February 5, 2009

No, There Really Isn't A Word For That

Before I graduated from college with the ever-useful degrees I now hold, I had to write a thesis, develop an hour long presentation, brief said presentation and defend it to a board of professors. It was rough. See, I'd spent the majority of my college career to that point studying Asian history - specifically Chinese - with a professor who I deeply liked because he was a goofball. I learned a lot, sure, but this was the guy who had to be summoned to deliver a final because he'd forgotten, was cleaning out his gutters and showed up in ripped jeans and dirty gloves. This was the guy who, having arrived on our shores from Korea in the early fifties, got several degrees from impressive American institutions of higher education and had been teaching at my college since 1968 yet could still barely speak the English language. This was the guy who accepted the exact same research paper from me for three separate classes (I had him a whopping 13 times). This is the guy who claimed you could learn about the cultures of other countries by drawing a map of the world in potatoes and insisted that the Jewish god Yaweh was actually named Yahoo. So, while I learned a lot from him and am absolutely positive that a good percentage of his absent-mindedness was an act, having to defend a thesis to "real" professors was tough. But I did. The topic? Mao Zedong's legacy to modern China. (Y'all are asleep now, right? WAKE UP!)

Writing the paper was the easy part. I loved writing papers, hated taking tests. I'd gladly take any class for which long research papers were the basis for grades. And I had an entire semester to write this one, and my absent-minded professor advising me. The presentation made me the most anxious but I presented my thesis and backed it up with irrefutable research. I spoke eloquently about the uniquity of Mao's rule, the uniquity of China as a country and how these two unique elements intersected to bring about the uniquity of the current Chinese governmental and societal structures. And as I was leaving, the cold sweat abating, I was told by one of the professors - the Department head - that I'd done a good job but by the way uniquity was not a word.


I'm sure I turned bright red. I distinctly recall saying something like I can't believe I did that after which I turned and left the room. I got a B+ on the entire package. I was happy but I couldn't help thinking that uniquity lost me the A. And the more and more I contemplated it, the more and more I thought that uniquity should be a word. I mean, uniquity is perfect, much better than uniqueness, the actual correct word which to me sounds terribly awkward and much more made up than my fake word. And though that was 13 years ago, it still bothers me. I often think about lobbying the word police or the big brains who run the Oxford English Dictionary to add uniquity. I think it could be my great contribution to society. Or something.

What concepts do not have words devoted to them that should? What are your favorite made up words? And what words would you make if you controlled the dictionary?


Who won yesterday's gift certificate? Jessica. You all entertained the hell out of me and without it, I wouldn't have made it through the day. But Jessica went the extra mile. I think I got about 2,491 emails from her throughout the day including a portrait of herself and Jesus. That's hard to beat. Don't despair. You've got two chances left to land yourself $70 gift certificate from ProFlowers. Today, open those comments and give me your best made up words or words that truly should exist but don't. The awesomest (see, just made up that word - its easy!) wins. Bonus points if, you know, I shoot coffee out my nose or something.

Posted by Chris at February 5, 2009 6:26 AM

One of my friends and I play WOD (word of the day) which is when we identify blunderings in the English language. Here are a couple of my favorites.

Updation - as in "provide updations to the schedule"

Barackracy - the guy who used this was trying to say bureaucracy but it came out as the other, which I think should be a new word.

Posted by: Debbie at February 5, 2009 7:35 AM

My one made up word is because I didn't want to say fuck you in front of my little kids. So I started saying "Bah-Fung-Goo" when the appropriate moment occurred with my ex-husband and that occurred often. Well, over the years it has just stuck.
And since you studied Chinese History, you must have heard this very Asian sounding word before. lol!

Posted by: Maribeth at February 5, 2009 7:56 AM

True story-

Day long trial yesterday, and in closing arguments I used the word, refutation. The judge looked at me and said, Um, Ms._____, that's not a word. Good moment.

Posted by: Jodifur at February 5, 2009 8:03 AM

Our best made up word is:


As in a Hum Vee Limo. Those things are just absolutely ridiculous. And one day upon seeing one, that is what my hubby inadvertently called it. It was hysterical, and we have called them that ever since.

The other one is 'fuxedo', as in "Where is my God-damned fuxedo (fucking tuxedo), the wedding is in a half an hour!!"


Posted by: Jen at February 5, 2009 8:27 AM

Garfunklitis = what you get when you don't let the dry cleaner Simonize your clothes.

Yeah that one is weak, let me think on it for a bit.

Posted by: Jeff A at February 5, 2009 8:48 AM

My favorite is "pooporama" that is when all three of my girlfriends kids hit the diapers at once. It's used quite often, and I'm pretty sure it teaches her the lesson NOT to have three under three at the same time again....and how can poop not be funny?

Posted by: Jennifer at February 5, 2009 8:51 AM

The only word I've made up is 'Flopwad'. I made it up during a fit of temper over an especially assyfied move by a relative. He will forever be known now as The Flopwad.

PS - Add 'assyfied'.

Posted by: Rebecca at February 5, 2009 9:07 AM

Once I mistyped "confused" and wrote "cybfised" instead and I really liked the look of it, but could never think of a definition. And asshat is always good ;-)

Posted by: Heather at February 5, 2009 9:17 AM

Wonky....that is my word.

Something is wonky, wonked out, or its all just wonky.


Posted by: steff at February 5, 2009 9:29 AM

I make words up all the time, mostly when I'm talking to a client and combine several words at once..and now that I can actually put them to good use..I can't think of one! LOL

Posted by: Michelle at February 5, 2009 9:35 AM

I don't know if this counts, but I've been using the word SEOetry to refer to a kind of writing I've had to do lately. I'm getting paid to write for search engine traffic, but I can't stand to not make the articles pretty.

Posted by: Writer Dad at February 5, 2009 9:36 AM

I don't know if this counts, but I've been using the word SEOetry to refer to a kind of writing I've had to do lately. I'm getting paid to write for search engine traffic, but I can't stand to not make the articles pretty.

Posted by: Writer Dad at February 5, 2009 9:36 AM

ive always been a fan of 'thingy'. it is very useful and can be used in almost any scenario. try it. by the way i am home with a kid who has pink eye in both eyes and double ear infection. does that qualify me for the flowers?

Posted by: madmom at February 5, 2009 9:57 AM

We have a few family favorites. Hugantic is one. Ginormous is another. My favorite one is the word "roll" used as a verb. In our family, we "roll" the chocolate into the milk. And, those colored things you put on ice cream? Jinkles. Jimmies + sprinkles = jinkles. Have a great day.

Posted by: Christy at February 5, 2009 9:59 AM

Irregardless. Not a real word. I learned this the hard way from an old boss of mine who was from Italy, had lived in Canada and spoke Italian, French and English quite well. I said the word one day during a conference call with a few hundred people on the call and Mr. Farci (the old boss) stated, "That is not a word!" To which I said, "Which word are you speaking of?" He replied, "Irregardless of what you might have thought previously, IRREGARDLESS is not a word."

You have no idea how badly I wanted to say "Well golly gee I'll have to go to the libary (r removed intentionally there...) and check that out!"

Irregardless is in fact NOT a word. For someone like myself who reads constantly that was a blow to the literary ego for sure. Irregardless of what he said, I ended up quitting that job and getting a much better one not that long after that event.

Posted by: Kristy at February 5, 2009 10:04 AM

Jackmonkey. As in, "Get out of my way you freakin' jackmonkey!" I use it all the time and should probably tone it down due to little ears hanging on every word.

Posted by: samantha jo campen at February 5, 2009 10:07 AM

I love words but suck at writing. With that being said "chaostic" = fantastic chaos and also not so much of a word but a phrase sort of: "kosher-pork" = I take it to mean the things that are kind of oxymoronic = big shrimp, taped-live... the list goes on.

These are also names of my vox or my blog. :)

Posted by: ::c:: at February 5, 2009 10:14 AM

YAY! I WON! WOW! Thank you Chris!

That site has very nice gourmet chocolate! Can you guess how I am using the certificate?

I knew that pic of me and JC had to pay off somehow. LOL

Posted by: jessica at February 5, 2009 10:17 AM

(Warning - this comment contains profanity!)

Three good ones I use:

1. Chihuly. As in, Dale Chihuly, glass artist. But, you need to use in it place of fuck or shit. Example: What the Chihuly are you doing?! Where the Chihuly did you get that?! My mom made it up when we were on my third visit to the Chihuly glass exhibit at Phipps in Pgh.

2. Fucktwat. I know, vulgar, isn't it? This is a good one for yelling at people in traffic. Example: Come on, fucktwat! Get out of of the way! What are you doing, fucktwat! Get OUT of the way!

3. Touron. I know we use this a lot in my family. I lived in a very tourist-y area growing up. It's a combination word, actually, combining tourist and moron. Need I say more?

Posted by: Arwen at February 5, 2009 10:18 AM

Fitken. When I first started dating my now-husband, his kids were all under 10. They found out that I knew what the "F-word" was, and begged me to tell them. I refused. So one day, the oldest came to me and said "Becky, I think I know what the f-word is". She offered to spell it for me: F-I-T-K-E-N.

She had seen it in print as f**k, and filled in the middle on her own. I'm not sure where the -en came from, but it's now 9 years later & we still use "fitken" quite frequently.

Posted by: Becky at February 5, 2009 10:19 AM

surfalertocity: The state where all of your senses are on high alert to determine if someone is coming toward your cube as you surf the net, so that you can switch to another screen at the speed of light.

telepathoglance: the act of trying to glance at your spouse in a completely unnoticeable manner, in an effort to convey important information without any verbal communication. For example, "Don't invite him to dinner!", "I know I'm lying, but go with it!"

clichadery: the concept of building comradery among your coworkers through the use of lame topics and statements, ie; "Is it Friday yet?" and/or any comment involving the phrase "the wife" and how much money she spends.

Posted by: jane at February 5, 2009 10:29 AM

Uniquity isn't a word? I feel sure I've used it before. Maybe not to a room full of professors, but still!

My husband and I created the word "dundant", as in: the root of the word "redundant". I mean, how can you use a word with "re" at the beginning if it's root doesn't exist? So now, any time we do something new and unpredictable, that's a dundant moment. Other new words we create? Dundant words.

Feel free to steal and use at will.

Posted by: Meg at February 5, 2009 10:29 AM

OMG Touron.

I LOVE it. I vote for that one to win. (Can I vote?)

Posted by: jessica at February 5, 2009 10:32 AM

I have to say that I officially think "wonky" needs to be a word simply based on prevalence. I think I originally picked it up from Frank Bielic on Trading Spaces (he also likes to use "caddywumpus") and I know several others - including a commenter here, now! - who use it.

I had a good chuckle over the "irregardless" story - my dad drives me crazy using that one. The other not-real word that everyone seems to think is a word? Orientated. Granted, Webster's got an entry for "orientate", but I think that's just being kind. We may have "orientation", but the root verb is "orient". You orient to your surroundings, not orientate. I swear I was an English teacher in another life.

Uniquity - I love it. You're right, it sounds much better than "uniqueness."

Posted by: kate at February 5, 2009 10:44 AM

Lets see...

yamsack (Ball sack, if you couldn't figure that one out, hehe)
Crotch Pot (When your yamsack gets really sweaty and ew-like)

I can't think of any other words right now. my brain fails me.

Posted by: secha at February 5, 2009 10:53 AM

My wife and I use "Craptacular" and "Craptastic" a lot, usually when discussing a television show/movie we had just finished watching, as in "Well, the special effects were cool, but the acting was pretty craptacular."

Posted by: J at February 5, 2009 10:58 AM

heat seaters ... because I just can't seem to not reverse the H and the S when I say them. My brain has apparently decided that heat seaters are much better.

Posted by: Kristy - Where's My Damn Answer at February 5, 2009 11:01 AM

FREETARD: an individual who wants everything for free, and when he/she DOES get something for free proceeds to nitpick it and complain about its quality. Freedtards are particularly common in the software industry.

Posted by: Amy at February 5, 2009 11:07 AM

isabella made up the word "snooger" - we are big fans. it's a snot + booger hybrid.

Posted by: ali at February 5, 2009 11:12 AM

Touron gets a vote from me - we used it all the time when I worked at a theme park in VA... Also "jackhole" - usually directed at drivers on the beltway...

Posted by: Sue R at February 5, 2009 11:12 AM

ooh - thought of another one. A phrase really but "ear vomit" was coined after a co-worker played a certain Kenny Rogers/Dolly Parton song 3X at a work happy hour.

Posted by: Sue R at February 5, 2009 11:14 AM


Taking "craptastic" that extra mile.

(Do you watch How I Met Your Mother? Because this Monday's episode involved Barney making up words like this.)

Posted by: Stephanie at February 5, 2009 11:24 AM

Cheesedick - When a song or track is so awesomely bad it is referred to as "cheesedick".

Florida Breaks is the king of cheesedick tracks and gratuitous vocals.

Posted by: Lee at February 5, 2009 11:28 AM

Doucebaggery, a/k/a buttmunchness. My husband and I used these words WAY too much.

Posted by: TUWABVB at February 5, 2009 11:52 AM

Prostitot: what we call little girls / young girls when they are dressed like streetwalkers

Fucktitude: the exact opposite of aptitude...it is the ability one has to f**k things up.

Posted by: Krush at February 5, 2009 11:56 AM

IDK if someone said these already, but there are 2 words that I routinely hear people use that are not, in fact, real words:

The first is "flowerdy." Which perplexes me, actually.

The second is "flustrated." Which makes sense in a way, b/c people often do become flustered when they're frustrated. But still. No.

Posted by: Kalisa at February 5, 2009 11:57 AM

I am a telephone operator at a large clinic. I hear loads of made up and mispronounced words all day long. I would have to say that they tend to make me angry when I hear them. The word that is currently at the top of my list for most annoying is a made up one. "Youguyses or Yourguyses." I feel like hanging up on people when they say it, and the most disturbing part is that most of the time it comes out of well educated peoples mouths. "Where are youguyses located...", or "What is yourguyses fax number..." Gahhhh, it makes me want to scream.

Posted by: Peggy at February 5, 2009 12:13 PM

That reminds me of when I was in China a few years ago, when we took an overnight boat trip up a tributary of the Yangtze from Hangzhou to Suzhou. All the boat noises made sleeping rough, and then, at approximately 6 am, we were woken up by really loud music. We left our tiny cabin to find dozens of Chinese people exercising along the river banks to the music, which was piped out of loudspeakers on the bridges. When we asked (well, when my friends who spoke Chinese asked) a man on the boat what it was, they told us it was the words of Mao set to music.

I like Abe Lincoln and all, but I can't imagine getting up at dawn to jazzercise to the second inaugural. It was a totally Chinese moment.

Posted by: samantha at February 5, 2009 12:30 PM

My husband and I used to use the word "foof" instead of "fart," but Cole has since changed that and now we say what he says: "farp." You have to admit, there's a certain onomatopoeic accuracy to "farp" that "fart" doesn't capture quite as well.

Posted by: heels at February 5, 2009 12:30 PM

Wow, now I can't decide between Touron and Prostitot.

Posted by: jessica at February 5, 2009 12:39 PM

Untilunless. The good doctor says it all the time. Usually when he's bitching about his pay or benefits. Untilunless they do THIS, I'm not going to do THAT.

And a family favorite. Burrzen. Brr! I'm freezing! We grew up in Minnesota. That should explain everything.

Posted by: k8 at February 5, 2009 1:02 PM

blagojewitch = something that should be dead but keeps coming back to haunt you:
blagojevich is a blagojewitch

Posted by: Jeff A at February 5, 2009 1:13 PM

blagojebitch = someone who still thinks Blagojevich is innocent.

Posted by: Jeff A at February 5, 2009 1:14 PM

word is flookers
I live in the country , in a place where every April we have bluebonnet flowers everywhere , all through the feilds , with some Indian paint brushes and some yellow wild flowersa s well , but the blue bonnets go on forever like a big blanket , well everyone wants to come see this beatiful attraction , the small community where I live , all counrty 2 lane roads , people will park in the street ,take up both lanes get out and take thier kids , dogs , fish , out into the feilds to get a picture and make you wait till they get FuFu or Sally May to look at the camera , its crazy ,some even bring baskets of food for a picnic ! On the side of the road ! I'm serious ! what is usually a 20 minute drive to town will take 45 minutes to an hour , it is crazy for two weeks to three weeks ,( then we all set fire to the feilds ) no we don't thats against the law ! But we do own mowers ! no we don't thats against the law to and I will deny it ! Anyway we made up a name for these crazy and inconsiderate people who turn our roads into parking lots and trample out flowers .
flower lookers= flookers
i.e.... " you better stop on the way home and get what you need for the weekend the flookers will be out tomorrow" seriously , those of us who live there dont leave the house on those weekend s!

Posted by: michelle at February 5, 2009 1:18 PM

sarcastical "are you being sarcastical?!"

defrag my brain "whew! it's been a long day today! i'm going home to defrag my brain!!!

Posted by: RzDrms at February 5, 2009 1:21 PM

When you can't think of something great to write for your daily blog entry: blogjam.

Posted by: Gramps at February 5, 2009 1:33 PM

There are so many "made-up" words used in Britain, that it seems like anther language completely and perhaps need translation (for future ref.) Here are some words I use in everyday conversation that my (canadian-born) kids are constantly insisting I just "imagined".....

argy-bargy (pushing and shoving)
barney (fight/arguement)
bimble (wander aimlessly)
boffin (nerd)
cack (crap)
chav ( working class person of low intelligence who where fake designer labels)
chuffed (satified)
Codswallop (a favourite - nonsense/garbage... as in "What a load of codswallop!")
divvy (idiot)
gobsmacked (utterly astonished)
gormless (lacking in intelligence... as in "What a gormless twat")
jammy (lucky) "what a jammy git"
lurgy (unknown illness -sometimes fake)
manky (dirty)
mullered (beaten up/drunk)
parky (cold)
pernickety (fastidious)
pisshead (drunk)
plonker (idiot - derives from slang for penis -can also be used as "are you pulling my plonker?" - expressing disbelief)
randy (horny - why NO-ONE in UK is named it)
rumpy pumpy (sex)
snog (kiss - "Give us a snog")
throw a wobbly (lose ones temper)
tosser/tosspot (idiot/loser)
welly (effort - "give it some welly!")

C'mon - that's worth some flowers, it might just save your life someday.... : )

oh, one more I've heard here in Canada we like...

thocks - the combination of wearing socks with thongs ..... as in "yikes, look a that divvy Chris, he's wearing thocks"

Posted by: english thorn at February 5, 2009 2:02 PM

I live in a college town with a large Greek system. And each fall the sorostitutes come back to town and take over.

I have others. Just haven't had enough coffee. I'll be back later if I remember.

Posted by: Lizzle at February 5, 2009 2:21 PM

Uniquity is a perfectly cromulent word.

Posted by: hope at February 5, 2009 2:22 PM

The condition of being comfortable on a couch or bed in which the comfort is dependent on the current configuration of pillows, blankets, etc. To move from this state would negate the comfort, and render the person unencrumped.
History / Usage:
My wife had just gotten into her spot on the couch, looked straight at me and said, "
Honey, could you get me some tea, I'm totally encrumped." Word has stuck ever since.

Posted by: metawizard at February 5, 2009 2:31 PM

1. Wordiage - as in, "I like your wordiage." in reference to being pleased with the way someone said something. Typically in reference to other made up words.

2. Ridonkulous - Used in place of the word "ridiculous". It has more oomph behind it.

3. Craptacular/Craptastic - spectacularly or fantastically crappy.

4. Boobage - "She has some ridonkulous boobage."

5. Waffle - (to waffle), fall through something. Typically referenced in video games, especially in reference to a glitch such as falling through something you're not supposed to. "My guy just waffled through the ground."

Posted by: tiffanie at February 5, 2009 2:54 PM

no fake words here ....just wondering if you'd write my 7000 word paper on transitional justice? its not due till may :)and when you figure out how to BS 7000 words let me know

Posted by: becky at February 5, 2009 3:05 PM

An old friend of mine who particularly hated kids used to call small children "fucklings." It sticks with you. Do yourself a favor and read "Make Way for Ducklings" but swap out the word.

I like the much tamer "twitterpated" from Bambi.

Posted by: rebecca at February 5, 2009 3:07 PM

An old friend of mine who hated kids used to call small children "fucklings." Do yourself a favor and read "Make Way for Ducklings" but swap the word.

Me? I like the springtime when we all get twitterpated like young Thumper. In fact, if Thumper isn't careful, all that twitterpating will get him a load of fucklings!

Posted by: rebecca at February 5, 2009 3:08 PM

I use "frack" instead of f**k all the time. It's better around my little monkey-boys since I seem to always slip and cuss when they're lurking behind me. Fun being mom to impressionable little guys. Really trying not to cuss anymore, don't want them going to daycare and telling everyone their mommy has the vocabulary of a trucker!

Posted by: Katie at February 5, 2009 3:39 PM

Well ... instead of using words like outside, in there, out there, and directional terms, me and the bro have a habit of responding with "outchunda, inyunder, upyunder, downyunder" (all rhyming w/ down under of course). It really annoyed the snot (stole that one from a former boss) out of my mother when she'd ask where our dad was and we'd respond with one of the terms. She finally figured out which direction or where we were referring to after awhile.

Course, I also refer to my brother as a twerky (born on Thanksgiving + he's a bit of a twirp) ...

And I have a tendency to utter the phrase frigamonkey quite a bit ...

Posted by: Christina at February 5, 2009 4:06 PM

I don't have any made up words of my own, but here's a cartoon for you:


Hope you've had some fun today.

Posted by: Cindy at February 5, 2009 4:20 PM

I have TWO favorites that i use all the time...
#1. insinuendo. (he was so lascivious, and his insinuendos were over the top...)
#2. foo-man-cheese. (happens all the time while eating pizza, when you get a big string of hot cheese down your chin)


Posted by: karma at February 5, 2009 5:08 PM

and also:
#3&4. Douchebros and debutards...

(i live in a college town, and don't go to any bars on friday or saturday nights, because they're filled with all the douchebros and debutards...)

Posted by: karma at February 5, 2009 5:13 PM

The combination of insane and ridiculous: insaneulous

Posted by: Tess at February 5, 2009 6:38 PM

The combination of insane and ridiculous: insaneulous

Posted by: Tess at February 5, 2009 6:38 PM

The combination of insane and ridiculous: insaneulous

Posted by: Tess at February 5, 2009 6:38 PM

Asstastic. It's simple, and gets across my bitter feelings with a jaunty flair.

Posted by: caleal at February 5, 2009 7:12 PM

Crapolicious. It's juvenile, and I teach Grade 3. However, I don't make a habit of saying such things (like crap) in front of my students. But once I accidentally said it within their earshot. Followed by "Oops, I shouldn't say that in front of kids" Then they all wanted to know. Well I couldn't let them go home thinking I said 'Fucking shit" so I told them, and they thought it was hilarious.

Posted by: Heather at February 5, 2009 7:27 PM

That story had me wincing in sympathy. I almost had to quit my job last month because I sent out an email to a huge group of people where I inadvertently wrote "acion required" in the subject line. I didn't even notice until the replies started stacking up in my mailbox. I am still mortified thinking about it.

Favorite made-up word?
Skimpydanza. It's the Spanglish opposite of abondanza.

Posted by: Erin at February 5, 2009 8:21 PM

btw, i'm all confused (doesn't take much). uniquity isn't a word?!


Posted by: RzDrms at February 5, 2009 8:59 PM

not original .... from a forwarded email....

1. Cashtration (n.): The act of buying a house, which renders the subject financially impotent for an indefinite period of time.

2. Ignoranus: A person who is both stupid and an asshole.

3. Intaxication: Euphoria at getting a tax refund, which lasts until you realize it was your money to start with.

4. Reintarnation: Coming back to life as a hillbilly.

5. Bozone (n.): The substance surrounding stupid people that stops bright ideas from penetrating. The bozone layer unfortunately, shows little sign of breaking down in the near future.

6. Foreploy: Any misrepresentation about yourself for the purpose of getting laid.

7. Giraffiti: Vandalism spray-painted very, very high

8. Sarchasm: The gulf between the author of sarcastic wit and the person who doesn't get it.

9. Inoculatte: To take coffee intravenously when you are running late.

10. Osteopornosis: A degenerate disease. (This one got extra credit.)

11. Karmageddon: It's like, when everybody is sending off all these really bad vibes, right? And then, like, the Earth explodes and it's like, a serious bummer.

12. Decafalon (n.): The grueling event of getting through the day consuming only things that are good for you.

13. Glibido: All talk and no action.

14. Dopeler Effect: The tendency of stupid ideas to seem smarter when they come at you rapidly.

15. Arachnoleptic Fit (n.): The frantic dance performed just after you've accidental ly walked through a spider web.

16. Beelzebug (n.): Satan in the form of a mosquito, that gets in your bedroom at three in the morning and cannot be cast out.

17. Caterpallor (n.): The color you turn after finding half a worm in the fruit you're eating.

The Washington Post has also published the winning submissions to its yearly contest in which readers are asked to supply alternate meanings for common words. And the winners are:

1. Coffee, n. The person upon whom one coughs.

2. Flabbergasted, adj. Appalled by discovering how much weight one has gained.

3. Abdicate, v. To give up all hope of ever having a flat stomach.

4. Esplanade, v. To attempt an explanation while drunk.

5. Willy-nilly, adj. Impotent.

6. Negligent, adj.. Absentmindedly answering the door when wearing only a nightgown.

7. Lymph, v. To walk with a lisp.

8. Gargoyle, n. Olive-flavored mouthwash.

9. Flatulence, n.. Emergency vehicle that picks up someone who has been run over by a steamroller.

10. Balderdash, n. A rapidly receding hairline.

11. Testicle n. A humorous question on an exam.

12. Rectitude, n. The formal, dignified bearing adopted by proctologists.

13. Pokemon, n. A Rastafarian proctologist.

14. Oyster, n. A person who sprinkles his conversation with yiddishisms.

15. Frisbeetarianism, n. The belief that, after death, the soul flies up onto the roof and gets stuck there.

16. Circumvent, n. An opening in the front of boxer shorts worn by Jewish men.

Posted by: stella at February 5, 2009 9:14 PM

again, not sure i completely understand your B+ (versus A)...call that darned professor!!!:


Posted by: RzDrms at February 5, 2009 9:18 PM

My best friend and I put 'dis' in front of pretty much any word to cancel it out. Instead of blowing a candle out, I would 'dislight' it.

Posted by: coolchick at February 5, 2009 9:20 PM

I like ginormous (gigantic + enormous)

Posted by: Sarah at February 5, 2009 9:20 PM

Smacident- when you accidently smack into something. Often used to describe car accidents.

Posted by: Lisa at February 5, 2009 9:46 PM

Ok, 12 minutes to spare, you've probably already picked a winner..




I don't need to define it, do I?

Posted by: Molly at February 6, 2009 1:06 AM

This was obviously well before Microsoft Office and no little, animated, paper clip warned you that uniquity is not a word (see, just now Firefox underlined uniquity in red to warn me). I don't think could have made it through college without such luxuries because I am guilty of making up and words all the time. That's why I rock IM conversations but in person just a bag of "ums."

Posted by: Rengirl at February 6, 2009 2:19 AM

lol Wait, wonky isn't a real word? I see it in books all the time!

I'm a big fan of being confuxxled. I am confuxxled often by human nature. Seriously... people confuxxle the shit out of me! lol

Posted by: Debra at February 6, 2009 3:20 AM

OMG uniquity! Should TOTALLY be a word. I call for petition to sanction it!!!

I use the word "hungers" for hungry all the time: so it's "I'm hungers." I have also written a post about the word "lappah". Should totally be a word. My cat lying on the couch right now is being a total LAPPAH! My brother in law napping on the couch -- WHAT A LAPPAH! ;) Don't know where I got it. For the longest time I thought it was Yiddish. But, it's not. It just is what it is.

Posted by: Haley-O at February 6, 2009 3:56 PM

I had a professor mark me down for using the word 'cahoots.' He said it was not a word. BULL CRAP IT ISNT!

Posted by: Leilani at February 8, 2009 4:35 PM

My first dog used to do this dog-ass-licking thing all the time, even just in the middle of a walk on crowded Manhattan streets. I got tired of yelling "Stop licking your ass!" when he'd plop down in front of a restaurant window or something, so started using the term "Anar anar!" or "Watson - no anar anar!"

It wasn't a made up word, though, it's the title of more than one popular middle eastern song. I know there's an Iranian version and I'm pretty sure there's one in Hindi. (And what better place than New York City to appropriate middle eastern song titles to obfuscate something?) It actually has some beautiful meaning like a wistful "love, love" but the Iranian bandleader I backed up many years back intentionally mispronounced it because he thought it sounded funny in English and it stuck in my head that way. It sounded like something vile when you said it the right way, and it popped into my mind during a convenient moment.

I'd explain the Pee-Pole song, but that's enough dog scatology for now.

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