June 5, 2009

The Weeklies #88

The Weekly Beer. Peroni.

The Weekly Time-Waster. Give Colourshift a try.

The Weekly Read. I love John Sandford. As I flew through his Prey series, I actually started to get concerned that I'd run out. I started pacing myself. I actually hadn't read any of the Prey novels for the last year. Until this week. I picked up Broken Prey and it really and truly rocked. Sandford is just damn good. His novels are gritty, filled with interesting and well-developed people and the twists and turns are always a surprise no matter how jaded a mystery reader you are.

The Weekly Shitty Product With The Weekly Greatest Infomercial. The Wearable Towel

The Weekly Death. I was never a fan of Kung Fu but I loved Kill Bill. RIP, David Carradine.

The Weekly Schadenfreude. It's not exactly schadenfreude, but I find myself oddly curious about North Korea especially now that it's enigmatic (and kinda wacky) leader has started naming successors and launching missiles. Oh, and Susan Boyle? Being treated for exhaustion? You know she got a taste of fame and was totally doing blow in L.A. club bathrooms with Lindsay Lohan when she spiraled out of control.

The Weekly Hypothetical. Let's say a rogue communist regime founded on a familial cult of personality acquired nuclear technology and the means to launch missiles on its neighbors near and close. If you're in a position to do something about it, what precisely do you do? Or do you do anything at all?

Posted by Chris at June 5, 2009 6:35 AM

I am going to skip over the weekly hypothetical (questions like "What type of cheese would you be" are more my speed)...BUT...How did I NOT know about the Wearable Towel? It's like this season's Snuggie. And OMG - is that woman giving her child a bath in KITCHEN SINK? And why would any self-respecting man walk around in a Toga Towel? And is a towel really *that difficult* people that you require a special, wearable towel? Somewhere between the invention of this crap and the obsession with J+K+8 (aka more crap) = the beginning of the downfall of society. Dude...

Posted by: Country Girl at June 5, 2009 7:06 AM

Oh grasshoppa you have much to learn!

I can't touch the weekly hypothetical, it's friday I just want to be silly...no deep thoughts today.

Posted by: Dee at June 5, 2009 7:24 AM

Beer: Are you game to try an orange beer? See http://www.bluemoonbeer.com/. Smooth with a bit of a citrus taste.

Infomercial: I would like to know who would buy such a product.

Hypothetical: I really don't know.

Have a fabulous weekend, Chris.

Posted by: MariaV at June 5, 2009 7:29 AM

How have I lived this long without this towel??? I suppose all the idiots that needed Snuggie's will be buying this stupid thing.

Posted by: Debbie at June 5, 2009 7:55 AM

I'm with you on the North Korea thing-- but Susan Boyle? I cut her a bunch of slack and actually pity her. I mean, it was pretty well documented that she had some developmental issues (although pretty high-functioning) before the competition but all that's been forgotten as of late. I blame the exploitative nature of "reality" television; they gave her a haircut and makeover but NO support for the mental issues.

Posted by: leslie at June 5, 2009 7:55 AM

How about: if you were a rogue communist regime, what kind of rogue communist regime would you be? My answer: emmental.

John Sandford, eh? Been looking. I'll check him out. I had to write that out so I have a hope of remembering. As it is, I had to scroll all the way up to check, as I first wrote "stafford". I am a hampster.

Posted by: harmzie at June 5, 2009 8:21 AM

I'm a fan of Lucas Davenport! I listen to mystery and thriller audiobooks and Sandford is one of my new-found favorites. It's funny, and I don't know if it's because scifi/fantasy audiobooks are hard to find at the library or what, but I listen to a totally different type of book than I read.

As far as the communist regime is concerned, two words: ninja assassins.

Posted by: Elizabeth at June 5, 2009 8:42 AM

Yeah, I think Susan Boyle needs to be cut a lot of slack like Leslie said. I did love her voice. It brought tears to my cynical eyes.

Nukes and missiles? Well, I'd put on my Super Woman costume and then go off and capture their silly leaders and dismantle all the weapons!

Posted by: Maribeth at June 5, 2009 8:45 AM

"That's it!! No cookies for you tonight! I mean it!"

And this is why I will never be a politician.

Posted by: Sabrina at June 5, 2009 8:45 AM

Peroni.... sigh. One of my favorite beers. Now that you've posted the name so prominently, I think I'll buy some so I can have a bit of one in a few weeks ... just as soon as this baby decides to make her entrance!

Posted by: ewe_are_here at June 5, 2009 9:16 AM

Oh man, I was just so sure your schadenfreude was gonna be the guy in Egypt whose family wouldn't allow him to marry the girl he wanted, so he cut his own penis off! And no, they couldn't re-attach it. Yeah... that'll show 'em! Sheesh!

Posted by: coolchick at June 5, 2009 9:29 AM

Become their friend. Find a way to make their society rely on something we produce, like technology. Then, have them stand down nuke production or fear losing the thing they now love.

Posted by: Brad at June 5, 2009 9:48 AM

One of the few advantages of being the world superpower is that you have the capability to turn any country you want into radioactive kibble within 15 minutes of feeling froggy. Sure, terrible burden, horrible responsibility, but you don't bring a knife to a gun fight.

If North Korea wants to use nukes, they will. But traditionally from a policy standpoint they like to shake everyone up, get everybody riled up, and then act like the better man by willing to come to the table to sit and negotiate. They are just making sure that they will be taken seriously.

So if it was my gig, I would insert spies into their country to keep tabs on the, gently work to unravel their form of government through psi op campaigns, contain them within their borders, aggressively stop them from selling the things, remind them often that we could wipe them out as easy as wipe our nose, and let the baby have it's bottle if that is what it takes to keep South Korea from getting nuked a couple of times. I think that spending a bazillion dollars on giant space laser Frisbees ( Star Wars ) is a bit of a waste. A determined assassin will always hit their target if they are willing to sacrifice themselves, so making it so that we can shoot the missiles down just means that they'll bring them in another way.

And who the heck is Susan Boyle ( favorite line from Independence Day: Brent Spiner "As you might imagine, they don't let us out much." )

Posted by: metawizard at June 5, 2009 10:04 AM

We could distract said communist regime by playing the wearable towel video for them over and over.

I think it would work.

Posted by: jessica at June 5, 2009 10:07 AM

i'm going to assume by "kinda wacky" that you actually mean "bat shit crazy".

Posted by: kati at June 5, 2009 10:15 AM

I think one finds all of the reasons to justifiably invade a country wrapped up into a nice little package with North Korea. You have a regime tacitly unconcerned with the well-being of its own populace, thwarting the international community's offers of help while simultaneously instigating their neighbors by testing weapons that have only one (bad) ultimate purpose. Not since WWII has a country so invited its own destruction. The problem is that the United Nations/NATO lacks even the shadow of a backbone necessary to do anything and we've lost our moral standing in the world that would be necessary for making such a unilateral move, so everyone gets to basically watch a toddler play with dynamite.

Posted by: You can call me, 'Sir' at June 5, 2009 10:54 AM

let's not forget: the appointed son also apparently has a drinking problem. YAY! A drunk with his finger on the big red button. Awesome.

Posted by: kalisa at June 5, 2009 11:08 AM

I feel bad for Boyle :( Sounds like she just got seriously overwhelmed, which is understandable, I think!
And I have no idea what to do about North Korea, which is why I am sooo never going into politics :P

Posted by: Heather at June 5, 2009 12:17 PM

I think your Weekly Death and Weekly Schadenfreude got mixed up. What is the world coming to when a kung fu superstar's accidental suicide via autoerotic asphyxiation doesn't warrant some schadenfreude? (To be fair, I only heard the details of Carradine's likely cause of death today, so maybe you did too.)

Posted by: Karen at June 5, 2009 12:56 PM

I've seen some pretty frightening and saddening videos on the suffering going on in North Korea (footage obtained illegally by those brave enough to walk around over there with a hidden cameras). Even with all that craziness, people still praise and worship their "fatherly leader." I find myself asking if these people are beyond help. I am in favor of blowing Kim Jong Il and his regime to smithereens but will those people just loathe us for destroying their heavenly leader? Will someone else simply replace him?

Posted by: Rengirl at June 5, 2009 6:53 PM

uh, i shouldn't have clicked on colourshift. how evilly addictive! ;-)

Posted by: Dolly at June 5, 2009 10:09 PM

The hypothetical is kinda too tricky to take on seriously but I know my crazy husband would be screaming " Team America... derka, derka !!!" To be honest I found it a bit much but what the hell, for want of a better idea... send in the puppets...

As for the beer, said it before me thinks... all that pale fizzy stuff tastes the same, even if it's from Italy.... yep, I challenge you to do a blind 5 (fizzy)beer taste-off to prove my point... give me a lovely flat dark pint of warm bitter any day !

: )

Posted by: english thorn at June 6, 2009 2:03 PM

and before you ask... if it's hot, I'd take a cold dry apple cider or a gin and tonic ; )

Posted by: english thorn at June 6, 2009 2:10 PM

LOVE Sandford. Read everything he writes...

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