September 14, 2010

Exceptions

I am oh so very tired. I worked late last night. Very late. I got home around midnight, cracked open a beer and chilled for a while and made the executive decision to work from home today. My commute was awesome - two flights of stairs beats the hell out of congested roads.

Last night I realized, as I always do when I work late, that I love and miss my kids when I can't be with them. I never want to find myself in a situation in which I'm not surrounded by their awesomeness on a daily basis. I know it sounds cliche but I hate not being home for bedtime. I love being with them and watching them grow and arguing with them when they're being stubborn and being turned into a human jungle gym against my will.

It makes me wonder how divorced parents handle parenting. But not so much that I'd ever want to try it.

My parents got married in 1964. And they're still together. Beth's parents have been together almost as long. I realize these are now the exception, not the rule. But it's a pretty nice exception.

The more I sat and thought about it - after midnight, beer in hand, house-hunting show on TV - the more I started wondering about your experiences. So just out of curiosity, an informal poll. Are your parents together? Or are they divorced? And how do you think that - either of those situations - impacted you?

Posted by Chris at September 14, 2010 7:45 AM
Comments

Both my parents and my husbands parents are still together. My parents will be married for 50 years soon. They met when they were 14 years old. The florist at our wedding commented that he doesn't do a lot of weddings that doesn't have step parents and step siblings anymore.

I have a family member getting divorced this year and it has hit me really hard. I guess I just kind of thought we we were immune to that. I guess no one is.

Posted by: jodifur at September 14, 2010 8:15 AM

My parents got married in 1960. Stayed together, thru thick and thin, sickness and health, until my Dad passed away two years ago. Marriage is work, hard work. Those that stay together are testament to that.

Posted by: Dawn at September 14, 2010 8:18 AM

My parents have been married for 57 years and my husbands parents were married for @ 50 years. I have 9 siblings and they are all married - no divorces (keep your fingers crossed), though my husband has 6 siblings, 2 divorces. So I don't know if longevity in the parents marriage is the key.

Posted by: bethanne at September 14, 2010 8:19 AM

My parents got divorced when I was 12 after 17 and a half years of marriage. My husbands parents were divorced when he was 2 after 4 years of marriage. It has effected me in the way that I want to try harder to stay married. I look for ways to improve both myself and my relationship with my husband. I want to be the exception.

Posted by: Tess at September 14, 2010 8:21 AM

My parents divorced when I was 5, and thank goodness they did. It was one of those situations where divorce was absolutely, 100% the best thing for everyone. It meant that I was raised by a single mom, but that was better than the alternative. I respect people who can make their marriages work, but I also respect those who know when it is truly in the best interest of everyone to walk away.

Of course, I can't help but admit that there may be some connection to my childhood and my perspective today that I never want to get married.

Posted by: Melody at September 14, 2010 8:26 AM

My parents were married 31 years when my mom passed away- my dad & step mom have now been married 32 years and still going! (Hows's that for a track record!). I was married 29 years before I left. I should have left before- but I stayed out of fear. Once my kids were grown- I left. Outside of raising my boys, it was the best thing I ever did.

I used to think that no problem was insurmountable, that everything short of physical abuse would be tolerable. I was wrong. I am much happier and healthier now, and thankful that I gathered the strength to leave!

Posted by: 3jaysmom at September 14, 2010 8:35 AM

My parents were married 44 years when my Mother died. They still held hands while watching tv. It doesn't get better than that. I married late as I wasn't willing to settle for less than that kind of relationship - and it was worth the wait.

Posted by: Laineydid at September 14, 2010 8:43 AM

My parents were married for 30 years until they divorced... their divorce became official four days before my wedding. Kind of makes you question what you're about to do, not to mention putting a strain on the guest list.

Posted by: NG at September 14, 2010 8:51 AM

My parents divorced when I was 6. I don't remember being 6 at all, well I remember the school bits but that is all. My dad was always there (picked me up from school every day, etc) so it wasn't "that" bad. I got married when I was 34 since I wasn't going to settle for just anyone:-) My husband? Is the bestest husband (except for Chris Cactus) the Bald Headed Baby Jesus ever made!

Posted by: Dee at September 14, 2010 8:57 AM

My parents married in 1952 and stayed married up until my mother died in 1987. They had a wonderful happy marriage.

My husband's parents divorced in 1962. He was a habitual cheater, my son was a "save the marriage" baby. His mother remarried 3 years later to a man she remained married to until she died in 1996. My husband's relationship with his "birth father" was as a weekend visitor. They would fish and it was something they always enjoyed doing together and something my husband does now with my son. But he also remembers every Sunday being brought back to his mother's house by the current girlfriend or wife. His father had 3 other wives after the first. The last one remained his wife for about 20 years til he died. He maintained a relationship with his birth dad and did love him. He just hated what he did.

With that, my husband swore never to be like his father. He saw first hand how painful cheating was one a spouse and the family. He said the f**ing you get will be worse than the f**ing you got.
So I think because I came from such a fabulous example of marriage and parenting and he came from such a bad with with the intention to never do that, we've blended them well.
We only hope our son uses us as an example for his relationships - of his current one we're not sure he is!

Posted by: NancyJ at September 14, 2010 9:14 AM

My parents celebrated their 57th anniversary last February. My in-laws will celebrate their 56th anniversary this November. Andy and I will celebrate our 22nd anniversary next month!

Posted by: Karen at September 14, 2010 9:22 AM

My parents divorced after 27 years of marriage and they should have done it years before! I totally agree with Melody that sometimes a divorce is the best for everyone. My husband's parents have been married for 40+ years and they are going strong. Thankfully, my husband and I remind me of his parents, not mine!

Posted by: Elizabeth at September 14, 2010 9:24 AM

My parents stayed together until death did them part when my dad died. My spouse's parents are exactly the same. This was actually a 'plus' for me when I was dating. While I have no empirical evidence, I think it's not far out there to think that children of parents who didn't divorce and spent their lives in relatively happy monogamy are more likely to share that sentiment. While no deal breaker, it was important, and I'm pleased that I found someone with that history.

Posted by: Martin at September 14, 2010 9:34 AM

my parents split when I was four, divorced when I was 10; my mom and step-dad lived together for 12 years, married when I was 17 and divorced when I was 21.

my husband's parents have been married for 54 years. we're working toward that kind of exception!

Posted by: Nichole at September 14, 2010 9:46 AM

My parents were married for 37 years before my dad passed away in 2005. They had their ups and downs, like most people do. But they kept a cool head, communicated well, loved each other unconditionally, and never went to bed angry. They laughed a lot, did things together, and had their own time and space to pursue individual interests. The example they set has led me to make the decisions I have made in my own marriage, namely the unconditional love part.

My hubby makes things particularly difficult, as he is an addict (recovering. again..) People think I should just ditch him and move on. Trouble with that is well, I happen to LOVE him very much. He is a great man with an awful problem. One that he fights each and every day. He is not just some low life drug user. He is well educated. He had a great, well-paying career. He gave me everything that I had ever wanted. He also took all of that away. It has been a long, hard road for sure.

I often look back on how my parents handled things, and I try my best to emulate that. So far, I think I am doing ok. Despite everything, we have a happy and well adjusted pre-schooler. We have a man fighting to be the best that he can, and myself, working every day to be a better person for my family..

I owe a lot to my folks. I just wish my dad were still here. My mom is lonely without him. :(

Posted by: jen at September 14, 2010 9:58 AM

My parents are split - they divorced when I was 4 or 5. I barely remember them together. It was not an amicable split and my father - who is a fabulous guy - wasn't a great dad. Some people are great people and not fabulous parents.

My mom ended up moving me and my brother 2000 miles away from my dad when I was 13.

And now, I am married to a divorced man with a 14 year old son. We have fought tooth and nail for every minute of time we have with him - it is an even less amicable split than my parents. Everything is an argument - everything is a struggle, made worse by my stepson's depression and emotional impairments, and his mother's... issues. I finally blogged about stepparenting yesterday for the first time in a long time.

Worse than not seeing your kids is fighting for every opportunity to spend time with them... and still losing.

Posted by: sarah at September 14, 2010 10:05 AM

Technically, my "parents" are divorced, but my mom remarried when I was a toddler and the man she married adopted me and I've always seen him as my dad (and I have no relationship with my biological father), so I say that my parents are still together. They just happened to get married when I was three. :-)

Posted by: stephanie at September 14, 2010 10:09 AM

Followed your link home from Beth's site, and was immediately struck by how much you get it.

Becoming parents has shaped me and my wife in ways we could have never imagined. And bedtime has, to me, always been such a precious slice of the day. It's what I remember most about my own upbringing, and it's what I hope our kids carry with them forever. You've captured that wonderfully here.

My parents were happily married for almost 49 years. We lost my dad a year ago, but what he and my mom built, and how they built it, will forever be the template by which I guide my own life and marriage.

Thank you for the opportunity to mull this over for a bit. I guess I needed it today.

Posted by: Carmi at September 14, 2010 10:11 AM

My adoptive parents had been married over 50 years when my dad died in the late 80's. My mom is still alive at 98. His grandparents were married for almost 75.

I did not follow their example but I was married to the boys' dad for 25 years until he died in 1987 and now to Ray for 21 so not too bad once I settled down.

Posted by: Ann Adams at September 14, 2010 10:22 AM

My parents have been married for 37 years and my husbands parents are about the same. My father-in-law had a shortish marriage previous to his current one but it's almost like it never happened (at least to the kids) because it was before he had a family. I think for us the example of a long-lasting marriage is definitely valuable. Now that I've been married ten years I can see that my parents have had to work to stay connected for so long. It's not as easy as it seemed to me before I was married myself! I know broken families happen and sometimes it's for the best, but I am really thankful for the uncomplicated nature of our two families, not that we don't have the normal family issues. :)

Posted by: Shannon at September 14, 2010 10:26 AM

My parents will celebrate their 50th anniversary in November!! My husband's parents are also still married...

I am divorced and remarried to a wonderful guy...so I messed up my family's track record. But I got it right this time...we will be together until we die.

Posted by: Krush at September 14, 2010 10:43 AM

My parents and my husbands are all divorced. Everyone except my dad is remarried. My parents divorced when I was three, so I have very few memories of them being together. Growng up they lived in the same town, so I saw them pretty much eaqually. I think I became independent quicker than others my age because I had to go between these two parents who did not get along. When I went to college I moved out on my own and never even thought of moving back home. I was done with the back and forth parent pleasing I had been doing for so many years. When I got engaged to my husband we talked a lot about divorce and what it meant to each of us coming from divorced parents. Ultimately we decided that we wanted to get married, but divorce was not the most terrible thing that could happen. We were fine witht he knowledge that someday that could be us. So far so good. My brother on the other hand was engaged for eight years because he was so afraid of the possibilty of divorce. He wanted to be assured that it woud never, ever happen to him.

Posted by: Ashley K at September 14, 2010 11:01 AM

My parents divorced when I was 11, both remarried when I was 13. My dad and stepmom are still married (23 years) and my Mom redivorced when I was 17 because my stepdad was an alcoholic. So I was determined never to be divorced. My parents had joint custody so every two weeks I shuffled back and forth. When I was a sophomore in HS, my folks suggested a yearlong residency, so I chose my Mom since she had a new house. I never moved over to my Dad's. I would pop over every couple months for a week or two. I didn't want to put my kids through that.

Fast forward 13 years and I'm signing my own divorce paperwork. It took me a long time to get to that place, but I finally decided that it was better for my daughter to live in two homes of peace than one of bitterness and anger. It sucks, still. I hate that I get to see my daughter only half the time. I hate that I don't feel like her Dad makes her a priority. I hate that she cries sometimes when she leaves me or when she comes from her Dad's. I never have any regrets about leaving her Dad; he is still not a man I would marry. Except when T cries. Then I wonder if I should have stuck it out.

Posted by: Brooke at September 14, 2010 11:28 AM

My parents were married for 27 years before my dad died in May last year, although it was his 2nd marriage. My maternal grandparents were married for 56 years before my gran died. I'd say if anything it impacted me in the sense of seeing how strong relationships can be and that it is absolutely worth working at to keep it going. It is not always smooth sailing, for sure, but I am determined that divorce is not ever something I will have to stare down the barrel of.

Posted by: Delia at September 14, 2010 11:34 AM

my dad was married before, had two kids, then got divorced, met my mom and had me. his first wife was unstable, you can see in my parents marriage that he values quiet, simple stability. i had a very nice upbringing.
my hubbies parents are divorced, it was a total and complete mess that mind-fucked the three kids. you can see how it affected my husband in our marriage, his values are a direct result of his childhood experiences - he just wants to do the opposite of what his parents did to him. our kids are having a very nice upbringing as well.

Posted by: meanie at September 14, 2010 11:51 AM

My parents were married for 38yrs before we lost my mom in 2004. Through sickness and all. My husbands parents just celebrated their 50th. On a side note my Grandparents were married 65yrs before Grandma passed and Grandpa still tells me he misses his boss.

My husband and I have had great examples of how a marriage should work and that is our basis from the people above. as they have told us Marriage is not always easy but because you love this person you will work though it. I agree

Posted by: charlene at September 14, 2010 12:03 PM

My father died when I was four. My mother was a single Mom most of my childhood. She lived with a man for over 10 years that she eventually married. They divorced in 2009.

Most of my family members growing up were divorced. I tend to think that they just weren't meant to be and were bad matches.

My hubby means everything to me. I can't imagine ever getting to the point where we would contemplate divorcing each other. I'm hoping that we have decades ahead of us together and that Harley will give us a few grandchildren to spoil rotten in the years to come.

Posted by: One Mom's Opinion at September 14, 2010 12:06 PM

My parents were married until the day my Dad died. 61 years.
I divorced my husband after 11 years of marriage. It was tough sharing Mandy, but having her grow up with two unhappy people would have been much worse.
My second marriage has been the best. I'm truly sad at times that we never had children together, but we have raised countless doggies who are just wonderful!

Posted by: Maribeth at September 14, 2010 12:30 PM

When I was little, my mom promised to me that she and my dad would never get a divorce. They're still together, though I doubt that has anything to do with making a promise to ME and more to do with commitment to and self-sacrifice for each other. They have been great examples to me of how a marriage should work.

My husband's mom made him the same promise when he was little. They're still technically together, though their marriage has always been a bit unconventional and his mom has been threatening to leave his dad for a year and spent 3 months living with us last fall. There are a lot of things coming out that were hidden while he was growing up and I often feel like there's the elephant in the room when I'm around them.

Posted by: Amy at September 14, 2010 12:32 PM

My parents will celebrate 40 years in a few months- on New Year's Eve... My best friend's parents have been married 35 years. Growing up, we were the only two in our circle of friends whose parents weren't divorced.

Posted by: Judy at September 14, 2010 12:49 PM

My parents divorced when I was 17. For the most part it's fine, but I spend more time with my mom (she and I are very close, which I think is normal for a mother and daughter) and I know my dad feels a little left out. There's also the guilt I endure during the holidays... and sometimes resentment. I spend my Thanksgivings and Christmases running around to the different families. (Both of my parents are remarried.) You do what you gotta do.

Posted by: Erin at September 14, 2010 1:34 PM

My parents have been married for 40 years, husband's parents for 39 years. All of our grandparents stayed married until death as well.

There were previous comments that made me think, though. I'm sure it's somewhat true that kids who observe bad relationships and/or divorce may mimic those relationships in their adult life, and they may be more likely to end up divorced themselves. But we attribute so much to our environments, and I just don't buy it--most of the time.

People with brown hair have kids with brown hair (usually.) People with athletic talent have kids with athletic talent (usually.) People who are happy and well adjusted have kids who are happy and well adjusted (usually.) So in my opinion, people who are committed and good at compromise will (usually) have kids who are committed and good at compromise, and people who are not very good at these things (usually) have kids who are not good at these things. This is also a good way to explain why *some* kids (the majority? don't know) who grow up in divorced families end up divorced (got the hard-to-please genes), while *some* kids who grow up in divorced families react by being the best at marriage there is (got the easy-to-please genes despite their hard-to-please parent/s.)

Sorry, totally unrelated. :)
/off soapbox


Posted by: Sabrina at September 14, 2010 1:38 PM

My parents are still married (37 years), however, I grew up in a blended family. They had previous spouses and children - and I am the only child resulting from their marriage. It gives you a very different perspective, that's for sure.

And I'm divorced.

Posted by: Mindy at September 14, 2010 1:39 PM

My parents are married - 38 years! :)

My Husband's parents got divorced 6 months after their 38th anniversary..

Our family always did things together. My mom and dad were a team when it came to raising us, and even though they don't always agree, they are best friends. I think that seeing this in them, made me want the same for me! My husband and I are best friends. We are a team, and we're in it for the long haul.

Posted by: Molly at September 14, 2010 3:12 PM

My parents have been together for 44 years. It was awesome for me. I'm sure they fought, but they kept it behind closed doors. I'm sure they worried about money (my dad was out of work for a year with a back injury, and my mom stayed at home), but they never let on or made me feel poor. Stability in our home life allowed me to dream and dare later in life, without fear.

It can go the other way, too. My husband's mom was never married to the father of either of her kids. She was not well-educated, not well-paid, and something of a homebody. Having a precarious home life made my husband anxious, but also feel there was nothing to lose; he had nowhere to go but up. And up he went.

Posted by: Laura Gato at September 14, 2010 3:34 PM

My parents split up when I was a year old, I'm glad I was too young to remember. My mum remarried a wonderful man when I was 5 so I've had a pretty stable background. I've also acquired a couple of stepmothers along the way, even when you're an adult this can be difficult when there's a change, a person who you've made quite a big emotional investment in (probably even more so if you haven't particularly liked them) is no longer part of your family, and it's out of your control.

But I do like have 3 sisters and 2 brothers (I drop the 'half') and another 3 stepbrothers and stepsister.

Posted by: Katherine at September 14, 2010 3:50 PM

My dad died young so I grew up with just my mom and sister. I had male influences that were great but none ever lived in the house.

Growing up that way taught me responsibility, and that there are no tasks made for a man or woman. There are only tasks to be done. As a result I'm a pretty good husband and we're going to be one of those couples like your parents. Together forever.

Posted by: Brad at September 14, 2010 3:56 PM

My parents are married. I like it.

My boyfriend's parents were married until his father passed away.

We both have a very strong sense of the importance of getting married before we have kids and then staying that way.

We both work in schools and though it is not always the case, nor the deciding factor, there is a greater rate of kids with difficulties when their parents are not together.

Posted by: Heather at September 14, 2010 4:20 PM

Divorced, but not until I was in college. Thank God they were finally divorced, they weren't good together and are better off apart.

Posted by: Mark V at September 14, 2010 5:02 PM

P.S. - that said, I got married young, at 25, and we've been married for 8 years now. Almost always "happily," if not "blissfully happily." :)

Her parents are divorced as well.

Posted by: Mark V at September 14, 2010 5:03 PM

My parent have been married 33 years. My mother in law has been married 4 times.

I am so following my parents' footsteps. Rob knows the only way he's going is in a pine box!

Posted by: Cheryl at September 14, 2010 6:15 PM

My parents have been married 37 years next month and have known each other for 42 years (they still celebrate the day they met - more so than their wedding anniversary).

No one in my immediate family line has been divorced - my mom has 3 siblings who are married and my dad has one (each has 1 sibling who never married). I think this is partially why I haven't married - I'm terrified of being the one who "breaks" and I've not met the one who I can be sure of yet.

Mia and Owen are two very lucky kids. This coming from one very lucky kid!

Posted by: Melissa at September 14, 2010 6:47 PM

My parents were married for 35 years before they both died in the same year. I'd like to say it impacted me for the better, but when I got divorced a few years after their deaths, I felt like a failure, even though I myself had been married for 13 years. Seven years later, I still have that feeling to a degree.

Posted by: Heather at September 14, 2010 7:32 PM

both my parents and my husband's parents are still together. each married almost 35 years with their one and only spouses. neither relationship is perfect by any means, but inspirational nonetheless, since you're right, that's definitely the exception, not the rule. but my most inspirational relationship is my grandparents' on my mom's side. they were married over 60 years until my grandma died in 05. they celebrated their anniversary every month. they were not rich by any means, but they never dressed down a day in their lives. my grandpa would wake up and put on slacks and a button up and wingtips just to take care of my ailing grandmother. i hope my husband and i can live up to that in some way :)

Posted by: kati at September 14, 2010 9:00 PM

My parents have been together for 29 years. I know that there were times that it wasn't happy, but the fact that they've stuck together has been an amazing inspiration for me.

My boyfriend's parents are divorced, and his mom isn't the most stable maternal figure. His dad and stepmom have been married for a long time and practically raised him and his brothers, but I know that growing up the way he did has affected him. Hopefully it inspires him to work through the tough times with me when we get married.

Posted by: Stephanie at September 14, 2010 9:47 PM

Well my husband's mom is gone...she passed away at the age of 60...long story....self inflicted. My father-in-law (18 years "her" senior) is alive in an "extended care" facility. My parents....divorced after 40 years....but then my mother is seriously, mentally ill..another long story. I for one (and my husband) are in it for the long haul....after 18 years of marriage (20+ together)....I still like the guy and apparently he still likes me....we're good to go. Keep the smooching up...even if the kids go "eww"...it shows them that you love each other....I'm totally confidant in that!

Posted by: Lujza at September 14, 2010 11:46 PM

I think my parents' divorce when I was 15 screwed me up big time - BUT it was the complete opposite of amicable. I think if they'd been able to be civil it would likely have been far lass traumatic. Dad basically had a psychotic break brought on by PTSD and bipolar disorder and maybe just general assholery.
My grandparents will have been married for 61 years on October 8th, with Grampy saying that today, the day wherein Granny had to decide not to pursue radiation therapy for the cancer in her throat, "is the hardest day of [his] life", and crying on my mother's shoulder. They still love one another, are still IN love, and are one of the sweetest couples I have had the pleasure to know. They give me hope.
Oh, and puppies, rainbows and marshmallow fluff, or something...hopefully that balances out a little bit? :P

Posted by: Heather at September 15, 2010 2:55 AM

Good question. My parents are divorced, have been since I was three. They are still married to the people they remarried, my dad for 25 years and my mom for 18 years.

I am divorced. I went into marriage never expecting it to work out because it didn't work out for my parents. I am now in a relationship I expect to be in forever.

But I'm pretty sure my parents' experience influenced my repeat pattern.

Posted by: Poppy at September 15, 2010 10:32 AM

My parents have been married for 46 years, and I've been married for 10. It's weird - I think, to this day, that I'm not actually the marrying "type", yet I'm still here. I think because of my parents being married forever, I know that marriage will, at times, positively suck, but sometimes, it's awesome, too.
I don't know what any of this says about my own marriage, but I am reasonably happy! :)

Posted by: Sybil Law at September 15, 2010 12:34 PM

My parents married in 1956 and stayed that way till my mother died in 2003. I was with my partner (not married, but as good as) for 14 years when, in April this year, he lost his effing mind and moved out, amidst a whole range of psychosis-based, wildly inaccurate accusations against me (it's not just me saying that, professionals have confirmed the mental breakdown thing). Till then, we'd both been either working from home (me) or unemployed/working from home (him), meaning we were all together as a family a hell of a lot. I'm still finding the idea of having to share my daughters' childhood hard, and the week they spent with their father and his mother this August was deeply traumatic for me: I'd never spent so much time away from them and I was, basically, a blubbering wreck for a good part of the week. My ex wants shared custody but I'm fighting it as I think it's too destabilizing for the girls (they'd be living permanently in transition from one place to another). And I'm dreading Christmases future: I can't bear the idea of spending Christmas alone, without my babies, and I'm scared it'll come to that (also, my elder daughter has her birthday on 27/12, so missing that too would be torture). This whole "divorce" thing sucks big time - no one in my family has ever divorced or separated, so feeling like a failure doesn't help, either, and I'm very worried about the effect it's having on our girls (currently aged 8 and 6).
Sorry to be so wordy, but this is a subject that really got to me...

Posted by: Kirsty at September 15, 2010 4:25 PM

Both my parents and my husband's parents are still together (over 30 years approximately). My parents have almost split up a couple of times due to infidelity on both sides. Honestly, I'm not sure it was the best thing that they stayed together but alas, they were raised as Catholics and converted to Mormonism so divorce is simply not an option. I came from a big family (like I said, Mormons) and I don't feel close to my parents at all (neither do most of my siblings). I don't think my dad (or mom) would be sad about not seeing me on a daily basis while we were growing up. With that, I only have 2 children and will have no more so I don't have to "water down" my time with them because there are too many of them.

Posted by: Rengirl at September 15, 2010 7:24 PM

My parents were married 42 years when my Dad passed away. My in-laws will be married 40 years next year. It gave both of us a sense that marriage is forever and you work through your problems. We've been married 13 years now and we plan to stay that way.

Posted by: Annie at September 15, 2010 10:19 PM

My parents were married 28 years, they divorced when I was 27. I can't say it was anything but a good thing. I am also divorced, but before we had kids. I am now remarried with 3 kids. My husband's parents were married almost 40 years when his mother died.

Posted by: Lisa at September 16, 2010 2:57 PM

My parents divorced when I was 9 or 10, but I was pretty happy about that for various reasons. My mom moved my sister and I to Texas (from Wisconsin) a few years later. She ended up marrying an awesome guy a few years after that, and even though I don't call him dad, he's more of a dad than my real dad ever was.

I'm so happy when I hear about other couples who have been together for decades, and they're still happy together. I hope that's my fiance & me. :D

Posted by: Manda at September 17, 2010 2:56 AM

My parents hooked up in highschool and were married forever and ever. Until my mom got Huntingtons, and quickly turned from a human into an OCD abusive alcoholic.. then she was put in a home... now she can't talk or walk... yeah. It was very hard growing up. It was hard on my dad too, to the point where once he found a new partner his kids dropped on the priority list: saving his own sanity came first and my sister and I pretty well raised ourselves through our teenage years. My boyfriend grew up with an abusive dad and then spent from 8 years old onward bouncing around in loveless, completely unnurishing foster care. HOW DOES THIS HAPPEN TO PEOPLE? Honestly though, I look at my friends and feel like my relationship is the most likely to succeed. I think growing up in such chaos has made the two of us realize how badly we want a normal life now. We're commited to giving that to each other, and to our kids.

Posted by: Shannon at September 18, 2010 3:23 AM

Some time before, I needed to buy a car for my organization but I did not earn enough cash and couldn't order something. Thank heaven my fellow adviced to get the loan at banks. So, I did that and used to be satisfied with my short term loan.

Posted by: CaseJEANETTE at June 17, 2011 5:14 AM


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