April 30, 2010

The Weeklies #130

The Surprisingly Difficult Computer Repair. Space bar replacement. I was able to get online and have a replacement space bar shipped to me for $5 which was all kinds of awesome. But replacing it was another story. I kinda felt like I needed to be shrunk Fantastic Voyage style to do it right but after a few minutes I managed. And man is it nice to have a space bar again.

The Weekly Time Waster. Do you remember what the Internet looked like last decade? Use the Geocities-izer to check out your favorite sites the way they'd have looked fifteen years ago.

The Weekly Read. I generally like Chuck Palahniuk. He writes in such a way that I find myself mentally on the edge of my seat. There's nothing comfortable or relaxing about his books. I managed to get my hands on a galley of Tell-All, his latest, mentally prepared myself for it, dove in head first...and was thoroughly disappointed. I'm beginning to think Chuck is losing it. Snuff wasn't great. I skipped Pygmy because it sounded like a maddening and frustrating read. Tell-All was further evidence of the slide. The book redeemed itself (slightly) at the end with a twist that for some reason I didn't see coming. But in all other respects it was a formulaic, slightly annoying read. Chuck's in a rut. Chuck in a rut isn't good.

The Weekly Gadget. My iPad. I know some of you think I jumped the gun but it was my gift to myself for the promotion. I've already read half a novel on the thing, watched a couple TV shows, read some children's books to the kids and played a slightly maddening game of checkers with Mia. I need to spend a lot more time with it before I render a final opinion but at this point it's pretty damn awesome.

The Weekly Schadenfreude. Remember the chants of drill baby drill during the GOP convention a while back? I'd like to point to the massive Gulf Coast spill now spreading off the coast of Louisiana as Exhibit A in my case against that kind of idiocy. Yeah, offshore drilling is perfectly safe and does not at all threaten the environment. Yeah.

The Weekly Question. What's your favorite euphemism for sex? (And why can't I ever spell euphemism correctly?)

Posted by Chris at April 30, 2010 7:56 AM

My favorite phrase for sex ( I can't spell either) is when a male friend told me that he "gathered the dew" from a hottie he met at a club. But the all time best one is "a party in my mouth" for oral sex, as in, I threw a party in my mouth for Jim on his birthday. Love that.

Posted by: Nic at April 30, 2010 8:06 AM

I'm a fan of the phrase "throwing down" lol and for awhile the huz & I used "laundry" as a code word lol

Posted by: Kris at April 30, 2010 8:35 AM

Enjoy your iPad! We got one, too. I plan to travel with it this summer, but it gets daily use around here.

Posted by: Lori-Lyn at April 30, 2010 8:43 AM

bumpin' uglies


Posted by: Sabrina at April 30, 2010 9:01 AM

Heh... I had a Geocities website back in the day. I Geocities-ized my current blog and, I have to say, my old Geocities website looked WAY better than what they came up with. :-)

My college roommate used to say "went to lunch" in reference to oral sex. Hmm... I wonder how many comments are going to get blocked today thanks to your weekly question.

Posted by: stephanie at April 30, 2010 9:03 AM

The husband and I talk about "having some fun" when we are around the kids. Otherwise, we just "get it on." We are SO boring! :)

Posted by: Elizabeth at April 30, 2010 9:05 AM

My high school cheerleading coach and her husband used to get it on the nights they had bowling league (I'll point out here that I know that we should not have been privy to that info), so "going bowling" has always made me giggle and think about sex. And I'm sorry, but there is nothing sexy about bowling - so that weird connection in my head is still just ten shades of wrong.

Enjoy the iPad! I'm sitting that one out - treated myself to a new camera, so my money is now earmarked for lenses, lenses, lenses...

Posted by: Sarah at April 30, 2010 9:13 AM

It's not exactly a euphemism for sex, but I saw a TV show last week where the wife was trying to get her hubby to come home for a little sumpin' sumpin' while the kids were away and she said, "come home, the kitten's on the grill." Cracked me up! LOL

Posted by: LJ at April 30, 2010 9:14 AM

"Smashing a homie". Got that one from watching For the Love of Ray-J (I know, horrible VH1 reality TV, but I just can't help myself!!) It came up in the first season when he found out one of the girls had got with one of his friends. Then he found out AGAIN on the second season that one of the girls "smashed a homie". Too funny.

Posted by: Michelle at April 30, 2010 9:50 AM

Oh now I'm looking forward to learning a whole bunch of new and strange euphemisms for sex! (And I don't know how you can spell Chuck's last name. It always throws me off.) Umm ... "knocking boots" makes me laugh.

Posted by: Heather at April 30, 2010 9:54 AM

Throwdown. It implies my favorite way for it to happen.

Posted by: k8 at April 30, 2010 10:19 AM

Oil and gas exploration is and always has been a risky venture and dangerous. We have come a long way (both my husband and I are in the business) and seriously, in general, its as safe as any business can be. Accidents are always going to happen. No doubt this was a bad one and someone f.u. big time.

Our world is not ready to do without petroleum products. You wouldn't have your Ipad without petroleum products or many other every day items most of us take for granted. Controlling risk by limiting areas to drill is not a bad idea. Our country is not ready to get serious about alternative energy and we are falling behind every day. But thats another topic.

Posted by: Debbie at April 30, 2010 11:03 AM

We're boring too. We call it playtime, but we have to resort to whispers and raised eyebrows around the kids, because they're starting to catch on. Last night, my husband The Overthinker was grousing about his resume (hey, at least he's applying for jobs!) and I said, "What do you got to complain about? You're getting laid tonight." Needless to say, the kids weren't within earshot.

Posted by: Brooke at April 30, 2010 11:46 AM

Bumpin' uglies is by far my favorite euphemism but you can't really use that one around the kids so what we say if they're in ear-shot is "I think I need a "NAP"."

Also frequently used:
Knockin' boots
A little summa summa
Throwin' it down
Doin' the horizontal mambo

Geesh, looking at that, you'd think we were highly oversexed...

Posted by: zanie at April 30, 2010 12:31 PM

My neighbor let it slip recently that when her kids are taking a nap on Saturday afternoons, it is usually mom and dad's time to meet their marital obligations. So now my husband likes to suggest we "take a NAP!!" You probably had to be there.

Posted by: MidLifeMama at April 30, 2010 12:59 PM

Heard this euphemism for sex on SNL some years ago:
Putting the hotdog in the hotdog warmer

Posted by: Sheena at April 30, 2010 1:05 PM

Hell yeah I checked out what my site looked like in the Geocities-izer. Awesome. Ahem.

Posted by: Kevin Spencer at April 30, 2010 1:58 PM

We are totally boring after 23 year. "Wanna Do It?" Yeah, that's it.
Now about the drilling? In Alaska where drilling can be done in areas that are so much better than off the coast of Louisiana makes so much more sense. I mean, come on. In LA they have hurricanes, and really harsh tropical storms and tornadoes.
In Alaska they have firmer places for the platforms and although I do understand that accidents can happen, as long as we need petroleum products, then I think we need to do things logically.
What about looking at developing a system that caps off automatically if there is an explosion, or some sort of accident?
It's important to make ourselves less dependent on the Arabs for our oil. They have way too much control over our already fragile economy.

Posted by: Maribeth at April 30, 2010 2:15 PM

I didn't think you could replace just a spacebar, I thought you had to do the whole keyboard??
I used to date a guy who used to say "Wanna go upstairs and relax?"

Posted by: Rose @Dozenroses13 at April 30, 2010 2:16 PM

Sadly, it's called our Saturday Night Special...yup...SATURDAY...as in ONE night....sigh...lol...oh well....as for the drilling....here in Canada they are looking into the moritoriam (sp) no i can't spell either....on drilling on Georges's Bank, in the Atlantic, one of the most valuable fishing grounds in the world, home to many endangered species, yeah, that's what we want to do...DRILL....NOT....assholes...sorry..Have a Great Weekend!!!

Posted by: Roberta at April 30, 2010 5:53 PM

The Horizontal Bop
Doing the nasty
Having a discussion
Extracurricular activities
Getting busy

And that Geocities-izer? Entered my blog, as well as a few other sites. The results made me throw up in my mouth a little.

Posted by: diamond dave at April 30, 2010 6:03 PM

When my brothers and I were kids our folks used to call it 'balancing the checkbook' ... and I am embarrassed to say I was older than I should have been before a laughing discussion during a family reunion clued me in. I still love that: balancing the checkbook. They'd go in their bedroom and shut the door and we kids knew not to bother them under penalty of death ... because they needed to CONCENTRATE; lot's of math involved in BALANCING THE CHECKBOOK. Especially in broad (gasp!) daylight. That little gem has been handed down to the next generation ...

Posted by: la isla d'lisa at April 30, 2010 8:36 PM

We call it hiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiii!!! time.

If you're looking for a way to say it in front of the kids, "Mia, Owen, it's time for Mommy and Daddy to say hiiiiiiiii!!! to each other so please go to sleepy, thanks."

Posted by: Poppy at May 1, 2010 9:50 AM

My kids are grown, but we had Sunday mornings for "doing the crossword". Other times we were "moving furniture". My personal favorite was "Roman water sports" which was sex in the shower. Now we don't even close the door, but thanks for triggering the memories.

Posted by: Diane at May 1, 2010 11:16 AM

just came over to read the euphemisms and laugh. I have none. read that as you will. I have 3 year old twins people, cut me some slack! ;)

my favorite so far is "balancing the checkbook"

so awesome!

Posted by: jeanne at May 1, 2010 11:17 AM

Laying pipe.

Posted by: Rex at May 1, 2010 2:21 PM

I remember dial up, bulletin boards and compuserve. Wait was that 10 years ago? Before that was the old Commadore 64 with a game cartridge of Benji in Space!

I read two Chuck Palahnuik books: Fight Club and some book about sex addicts (can't remember the name). It's sad to see he's loosing his touch, those were good reads.

Posted by: Nosmo King at May 1, 2010 2:30 PM

Favorite euphemism - brushing your teeth. Throwback from college, where the boyfriend had to go buy a "toothbrush."

Posted by: alektra at May 2, 2010 4:07 PM

That Geocities-izer made my site super scary! OMG! Never again! lol Though I am thinking about re-posting that link to my blog for the fun of it.

The only euphemism I ever use for it is saying that I want to play. Not very creative but amusing when my bf says its sleepytime and I argue that its playtime... lol.

Posted by: Debra at May 2, 2010 9:11 PM

We are normally pretty straight forward when we talk to each other about sex, although we refer to it as "nookie". The best euphemism I've come across though & that works fairly well in front of kids is "parking the car in the garage" - as in "Hey honey, would you like to park the car later?" Can't for the life of me remember where or when we heard it, but it does come in handy at times ;-) The other one we sometimes use is "spending some quality time" with each other.

Posted by: Delia at May 3, 2010 5:12 AM