June 1, 2009

Ass On Fire

I'm exhausted but it was for a good cause - an insanely awesome weekend. Why so awesome, you ask? Let me tell you.

The Festival. We've got a local festival that happens this time each year. The community thinks it's a pretty big deal but despite living here or around here off an on for twenty years, I'd never gone. Until Saturday. On Saturday morning - a gorgeous, cool, clear morning - we packed up the kids and headed to the festival. And it kinda rocked. There were rides for everyone, food from local restaurants, vendors and local craftsmen, and plenty of live music. With fearless, wild abandon, Mia plunged headlong into the rides flinching only at what seemed to me a pretty lame rollercoaster. We even rode a ginormous slide together. And, due to an insufficient covering of burlap, my ass burst into flames.


On Saturday night, we ditched the kids with my in-laws and had an actual, real-life date. We went to a local Italian place and had a great meal then, because Beth and I are both closet Trekies, we saw the new Star Trek movie. It was nothing short of awesome.

I'm pretty sure something in one of those carnival rides jarred loose some attitude in Mia's brain because it was on full display on Sunday. We'd intended to hit the festival again since it had been such a success the day before. But attitude interfered. We didn't go. Instead, I spent three hours tending to the yard, an alternative that proved much less fun considering that I also cut down two trees in the process (on purpose - it wasn't like my gigantic tree-cutting lawnmower accidentally slipped or something). Beth and the kids hit the pool while I cleaned myself up, finished a book, and tried to soak up the last, serene moments of a wonderful weekend.

And now here I am. At work. In dire need of coffee, a full body massage and, perhaps, a corner office with my own personal assistant. The only one of those that's going to happen is the coffee thing. So I'll go get on that while you tell me about your weekends. Oh, and has your ass ever caught on fire? Just curious.

Posted by Chris at June 1, 2009 6:46 AM

That sounds like quite an extensive weekend. Doesn't it seem like the weekends go way too fast for the amount of time we actually work. *sigh*

Saturday I spent running errands, but sunday I was repotting a ton of plants that were in desperate need of new pots, but it proved to be painful all that bending over my tummy wasn't feeling too hot later in the day so the rest of the evening was spent with the percocet and heating pad. *sigh* Getting old sucks. LOL

Posted by: Dee at June 1, 2009 7:21 AM

My ass, not so much. But my pants on the other hand...

Posted by: Jo MacD at June 1, 2009 7:24 AM

I'm pretty sure my ass has never caught fire (that's something you tend to notice, right?) but I do hurt after this long weekend. My own fault - no pain, no gain. :)

Posted by: Hannah at June 1, 2009 7:32 AM

Although my ass has never caught on fire I did have a mishap sliding down a hill on cardboard....and slid off the cardboard and ripped my ass cheek open on a stick. I was 12, it was humiliating to get stitches on your ass cheek....

We enjoyed the Crawfish Festival in Augusta NJ this weekend. It was so fun, lots of good food, even better music and beautiful sunshine!

Posted by: Lisa at June 1, 2009 7:51 AM

Ouch! I've been spared the ass on fire thing.

I went to a graduation party at an Italian restaurant on Saturday. It was fun and the food was good.

Sunday I hung around the house and did chores.

Posted by: MariaV at June 1, 2009 8:00 AM

Hubby and I celebrated his 35th bday this weekend with the kids in storage at grammy and grandpa's house. He got home from work friday night and was really confused about where the kids were. WE went out for a real grown up dinner and drinks stayed up way too late watching 2 (!) movies. Saturday we spent 4 hours browsing at IKEA guilt-free and went out again Saturday night for really good food 7 drinks.

Never had my ass on fire but I did sit on a camel cricket bare-assed once and it was very traumatic!

Posted by: Pink and Green Mama MaryLea at June 1, 2009 8:19 AM

Sorry about your ass. I almost set my ass on fire once at a camping trip walking backward and almost into the camp fire. And I wasn't even drunk. Just a spaz.
Weekend was good. Went to a bbq at my buddy Harmie's place and got drunk on 3 drinks. Actually, I was drunk by the first drink and just kept going.
Glad you enjoyed Star Trek, tho I have no doubt that whoever sees it will love it. Yeah, I'm a closet Trekkie too.

Posted by: Nenette at June 1, 2009 8:32 AM

So the weekend was 50/50. Not bad. That slide is AWESOME! I make my daughter go down it with me over and over again when our fair is in town.

My weekend sucked. A woodchuck got trapped in my garage (for the SECOND TIME) and caused a ton of damage, I got locked in the recycling center for a half hour due to a malfunctioned electric gate and my daughter (who is EIGHT) stuck a paperclip in an electrical outlet just to see what would happen. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?!

Posted by: js at June 1, 2009 8:35 AM

Yes! My ass HAS caught on fire - when I ride my scooter anywhere in the hot blazing sun, stop somewhere and then go to get back on. ASS ON FIRE.
Festivals, fairs - love them. Love anything local where you see friends and enjoy whatever your town has to offer.
This weekend, like recent weekends, and hopefully all the rest to come this summer were spent at our cabin NEAR the lake. I like to tell people it's not ON the lake but pretty close. It's a great little retreat and now that my son has a year of college, living on his own and a little more common sense under his belt I don't live in fear of leaving him home alone. Ha! if alone is having people over and those same people sleep in all the beds and eat all the food. I come home feeling like Goldilocks sometimes - "who's been sleeping in my bed?" "who's been eating my food?".
But after a weekend at the lake, nothing much upsets me :)

Posted by: NancyJ at June 1, 2009 9:26 AM

No, my ass has never caught on fire. But my cat once set his tail alight walking past a candle. Does that count?

It was really cold this weekend, which kind of sucked. I spent Sat morning wrapped in blankets and a jacket, sucking back coffee at two different soccer games and then spent the rest of the day organizing files and things. Not fun. Sunday I had 6 little girls over with my two for an uberplaydate (why? long story). They had a blast using every blanket in the linen closet, the dining room chairs, the Superfort set, and 347 stuffed animals to turn the living room into a giant fort. I might just have to blog some of the conversation I overheard from the Orphan Animal Zoo Fort while I was in the kitchen.

Posted by: alison at June 1, 2009 9:39 AM

ouch! that's why I don't trust those things!

Posted by: mingaling at June 1, 2009 9:47 AM

Well, ass waaayy cooled off actually. I went down a water slide and didn't keep my legs crossed like they told me and got the water right up my ass. I was 13, making the whole thing so much more embarrassing when I got into the pool at the bottom and had to dig, dig, dig to get my suit out of my crack!

Posted by: Andrea at June 1, 2009 9:49 AM

Hey! Didja see me, my husband, and my son handing out balloons at the festival? It really was a perfect weekend for it, wasn't it?

Posted by: liz at June 1, 2009 10:04 AM

I've never caught *my* ass on fire, but my 8th grade English teacher had a book of matches catch fire in his pants pocket. We never saw him move as fast as he did when he went running out of the room, beating on his leg.

Posted by: Jaime at June 1, 2009 10:11 AM

Yes... my ass HAS caught on fire! When I was 10 or so I sat on my mother's lit cigarette instead of her lap. Ever try to hold and aloe leaf to your ass??? While watching 4th of July fireworks? In public? LOL

My weekend was... ODD. Strangely quiet. I did start packing for our move in July though.

Posted by: NotAMeanGirl at June 1, 2009 10:25 AM

Spent the weekend repainting the kitchen cabinets. Nothing like good ol' fashioned hard labor while you can hear everyone else enjoying themselves at the community pool next door. The kitchen will look cool when its done though.

Am I the only one in the world that thinks the Trek movie was terrible? Even if you are not a Trek fan, wasn't there a million things in this movie that did not make sense at all? Even if you are watching it for fun? Really, I felt like I was watching Galaxy Quest.

Posted by: Drew at June 1, 2009 10:33 AM

Laughing my ass off at you burning your ass off on the slide... b/c I can totally sympathize!
Thanks for making my blah morning fun!!

Posted by: Stephanie at June 1, 2009 10:37 AM

What I love most about that picture is that Mia is completely oblivious to your hot ass. She's just there for the fun.

I was in Virginia Beach this weekend! I saw Matt Nathanson (and ran away before David Cook took the stage) at the Patriotic Festival. Then we met up with some internets friends we had never seen in person (after 5 years, it was about time) and it was awesome. We all hated to leave. And the weather was so gorgeous on Saturday!

Posted by: Sparkle Pants at June 1, 2009 11:03 AM


Posted by: ali at June 1, 2009 11:50 AM

You know, I've been on one of those slide things before and never really thought about what might happen without the burlap. Doesn't sound like too much fun! Bummer about the attitude, but as least there wasn't another chance for an ass-on-fire incident!

Posted by: Dianna at June 1, 2009 11:51 AM

I have not had my ass on *fire* but was pretty sure I broke my ass in a similar situation, except winter.

It was on a toboggan run with a bump at the bottom. First run was on a wooden toboggan and I said "whoa, that's a big bump" quickly forgot about the big bump & went down next on a krazy karpet. Ouch.

Weekend was great. Had some friends over (see Nenette, above) and spent Sunday coaching work on school projects due this week.

Posted by: harmzie at June 1, 2009 12:01 PM

I went to yard sales all weekend.
Got some good finds.
Antique cordial glasses
Whiskey decanter
Some kids books
Some adult books
A Lost Game
A map that you put the state quarters into
A pair of cargo pants
A baby quilt
So it was a good haul
(My friend bought a bookcase on Saturday so up on the roof rack of her SUV it went to advertise that we were "serious yardsalers" before we got out of the truck! LOL!

As far as the ass on fire, does spicy food count? LOL!

Posted by: Rose Winters at June 1, 2009 12:12 PM

My weekend was delightfully unschedule, but.... I intended to trek to another city to try and procure a picture frame, but I blew that off. I took my book to Kinko's and only after it was printed realized I'd missed some things I wanted to clean up. But that's what this step is for. In addition to an eye infection that refused to go away, my dachshund developed a lump on her jaw (I guess it's a lymph node? I don't know dog anatomy very well) which ::TMI WARNING:: ruptured or something last night and there was pretty much blood everywhere. Dog seems in good spirits. She also got a couple more bumps in various places. But the eye seems better. Marginally. Fortunately, we had already booked a follow-up for today. I don't know what's wrong with her, but it looks expensive.

Also, we went to the library, Karaoke night at the kids' school (holy crap, and that's all I'll say about the singing) and I made myself a necklace.

The end.

Posted by: Brooke at June 1, 2009 12:12 PM

I sincerely hope your ass feels better.

Preschooler attitudes suck worse than ass-fire.
Especially if Mom also has an attitude. (Which I did have over the weekend) Let me tell you it makes the kid's attititude a LOT worse.

Posted by: jessica at June 1, 2009 12:21 PM

I had a great weekend too. Boob/Rockfest 2009 was nice.

The only time my ass has been on fire is from the inside out and I learned that eating Chipotle and Chinese food on the same day is a no-no.

Posted by: Brad at June 1, 2009 2:22 PM

WHEN will I learn not to drink anything when I read your blog (particularly when a post has a title such as "Ass on Fire")? My poor, soaked keyboard.

Posted by: Karen at June 1, 2009 2:40 PM

Dude - that 3rd picture says a lot!! My closest ass-afire incident was getting back into my convertible with shorts on after I had left the top down all day in 100 degree blazing sun...

Posted by: Sue R at June 1, 2009 3:42 PM

My ass is not on fire. My sex, however, totally *is*.

Posted by: Angella at June 1, 2009 4:18 PM

I biked nearly 9.5 miles with the hubby on Saturday. Still have a sore ass from that and promptly bought myself a pair of padded biking shorts this morning.

Ass never on fire. I imagine that totally sucked.

Posted by: One Mom's Opinion at June 1, 2009 5:29 PM

Needless to say my weekend with Dad and Jett and eventually mom and my sister in law and my precious little nephew was AWESOME. And while my ass has never busrt into flame, I rode one of those slide thingy majiggies when I was younger (in this case at the Dutchess County Fair) and I stuck my hand out while going down (Why? No idea. you'll have to ask the 7-year old me WTF she was thinking!) and I got a very nasty burn on the top of my hand. Still have the scar to this day.

Posted by: Country Girl at June 1, 2009 5:50 PM

Yay for a good weekend. :)

Posted by: alektra at June 2, 2009 12:50 AM

We had a productive weekend, but nothing to really write home about.

I have a corner office and an assistant (ok, I have to share her) and it does not make Monday any easier.

Posted by: Lisa at June 2, 2009 4:51 PM

That photo physically hurts me. Seriously, are you okay?

The weekend was wonderful. Went to visit my grandma and then my mom on Saturday. Sunday we went to the in-laws and I took Theo to the pool for the first time and had a blast. And my ass never caught on fire which I guess I always took for granted, but now I am thankful.

Posted by: samantha jo campen at June 2, 2009 9:25 PM

Funny thing. My ass was on fire this weekend,too. My bro-in-law tied a car hood to the back of the 4 wheeler. Sat on it,he started driving. There was no flipping blanket on said hood. Very large ass on fire.

Posted by: debb at June 3, 2009 4:32 AM