July 8, 2009

Cat, Out of Bag

To many, it might seem nightmarish to stay in a beach house for a solid week with one's family. But that's exactly the position in which we found ourselves last week. For the second year in a row. Beth and the kids, my parents, Beth's parents, Beth's brother, his wife and their daughter as well as her parents. A full house to be sure but it was nice to so many people I care about in one place. Even if they occasionally drive me batshit crazy.

But throughout the past week - through observations and conversations - one thing became crystal clear. Irrefutable. Cat? Out of bag. The jig? Up. Beans? Spilled. As it turns out, our blogs are our family's worst kept secrets. And by that I mean that everyone knows about them.

I'm not surprised, shocked or in any way disappointed. But that doesn't necessarily stop me from feeling as though I'm walking around the local grocery store and suddenly discover that I'm not wearing any pants. Indecent exposure on aisle three, anyone? But I'm okay with that. (Metaphorically. I still plan on wearing pants while shopping.)

Will this less-than-stunning turn of events change anything? No. I mean, I'm not planning on doing anything radical like cleaning up my language (fuck no, that's bullshit). They know I have a half-decent vocabulary. They also know that despite my big talk I have no pathological fascination with midgets (though I do think they're somehow hatching a plan for world domination but I haven't yet been able to suss out the details). Though I don't often talk about sex, they know Beth and I have it, as Mia and Owen are stunning examples of our proficiency in the sack. I only occasionally talk about them directly. I might say that my mom's a little crazy (and I mean that in a good way and will stick to that statement) or that my dad seems allergic to retirement (and he's a good, motivated guy doing what he loves so I'll stick with that statement, too, and support whatever it is he wants to do the way he supports me). But my family knows I love them, they know who I am, and I'm not going to change what I do here any more than I'm going to change the laws of gravity. Though I'm working on those.

If anything, I guess I feel a little relieved. No more secrets. And maybe just maybe they'll get glimpses of the lives of their kids and grand kids they might not otherwise have gotten.

Okay, come on everybody. Don't be shy. Say hi to my folks.

Posted by Chris at July 8, 2009 6:00 AM

Hello Family!

Just imagine how many midgets you would attract if you went shopping without pants.

Posted by: MariaV at July 8, 2009 6:28 AM

Hello Mrs & Mr's Cacti,
Very nice to meet you Ma'am & Sir.

(can i take this dress off now, it itches :(

Posted by: Jo MacD at July 8, 2009 7:01 AM

hi to the family!!! we had a family reunion in a 7 bedroom condo on the ocean in VA... i believe there were almost 20 people given all comings and goings... but just think Chris... your family (and all of us by the way) catch up with you daily!! we know who you are! (not as well as your parents etc., but still)... 2 things my mom always told me 1. never grow up and 2. be whoever you want to be and don't take any bullshit about it.... and whether she liked it or not my brother and i live by those words... you are just fortunate enough that by getting a daily dose of you...there are no MAJOR surprises...like when i married a woman after 2 husbands... and the southern baptist side of the family thinking i should explain myself!!! NOT...cuz my mom said so!

Posted by: the unicorn at July 8, 2009 7:05 AM

I know what you mean. I sent my blog link to my family (everyone except my dad, he doesn't really read english much) but I HATE it when they mention my blog in front of me, or ask if "i'm still doing that". i almost feel like they're asking me if i'm still doing "that", you know, the drugs or something. ha! but I try to forget that I ever gave the link to my family- that's the only way I can be myself. It's just too weird otherwise.

Posted by: la petite belle at July 8, 2009 7:27 AM

I was a little nervous when my sisters found my blog.

Then I found out they thought it was really boring.

They haven't read it since.


Posted by: Jon (was) in Michigan at July 8, 2009 8:05 AM

I'd take my blog offline if anyone else besides my sister got a hold of it. Also, I would definitely go batshit crazy spending a week in the same house with my family. It was bad enough having to spend my first 17 years with them.

Hi Chris's folks!

Posted by: jessica at July 8, 2009 8:08 AM

Haha hiya Chris's parents! My blog is not remotely secretive from my family or anything, but I'll admit I was a tad weirded out when one my pastors followed me on Twitter ;)

Posted by: Heather at July 8, 2009 8:17 AM

Ummm you might rethink being embarrassed, after all your suggestion items on Amazon alone would have me a little red faced if my inlaws/parents were reading it.

Posted by: Dee at July 8, 2009 8:34 AM

Hi Chris's folks! I had a similar experience last summer during the family vacation when I found out that my husband's family reads my blog regularly. But it turned out fine because one of my cousins now has her own blog. Thankfully my parents read mine once in a blue moon...

Posted by: jenn at July 8, 2009 8:39 AM

Hi Family of Chris!

It's funny - random strangers on the internet? Cool, read my blog. Mom, dad... blog? What blog? I've never even HEARD of blogging. And if I *HAD* a blog, I would certainly never talk about them. Ahem.

Posted by: sarah at July 8, 2009 8:40 AM

Hello Family!

We all wear clothes around here. Most of the time anyway.

Posted by: Shelly at July 8, 2009 8:51 AM

Hey, family!

Posted by: Fraulein N at July 8, 2009 8:58 AM

Hi Family!

Does this mean we should watch our mouths now? Ya know, you cussing? No smart fanny remarks?

And by the way, I had no idea you and Beth actually made those adorable kids. I thought all bloggers were asexual.

Posted by: Theresa at July 8, 2009 9:23 AM

Will they start commenting now that the can's open and the worms are everywhere?

Or... Maybe now you'll find out who's posting under which fake name!

Posted by: Roses at July 8, 2009 9:26 AM

Meet he family! Are they as weird as you? I mean I know that environment plays a role in our development but seriously are any group of people that screwed up? :)
My parents are odd, but nothing like I am. Most people say that I am on the wrong side of the sane|insane line.

Posted by: Jeff A at July 8, 2009 9:58 AM

yep, only a matter of time isnt it? Welcome Cactus Fish parents!

(Still so so so glad I can access your blog again!)

Posted by: alfredsmom at July 8, 2009 9:59 AM

Hi there parental units :)

Posted by: Rose Winters at July 8, 2009 10:43 AM

Hi! Welcome to the funniest blog on the Internet!

Posted by: Heather at July 8, 2009 10:45 AM

Hi Cactus Parents! Chris, I remember how I felt when my own father found my blog. I wanted to crawl into a hole and die. But he found it funny (I used to be funny!) and I think it made him feel more included in my life. No harm, no foul!

Posted by: bri at July 8, 2009 10:50 AM

Hi to you family! BTW: I love your son and daughter in-law, to to mention being totally over the moon about your grand-kids! Lucky you! Thanks for having them so we can share in their lives!

Posted by: Maribeth at July 8, 2009 10:58 AM

Hello parents of weird midget loving blogger!

I would shut my blog down in a heartbeat if my family was reading it. Not because I post anything I'm worried about them knowing, but because I need my privacy, dammit. You're braver than I, my friend.

Posted by: Rebecca at July 8, 2009 11:00 AM

Hi, Mom! Hi, Dad! We've heard so much about you! Nice to finally meet you!

(man this whole "meeting the parents" thing can be tough. I hope they like me!)

Posted by: zanie at July 8, 2009 11:16 AM

Hi Cactus Papa and Mama! We love Chris out here in the blogosphere. You must be very proud. :)

Posted by: oakley at July 8, 2009 11:46 AM

Hi Chris' mum and dad. Nice to meet you.

My parents know about my blog, but I'm not sure my dad reads it. My ex-sisters-in-law read it too. I'm OK with that.

Posted by: alison at July 8, 2009 12:31 PM

*waves big!* Hi family!!

Posted by: Emily at July 8, 2009 12:38 PM

Hiiiii folks!

Posted by: Brad at July 8, 2009 1:33 PM

Hi, Chris's family!!!
How does it feel to be greeted by the bunch of us who stalk your son and daughter-in-law on a regular basis? :)
We do it with affection and absolutely no creepiness whatsoever.
You sound so cool. Wish I had folks as supportive as you. Chris, Beth, and the kids are so lucky.
Great to know you're here with us enjoying the stories.

Posted by: Nenette at July 8, 2009 2:14 PM

Hi to the Cactus & Fish families!

My parents don't own a computer, so I can say whatever I want about them. Last year, however, my cousins all told me that's how they keep up with my life. They also said they could never put their life out there for everyone to see.

What weirded me out most was when my students found my blog!

Posted by: Krush at July 8, 2009 2:51 PM

Hi to the Cactus & Fish families!

My parents don't own a computer, so I can say whatever I want about them. Last year, however, my cousins all told me that's how they keep up with my life. They also said they could never put their life out there for everyone to see.

What weirded me out most was when my students found my blog!

Posted by: Krush at July 8, 2009 2:51 PM

Hi Cactus and Fish families!

Posted by: Karen at July 8, 2009 4:18 PM

I totally get how you feel. At first nobody knew ... but now ... I see some comments here and there from them and think ... oh yeah, they're reading.

:: waves to the family ::

Posted by: kristy - wheres my damn answer at July 8, 2009 5:37 PM

Hello To the people responsible for Chris and his manic genius! Well done. Brava!

Posted by: Kris at July 8, 2009 5:52 PM

Hi folks! Nice to see you 'round these parts.

Posted by: Carmen at July 8, 2009 6:49 PM

Hi parents! I guess we can finally talk openly about how you have another child named Bryan who moved to Colorado 15 years ago, huh? Seeing as he looks just like Chris and acts just like Chris. And Chris' voice sounds exactly the same as my (also adopted but from a different family) brother-in-law - which further proves my point, I'm thinking. Whew. Glad that's all out in the open now.

Posted by: Aimee Greeblemonkey at July 8, 2009 7:23 PM

Eeeeeeeeek... the comments I've left.

Oh well, I'm sure they don't read the comment.

Posted by: Nat at July 8, 2009 7:58 PM

Funny you should say this - just yesterday I wrote about this on my blog http://littlereginald.blogspot.com/2009/07/contemplation-station.html - it's a funny thing to know that they are reading, but it is sort of relieving as well. Hope work was OK?

Posted by: Beth at July 8, 2009 9:25 PM

Hello extended family! I am sorry we missed you (seriously by two blocks) at the beach.

Maybe next year.

Posted by: Sarah, Goon Squad Sarah at July 8, 2009 11:04 PM

I guess my sitch is different b/c my blog began as a way to communicate en mass with family and friends. So I never had this "I have to keep my blog a secret otherwise WTF will people think?" kind of moment. Although I am utterly paranoid about work peeps finding out about my blog. Not that I post shit that's bad or anything (although my tribute to Baby Guinness was a wee bit questionable). But it's like having the peas touch the mashed potaters on the plate. Ewww.

Hi Cactus Clan! We love your son. And daughter in law. And grand kids. So therefore, by extention, we love you too! Hugs!

Posted by: Country Girl at July 9, 2009 6:04 AM

I initially started my blog with the intent to keep my family and friends up to date with our lives. What a mistake that was! I wish they would all forget my URL. I hate when they mention something I blogged about.

Posted by: La Petite Chic at July 9, 2009 11:22 AM

Within about 2 hours of its creation, my husband told my mother-in-law about my blog.

GAH! Needless to say, that didn't last long.

Anyhow, hello to you all! Hope you enjoy your son's (and son-in-law's?) little internet following. You have to admit, for all the ridicule placed on our generation's blogging and tweeting, this is pretty damned cool, no?!

Posted by: Sabrina at July 9, 2009 9:14 PM

Hi Parents!

My parents know all about mine. So do my kids. As you know, my blog sat in mothballs for a year and I've just started updating it.

I got a little busy with vacations and came home from LegoLand to an email.

"Please update your blog so we can see what you guys are up to!"

My kids like to read it. They think it's funny. Most of the time. :)

Posted by: Holly Reynolds at July 10, 2009 7:41 AM

Hi Folks!

Isn't the rule of thumb to not post anything on the internet you wouldn't want your mother to read?

What a relief.. :)

Posted by: Molly at July 10, 2009 1:49 PM

Dear Cactus Fish families:

If you tell my family about my blog, in an attempt to relieve me of the stress of secret-keeping and elevate me to a higher plane of being, as it appears you have with these two crazy kids, I will hunt you down and torture you with Britney Spears and all the bad Monty Python sketches.

Just sayin'

Posted by: Mr Lady at July 11, 2009 3:30 AM

Hi family!

My family knows about mine and reads it randomly. They aren't all daily internet readers but they will read a month at a time and catch up.

Posted by: Lisa at July 11, 2009 10:09 AM