January 6, 2010

The Inevitable Fart Joke (A Screenplay)

INT. YOUNG BOY'S BEDROOM

Lights are dimmed, the young boy, approximately two years old, sits in bed. The father - a debonair looking 37 year old who doesn't look a day over 24 - sits quietly beside the bed reading Ten Apples Up On Top. The silence is suddenly broken.

...PLRTHHHH...

OWEN
Owen tooted.

ME
No, that was daddy.

OWEN
No. Owen tooted.

ME
Nope. That was me. Sorry. Daddy tooted.

OWEN
OWEN TOOTED!!

ME
Okay, dude...you can have it. Owen tooted!

OWEN
Yay!

ME
It's so nice to have another boy around here.

OWEN
Yeah!

Posted by Chris at January 6, 2010 6:36 AM
Comments

It's posts like this that make me think "I can't wait until my son is old enough for us to have moments like this"…

Posted by: Beth at January 6, 2010 7:10 AM

You guys are teaching "toot"?? That makes me feel so, I don't know, crass. We are a "fart"ing household.

"Tehehe, Emmy fart!" "Yeah, I know. I heard you." "Fart."

My kids adore farts. Which I adore.

My favorite fart story was from when Anna was a little over two. She liked to combine words. Husband farted in the middle of dinner and she giggled, "Daddy fart'-ed" and Daddy responded, "No I didn't. There's a duck back here."
"No, fart!"
"No, it was a duck!"
"No! Fart."
"Duck."
"FART!"
"Duck."
Giggling "Fart-duck-fart-duck-FUCK FUCK FUCK!!"
Stifled snickers. She can tell this is very funny.
"FUCK FUCK FUCK!"
(Mommy) "Okay, who wants more potatoes?"

Posted by: Sabrina at January 6, 2010 8:23 AM

I've always wondered how they were spelled.

Posted by: You can call me, 'Sir' at January 6, 2010 8:24 AM

You guys crack me up! Toot's to you!

Posted by: Maribeth at January 6, 2010 8:36 AM

That was classic. I have two boys, bodily function humor is big around our house.

Posted by: Michelle at January 6, 2010 8:43 AM

We say toot as well and right now my 4 1/2 year old daughter finds them so very funny. Don't know where that came from, I always thought it was a boy thing too!

Posted by: Elizabeth at January 6, 2010 8:57 AM

"Like Farter, Like Son"

Posted by: Sparkle Pants at January 6, 2010 9:43 AM

You realize it's only a matter of time before you and Owen are completely grossing out Mia and Beth on a car trip.

Posted by: k8 at January 6, 2010 10:19 AM

I don't know what it is about boys and potty jokes but I can tell you they never outgrow it.

And sometimes neither do little girls.

Posted by: ann adams at January 6, 2010 11:26 AM

*LIKE* Too funny!

Posted by: zanie at January 6, 2010 11:33 AM

I tried to teach "poot" that's how I was raised and somehow the kids rebelled and use fart. Is it peer pressure? don't know.

Both kids (g-11,b-9) LOVE potty humor. ICK!

Have a great non-tooty day!

Posted by: debb at January 6, 2010 11:51 AM

my two-year-old had been missing her sense of humor lately (making me lose mine, too) and the other night a giant toot out of the baby made her laugh hysterically. the best :)

Posted by: kati at January 6, 2010 1:51 PM

Ahh the maturity. But sadly, it's true. Farts are funny. At least, to a point :P

Posted by: Heather at January 6, 2010 1:52 PM

..and so it begins... and, as I'm sure you are already aware, it never ends with boys! Atleast you have a partner in crime (and someone else to take the blame apparently!)

Posted by: margo at January 6, 2010 3:54 PM

yeah, boys and their farts. unfortunately my hubs has taught our GIRL to do it (loudly) and SMILE!

Posted by: Wendy at January 6, 2010 10:11 PM

If you have an Owen, you don't need a dog. He's insistent on taking the blame.

Posted by: cassie-b at January 8, 2010 1:37 PM

THAT IS HILARIOUS!
I love it!
Michael's daughter toots on occasion and only after I ask "Who ripped one" does she fess up.... LOL!
I guess it's different for little girls.
Do you have the same conversations with Mia?

Posted by: Rose Winters at January 9, 2010 2:27 AM


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