March 20, 2009

The Weeklies #78

The Weekly Health Update. I'm not healthy but I'm getting there. After being delusional with fever the first half of the week, I'm now onto the sexier part of whatever this is - coughing up a lung. Am hot.

The Weekly Sucky Work Thing. I got home from work at 10:45 last night. Yeah, Thursday was fun.

The Weekly Music. I've always thought that Chris Cornell - he of Soundgarden, Temple of the Dog and Audioslave fame - is one of the single most talented singers on the planet. He's got this wild ability to shift between a high pitched, controlled wail and a soulful, smooth voice. I own everything he's recorded. Which is why I picked up his latest - Scream - when it came out last week. It is, I'm sorry to say, the worst album I've picked up in years. Teaming with uber-producer Timbaland, Cornell has tried to break out of that rock frontman role and apparently tried to record something that would make teenage girls swoon. There are virtually no real instruments. Instead Timbaland's swirling strings, synthesized bleeps and bloops and tragically bad drum loops provide a backdrop for (and often overwhelm) Cornell's vocals which, like the music, seem somehow fake, unreal, overproduced. I'm a progressive rock fan so I like fucked up, unconventional song structures but even I can't wrap my head around some of the twists and turns the songs here take. I found the album unlistenable by the fourth song and turned it off. I went back a day later to give it a fair shot. I only made it through 75% of the album before I couldn't take it anymore. I eventually managed to make it through the whole thing and felt slightly violated as a result. I mean, this guy is a legend, a hero. He's talented. And he dumps this stuff on us? Never before have I wanted my money back so badly on an album. The bottom line is that Scream really sucks. As a matter of fact, it takes sucking to a whole new level.

The Weekly Read. Did you hear the one about the narcoleptic detective? No? I hadn't either until I read The Little Sleep, a solid mystery novel which happens to feature a narcoleptic detective. It would be easy for that to be the gimmick and the rest of the story to take a back seat to that gimmick - the trials and tribulations of a private investigator who constantly falls asleep. But that's not how author Paul Tremblay played it. It's quirky, yes, and Tremblay's sense of humor is there in all its glory. The story, however, is solid, and the mystery is intricate and suspenseful. The Little Sleep was a pleasure to read. I was saddened when I reached the last page. It was one of the best mysteries I've read in a long time. I encourage you to pick up a copy. Unlike the main character, it'll keep you up all night.

The Weekly Schadenfreude. AIG seriously thought it could get away with paying millions in retention bonuses to people who no longer even work for the company? I don't work for AIG so am I entitled to a bonus?

The Weekly Hypothetical. You piss off a gypsy one day - how, in this hypothetical is completely up to you - and she curses you but before she does, she gives you a choice. For a period of one month you can either tell no lies or no truths. Which do you choose and why? And what did you do to piss off the gypsy?

Posted by Chris at March 20, 2009 7:43 AM

I don't see how I'd piss off a gypsy. I'm such a nice girl! LOL!
But, if I did, I would tell no truths for one month. Why? Well, don't we all fudge the truth so we don't hurt the people we care about?

Posted by: Maribeth at March 20, 2009 8:18 AM

Actually I'm more pissed at the government for slipping in a provision to it's bailout that protected the bonuses and now everyone is posturing for the media that they are so pissed when in reality they allowed it. But yet nobody can recall who wrote it? mmmmm hmmm sure....and I have a bridge to sell you. And why is AIG the patsy for the governments feigned anger, how about the bonuses that went to Merrill Lynch, BofA, and Fannie Mae????

I wash your back you wash as usual with politicians.

Posted by: Deirdre at March 20, 2009 8:42 AM

Sorry, I know it isn't Monday, but I must share a Haiku today...


What's up with the snow?
Weather, you jacked up psycho.
Spring starts today, bitch!

Posted by: Matt at March 20, 2009 8:57 AM

I stole that gypsy's parking spot. :-) I'd choose to tell no truths. It's only for a month, and sometimes a little white lie can be a good thing, so I can't go around being COMPLETELY truthful all the time.

Posted by: Fraulein N at March 20, 2009 9:04 AM

No lies. That's how you find out who your friends are and whether or not they're worth keeping.

I pissed her off by asking her to return my wallet that she just picked from my pocket.

Posted by: You can call me, 'Sir' at March 20, 2009 9:06 AM

Shouldn't the Schadenfreude be that a loophole was written into the stimulus bill so that these Execs could get their money and then when the American People became so outraged, our fearless leaders flopped and said, wait, no way do you get bonuses...hey, here is a great precedent to start...lets rewrite laws for things that we don't like.

ehh...maybe he should just go on Leno and poke fun at the Special Olympics...

Posted by: Darren at March 20, 2009 9:33 AM

Re: Chris Connell; Dude did the Casino Royale theme "You Know My Name" and it is the best song to listen to driving down the road at 80MPH (on the interstate!!!)

He really is talented!

Posted by: Michelle at March 20, 2009 9:34 AM

@Darren: You mean like this? Sorry, I am going to hell for that.

Posted by: Matt at March 20, 2009 9:52 AM

I feel the same as you regarding Cornell. I listened to one song and was so confused and disheartened that there is no way I'd listen again. It's too bad such a talent has such a weird brain.

Per the gypsy. I'm guessing she didn't like me pooping in her bag of mysterious tiles and bird bones. So, I'll tell truths for a month. Telling all lies would be the exact same (everyone knows the truth is the opposite of what you say). It'd just be less annoying to tell the truth. Horribly painful, but still better.

Posted by: Brad at March 20, 2009 9:59 AM

I would tell no truths. If everything is a lie then it is up to the other person to guess just how extreme the lie is. If I could tell no lies, there would be no guessing and that isn't fun.

I pissed her off by mistaking her for a hobo.

Posted by: Ashley K at March 20, 2009 10:02 AM

I grabbed the headband off that Gypsie's head and she got so mad she made me tell the truth for a whole month. I'm's about time I set some things straight around here. All this BS stuffed into the recedes of my mind can finally come forth and people will know exactly how they make me feel for a change. Yikes!

Posted by: Tera at March 20, 2009 10:44 AM

Did you see that another artist sent a twitter saying "You know how you feel when someone really embarasses themselves? That's how I felt about Scream."

I would choose the truth since I almost always tell the truth all the time anyway. I spend a lot of time being very quiet. I probably pissed her off the same way I do most people - by telling the truth. (and no, I don't confuse mean with truth)

Posted by: That Girl at March 20, 2009 12:47 PM

I can't even think about AIG. It makes my head hurt. More than my heart this time.

Posted by: k8 at March 20, 2009 1:15 PM

re: Gypsies, I have a funny story, but now that I think about it, it's probably only funny if you were there.

But I digress. I would choose to tell no truths because I have some things going on that I wouldn't want people to know just yet. Or maybe ever.

What did I do? I slapped her hand when she tried to pick my pocket. Or maybe she was pissed that I stereotyped her.

Posted by: Brooke Habecker at March 20, 2009 5:35 PM

No lies, definitely. (Although I'd hope to be left with the option to remain silent!!)
Hmm and what would I do to piss of a gypsy? I am just not feeling that creative today haha. Sorry dude.

Posted by: Heather at March 20, 2009 6:27 PM

I made her listen to Scream.
Ummmm... though call... truth with the silence option.

Cornell -- Jewel and I saw him on the tour with this album and apparently he played one of the songs from scream. The guy next to me turn to his buddy afterwards and said "why couldn't it sound like that one the album." Guess that's what he was refering too. I must admit that prior to hearing him live he'd sort of slipped under my radar.

Posted by: Nat at March 20, 2009 10:27 PM

Ack! Tell no truth! I'd rather lose my ability to be honest most of the time than my ability to lie when I really need it.

And to piss off the gypsy... hmm. I probably made fun of their clothes. Or sang that terrible Cher song.

Posted by: caleal at March 21, 2009 1:10 AM

I think I'd have to go with tell no lies. What if you choose the "no truth" option, were talking to a loved one and, couldn't tell them, "I love you," and then the next day they were hit by a bus? That would suck. You wouldn't even be able to tell anyone why you were sad.

Probably, the gypsy is pissed off because I mistook her for an AIG exec. Damn suit-wearing gypsies.

Posted by: Dreamybee at March 22, 2009 7:55 AM

Glad you're on the bend. Piece of random trivia for you, my grandfather was a narcoleptic boxer. :)

Posted by: MaryLea at March 22, 2009 2:29 PM

Funny you should mention the gypsy thing. That happened to me 29 days ago.

Btw, I know why AIG paid the bonuses.

Posted by: whall at March 22, 2009 10:41 PM

All people deserve very good life time and personal loans or secured loan can make it much better. Just because people's freedom is based on money.

Posted by: Gay35Blake at March 21, 2010 1:22 PM