't have to know everything anymore. And Maribeth has a good point about outliving everyone. That'd suck for sure.

Posted by: Heather at January 30, 2009 11:07 PM

Could not agree more about How It's Made. It is fascinating. I've also become a big fan of the show Timewarp although the bald host guy is a bit of a wanker.

My latest mainstream show I've gotten to like alot is Lie to Me. Very compelling and Tim Roth is very well cast.

Posted by: Erik at January 30, 2009 11:13 PM

Oh yes, forgot the challenge. I'd have to go with know everything because, here's the cheater in me, I'd be able to figure out how to live forever.

Posted by: Erik at January 30, 2009 11:15 PM

So. Seriously. When are you going to change that to "Weekly Crack"?

"How It's Made" used to be like feeding whiskey to my kids before bed (or, uh... so I would assume). They'd hear that cheezy midi music and come running "How It's Made is on!!!!" and zombies for half an hour (usually a full hour, since they played them back-to-back). It was weird. I mean, me too, but I'm wired like that.

For your WH, I'm assuming that you get to live a normal length of life - i.e. don't suddenly know everything and then just die immediately. With that assumption, I'd choose know everything. 'Cause I could do some serious damage with the time I have left. Probably included in there would be some tips on extending your life (there would probably be some other "extending" tips too, but I already get plenty of those in my in-box)

Posted by: harmzie at January 30, 2009 11:52 PM

First comment, long time reader. I love the blog. I read it all the time. Keep it up, this was good stuff.

Posted by: at January 31, 2009 11:21 PM

First comment, long time reader. I love the blog. I read it all the time. Keep it up, this was good stuff.

Posted by: at January 31, 2009 11:21 PM

First comment, long time reader. I love the blog. I read it all the time. Keep it up, this was good stuff.

Posted by: Chase Conway at January 31, 2009 11:21 PM

I hope Mia tries out that Yo-da-lay-hee-hoo Have you any pie? thing next time you guys go out to eat!
Actually I'm kind of tempted to try it myself, but can think of only one local resteraunt (uh-oh I suddenly can't spell that) where I could do that at this age and they wouldn't take away my butter knife and shoelaces.
Isn't it the absolute coolest to be so universally psyched about a US President? I wonder sometimes if this is how our parents felt about JFK (subjective Presidential disparities aside). And sheesh- saluting the President respectfully and joyously should NOT be punished!

Would you want to live forever or know everything?
Hard set of choices. I'd choose living forever, hoping I could keep good health, and wishing to keep my (soon to be) husband living forever with me.
There is just so very much to see, and so very much I'll never see even during the span we are blessed to get.

Posted by: Karen at February 1, 2009 12:53 AM

So three times I had this really great comment typed out and three times it told me I had posted a comment too recently to allow me to post another one. Um... okay. That was weird.

Mr. Rempel giving away all that money- and his family helping him do it! How many other equally stupid things do you think he and or his family have done that just haven't made the news?

Posted by: Debra at February 1, 2009 1:46 AM

They actually showed how condoms were made on that show? I am so bummed that I missed that one.

Posted by: Samantha at February 1, 2009 10:28 AM

They actually showed how condoms were made on that show? I am so bummed that I missed that one.

Posted by: Samantha at February 1, 2009 10:28 AM

I strictly recommend not to hold back until you get big sum of cash to order goods! You should just get the loans or financial loan and feel comfortable

Posted by: BarkerKelsey25 at August 9, 2010 4:15 PM