January 13, 2009
Over the weekend I reached a milestone - my saturation point for playing "princess." And I'm not all that bright so repetitive stuff usually doesn't bother me. I'm sure I reached this point because by Sunday evening Mia had told me I was mean which simultaneously made me feel like the world's worst parent and broke my heart. The problem is I'm not getting off the princess hook anytime soon. Mia loves all things princess and fairy. That should be obvious from the picture below snapped in her room during her nap.
Later in the evening - after the brief nap pictured above was had - around 6:00 was when I reached that saturation point. Actually, I thought I might be coming down with a fairly serious and profound multiple personality disorder. I'd spent the previous 48 hours playing the roles of Cinderella, the Wicked Stepmother, the Fairy Godmother, Prince Charming, Prince Phillip, Maleficent, Ariel, Prince Eric, King Triton, Scuttle, Aladdin, Ursula the Sea Witch, Queen Clarion, Flora, Fauna, Merriwether, Vidia, Idiressa, Rosetta, Fawn, Silvermist and Tinker Bell. All fairly convincingly, I might add. I said things like touch the spindle!
and you'll be human for three days but if you haven't kissed the prince by the time the sun sets on the third day you'll turn back into a mermaid and belong to me!
Yet Mia loves it so I was able to stave off insanity for a few more hours. Barely.
There's some weird shit you notice when you're playing Prince Eric for the 432nd time and fighting off a mild case of insanity. For instance, Disney really needs to reevaluate the underwear situation of its dolls. I mean, look, for some strange reason Tinker Bell is sporting boy shorts - which is fine but honestly overkill given the outfit. And I don't recall Tink every wearing boy shorts.
Rosetta, on the other hand, is squarely on the opposite end of the spectrum. She's going commando. And that hardly seems appropriate. Not unless she's a porn fairy. Which, last time I checked, she's not. (She's a garden fairy, thankyouverymuch.)
While Disney gets occasional flack for portraying women as princesses concerned with fashion over intelligence, they're just as bad portraying men. Mia's Aladdin doll is seriously cut. He's got a six pack, good biceps, a toned back and I bet he has quite a package under those little painted on tighty-whities. Honestly, I'm concerned for Princess Jasmine. At some point Aladdin is going to roid-rage out and hopefully she's not in the way when it happens. But shouldn't little girls know that they're most likely going to end up with someone who isn't the perfect physical specimen? Someone with a saggy belly and hair in unfortunate places?
Just some of the things you discover when you're Ursula the Sea Witch for the better part of a day. Consider yourself warned. Oh, and yeah, I took upskirt shots of a plastic fairy. It's a proud moment.
Posted by Chris at January 13, 2009 6:05 AM
Case in point via Erin o"Brien:
Having dated rather little this past year or so, I can vouch for this gut/hair thing though in my age group (45-50) you may add on erectile dysfunction as well, which, for all intents and purposes, I believe Eric and his ilk will never experience.
It is a sad, sad thing. Let Mia believe as long as she can. The reality sucks rusty scissors.
I hold that being a street urchin, Aladdin probably had to be pretty cut. But after being a prince for a few years... yeah, reality bites, to go with a '90's theme.
Never liked princesses. I think Mia's better for it to dream big. :)
I still remember some of the bizarre-o things form my barbies as a kid. Namely "Day to Night" Barbie, who wore a suit that could turn into an evening gown. It was....horribly slutty. They should have called her Day Walker Barbie. I have a picture of the look on my face when I opened it Christmas morning - Now I definitely have to post it!
And we're all proud of you for it.
LOL is that Mom tattoo on Aladdin? Awwwesome.
I almost snorfed my coffee, thanks a lot, dude. :)
Man, I am so glad I don't have a little girl right now. I have a much higher tolerance for playing pirate/superhero/ninja/Power Rangers than I think I would for playing princess. You get a gold star. The things we do for our kids...
Sweetie, I just love the picture of Mia under all her stuff! That is priceless!!!
If I were Jasmine, I wouldn't be so much worried about the 'roid rage as I would be about the non-removable underwear. That's gotta be one frustrated princess!
I wonder if there really is such a thing as a porn fairy?
I guess we should be happy Tink isn't wearing a thong.
TWO Uniquas? Is it because of the pink?
Ah, yet another reason to be glad I have boys. I can't hack the princess stuff.
Heh! We've also noticed the um...undergarments. I think it's a Tinkerbell doll that has little panties but they look kind of fish-netty. What exactly is going on in Pixie Hollow?
I'm right there with you on the princess saturation. My daughter asks to watch "Ariel and Melody" every day. Last week she sang "Out to the SEA WE GO!" over and over and over and over... Being brilliant like we are we're taking a trip to Disney in a few weeks so we can continue to feed the obsession!
Haaa, you know all their names! I didn't even know there WAS a fairy named Rosetta.
And now I think I have a massive crush on you for this most awesome post!
Hahaha. I sent your post to my husband who, no doubt, will one day need to know all these characters.
Rosetta's totally going to steal away all the princes in all the land. She'll lure them by telling them all she's commando.
I'm an awful, mean, mean person. I don't let my kids watch Disney movies very often and they only watch PBS shows on television (less than two hours a day), and I only buy them or allow them to have education toys or more realistic toys like blocks, legos, train stuff, kitchen toys, tool toys, and yes, I actually allow them little people. ;)
I know. My sister tells me that I'm no fun and my kids will hate me later. But, at 4.5 and 2.5, they seem perfectly happy!
HA! This was one of my favorite posts from you ever! You're a good dad, Chris...you know more Disney characters than I do! And who the hell is Iridessa and Vidia and all the rest of those guys at the end?
Bravo on looking up plastic faerie skirts! And photographing them. That aside, this post was hilarious.
I'm holding off on buying Disney toys for as long as possible, but my kid is obsessed with princesses too. *SIGHS*
You totally took a skirt up picture of a fairy. You are my hero.
You should show this post to Mia when she's all grown up and doesn't think you're cool anymore. You're definitely a fantastic dad, albeit one who may be going a little bonkers haha.
My son insists on having me describe his long list of Thomas & Friends characters.
Hahahaha! Monkey only makes me talk to stuffed animals and Duplo dolls. No Disney YET.
What's up with Aladdin having the muscle-y chest, but such skinny legs?
I think you're awfully sweet to spend so much time playing Princess. Mia is lucky to have you for a dad.
Parenting... IT ROCKS.
Also, why no continuing education courses on this shit??? WTF. I could sure use a course on how to deal with things like Princess Overkill and Creative Story Telling for the Whiny Three Year Old, you know?!
Then again, if you really want to be accurate with Aladdin, I think you're gonna need more body hair...
I'm relieved to see that even though she's gone active and modest with the boy shorts, Tink is still sporting the ever-practical slippers with huge pompoms.
Came in search of Delurking Day and fount it and you, a really groovy dad. ("groovy" is coming back!) Read your bio and this Princess post and you had me rollin' Okay now you're on my list and I'LL BE BACK! :)
found it - I hate misspellings!
OK, there is no way in hell I could make this up. I have 2 daughters so, when at home, I am 100% completely dripping with princesses. To make matters worse my co-worker *LOVES* Disney soundtracks. I swear by all that is holy that while I was reading your post I was actually listening to "Poor Unfortunate Souls". For fucking real. In real fucking time. OOOOOOOH the IRONY!
I read your extended bio, Cactus. I think I got about a quarter of the way through. I'm printing it and having it bound as a book and I'll continue reading as time allows... :)
I promise I won't leave another comment for at least a day or two.
I think I should clarify that it was completely by chance that she was playing that song. She thinks I am working instead of commenting your blog. Working, HA! Who can work while listening to, now, "Under the Sea". What she doesn't realize is that is exactly where she will be if she doesn't find a new genre of music to blare from her computer speakers. Under the sea, sleeping with the mermaids.
Sorry, just had to share.
i thought we were going to skip over the princess stage with isabella...since she was all about dora and diego and yo gabba gabba and spongebob and winnie the pooh...
but i think i have entered disney hell. stupid tinkerbell movie.
I'm going to go home and kiss my little boy tonight and play pirates and heroes and Nemo as much as he wants! I will confess that he likes to wear my Tinkerbell nightshirt though. He calls it his "princess shirt" and you can guess how much his daddy likes THAT. I'm going to have to get him some skull and crossbones pjs just to keep his street cred intact.
First, kudos to you for being such a good playmate. It's hard to keep it up(and even harder with boys I find).
Second, I'm looking forward to next month's search hits on your site with the terms "upskirt" and "fairy" in the same post.
This is a nice place! Thanks for the shout.
Haaaaaaaahahahahahaha. My daughter's room is that exact same color! But hers is all surf-themed now, so fear not, Chris Cactus; this too shall pass.
I am so glad that I am not the only dad unafraid of playing along. Mikah (3) loves The Little Mermaid, and can recite the whole darn thing, it is amazing, she can't remember what she had for breakfast, but she knows every word of that movie. Luckily, though, she is only obsessed with Ariel and not all of the other princesses. Don't get me wrong, she will watch them if they are on, but she doesn't beg to watch them like she does The Little Mermaid.
ok so I had to go check out the tinkerbell figure I got for Christmas after reading this - she's commando!
I always thought Al was kind of girly. lol
And I think we need to you playing Tinkerbell! and the Fairy Godmother!
Daddy's who play "princesses" are top notch!!
I have a girl, I am a girl, and I haven't heard of half those characters.
My kid just recently found her new obsession: her brothers' old Rescue Heroes. You're so jealous, you know it.
I'm more concerned with why the fairy skirts are so short in the first place. I mean, even if Tink is wearing modest boyshorts, should we really be able to see them?
wanna curb all things disney?
get that lil girl some hair brushes, bows, ribbons, etc and let her do your hair.
and if you really wanna have fun get that wash out color stuff and let her mousse up your hair with color. omg...she'll totally wanna play hair for days if ya do that.
Oh sweet Lord, I'm skeered.
Of far too many things to even list, frankly, but especially that boy doll's painted-on underpants.
You are a plastic fairy perv.
You forgot to put a wedding ring on the "reality" guy because don't you know all the GOOD ones are taken?
yeah ur right.. afterall barbie potrayal makes life hard for gurls too to stand up to ze expectation.. phhfftt
I only wear boyshorts on Sunday, thankyouverymuch. I'm so impressed that you play "princess" with Mia at all. The only thing MY Dad ever played with me was "Shut the hell up and watch cartoons!"
For better or for worse, I think princesses are definitely starting to seep into your brain. Princess overload, for sure!
Oh my! My daughter's room looks very similar, tons-o-stuffed animals of all stripes on her bed however. Her latest addition is a 4 foot stuffed bear that she sleeps under. I can't imagine these kids being comfortable under all of that stuff.
Someone might have already said this but the Aladdin on the left is gay so don't be fooled by his svelte physique. Our daughter has the same Princess fix with an emphasis on Ariel. Two comments about Ariel, she's very sexual (notice how she jets out of water breasts first) and she's a trouble maker. Neither I'm sure I need my daughter studying. Those Princesses are trouble I tell ya.
Oh Chris, you are such a plastic perv. Good post! I don't know how you can play Princess for so long, bless you.
Wow, I'm glad I dodged the princess bullet by having two boys instead of a girl in the mix. Of course, I pay for it by stepping on Hot Wheels on the way to the can in the middle of the night. Did you know some of those little cars have really sharp edges? Neither did I.
Wir spezialisieren uns auf Notebook-Akku, alle Arten von Modellen.
I liked seeing this, like your blog layout too. Is it wordpress?
The personal loans suppose to be very useful for people, which would like to organize their business. By the way, this is very comfortable to get a financial loan.