August 25, 2009

Knock Knock

My daughter loves jokes. She loves hearing them, she loves telling them, and she loves making them up. And like her father, she absolutely cracks herself up to the point of nosing her milk. (To be fair, I rarely nose milk but I do make myself laugh such that telling a joke is far more amusing to me than it is the recipient.) Last night after dinner, Mia and I had a knock-knock joke-off. Here were some of Mia's:

Mia: Knock knock.
Me: Who's there?
Mia: Owen.
Me: Owen who?
Mia: Owen monkey.

Mia: Knock knock.
Me: Who's there?
Mia: Beer.
Me: Beer who?
Mia: Beer grapes.

Mia: Knock knock.
Me: Who's there?
Mia: Poopy.
Me: Poopy who?
Mia: Poopy diaper.

Mia: Knock knock.
Me: Who's there?
Mia: Brains.
Me: Brains who?
Mia: Brains xylophone.

Then Mia started working blue and went with a risque joke. (Warning: this might be somewhat objectionable.)

Mia: Knock knock.
Me: Who's there?
Mia: Bottom.
Me: Bottom who?
Mia: Bottom penis.

And then she started on her I'm Wearing jokes. Look at me, I'm wearing a chair or Look at me, I'm wearing your car or Look at me, I'm wearing a squid.

These jokes are absolutely hilarious. Mia howls and frankly so do I mainly because of the enthusiasm with which they're delivered. But, as you've probably figured out, the jokes make absolutely no sense whatsoever.

It turns out, jokes are learned things and while Mia has an awesome sense of humor, her ability to express that sense of humor hasn't quite caught up with her hilarious brain. Of course, I think I have a decent sense of humor too but I can't tell a joke to save my life. Maybe it just runs in the family.

Now it's your turn - lay your best joke on me. Seriously, I need it. I worked 16 hours yesterday.

Posted by Chris at August 25, 2009 6:26 AM
Comments

We have a 13 y/o son and a 7 y/o daughter. Our daughter gets upset when the 13 y/o doesn't laugh at her jokes. He tells us, they are just not funny. We have to explain to him the YEARS we spent laughing with him at his jokes that didn't make sense, because to us they were funny and we wanted to encourage him to continue finding how to express his humor. Ha we tell him we're still waiting....

Posted by: Texxla at August 25, 2009 7:19 AM

We have a 13 y/o son and a 7 y/o daughter. Our daughter gets upset when the 13 y/o doesn't laugh at her jokes. He tells us, they are just not funny. We have to explain to him the YEARS we spent laughing with him at his jokes that didn't make sense, because to us they were funny and we wanted to encourage him to continue finding how to express his humor. Ha we tell him we're still waiting....

Posted by: Texxla at August 25, 2009 7:20 AM

A man walks into a bar and notices his friend sitting alone staring at a tiny man on the table playing the piano.
"Wow, look how small he is, where did you get him?!" Says the man.
"Oh, well there's this genie round the back of bar, and he grants you whatever wish you want."
Sure enough, the man goes round the back of the bar and there sits a genie.
"You grant wishes right?"
"Yes." replies the genie.
"Hmm, I'd like a million bucks."
Then, out of nowhere, a million ducks appear, and waddle behind the annoyed man as he goes back into the bar.
"Look, that genie gave me ducks instead of bucks!"
His friends sitting at the table replies,
"Well yeah, do you really think I asked for a twelve inch pianist?"

Posted by: ChocolateChip_Wookie at August 25, 2009 7:28 AM

What are elephants that wears tiny glass slippers?
Cinderelephants.

Posted by: ChocolateChip_Wookie at August 25, 2009 7:32 AM

What's the best thing about emo grass?
It cuts itself!!

There was a chicken and an egg laying in bed. The chicken was smoking a cigerette, and the egg was rolled over on its side. Pissed off, the egg said, "Well I guess NOW we know who came first!"

Posted by: Secha at August 25, 2009 8:00 AM

The doctor goes into the examination room and tells the pretty blond sitting on the examination table that she is pregnant.
She asks, "Is it mine?"
I know. Lame, but heck I haven't finished my first cup of coffee!

Posted by: Maribeth at August 25, 2009 8:08 AM

I don't know if this will work written, you may have to say it out loud, but here goes:

What do you call a deer with no eyes?

no eye deer


What do you call a deer with no eyes and no legs?

still no eye deer

Get it?? Ha, ha, ha, ha...

Anyway, I can sympathize with the knock-knock jokes. Charlotte (who is also 4) finishes all of her knock-knocks with (fill in the blank)ketchup! Sigh.

Posted by: Elizabeth at August 25, 2009 8:42 AM

knock knock
[who's there?]
banana head
[banana head who?]
banana head ice cream

That one knocks the house down every night (also acceptable, tho not necessarily to mom & dad: "banana head smell your butt") Your kid & all of mine went to the same prenatal joke-telling school?

I've got nothing of my own as any ability to tell jokes I had have long been erased by bad knock-knock jokes, but here's one from Mitch Hedberg (RIP). Happens to be banana related:

With a stop light, green means 'go' and yellow means 'slow down'. With a banana, however, it is quite the opposite. Yellow means 'go', green means 'whoa, slow down', and red means 'where the heck did you get that banana?'
- Mitch Hedberg

Posted by: harmzie at August 25, 2009 8:44 AM

What kind of bees make milk?
BOOBEES!
I didn't say it was a good one...but it always gets the laughs around here :-)

Posted by: Diane at August 25, 2009 9:20 AM

Here's one of my favorites:

In a city park stood two statues, one female and the other male. These two statues faced each other for many years.

Early one morning, an angel appeared before the statues and said, "Since the two of you have been exemplary statues and have brought enjoyment to many people, I am giving you your greatest wish. I hereby give you the gift of life. You have 30 minutes to do whatever you desire."

And with that command, the statues came to life, smiled at each other, ran toward some nearby woods and dove behind a couple of bushes.

The angel smiled to himself as he listened to the two statues giggling, bushes rustling and twigs snapping. After 15 minutes, the two statues emerged from the bushes, satisfied and smiling. Puzzled, the angel looked at his watch and asked the statues, "You still have 15 minutes. Would you like to continue?"

The male statue looked at the female and asked, "Do you want to do it again?"

Smiling, the female statue said, "Sure. But this time you hold the pigeon down and I'll crap on its head."

Posted by: J at August 25, 2009 9:22 AM

What do clouds wear to bed?

Thunderpants!

My favorite kid joke.

Posted by: k8 at August 25, 2009 9:28 AM

Knock Knock!
Who's There?
Panther.
Panther who?
Panther no panth, I'm going thwimming!

Posted by: cyniclite at August 25, 2009 10:05 AM

Why do ants never get sick?
...
...
...
...
Because they're so full of ant(i)bodies!

Posted by: Elise at August 25, 2009 10:06 AM

That was supposed to be ANTEATERS, dammit.

Also, where does Napoleon keep his armies?
...
...
...
...
Up his sleevies!

Posted by: Elise at August 25, 2009 10:09 AM

Well, I like telling self-deprecating jokes, but I'm not very good at it.

Posted by: martin at August 25, 2009 10:15 AM

1st amoeba: What color's the moon?
2nd amoeba: I don't know. I don't live around here.

Fozy Bear joke. I never did get it.

Posted by: Jon (was) in Michigan at August 25, 2009 10:40 AM

For the kiddies: Why don't lobsters share? Because they're shellfish.

For the adults: Farrah Faucett died and went to heaven. At the pearly gates, God said, "Farrah, you've always been good in the world. Now that you're here, I will grant you one wish to make the world better. What will it be?"

Farrah said, "God, please save the children."

A few hours later, Michael Jackson died.

Too soon?

Posted by: oakmonster at August 25, 2009 11:07 AM

where do you find a turtle with no legs?
RIGHT WHERE YOU LEFT IT!

i knew a little boy that used to love telling that one.

Posted by: kati at August 25, 2009 11:14 AM

One saggy boob said to the other saggy boob: "If we don't get some support soon, people will think we're nuts."

Posted by: Brewtal at August 25, 2009 11:16 AM

A cousin told Elder Son this one, and he told it over and over on the eight hour drive home. First, he'd tell The Husband, then he'd tell me. Then he'd tell The Husband again...

Knock, knock!
Who's there?
Boo!
Boo who?
Don't cry. It's only a joke!

Believe me, after eight hours, we were crying.

Posted by: Roses at August 25, 2009 11:21 AM

A guy walks into a bar. The bartender takes his drink order, and places a bowl of nuts in front of him.
"That tie is terrific! Have you been lost weight? Oh, that beer choice is a good one!"

"That'll be $4 for the beer," the bartender says, "and the nuts are complimentary."
*****************************************
A string walks into a bar and orders a drink.

"Get lost," growls the bartender. "We don't serve string."

The string goes out to the parking lot and rolls around until he's all tied up on himself and starting to unravel, then goes back in the bar.

"Hey!" says the bartender. "Aren't you that string I just threw out of here?"

"No!" says the string. "I'm a frayed knot!"

Posted by: MamaKaren at August 25, 2009 11:33 AM

Q: If you are eaten by an elephant how do you get ou?
A: You run around and around until you are all pooped out.

Q: What did the fish say when he ran into a wall?
A: Dam.

Not too good, but they always crack me up. :-)

Posted by: Ashley K. at August 25, 2009 11:45 AM

What do you get when you mix PMS and GPS?

A crazy woman that WILL find you!

Posted by: zanie at August 25, 2009 12:03 PM

Okay, I was hesitant to post this, but I love it, it is just too funny. (not work place appropriate) http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=itl44eSdebg
I hope you are not offended, but this is my favorite joke. Have a great day! :)

Posted by: Tess at August 25, 2009 12:15 PM

An oldie but goodie blonde joke:

A blonde is at work. She answers her phone, has a short conversation, and starts crying as soon as she gets off the phone.

"What's wrong?" Her co-worker asks.

"Oh, I just found out my mother died." The co-worker expresses his sympathy. Shortly afterward, the blonde's phone rings again. She answers, has a short conversation, and starts crying even more hysterically when the call is over.

"What's wrong??" her co-worker asks again.

"Oh, that was my sister on the phone...she just found out her mother died, too!"

Posted by: Stephanie at August 25, 2009 12:19 PM

Why don't you more crows as roadkill?

Because they have lookouts on the phone lines-"Caw! Caw!"

Eh. That's about the cleanest one I can think of right now.

When we were kids, my brother drove us nuts with "Knock knock-whos there- banana-banana who- knock knock-whos there-banana- banana who-knock knock-whos there-orange-orange who-orange you glad I didn't say banana?"

Posted by: Amy at August 25, 2009 12:47 PM

What's brown and sticky?


Wait for it.


A stick!!

It never fails to make people laugh. Especially when you tell them how hilarious it is upfront.

Posted by: NGS at August 25, 2009 1:16 PM

To add to the disrespect for the dead:
Why does Michael Jackson like twenty nine year olds?
.
.
.
.
Because there are twenty of them.

Hey! Did you see? His death was just ruled homicide. And we thought the media were over it! Boohoooooo.

Posted by: Sabrina at August 25, 2009 1:32 PM

Elijah's first favorite joke, at about Mia's age:
Q: What do you call cheese that doesn't belong to you?
A: NACHO CHEESE!

My favorite joke:
Rene Descartes walks into a bar. Bartender says, "Get you a beer?" and Rene says, "Hmmm...I think not." And *poof* he disappeared.

My husband's favorite joke:
Q: How did Pinocchio find out he was made of wood?
A: He started masturbating and caught on fire.

Posted by: kalisa at August 25, 2009 2:12 PM

I am SO BAD at telling jokes. I always email a friend of mine when I'm down and ask him to tell me a joke and he tells me jokes like:

What's brown and sticky?
A stick!

Bad, right?

I can't tell jokes at all, but I think that i'm actually fairly funny. My humor is more in the WAY I tell stories or one-liners or quirks or goofy things I say. But jokes? I got nothin'.

Posted by: Sarah at August 25, 2009 2:17 PM

Two blondes were driving to Disney World and saw a sign that said "Disney - Left" so they turned around and went home. Ba-bump.

Posted by: Karla at August 25, 2009 4:01 PM

One for Mia:

What kind of cellphones do turtles use?
Shellphones!

Posted by: Kristy at August 25, 2009 4:36 PM

These are all stolen from a History Channel special, called The History of the Joke:

1. What's brown and sticky?.... .... .... .... shit.

2. Why was Helen Keller a bad driver? ... ... ... ... because she was a woman.

3. A young boy dressed as a pirate was walking around with his parents on Halloween. When he rang the doorbell at a house, the woman inside asked him, "Where are your buccaneers?" He replied, "Under my buccin' hat." (Probably my fav.)

4. You know, the English love to laugh with their friends. When I said friends, I mean other countries. When I say laugh, I mean invade.

:)

Posted by: Arwen at August 25, 2009 4:49 PM

These are riddles that my kids made up:
Q:What is a bee's favorite fruit?
A: A nectarine!

Q:What kind of dog sends out tons of junk email?
A: A cockerSPAMiel

Posted by: kali at August 25, 2009 5:02 PM

Why did Tigger stick his head in the toilet?

He was looking for Pooh!

Posted by: Rose Winters at August 25, 2009 7:00 PM

My favourite dorky joke of late:

Why do people in France only eat one egg for breakfast?

Because in French, one egg is un oeuf. (uhn-uff = enough). Yeeeah.

Posted by: Heather at August 25, 2009 7:22 PM

Here's one for Mia...

Why is seven afraid of nine?
Because seven ate (eight) nine.

Posted by: laineyDid at August 25, 2009 7:59 PM

Must be the age, jokes are all the rage around here right now. Don't teach her the knock knock boo hoo one though, unless you are prepared to listen to it for hours upon hours. Not only does Isabel tell it to me, but she makes me tell it to her, over and over again. Might be the only one that she actually gets and she is capable of telling to other people.

Posted by: stacie at August 25, 2009 9:15 PM

Must be the age, jokes are all the rage around here right now. Don't teach her the knock knock boo hoo one though, unless you are prepared to listen to it for hours upon hours. Not only does Isabel tell it to me, but she makes me tell it to her, over and over again. Might be the only one that she actually gets and she is capable of telling to other people.

Posted by: stacie at August 25, 2009 9:15 PM

Two peanuts were walking down the road and one was a salted.

Posted by: Amy at August 25, 2009 10:19 PM

My fav clean joke is...

A drum and a cymbal fell off a cliff..

Ba dum bum...ching

Posted by: Amy at August 26, 2009 6:35 AM

Knock knock
Who's there?
Ether
Ether who?
Ether Bunny!

Knock knock
Who's there?
Summer
Summer who?
Summer ether bunnies!

Knock knock
Who's there?
Consumption
Consumption who?
Consumption be done about all these ether bunnies?

Posted by: CK Lunchbox at August 26, 2009 8:00 AM

I ALWAYS forget jokes, so no help here. I loved Mia's jokes though!

Posted by: Nadine at August 26, 2009 2:59 PM

I'm bad at telling jokes too. Real bad. As a solution, I have a joke that is great either via email or text message:

Message 1: Knock knock
Receiver: Who's there?
Message 2: Impatient Cow

As the person is typing, "Impatient Cow who?", quickly type:

MOOOOOO and hit send

Gets a chuckle every time.

Posted by: Jenn at August 26, 2009 6:52 PM

I'm bad at telling jokes too. Real bad. As a solution, I have a joke that is great either via email or text message:

Message 1: Knock knock
Receiver: Who's there?
Message 2: Impatient Cow

As the person is typing, "Impatient Cow who?", quickly type:

MOOOOOO and hit send

Gets a chuckle every time.

Posted by: Jenn at August 26, 2009 6:52 PM

We have the same knock-knock joke problem at our house. I'm seriously ready to buy my daughter a kid's joke book just so I can stop hearing the nonsense jokes. They are really starting to annoy me! :)

Posted by: Shannon at August 29, 2009 11:31 PM

Interesting post and I really like your take on the issue. I now have a clear idea on what this matter is all about. Thank you so much.

Posted by: mobility scooters at June 19, 2011 8:55 AM


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