April 21, 2009

An Interview. With Myself.

OR, MY SLOW DESCENT INTO MADNESS

Me: Hey, self, what's going on?
Myself: Well, I'll tell you. I have absolutely no idea what I should write for a post.
Me: That's unlike you. I mean, if nothing else, you're prolific and never seem to hurt for a topic.
Myself: True, but that was before I got stuck with this Big Work Thing.
Me: How's that going, by the way?
Myself: Oh, fine. I mean, this is the last week. After this I'm headed to a tropical island whose main export is those big fruity drinks with umbrellas.
Me: Seriously? You're going on a vacation to a tropical paradise?
Myself: Fuck no, I wish. But honestly a cheap beer in Flint, Michigan would be fine right about now.
Me: So what's on your mind? We never talk anymore. I hope it's something interesting. Nothing worse than an ill-prepared post that isn't even remotely funny.
Myself: Honestly? I keep thinking about the mysterious sources for car model names.
Me: What?
Myself: You heard me.
Me: Are you serious? I ask for funny and you give me model names of cars?
Myself: You try working on a big, annoying work thing for months then attempt to come up with something brilliant when you're brain is, quite literally, mush.
Me: Come on. Let's not fight. Tell me about the car thing.
Myself: I'm just wondering where car companies come up with these names? I swear they're just making up words. I mean, what the fuck is an Impreza? Or a Camry? Is a camry some wild animal that lives on a remote Japanese island? Is there any such thing as a Sebring? Or is that just weird spanglish. Would you like a beer? Sebring me a cervesa, please. What's a Venza? And a Yaris? Those sound like planets from Star Wars.
Me: Clearly you've put a rather disturbing amount of thought into this.
Myself: Yeah, it annoys me.
Me: You annoy me.
Myself: Hey, until you find another internal monologue to hang out with you're stuck with me.
Me: So, what's the plan for the day?
Myself: Work. More work after that. Then I'll shake it up a little and work.
Me: You have to pee.
Myself: What?
Me: You never listen to me. You have to pee.
Myself: No I don't. Wait. Yes. Yes I do. Thanks for the head's up.
Me: No problem.

. . .

Me: Can you believe that guy was eating a breakfast burrito in there on the can?
Myself: Yeah, and with the stall door open too. Who does that?
Me: That guy, apparently.
Myself: I need a beer.
Me: It's 6:30 in the morning.
Meyself: I know. And I'm in the office working so there's something so very obviously wrong with this picture, what can a beer hurt?

And that, ladies and gentlemen, is my state of mind this morning. I'm losing it, right?

Posted by Chris at April 21, 2009 7:10 AM
Comments

I said the same type of thing this morning at 3:45 when I was standing outside in the rain with my pregnant dog, an umbrella and wet slippers.
What's wrong with this picture?

Posted by: Maribeth at April 21, 2009 7:21 AM

Yep. But at least you've got company.

Posted by: Jo MacD at April 21, 2009 7:30 AM

You may be losing it, but at least you are aware that you are losing it. There is something to be said for that. Keep strong, plow through. Godd luck!

Posted by: Ashley K at April 21, 2009 7:52 AM

Well, if you are then you are indeed in good company. I've often wondered about that car thing (I always liked the Simpsons episode when they talk about the "Persephone" - sp?)

I've never wanted a beer at 6:30 though, that's crazy. Usually, I can hold off my urges until about 7:15.

Posted by: harmzie at April 21, 2009 7:56 AM

no, you're not losing it. YET. But you are scary close to it.

Posted by: La Petite Belle at April 21, 2009 8:21 AM

I see "me" and "myself" in this conversation. I was just wondering where "I" was? Is he giving the other two the silent treatment? Is he already on vacation enjoying that draft beer in Flint?

Maybe you can tell me what Routan or Tiguan are?

Posted by: mr. big dubya at April 21, 2009 8:25 AM

Sounds like you need a vacation before the men in the little white suits come for you with that nice custom made jacket. :o) I hope the weekend gets here quick for you and that you do not have to work. Here's hoping. :o)

Posted by: Elizabeth at April 21, 2009 8:39 AM

Oh my. Oh my my my. I was half expecting "I" to jump into the conversation and blow you all up or something.

Be done with work soon!

Posted by: caleal at April 21, 2009 8:59 AM

I shake my head sadly in your general direction ;)
Car names are weird, indeed. Mine is a civic. A civic what? Civic engineer? Civic pride? Civic duty? :P For cryin out loud, my car is an adjective!

Posted by: Heather at April 21, 2009 9:03 AM

I shake my head sadly in your general direction ;)
Car names are weird, indeed. Mine is a civic. A civic what? Civic engineer? Civic pride? Civic duty? :P For cryin out loud, my car is an adjective!

Posted by: Heather at April 21, 2009 9:08 AM

Hahahaha. Thanks, Chris. After the day I've had, I really needed that!!!!

You know what car name really bugs me? I mean, every time I think of it, I giggle a little.

The "Aspire". The thought that comes right along with it is "What? It Aspires to be a real car someday??"

I personally own an Aztek. I'm pretty sure they didn't have cars and it doesn't look anything like an ancient indian structure, so I can't figure that one out.

We also have an MR2. Kris calls it the Mister 2. Sounds like it's my alternate lover or something...(which isn't far off, because I love that car).

Don't let the inner psyche bring ya down. It's there to remind you that there is life outside of this Big Work Thing!

Posted by: Holly Reynolds at April 21, 2009 9:42 AM

Losing it? Well a beer in the morning...fine..can't drink all day if you don't start in the morning! You'll have that. But if a cheap beer in Flint, Michigan is sounding good, seek help. I'm from there I know....wait, then again a little Flint time and anywhere else would be great. You may be on to something!

Posted by: elsye at April 21, 2009 9:46 AM

You're not losing it. You're cheering up millions of other minions working their butts off. And I will think of other dumb car names for you. Well, the LeCar and Yugo are self-explanatory, but still dumb.

Posted by: Heather at April 21, 2009 9:47 AM

You may be losing it, but "sebring me a cervesa, please" is one of the funniest things I've read in a while.

I was behind a car called the Soul the other day, which seemed like a really odd name for a car to me. But you're right, if you stop and think about it, all car names are weird.

Posted by: bad penguin at April 21, 2009 9:56 AM

You are not losing it...if "I" were involved and it was a three-way conversation, then I'd be concerned.

Besides, I have these conversations all the time. Lately, I've had teenage rebellion songs (We're Not Gonna Take It, etc.) running through my head as I prepare for exams...so I'd rather be having a conversation with myself.

Posted by: Krush at April 21, 2009 10:00 AM

"I" was the one eating breakfast burrito while sitting on the can, right?

All teasing aside, you have my deepest sympathy.

Posted by: MariaV at April 21, 2009 10:04 AM

Wow. Nice to know there are others who do this. I don't feel so bad now.

Posted by: sue at April 21, 2009 10:14 AM

Car names huh? Well, who am I to judge. My last internal monologue was about the meaning of AC/DC's "She's Got the Jack."

Posted by: alison at April 21, 2009 10:53 AM

The place for a cheap beer in Flint, MI has to be Thrift City. Used to be one of those places where all the workers from the lcoal Delphi plant would go. They are still open, but the plant is long gone. Just the locals who keep the place going. I haven't been there is a few years but I have friends who live near and they help keep it going.

Posted by: Jody at April 21, 2009 12:07 PM

I wish myself would tell me I have to pee. Instead I realize after focusing on a project intensely for too long that Oh my god, I really have to go pee and hey, didn't I even notice how badly I'd been having to go? I procrastinate going pee. How wrong is that?

Posted by: sarah at April 21, 2009 2:05 PM

I'm so glad someone else has these detailed conversations with themselves and it isn't just me.

Car names are totally weird.

Posted by: Pocklock at April 21, 2009 2:09 PM

At least I can now relax a little. I know I'm not the only one.

Posted by: Tera at April 21, 2009 4:01 PM

Car names used to be named for marketing or honorary purposes. The Sebring is a throwback to that -- it's named after a famous car racing track (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Sebring_International_Raceway). Apparently it's not famous enough, judging from your posts and the other comments.

Nowadays they try to name cars with names that can be pronounced consistently by people with all sorts of first languages. They also try for words that don't mean something totally different in another language -- this after it was discovered the Chevy Nova didn't sell well with Spanish-speaking people because "no va" means "doesn't go" in Spanish.

No, I don't work in the auto industry. Yes, I can be a total bore with trivial crap sometimes.

I wanted a vodka by noon today -- does that rate in the mush-brained from work scale? To give this some perspective, I should explain I don't actually like vodka that much.

Posted by: Kat at April 21, 2009 8:44 PM

More like LOST it already... LOL But I'm right there with ya!

(BTW, who, exactly, eats a breakfast burrito in the bathroom, with the door open??? Wait -- I really don't want to know.)

Posted by: ironic1 at April 21, 2009 9:17 PM

Ah, Flint.. the armpit of Michigan...

Posted by: Kim at April 22, 2009 9:29 AM

You do that too, huh? There must be others...!
That is, look at a car name and wonder how in the hell someone thought it would make millions want their senses of self to mimic that.

Umm, does that shed new light on the Ford 'ESCORT'?

Posted by: Karen at April 22, 2009 2:15 PM

I think you are close, but have not yet crossed the line. :D Careful in Flint, Dort Highway can get interesting after dark but I wouldn't risk it. At least I avoid it at all cost. :D Rochester has an excellent brewery I would highly recommend.

I hope they send you on a mini vacation soon. I am not sure what is going to happen after 'I' joins the conversation!!

Posted by: Jennifer at April 23, 2009 8:30 PM

This made me spew all over my computer. Classic. Thank you for a great laugh on a rainy night. Too funny.

Posted by: Michelle -WhiteTrashMom at April 25, 2009 11:49 PM

That was awesome. Especially the part when I started getting confused as to who was talking. Awesome.

And yeah, the car name thing, I agree. I've put a fair amount of thought into this too and really wondered what the heck? Do they just have a meeting and go around the table, each person giving a different letter with at least 3 vowels and go with what ever they get?

Posted by: Jen at April 27, 2009 2:48 PM


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