February 2, 2009

Suburban Ninjahood

We've known each other for a few years so it's about time that I reveal my true superhero alter-ego. This weekend, as I do most weekends, I transformed myself into Suburban Dad Ninja. The job of Suburban Dad Ninja? To fight boredom, change diapers, provide sustenance and wear a pretty darn kick-ass ninja outfit.


As with most weekends, I was up early doing my best to walk the fine line between coffee chugging and third degree mouth burns in order to get focused. Kids are amazing in that they wake up completely and totally awake and alert. If I could bottle whatever it is that allows them to wake up talking 80 miles and hour bouncing off the walls, I'd be Rich As God Suburban Dad Ninja.

And poor Owen. The kid's got, like, 87 teeth trying to come in and he's in a pretty massive amount of pain. And it didn't help that Mia and I conspired to dress him up in the clothes her Babar doll was wearing. I know at some point, when he's in his fourth or fifth year of therapy, he's going to stumble on the photos I took of him and later report to his therapist they dressed me like a fucking elephant. But it was sure cute at the time.


My daughter herself is no stranger to the strange. Beth had a dentist appointment on Friday morning and Mia went with her, wanting a preview of what she's in for when she has her appointment this week. She came home way more enthusiastic about the dentist than anyone with teeth has the sense too. Apparently, she dug the whole rinse and spit thing the most. Because she repeated the process in our kitchen for, oh, a half hour. She just sat there rinsing and spitting, totally focused, totally in the zone. Kids are weird.

In the last hours of the weekend, both kids were in the kitchen melting down, screaming over crazy crap and all I could do was sit there and laugh. I actually felt bad. But I laughed. Because what the hell else are you going to do? And its not a good weekend unless you've had a few meltdowns.

Now, allow me to shill for a moment - I think you'll find that it's worth your while. The kind folks at ProFlowers gave me not one or two but five (F-I-V-E) gift certificates valued at $70 to give away. That means you can pick up virtually anything offered at ProFlowers worth up to $70 for zippy. It's Monday and early so I am neither well-rested or caffeinated so if you're asking yourself self, how do I get my hands on one of those gift certificates that would really and truly be a kick ass way to start my week the answer is simple - just leave a comment. Mia will be randomly drawing a name based on today's comments. So comment early and comment often. I'll announce the winner tomorrow, along with details on how you can land the second gift certificate of the week.

Posted by Chris at February 2, 2009 6:32 AM
Comments

You look very Ninja like.

You should get Mia to practice the rinse and spit with a numbed up lip and see haw she does.

Posted by: william at February 2, 2009 6:58 AM

I always pictured you as a Ninja..

Posted by: Hazel at February 2, 2009 7:25 AM

Just in time for Valentine's Day. :)

Posted by: Jamie at February 2, 2009 7:34 AM

So, I should comment like 100 times?

Posted by: Debbie at February 2, 2009 7:34 AM

I could use some flowers. We got a lot of damn snow up here!

Posted by: Sharri at February 2, 2009 7:34 AM

The whole rinse and spit thing works best with vodka. My kid turns 18 today. I think she has been rinse-n-spitting vodka for a while now. Works wonders on oral plaque she says. I think it is just a ploy to get the pot smell out of her mouth.

Jesskiddin,

Julia

Posted by: Julia at February 2, 2009 7:54 AM

pro flowers is an awesome source for gifts! I'd love one.

Posted by: jodifur at February 2, 2009 7:54 AM

That ninja pic is just too much! Hahahaa! Love it. And owen, the poor boy...

Posted by: jen at February 2, 2009 7:56 AM

Laughter IS the best medicine. Fun at the dentist, gawd, NOT!

Posted by: Amber at February 2, 2009 7:56 AM

I laughed last night too mid meltdown. It was just incredible and I couldn't stop the insanity so I decided to join in.

Posted by: Cass at February 2, 2009 7:58 AM

I laughed too...like u said, sometimes that's all that is left. See, I could use those flowers.

Posted by: Tera at February 2, 2009 8:18 AM

We had a few meltdowns at our house this weekend too. No kids, but meltdowns just the same. (Can you say I'm way too stressed and need a vacation?!)

Posted by: Kellie at February 2, 2009 8:23 AM

You sir, are a vewy, scawy nina mahn! Heheh. Seriously, Owen and Mia are VERY lucky to have a dad that is so involved in their lives! You rock!

Posted by: NotAMeanGirl at February 2, 2009 8:29 AM

Oooooh...pretty flowers! I love flowers. I am such a girl.

Poor Owen. Wishing him comfort for his wee little mouth!

Posted by: Sam at February 2, 2009 8:32 AM

Do your Ninja cool points go up if your headgear is a really awesome tie?

Posted by: Shelly at February 2, 2009 8:34 AM

I hate it when I wake up on Monday morning feeling worse than I did on Friday afternoon. Aren't weekends for recovery? I am sure my ear infection isn't helping. Have a great monday!

Posted by: goodsnake at February 2, 2009 8:34 AM

Yeah, I'm just doing it for the flowers.

But I did just go to the dentist for the first time in more than four years about a month ago! I would like to work at that office: satellite radio in every room, the dentist takes the workers on spa days, etc. I guess it would make up for the whole rotting cavity thing.

Posted by: Coleen at February 2, 2009 8:40 AM

Free stuff? Yowza!
Sorry to hear about Owen. The teething stage is an unhappy time. I think the best way to handle that situation is to medicate Mum and Dad. Problem solved.

Posted by: Wack-a-do at February 2, 2009 8:45 AM

I enjoy your alter ego greatly. My alter-ego 'Invisible to All Students and Parents Who Are Part of her Elementary School Woman' was out in force this weekend.

I often am glad that my dog cannot go to a therapist. He has a lot of fodder for years and years of therapy.

Posted by: Kate at February 2, 2009 8:45 AM

The not so secret Ninja Dad anymore...LOL

Posted by: elizabeth at February 2, 2009 8:48 AM

No pictures of Owen dressed as Babar? Please?

I will try to have half as much enthusiasm as Mia for my next dentist appt.

Posted by: diane at February 2, 2009 8:50 AM

My weekend was actually a nice enjoyable, accomplishment filling weekend! It might have helped a little that my husband worked on Saturday but I did enjoy a lunch out with my cousin.
And, my son came home for a few hours, left to see his girlfriend, stayed for a superbowl party and decided to sleep at home tonight so I have the added bonus of him at home this morning (that's a good thing).
Suburban Dad Ninja rocks - I was always one type of Batman bad guy character or another long ago.

Posted by: NancyJak at February 2, 2009 8:51 AM

I went to the Proflowers website, and (brrr, shudder) the two women on the home page are living proof that men can't win.

The caption: - she'll love you; she'll love you not.

The one woman is obviously a hopeless, clingy, smothering co-dependent, who looks practically suicidal because (boo hoo) her old man forgot to send her some fucking flowers.

But the one who actually got the roses has gone so completely psycho over a few posies that even if it was just a nice thanks-for-the-BJ bouquet, you know the man who sent it will never, ever be able to break up with her. This chick is Glenn Close on steroids.

Flowers? No flowers? Like I said, a guy can't win. Let us know when you get a gift certificate from Lexus.

But if Mia does draw my name, I'll just give it away again on my site. Who knows? It might become like that Christmas fruitcake that's been passed around all these years.

Posted by: Marshall at February 2, 2009 8:52 AM

Who doesn't love flowers!
And I think I'm with others here, we need to see bebe babar :)

Posted by: Leanne at February 2, 2009 8:52 AM

Not one to usually "do" cut flowers...I'm thinking I deserve them about now.


Posted by: daisy at February 2, 2009 8:53 AM

Where are the pictures of Owen dressed in Babaar's outfit??

Posted by: alfredsmom at February 2, 2009 8:55 AM

My three year old had a spectacular meltdown on Saturday. At my friend's house. With witnesses who were not related. It was fun. So so so fun.

(And Mia should pick my name because it would be nice to have flowers that I didn't have to buy for myself). ; )

Posted by: Sarah at February 2, 2009 8:55 AM

whoops... let's try this again. mia, pick me for the gift certificate! There's nothing I like more than embarrassing my husband at work with a huge bouquet of flowers!
Nice ninja face, by the way.

Posted by: Annelise at February 2, 2009 8:57 AM

Happy Monday! Love the rinse & spit picture of Mia...and Suburban Ninja Dad, I can totally see it.

No mention of the Super Bowl!?!?!

Posted by: Krush at February 2, 2009 8:58 AM

Well, shoot - what better prize the week before Valentine's Day?

Our weekend alteregos might be more along the villain line, rather than superhero. What with torturing the innocent with such horrendous fates as "sleep-in-your-crib!" and "pee-in-the-potty!", and all. Our favorite torture device, though, is "drink-your-milk-or-you-don't-get-a-cupcake". Never fails.

Posted by: kate at February 2, 2009 9:04 AM

We do the same thing: laugh maniacally as our two children wail against the injustices of our family.

Posted by: Bunny at February 2, 2009 9:07 AM

I was TOTALLY a ninja for my sister's birthday! I bought a rad orange scarf that, when tied around the head, made me look very ninja-esque. It wasn't a ninja themed party and no one else was dressed up but a birthday ain't a birthday without a little ninja, eh?

Posted by: mymilabean at February 2, 2009 9:10 AM

Flowers would be lovely.

Please, a picture of Babar?

Posted by: Ann Adams at February 2, 2009 9:24 AM

Oooo, I could use some pretty flowers. I've been in quite the funk lately.

Speaking of prizes, I still need your addy for the prize you won on my site. Did Beth pick her bauble?

Posted by: SassyPants at February 2, 2009 9:30 AM

Oooo, I could use some pretty flowers. I've been in quite the funk lately.

Speaking of prizes, I still need your addy for the prize you won on my site. Did Beth pick her bauble?

Posted by: SassyPants at February 2, 2009 9:31 AM

I don't know which was worse.....the kids' meltdowns on Saturday or the meltdowns of the fully-grown, highly intoxicated men I witnessed last night! I need pretty flowers to make it all better.

Posted by: DeLurking Di at February 2, 2009 9:31 AM

Weird is as weird does, Ninja Man.

Posted by: Rebecca at February 2, 2009 9:36 AM

Okay Ninja Dad you totally look hot!
My weekend was an odd one. Ask me why?
Not sure. Just weird is all I can say.
Love the pictures of the kids. As always I am stunned by their beauty!
Happy Monday, dear friend!

Posted by: Maribeth at February 2, 2009 9:36 AM

I'd love a gift certificate! I can actually understand Mia being fascinated by the whole rinse-and-spit thing. I mean, it's not often that kids are allowed to spit, let alone encouraged.

Posted by: Fraulein N at February 2, 2009 9:36 AM

I would like to see Owen in his Babar costume. I love Babar.

You are one kick ass Ninja.

Posted by: Maria at February 2, 2009 9:38 AM

SERIOUSLY. Mia is so gorgeous. Look at that hair! Also, your son has cute toes. :D

Posted by: Sparkle Pants at February 2, 2009 9:43 AM

I'm a rabid anti-dentite

Posted by: Jase at February 2, 2009 9:47 AM

Hey maybe Mia will be a dentist when she grows up or then again maybe a fairy princess. Whatever she becomes she will be good at it. Poor baby Owen, hope those teeth break through soon and he gets some relief. Hang in there mom and dad, you are doing a good job!
Hugs,
T

Posted by: Trish at February 2, 2009 9:50 AM

that is one bad-ass Ninjatie.

Posted by: Aimee Greeblemonkey at February 2, 2009 9:51 AM

Don't put my name in the hat 'cause I don't know who I'd send flowers to, but I'm curious...how'd you get picked for such a thing?

Posted by: Emily at February 2, 2009 9:52 AM

Cool, a chance for something free and I don't have to embarrass myself for it, count me in!

Nice ninja look!

Posted by: Jeff A at February 2, 2009 9:54 AM

Flower? for me? you shouldn't have. Oh, and that thing that allows kids to wake up ready to roll ... sleep. Yeah, we adults don't really get enough of it. Mandatory naps at work?

Posted by: Kris at February 2, 2009 9:55 AM

Oooh, pretty flowers! I'd love to send my daughter's teacher a pretty bouquet to say thanks! It's still meaningful if I don't actually have to *pay* for the flowers, right?

Posted by: Becky at February 2, 2009 9:55 AM

So being a ninja is the secret of parenthood? I suppose that's something I have to look forward to…

Posted by: Beth at February 2, 2009 9:58 AM

Would it be horrible to enter, win and the subsequently hand it to my husband to buy me V-day flowers? No, I guess not. :)

Posted by: Claire at February 2, 2009 10:01 AM

OOoo free stuff! Gimme gimme gimme! Um...I mean, Hi, how are you?

Posted by: Cassandra at February 2, 2009 10:04 AM

What an excellent alternative use for a TIE!?

Poor little guy I feel his and Beth's pain!

We had the same kind of Sunday only ours involved not just the usual melts downs and chaos but our dog was bleeding all over the place and no vets in our town were willing to see our dog because they are not our regular vet. Our vet's answering machine suggested driving an hour up to Indy to see a vet there for any emergencies?! Freaks.

Posted by: Christina at February 2, 2009 10:07 AM

Poor Owen. I'm sure he's thankful you haven't posted the pictures yet.

Posted by: Christina at February 2, 2009 10:08 AM

If one were to say that you are -very- good looking as a suburban ninja, would that improve one's chances of winning? What if I tell you the sad sad story of my poor sister, the one to whom I'd be sending said flowers? Anything?

Glad you had a good weekend. I was kicking myself that we didn't get out more yesterday, it was gorgeous.

Posted by: Laura GF at February 2, 2009 10:09 AM

Flowers??? My husband is a ninja everywhere but the flower department. If I have flowers I had to chuck out the money myself. Its not the money.....

Teach Owen the importance of flowers when it comes to keeping women happy.

Posted by: Kristy at February 2, 2009 10:09 AM

My boy loved the dentist too...but he doesn't know what "cavity" means yet. He'll hate him soon enough.

Posted by: rebecca at February 2, 2009 10:10 AM

The dentist doesn't have to be scary! My kids don't mind going at all!

Thanks for the contest.

Posted by: steff at February 2, 2009 10:12 AM

I need one of those ninja outfits...

Posted by: Jen R. at February 2, 2009 10:12 AM

So I got a huge chuckle out of this, lol... Rich As God Suburban Dad Ninja

Your kids are just unbelievably adorable.

the dentist is all well and good until that first shot is announced and then kids fall in line just like the rest of us.

Posted by: Jen at February 2, 2009 10:13 AM

Flowers??? My husband is a ninja everywhere but the flower department. If I have flowers I had to chuck out the money myself. Its not the money.....

Teach Owen the importance of flowers when it comes to keeping women happy.

Posted by: Kristy at February 2, 2009 10:15 AM

Flowers??? My husband is a ninja everywhere but the flower department. If I have flowers I had to chuck out the money myself. Its not the money.....

Teach Owen the importance of flowers when it comes to keeping women happy.

Posted by: Kristy at February 2, 2009 10:16 AM

dear mia,

i, too, am highly fond of all things princess-y.

cinderelly,
rzdrms


Posted by: RzDrms at February 2, 2009 10:17 AM

More comments means more chances to win? I'm there. You may be sorry you asked.

Have I ever told you I have always wanted to be a florist?

Posted by: Candy at February 2, 2009 10:18 AM

OMG. The swish and spit is hilarious! My oldest used to love that too. Accept she wasn't so hot about any other part of being at the dentist!

Posted by: Kristin at February 2, 2009 10:18 AM

my best friend is my kids' dentist...they LOVE going to see her. it's like some huge treat to them. what's WRONG with them?!?! haha

Posted by: ali at February 2, 2009 10:20 AM

You gotta love kids! And yes Owen is SO going to be in therapy one day saying WTF? Are we going to SEE those photos????

And so cute Rinse and Spit! At least maybe she won't have my huge fear of dentists!

Hope your week is great!

Posted by: Gypsy at February 2, 2009 10:21 AM

I never spend money on flowers because they die, but they make me happy. I could be happy for free if I win! Wahoo!

Posted by: samantha jo campen at February 2, 2009 10:24 AM

Suburban Dad Ninja is my favorite superhero!

Rinsing & spitting? prolly the least painful part of the dentist. so yay for that.

I feel like death on toast, but am here getting my daily dose of cactus. I'm loyal like that.

Posted by: Kris at February 2, 2009 10:29 AM

Please have Mia talk to my 8 year old. He will not open his mouth at the dentist. HIs teeth are coming in crooked and he will have to get braces....I need to invest in drugs NOW.

Sometimes all you can do is laugh......it sounds better than sobbing.

Posted by: kali at February 2, 2009 10:31 AM

Just started reading your blog recently...so funny! My son is 3 and is obsessed with the fact that "I'm 3 so I get to go to the dentist". I'm afraid it will be a big let down.

Posted by: aimee at February 2, 2009 10:33 AM

Ninja Dad cracks me up! (Thinking that a costume like that would totally work for my lovely hubby... hmmmm...)

Flowers are great- they help you to ignore the messy house, the screaming children and the overabundance of infectious diseases that seem to be taking over our family....

Posted by: morninglightmama at February 2, 2009 10:35 AM

Clearly, I'm not going to win, because your blog is way too popular. But if I did, I'd get some pretty flowers to put on our dining table, and then someone would come look at our house and buy it, and then we'd buy someone else's house, and the economy would magically be fixed. So clearly I'm the best choice for free flowers. :)

Posted by: Kelly at February 2, 2009 10:43 AM

Ohhh...I love draws for free stuff! Pick me, Mia! Pick me!

We had a couple of meltdowns this weekend--same child for both--they were quite ridiculous.

Posted by: Susan at February 2, 2009 10:43 AM

I think that Valentine's Day was invented just to get flowers in people's houses in February. This time of year, it's kind of dreary and the ground has been snow-covered for three months and it's nice to think that maybe we might get some flowers to liven up the house!!

Posted by: NGS at February 2, 2009 10:44 AM

I'm intrigued with your hook-ups!

Thanks, Mia, for choosing me!

Posted by: Brad at February 2, 2009 10:48 AM

i was going to write "pick me, signed cinderella" but it looks like someone already beat me to it.

signed, snow white

Posted by: kati at February 2, 2009 10:51 AM

Oooo, flowers.

Posted by: Karla at February 2, 2009 11:03 AM

you do the ninja thing very well. I'm impressed grasshopper. Although you make me very tired.

And flowers would be nice. I'm just sayin'.

Posted by: Ames at February 2, 2009 11:06 AM

Just like Mia, my kids are waay too excited to go to the dentist. They love Mr. Squirt and Mr. Sucky. Their names, not mine. Even when my 6 yr old had an abscessed tooth taken surgically, he was yeah, I'm at the hospital and look at this mask on my face WOOHOO!

Crazy indeed.

Posted by: Trish at February 2, 2009 11:06 AM

Both of my youngest kids love going to the dentist. Gracie likes getting a new toothbrush (the kid is constantly brushing her teeth), and Mikah likes the bubble gum stuff they use. Me, I prefer the cherry flavored goo.

Posted by: Chris at February 2, 2009 11:09 AM

My dentist doesn't make us rinse and spit anymore. She just puts the water sprayer in, sprays and then puts the water sucker in and , well, sucks. No spitting involved. which is good, because I used to spit on myself every freaking time.

Posted by: ktjrdn at February 2, 2009 11:14 AM

My 14 year old hormonal insomniac could use some flowers. Then again, maybe I need them as a reward for NOT killing her, y'know?

Posted by: Cristin at February 2, 2009 11:16 AM

I hope Mia is still interested in the dentist when it is actually her in the chair! :)

Posted by: mcconk at February 2, 2009 11:25 AM

So does Beth dress up as a pirate? :)

Posted by: ::c:: at February 2, 2009 11:26 AM

It's a meltdown when they are little and attitude when they're older. I don't think it ever stops ... just changes.

Posted by: Kristy - Where's My Damn Answer at February 2, 2009 11:36 AM

Just curious how you teach a kid to spit. Bridget does not understand the concept of holding the water in her mouth and not swallowing it...

I hope Mia has a good dental visit.

Posted by: donna at February 2, 2009 11:40 AM

Ms. Mia Bean,

I would ask that you please pick my comment. I would happily play Princess with you at a time of your choosing. I also know all the words to all the songs for Little Mermaid. And Wizard of Oz.

Big hugs,
Alektra

Posted by: alektra at February 2, 2009 11:41 AM

I dig the ninja wear. Your weekend sounds strangely like our weekend. Our boys are 3 and 8 months and have very similar issues (teeth, meltdowns about nothing).

Flowers would be awesome. We could use something pretty to brighten our lives right about now.

Posted by: Mutt at February 2, 2009 11:42 AM

c'mon Mia! I never win! Or get flowers.

Posted by: caleal at February 2, 2009 11:44 AM

Flowers? Did I hear flowers? I need flowers.

I don't know if you saw the monster commercial (do you hate your job?), but I couldn't laugh, because that is actually my life. Flowers might help, at least until I find a new one.

Then again, my husband may need them for putting up with me while I hate my job!

I love the laughing during the meltdown. Once I realized that really, truly, there is nothing I can do but wait it out, my stress level went down about 1,000 percent.

Posted by: jane at February 2, 2009 11:45 AM

My kids LOVE the dentist. My Youngest (4 - ALMOST 5) Has decided that she is going to be a Tooth Doctor.. Not to be confused with Dr. Teeth..

Posted by: Molly at February 2, 2009 11:50 AM

Nothing like a contest to bring the commenters out of the woodwork. ;)
Love the ninja outfit. Might I suggest that you and Owen be Lone Wolf and Cub for Halloween?

Posted by: tuliptoe at February 2, 2009 11:51 AM

i hope mia picks me, i really need a way to be able to send myself flowers at work and pretend they are from someone else.

Posted by: bri at February 2, 2009 11:51 AM

That ninja pic is FIERCE, yo. And laughing during a meltdown? Sometimes it's all you can do, even when you're laughing at a kid that's not yours in a music lesson (and odds are the parents are just going to join you when they're brave enough to poke their head in the room.) It happens, and let's face it, meltdowns can be hilarious sometimes. Oh and the gift certificate? Yes please? Kthx.

Posted by: Sassy at February 2, 2009 11:54 AM

Okay, what the heck. I'll comment just because you wore a necktie on your head. The possibility of free flowers is a bonus.

Posted by: Liz at February 2, 2009 11:55 AM

My husband never sends me flowers so I will use your gift certificate to send flowers to myself form a secret admirer. You have to keep spouses on their toes, no?

Posted by: TUWABVB at February 2, 2009 11:58 AM

That is good that Mia is enthused about the dentist. Hopefully it will stay that way once she has to go herself.

Posted by: Adi at February 2, 2009 12:10 PM

Guess it was a good day to check my reader, huh? And about the rinse and spit? At least it kept her entertained for a while!

Posted by: Dianna at February 2, 2009 12:13 PM

Flowers sure are nice
because life is nuts lately
and pretty blooms help

Happy Monday!

Posted by: Caitlin at February 2, 2009 12:16 PM

Rinse, spit, repeat. Heeeeee!

Posted by: Sue R at February 2, 2009 12:29 PM

I spent saturday planning my wedding, so a gift certificate for flowers would be timely & helpful!

Posted by: Michelle at February 2, 2009 12:29 PM

If Mia chooses Marshall to win the flowers, he can send them to me...

Or if I win, I will send them to myself at work, from my secret stalker...

Posted by: tai at February 2, 2009 12:36 PM

You know you should totally pick me.

And, I'm not a child, but I have always been an early riser. Once I'm awake, I'm ready for the day. I wish I could bottle that stuff up, too.

Also, if Mia chooses me that would be awesome.

Posted by: Arwen at February 2, 2009 12:37 PM

This is totally not a bid to get my name in twice...but to mention that THE STEELERS WON THE SUPERBOWL!!

Posted by: Arwen at February 2, 2009 12:39 PM

Flowers are awesome. I've had my job 5 years and never had flowers on my desk. Now would be a good time.

Posted by: Judy at February 2, 2009 12:46 PM

Oh, and I tried to comment on this 2 hours ago but my iphone wouldn't let me.

Posted by: Judy at February 2, 2009 12:48 PM

Is it bad that I see your picture and all I can think about is the theme from "KungFu Panda" aka KungFu Fighting? :)

Posted by: Jean at February 2, 2009 12:48 PM

I have a 5 year old and 2 year old who sleep in the same room together. Because their bedroom is upstairs we have a monitor on so we can hear when they wake up. One morning while nursing my baby downstairs the older kids woke up. The first thing they did was start yelling at each other. I sat there nursing the baby laughing my ass off while they fought for over 30 minutes. So laughing at meltdowns is the best medicine!

Posted by: Heather C. at February 2, 2009 1:00 PM

I have a 5 year old and 2 year old who sleep in the same room together. Because their bedroom is upstairs we have a monitor on so we can hear when they wake up. One morning while nursing my baby downstairs the older kids woke up. The first thing they did was start yelling at each other. I sat there nursing the baby laughing my ass off while they fought for over 30 minutes. So laughing at meltdowns is the best medicine!

Posted by: Heather C. at February 2, 2009 1:01 PM

Mia! Mia! Pick me! I'm a divorced single woman whose dogs can't pick up the phone and order flowers for her!!

PS - I like the little suction thing the best at the dentist - you close your mouth around it and your cheeks involuntarily suck in. It definitely beats rinse and spit!

Posted by: Heather at February 2, 2009 1:01 PM

I know that coffee line well. Also, the "I really really really want coffee, but my child is the master of grabbing at cups of hot liquid so I can only stare at it and whimper" moment.

Posted by: Lisa at February 2, 2009 1:01 PM

Awesome! My hubby, God love him, is on the brink of doing something stupid :) He'd love a gift certificate for flowers!

Posted by: Chelle at February 2, 2009 1:03 PM

yay for ninjas

and sometimes, laughing is not only the only thing you can do....but it's kinda fun too!

Posted by: wn at February 2, 2009 1:03 PM

If I win I promise to give the gift certificate to my husband and force him to use it to buy me flowers. It's only fair, right?

Happy Monday!

Posted by: Isabel at February 2, 2009 1:05 PM

Flowers are quite pretty :) But not nearly as pretty as Mia!

Posted by: Heather at February 2, 2009 1:05 PM

What if I said I would send flowers to Mia and Beth if I got so fortunate as to win a gift certificate? 'Cause I'm considering it....

Posted by: cynical at February 2, 2009 1:20 PM

Now if they could bottle the "excitement" of going to the dentist....I would so buy that!

Posted by: elsye at February 2, 2009 1:25 PM

That's a cool ninja outfit...

And yey for gift certificates! I hope I win one. I never get flowers...but I love to send them!

Posted by: Amy at February 2, 2009 1:34 PM

Hi Mia! Pick me, pick me!!!!

Posted by: Kris H at February 2, 2009 1:46 PM

I could definitely use some flowers...I'll send them to myself on V-day and sign 'love your secret admirer.'

Posted by: Miss Em at February 2, 2009 1:51 PM

Oooh! Flowers are always such a treat!

Posted by: Michele at February 2, 2009 1:58 PM

The ninja getup reminded me of this time I wrapped a black T-shirt around my head ninja style and tried to sneak up on my wife. I didn't know it at the time, but my dog Watson must have had some ninja trauma in his past because he went nuts and attacked me when he saw me. Mid-maul he figured out who I was and didn't ever get enough purchase to really harm me, and we all had a good laugh about it.

On the odd occasion where I have to leave my family for travel or whatever, I never worry much about ninjas. Haven't tried to ninja my wife since that day, though.

Posted by: rpm at February 2, 2009 2:00 PM

Sweet deal on the gift certificates! If they don't need to be used right away, I would love to win one. My daughter's school has a huge auction every year and this year (yay economy!) they are way down in donations. It sounds like a great accompaniment to a romantic weekend package.

Thanks for thinking of the internets!

Posted by: Tara at February 2, 2009 2:02 PM

Well you really did luck out. I have to say ProFlowers has the most beautiful flowers that I've ever seen delivered, I purchased Lillies for my mother one year from them and they lasted over a month. They really do a nice job. Just stay away from the tulips. They tend not to last for some reason.

Posted by: Dee at February 2, 2009 2:07 PM

Hi Chris! And hello Mia! Your not only beautiful but your smart as well!

Sorry, watched Pretty Woman a few too many times this weekend...it's my daughters latest obsession. So fun to pass down your favorite movie to your daughter :)

Posted by: Shannen at February 2, 2009 2:13 PM

Going to the dentist is my least favorite thing to do. Mia will probably change her mind once they start putting those nasty instruments in her mouth!

Posted by: peggy at February 2, 2009 2:13 PM

Hi Chris! And hello Mia! Your not only beautiful but your smart as well!

Sorry, watched Pretty Woman a few too many times this weekend...it's my daughters latest obsession. So fun to pass down your favorite movie to your daughter :)

Posted by: Shannen at February 2, 2009 2:13 PM

Going to the dentist is my least favorite thing to do. Mia will probably change her mind once they start putting those nasty instruments in her mouth!

Posted by: peggy at February 2, 2009 2:15 PM

Just commenting to see if I can win! Today hasn't been my lucky day, so I'm not expecting much. totally missed out on Springsteen tickets this morning. Flowers would definitely cheer me up! ;-)

Posted by: cyndy at February 2, 2009 2:26 PM

Seriously, Mia! Mine! Mine!

Posted by: caleal at February 2, 2009 2:28 PM

Did you know I can't remember the last time I got flowers? I guess it's time to go home and remind everyone that the food doesn't cook itself and I deserve flowers. Or, you can give them to me. Either way.

Posted by: Michelle at February 2, 2009 2:37 PM

I laugh at the meltdowns. That's why I'm the emergency babysitter around here. Your kids are screaming? You think you're going to duct tape their mouths shut and throw them in the closet? Kate to the Rescue! Because while you're soaking in the bathtub having a glass (or bottle) of wine, reading magazines and smelling flowers, I'm out there cleaning your house, laughing at your insane kids and making your life worth living again.

It's a win-win. You need me. I know you do.

Posted by: k8 at February 2, 2009 2:40 PM

I could really use some flowers this week...

Posted by: Charlise at February 2, 2009 2:48 PM

I haven't commented in a while, due to the sick toddler-induced haze I've been living in, combined with trying to balance it all. Yes, I'm living the dream (or so they have told me). Nothing like the possibility of winning something to drag my sorry fingers to the keyboard to type a comment.

Glad to see the kiddos are doing well and that Mia is looking forward to the dentist. I totally see this in our near future - especially now that my little guy appears to be done with the misery Owen is currently experiencing.

As for Suburban Dad Ninja, I have my own secret identity on the weekends - Pajama-clad Super Sleepy Mom! I'll be joining the League of Superbly Super Parents in the near future. Look for a chapter near you.

Posted by: RC Rambling... at February 2, 2009 2:59 PM

I am very glad to see your alter-ego is a ninja. The wife and I have an ongoing battle over who is cooler-ninjas or pirates. It's good to know someone else is on my side. Unless there's some pirate alter-ego you've yet to divulge?

Posted by: Jennifer at February 2, 2009 3:05 PM

Mia! Pick me! =)

This could be my hubby's reminder to get me flowers for V-Day! =)

Posted by: Julie at February 2, 2009 3:11 PM

I was driven to comment even before seeing that there's a contest ... what caused this compulsion? holy hell her hair is seriously long! and so pretty. if there was a contest for best looking babies around, yours, sir, would be serious contenders. psst. i wanna say they'd win but i don't want to be offending anyone but, yeah, they'd totally win. :D

Posted by: Patricia at February 2, 2009 3:15 PM

Usually I only comment on your blog when I have something pertinent to say. I admit it, though...today I'm just in it for the (chance of) loot. Oh...and that kids waking up thing? It's because they haven't discovered caffeine yet. Caffeine is a dirty, vicious, downward spiral.I'm at the bottom of that spiral myself right now, I should know. The more you drink, the more you need!

Posted by: Michelle L at February 2, 2009 3:16 PM

Oh poor Owen, we are living with the 6 year old version, only one tooth, much more sleep, but it involves giving one tooth up. We hate giving up our possesions around here.

Oh but flowers would make it so much easier on one of us, likely me, not so much the boy.

Posted by: Earthami at February 2, 2009 3:18 PM

Dude, your comment fields never,ever, ever save my info, even when I ASK it to "remember personal info"...bastard comment thing...

Oh sorry. Cannot get over the hair on that beautiful daughter of yours!

Posted by: JuJuBee at February 2, 2009 3:32 PM

Mia has the most gorgeous hair ever. And I'm not saying that in the hopes that it will make her pick my name. Her hair is just perfect little girl hair. It makes me want to have another little baby so I can have a little girl whose hair I can braid and brush and love.

Now I'm totally afraid that sounds creepy...

Posted by: Jeanne at February 2, 2009 3:33 PM

My birthday is this Friday, so it'd be fun to win the ability to send myself flowers...hmm, that makes me sound much more desperate than I am. Oh well, I'm giving it a shot anyway!

Posted by: Gaby at February 2, 2009 3:41 PM

Love the ninja look. Although... Pirates > Ninjas!

Posted by: secha at February 2, 2009 3:41 PM

Nice weekend...Ninja Dad!

Oooh, free flowers! Of course, the Teleflora guys' Superbowl ad said to beware of flowers in a box. But I don't believe 'em.

Posted by: Teresa at February 2, 2009 3:55 PM

Isabel is having her dentist trip soon too, hope she has as much interest as Mia did.

Posted by: stacie at February 2, 2009 3:55 PM

Dear Princess Miabean of Monkeytown,

This fair maiden does not receive flowers from her prince nearly often enough, and would like something lovely to grace her castle.

If you, lovely Princess, deem me worthy to choose, I would forever be in your debt.

Your servant,
Princess Colleen of Merryweather Vancouver

;)

Posted by: Princess Colleen of Merryweather Vancouver at February 2, 2009 4:17 PM

How can a kid be limping around all morning, looking like she got her paw stuck in a bear trap, but then be running down the hall at the pediatrician's office when she's told she can pick something out of the treasure chest? At least she did tell the Doc that her "heel was a little owie"

Flowers are cool - long live the flowers ... if chosen, I promise to get something for both my wife and daughter ...

Posted by: TisDone at February 2, 2009 4:21 PM

You know what would be even neater- if you sent the FLOWERS to a random winner, instead of the actual gift certificate.

That would be neat.

Posted by: Tai at February 2, 2009 4:27 PM

The rinsing and spitting is TOO adorable! Cracked me up, which is no small feat on a Monday!

Posted by: Vaguely Urban at February 2, 2009 4:29 PM

Mia is the cutest. Plus, I really want those princess cups. I only have one of my own! :)

Posted by: Jennifer Berthiaume at February 2, 2009 4:38 PM

I had a meltdown this weekend as well. I walked into my closet to get dressed on Sunday morning, and one of my kids closed the door behind me and turned off the light. Whatever...I know where things are, right? Instead, I just decide to grab one of the extra pillows I store in the closet and lay down for a little nap, meanwhile, my two kids and hubby are leaning as hard as they can on the other side of the door, thinking I was going to try to push my way out. While laying there, I noticed the pile of laundry I had to do...at least 4 loads, which led me to think about the 2 loads of dished I needed to do, the bills I needed to pay, the garage I needed to clean out, the leaves I needed to rake, the kitchen floor I needed to clean, the girl scout meeting I needed to plan, and so on that had to be done that day. I felt so freaking overwhelmed, I didn't WANT to get up off the floor. Then they started flickering the lights on/off/on/off/on/off and I lost it. I just wanted to give up. Lately, it feels like I am constantly saying, "Let me just get through this week."

Then I realized how ridiculous it was to lay on the floor of my closet in the dark, and I got up and started that huge list of things to do. Crisis over....just needed 4 minutes to myself.

Posted by: Jen at February 2, 2009 4:47 PM

Can I hire a neighborhood ninja to deal with punk kids on my lawn or nosy neighbors?

Posted by: Sarah, Goon Squad Sarah at February 2, 2009 4:59 PM

dude $70 for flowers cool!

and my kid has also discovered the apparent thrill of rinsing and spitting.

Posted by: elissa at February 2, 2009 5:00 PM

DUDE! I wanna be a ninja, too!

Posted by: Erica at February 2, 2009 5:20 PM

I hope Mia's first visit to the dentist is completely non-traumatic. I dread when it becomes our turn and the Child Who Cannot Abide a Stranger's Touch is in the victim's seat.

Posted by: Casey at February 2, 2009 5:33 PM

lol I wouldn't mind going to the dentist at all if I could just see what they were doing. If I can see it, I'm pretty much okay with it.

My other problem is a try to hold a running commentary about what's happening inside my mouth as they are doing it, which means my jaws are moving too much, and my tongue is wagging- they get kinda mad about that. Oops!

Posted by: Debra at February 2, 2009 5:40 PM

if it's for free, it's for me.

Posted by: stella at February 2, 2009 5:48 PM

Okay, I'm OBVIOUSLY new here because I'm a bit in shock that.. what.. if I comment, I have a chance to win... a gift certificate that I probably can't use? Wow! Pick me, pick me! Kidding.

Seriously. Don't pick me.

I do have to agree - we need to know the secret on how children wake up, and within seconds, are jumping off the walls ready to start the day.

Daisy

Posted by: Daisy at February 2, 2009 6:06 PM

If I win I'm totally getting myself a bonsai to kill.

And, you're right, kids are super weird. Love that Mia is excited about the dentist. My kid is NOT even though she loved it last time. Can't figure that one out.

Posted by: Melissa H at February 2, 2009 6:28 PM

Consider me commented.

Posted by: Rex at February 2, 2009 6:40 PM

I want flowers and the only way I'd probably get them is to get them myself. Only flowers die so I'd probably get a plant and give it to my Mom.

Posted by: MrsGroovy at February 2, 2009 7:04 PM

Sweet.

Posted by: Wendie at February 2, 2009 7:05 PM

Omg, I feel so sorry for Owen.

My dentist doesn't have the fancy-schmancy Princess rinse-and-spit accoutrements...does that cost more?

Posted by: Meg at February 2, 2009 7:26 PM

Mia's hair is getting long! She looks like a big girl...you better nip that in the bud.

As far as your alter ego? Miyagi have hope for you.

Posted by: kimmyk at February 2, 2009 7:30 PM

Mia has the most gorgeous hair ever. And I'm not saying that in the hopes that it will make her pick my name. Her hair is just perfect little girl hair. It makes me want to have another little baby so I can have a little girl whose hair I can braid and brush and love.

Now I'm totally afraid that sounds creepy...

Posted by: Jeanne at February 2, 2009 7:30 PM

With all the comments, Mia is going to have a hard time choosing. I went to the dentist today too...root canal...ouch...

Posted by: Rachel at February 2, 2009 7:50 PM

i like stuff.

*ahem*

I like your ninja apparel. Very stylish.

Posted by: Heather at February 2, 2009 7:54 PM

LOVE the rinse and spit practice! Her dentist is going to love you!

Posted by: zanie at February 2, 2009 8:16 PM

LOVE the rinse and spit practice! Her dentist is going to love you!

Posted by: zanie at February 2, 2009 8:16 PM

i like flowers. *nods head* and hubby has to work on valentine's day...which means no fun date for us. did i mention that i like flowers?

Posted by: tiffanie at February 2, 2009 8:52 PM

I wish that I shared your daughter's enthusiasm for the dentist. I would probably have far fewer cavities.

Posted by: Hope at February 2, 2009 9:08 PM

Love the ninja get up!

My dentist uses the rinse and suck method -- they spray water into your mouth, you swish, then they put the suction in your mouth and you close your lips around it and 'voila!' -- gone. Because it's really tough to spit when you're laying down with your feet higher than your head!

Posted by: coolchick at February 2, 2009 9:50 PM

Go Ninja!

Posted by: JJ at February 2, 2009 9:57 PM

My sisters and I used to dress my brothers up as girls when they were babies. It freaked my mom the hell out but they don't seem to have suffered any ill effects from it. Although... maybe it does explain a few things. :)

Posted by: jess at February 2, 2009 10:22 PM

Flowers! I also would like to see the Babar outfit evidence.

Posted by: jessica fantastica at February 2, 2009 10:27 PM

p.s., miss miabean,

besides my strong fondness for all things princess-y, i neglected to mention that my grandparents' 64th wedding anniversary is this wednesday, and there's nothing i'd like more than for them to have some lovely flowers upon their arrival back home from their night(s) at the casino (yes, they are party animals). all these other comments offer gosh-golly-darn good reasons for you to pick them, but 64 years?! that's a really long time. i'm hoping your parents make it that long together...and longer.

...and that your children are able to send them flowers for the occasion. to surprise them.

Posted by: RzDrms at February 2, 2009 11:13 PM

Is it too late to comment?? I've been at work! That was very nice of them (and you!) Congrats to the winners!

Posted by: Lori at February 2, 2009 11:24 PM

Hey its good you can laugh...we went without power for days because of the ice storm and the kids were sweet and not fighting but wondering if they would do the same if I just turned off the power in the whole house by the box...probably not..by the end of the week I wanted to run outside and not worry about downed lines- I needed to see people real people other than those in my house.

Posted by: SANDY:) at February 2, 2009 11:27 PM

Love the Ninja attire!

Posted by: Michelle at February 2, 2009 11:34 PM

I might be too late, but I was going to say anyway:

I wish I'd started to write down all the things I'm sure my kids will repeat to a psychiatrist some day (I started noting them quite early on). It would be worth a book. Maybe two (I've got a shit-whack of kids)

If I do win & you can't forward it to Canada, just cash it in & send some flowers to Marshall.

Sign it "Love, Glenn"

Posted by: harmzie at February 2, 2009 11:40 PM

Ninja-Cactus.....am I missing something? Owen doesn't look like an elephant in that photo!?

Posted by: Starfruit at February 2, 2009 11:58 PM

Ninja-Cactus.....am I missing something? Owen doesn't look like an elephant in that photo!?

Posted by: Starfruit at February 2, 2009 11:58 PM

I think being the 387th commenter gives me a pretty good chance of winning. Also, I much prefer pro-flowers to those amateur ones. They can hardly hold a bloom.

Posted by: Amy at February 3, 2009 12:44 AM

I would love to be counted in. Love the nnja costume - on occassion my huband puts on Julia's wonderwoman cape just to humor his girls. Its good stuff and sometimes averts the mid-dinner meltdowns.

Posted by: nora at February 3, 2009 4:25 AM

I would love to be counted in. Love the nnja costume - on occassion my huband puts on Julia's wonderwoman cape just to humor his girls. Its good stuff and sometimes averts the mid-dinner meltdowns.

Posted by: nora at February 3, 2009 4:25 AM

I would love to be counted in. Love the nnja costume - on occassion my huband puts on Julia's wonderwoman cape just to humor his girls. Its good stuff and sometimes averts the mid-dinner meltdowns.

Posted by: nora at February 3, 2009 4:25 AM


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