May 13, 2009

Weirdness, Cleft In Twain

A little weirdness from yesterday...

First, the bus. If you drive in DC during spring and summer, you drive behind buses. It sucks but it's inevitable. So I wasn't surprised when, heading out of town yesterday, I found myself behind - you guessed it - a great big bus. Only, the more I looked at the back of the bus, the more I started to wonder exactly what the guy on the bus company's little logo was supposed to be doing. Is he slipping on a rock as the bus' origin would suggest? Is he trying to pass a kidney stone? Is he just really, really constipated?


Second, the haircut and the interesting conversation I had with the receptionist as I was attempting to pay and schedule my next appointment.

Her: How was the haircut?
Me: It was great, thanks.
Her: Would you like to schedule your next appointment?
Me: Yes, please. About five weeks out.
Her: Just a cut and a blowjob?
Me: Um...
Her: Oh sorry...short hair, no blowjob.
Me: Uh, yeah, right. Freudian slip or something?
Her: Freudian? No, my name's Alice.
Me: No, Freudian. Slip. A Freudian slip.
Her: My slip? I'm not wearing one.
Me: Has it been a long day?
Her: Yeah.
Me: I kinda thought so.

I'm hoping for a more intelligent day. But I'm not going to count on it. What random acts of stupidity have you been witness to lately? And what's up with that guy on the bus?

Posted by Chris at May 13, 2009 7:59 AM

That conversation should've ended with you saying, 'Yes, please', to her inquiry about 'Just a cut and a blowjob'. So, where do you get your haircut? Do you have an address?

As for the bus guy, I find it a little sad that a town chooses to advertise themselves with a picture of a clumsy quaker.

Posted by: You can call me, 'Sir' at May 13, 2009 8:26 AM

Have you begun Amelia Bedelia books with Mia?? "Slip? I'm not wearing a slip." TOTALLY something Amelia Bedelia would say! I'm not sure Amelia Bedelia would offer blowjobs, but it's in the right spirit.

We started Amelia Bedelia books with our 3-year old mostly because she has NO sense of humor. I don't know why! I mean, she giggles when tickled or when you hide behind a curtain or something stupid, but she just doesn't get irony, or jokes, or anything funny. So while the puns are currently lost on her, I am thinking that with enough repetition, she will one day shriek, "Oh!!! ICE the FISH!!!! I get it!!! Hahahahahahahahaha!" (Amelia Bedelia and the Surprise Shower)

Posted by: Sabrina at May 13, 2009 8:26 AM

If that picture were flipped vertically, it would totally remind me of goatse. There's your stupidity for today.

Posted by: kirida at May 13, 2009 8:37 AM

Random act of stupidity from yesterday - Roger Clemens talking about his family's history of heart disease - he's predisposed to it genetically, ergo, he of course wouldn't take steroids...and then pointing to his STEPfather as an example.

Posted by: Teresa at May 13, 2009 8:43 AM

Now if they were giving out blowjobs that salon would have lines out the door.

I thought that the guy on the bus looked like he was in childbirth position with invisible stirrups.

How about this, they are dismantling our office around us and nobody has bothered to tell any of us employees where we are moving too yet. Pretty soon we'll be sitting with our computers on our laps on the floor.

Posted by: Dee at May 13, 2009 8:52 AM

where can one find this place???

Posted by: Darren at May 13, 2009 8:53 AM

Yes, I do believe that is a quaker slipping on a rock...or as we rivals call the college "Slimy Pebble"...

Haven't seen much stupid stuff as I haven't left the house. My PhD. exams are Friday and Saturday...but I'll report on the first thing I do that qualifies...

Posted by: Krush at May 13, 2009 9:00 AM

Receptionist FAIL. Or win, I guess, depending on your point of view.

That guy looks like he's doing colonial crunches or something.

Posted by: Fraulein N at May 13, 2009 9:05 AM

Where do you get your hair cut? It sounds like a lot more fun than my barber shop.

Posted by: Allan at May 13, 2009 9:29 AM

Aaah, the stupid stuff. Where to begin? Would it be with the co worker who told me that she hoped her sister and brother in law would get "The Lord's spirit in them" and decide to have a child, because MY GOD who could be married and not have children?

Would it be my husband's boss who cannot BELIEVE that I am a woman and that I actually have a job and therefore cannot stay home with our son when he is sick every time it happens(and oh, yeah, the fact that I make twice what my husband does? I still don't think he believes it).

Would it be the high school friend of my husband's who repeatedly gets off at THE WRONG EXIT every time, even though it isn't named anything close to our exit? When you ask him why, he says "I don't know".

Sorry, I've been living here a while. I've got a stockpile.

And the guy on the bus? A crude form of the pose on the Jane Fonda exercise video from the 80s.

Posted by: jane at May 13, 2009 9:33 AM

You can get a blowjob at the hairdressers? I wonder what I can get when I have a bikini wax?

Posted by: k8 at May 13, 2009 9:40 AM

I would be gettingmy hair cut everyday.

Posted by: William at May 13, 2009 9:50 AM

I saw one of those buses on 270 this morning! I thought the guy looked like he was working on his abs.

Posted by: bad penguin at May 13, 2009 9:55 AM

Yeah, that's pretty much the best haircut conversation with a receptionist ever.

Posted by: Writer Dad at May 13, 2009 9:57 AM

Missionary position.

Posted by: MIdLifeMama at May 13, 2009 10:19 AM

It's funny that one of the other commenters should mention Amelia Bedelia and blowjobs in the same sentence, because there's one line in the original Amelia Bedelia book that for the life of me I can't read to my daughters with a straight face. "Before she could get the words out, Mr. Rogers put something in her mouth. It was so good, Mrs. Rogers forgot about being angry."

I defy anyone to read that out loud and not laugh.

Posted by: alison at May 13, 2009 10:48 AM

AAAHAHAHAHAHAHA! I thought the bus thing was funny. But, OH MAN, that convo with the hair receptionist. OMG. That is so classic.

That reminds me of when my mom asked my dad's antibiotic nurse at the hospital if she was going to "give him oral" or IV...! ;) I HOWLED, of course. Then we all did....

Posted by: Haley-O at May 13, 2009 11:07 AM

You've gotta love when people represent the name of their town so literally.... I lived in Pittsburgh for a while and Slippery Rock wasn't too far away.

Your haircut conversation was "priceless!"

Posted by: Dozenroses13 at May 13, 2009 11:35 AM

Holy crap, you just made my day. Yesterday it was's baby names pages, but a BJ and haircut? FANtastic.

Posted by: Brooke at May 13, 2009 12:13 PM

That so did not happen!!

My best similar is the (distant) friend offering perfume samples to young men: "would you like a Hummer?" She did it a couple of times before she decided to adjust her wording. I mean "said it". She said it a couple of times.

As for kids' books, a (childless) male friend had trouble reading the Runaway Bunny to my kids because of the line "I will become the wind and blow you". He looked around to make sure that everyone knew he was reading a story! Good times.

Posted by: harmzie at May 13, 2009 12:13 PM

What's the number of the lady who cuts your hair. Blowjobs for a haircut price is amazing.

Posted by: Knot at May 13, 2009 12:22 PM

On Monday my coworker, whom is not my best friend, mentioned she got a new dishwasher. Trying to be conversational, I said, " Oh, so does it have all the bells & whistles?" Her response was: " No bells and whistles, but it has EVERYTHING!"
Ummmm... ok.

Posted by: Lindsay at May 13, 2009 2:19 PM

You should have at least asked how much for the blowjob.

Posted by: Sarah, Goon Squad Sarah at May 13, 2009 6:24 PM

Just what sort of hair salon are you frequenting, sir? :P

Posted by: Heather at May 13, 2009 8:17 PM

I'm going to assume that since the bus is from Slippery Rock, PA, the guy on the logo is one who has slipped on a rock. Does that make sense?

Posted by: Eatmisery at May 13, 2009 9:52 PM

I'm going to assume that since the bus is from Slippery Rock, PA, the guy on the logo is one who has slipped on a rock. Does that make sense?

Posted by: Eatmisery at May 13, 2009 9:52 PM

That sure is a full service salon you go to!! lol

Posted by: Adi at May 13, 2009 10:03 PM

OK, there's no one in the US who doesn't know what a blowjob is, so that lady was clearly having a mind meltdown.

I think that dude on the bus is about to light a fart.

Posted by: Brad at May 14, 2009 9:43 AM

Thanks, Cactus. I have you to personally thank this morning for the coffee I will be attempting to drain from my nose for the remainder of the day. *SNARF*

And Brad's comment above also has me rolling.

Posted by: Pocklock at May 14, 2009 9:46 AM

My face hurts from laughing so hard.

"Has it been a long day?"
"I kinda thought so."


Posted by: samantha jo campen at May 14, 2009 1:18 PM

That conversation is hilarious! You just made my day :)

Posted by: Angela at May 14, 2009 4:57 PM

LOL... you should have said, "No haircut, but can I get that blow job right away?" ;)

Posted by: Nicki at May 14, 2009 6:19 PM

Hmmm, I'm going to take a guess and say he's sliding down a hill on a rock??? Sounds ridiculous, but that's kind of what it looks like to me. About the haircut though, really? I'm thinking Beth wouldn't approve of scheduling a blowjob...well, at least not with your hairdresser!

Posted by: Dianna at May 14, 2009 7:35 PM

I wear a Freudian slip of many different colors. The problem is, my ass hangs out the back all the time.

:) Maria

Posted by: Maria at May 15, 2009 12:20 AM

DUHHHH. He is doing ab exercises at a Ben Franklin convention. Sometimes you are so stoopid.

Posted by: Aimee Greeblemonkey at May 15, 2009 1:42 AM

she did NOT tell you that. I really cannot believe you.

Posted by: La Petite Belle at May 15, 2009 3:36 PM