July 16, 2010

The Weeklies #141

The Weekly Milestone. Seven years of blogging. How in the hell did that happen?

The Weekly Explanation. I found myself explaining World War II to my daughter. My five year old daughter. I brought out the globe and everything. I was able to reassure her that Hitler was indeed dead and I steered clear of the whole ethnic cleansing thing. All-in-all a success.

The Weekly Time-Waster. Entangelment. Say goodbye to your afternoon.

The Weekly Read. This week I flew though Jack Kilborn's Endurance. Reviews suggested it would be a freaky horror novel and, frankly, it had been a long time since I'd read a good piece of horror. Endurance didn't disappoint. At all. It was graphic, disturbing, fast-paced and fun like a great 80's slasher flick. Only much, much more fucked up.

The Weekly Great Ad Which Is Most Likely Not Legit. Many of you might remember Jones Big-Ass Truck Rental and Storage, one of the greatest viral clips ever. Jones is back. With Jones Good-Ass BBQ and Foot Massage. And while you're at it, don't miss Jones Cheap-Ass Pre-Paid Legal Advise and Daycare Academy

The Weekly Schadenfreude. Lindsay Lohan and Mel Gibson are the schadenfreude gifts that keep on giving but I'm getting tired of talking about them. But there's bigger and better schadenfreude out there. After failing to get a recommended rating from Consumer Reports and then deleting mentions of said report from their own forums, it looks like Apple's finally admitting that they're new iPhone ain't all it's cracked up to be. They've got a dog and pony show scheduled for this afternoon to perform a big mea culpa.

The Weekly Question. What have you discovered as an adult that you've been doing wrong or misunderstood all your life?

Posted by Chris at July 16, 2010 7:26 AM

My whole life, I've been singing a line in "Bohemian Rhapsody" incorrectly. Instead of "Any way the wind blows," I've been singing, "Hit me where the wind blows." I have no reasonable explanation for this.

Posted by: Susan at July 16, 2010 8:33 AM

That the Rolling Stone had it right all along.
"You can't always get what you want
You can't always get what you want
You can't always get what you want
But if you try sometimes, well you just might find
You get what you need
Oh baby, yeah, yeah!"

Posted by: Maribeth at July 16, 2010 8:37 AM

I remembered the hole being dug.

I remembered them putting the holder in the hole.

I remembered them pouring stuff from a bag into the hole and then pouring water in.

I thought the stuff in the bag was sand - not quickrete.

Posted by: Emily at July 16, 2010 8:59 AM

"Do you have time for that?" should also take into consideration "Do you have sanity left for that?"

Posted by: alektra at July 16, 2010 9:15 AM

on another note--- just finished the Rabbit Factory by Marshall Karp. Excellent! Thanks for recommending it. I will be searching out more of his work!

Posted by: 3jaysmom at July 16, 2010 9:33 AM

Evil, Chris, evil. Now I won't get anything done this afternoon!

Posted by: Beth at July 16, 2010 9:46 AM

I don't know if it's still out there or not, but when I was about 10 I read a book called "When Hitler Stole Pink Rabbit." It was a good intro to the ethnic side of things from a little girl's point of view (they at least escape to Switzerland eventually, so there was still nothing too graphic). When she's older (if you remember the title in five years or so!), you might look it up.

Posted by: Heather at July 16, 2010 10:24 AM

I find I mis pronounce a lot of words. Being an avid reader, I have a nice vocabulary. However, being the child of two drop outs, I have no idea how to say most words.


Working in education, it is very embarrassing to misprounounce a word in front of my peers. Ah well, I'm still proud of where I came from.

Posted by: debb at July 16, 2010 10:59 AM

Well, my daughter was 2 or 3 when her grammy gave her a postcard with an artist's conception of Pearl Harbor on it. (Grammy worked for Electronic Arts, makers of Medal of Honor, hence the postcard.) There was a big Japanese airplane in the foreground, it's rising-sun motif visible on the tail, and far below, water, ships, and fire. So I explained to her about Pearl Harbor and how this prompted America to get involved in the war. I was always giving her too much information, but she can totally tell you who shot Lincoln AND the name of the play they were watching. But I digress. Her little friend came over, a worldly 8-year-old neighbor, and T began telling her about the post card. When the neighbor left, T came to me in tears, telling me that the neighbor kid she idolized said that that wasn't a Japanese plane on her postcard. I patted her head and said, "C is talking out of her ass." I'm a model parent.

I'd have to think awhile about things I have misunderstood, but in college I had a friend who, in Sunday School as a child, had heard the New Testament story of the Ethiopian eunuch and asked her teacher what a eunuch was. The teacher replied that a eunuch was a black man (being from Ethiopia and all, right?), and my friend had no idea about this until college. I about died laughing when she told me that.

Posted by: Brooke at July 16, 2010 11:54 AM

Steve Miller Band's Jet Airliner song... I always sang, until about 2 years ago, Big ol' Jed left the light on. And I was SO SO SO confused as to why the song was called Jet Airliner. Aaaand...I've known the song since the early 90's.

Posted by: Punkinnoodle at July 16, 2010 11:54 AM

I get a lot of things wrong consistently and daily. One that I have learned recently is that the harder the rain the more likely it will wash the grass seed down the hill...not the more rain the better to grow grass. (Oh, and it took my topsoil with it). :-(

Posted by: Krush at July 16, 2010 12:28 PM

So you know the saying 'make ends meet'? Yeah about 2-3 years ago it just dawned on me that we were always referring to the end of bills vs. the end of the money.

When I was little I always wondered; "what in god's name is 'Ends Meat' and why would anyone want to make it? I mean who wants to eat the end of the meat?!'

I'm so brilliant it hurts sometimes.

Posted by: Dani at July 16, 2010 6:40 PM

ok, so i know that apple is going to give away the little bands for the iphones... but i think someone should invent some expensive trendy bands that people just HAVE TO HAVE. like livestrong bands for iphone... swatch bands for iphone... zany bands for iphone... collect them all!! :)

Posted by: kati at July 16, 2010 11:33 PM

This is going to sound horrible at first, but bear with me: I've learnt that I have to put myself first.

It's like when you're on an airplane, and they give the safety announcement about what to do if the cabin loses pressure. People travelling with children or anyone else who can't put the oxygen mask on themselves are instructed to put their own masks on first, then the person(s) they're helping. And you don't have to be a safety expert to figure out what happens if you don't -- you fall unconscious with your mask off and no-one's able to help you.

As on airplanes, so in the rest of life -- if you give without making sure you can give the next day, you're not going to be able to.

Posted by: Kat at July 18, 2010 6:56 PM

Thanks to your recommendation, I went to the bookstore to get something by Jack Kilborn. The only book on the shelf that was his was "Afraid," so I picked it up. Read it in a day, which hasn't happened since my first Chuck Palahniuk book. I really enjoyed it, so thanks. I will definitely try to find "Endurance" next.

Something I am still trying to discover as an adult is that love neither has a cost nor needs to be deserved. I don't suppose you were looking for anything that deep, though, were you? How about I thought you played records on a "jutebox" until relatively recently?

Posted by: Heidi at July 19, 2010 2:44 PM

I loved Jack Kilborn's Afraid, and can't wait to read Endurance. I clicked on the link and saw that it was not available in print because the publisher thought it was too disturbing and that it is only available for Kindle for a limited time. I bought it immediately and can't wait to read it! Thanks for letting me know it was out there!

Posted by: Kris H. at July 20, 2010 10:45 AM

I have had two significant realizations as an adult about things I do "wrong" (although, really, they can't be helped too much).

1. I am clumsy and uncoordinated. I have to give my mom credit for never making me feel like I was clumsy, because it wasn't until I was an adult that I one day had the realization that most people don't walk into door frames, trip over their own feet, and fall off the couch. I finally said to my mom, "You know, I think I must be kind of clumsy." She was astounded that I was just then realizing this, given that she had made me participate in activities (like dance class) from a very young age that she hoped would help me outgrow my clumsiness.

2. I am very mildly face-blind. I have a very difficult time recognizing people I may have met several times. (I also sometimes don't recognize characters in TV shows.) It was only until I started in my current job that I really noticed this about myself.

Posted by: Melody at July 21, 2010 9:29 AM