December 2, 2010

Profane In The Membrane

This is my most recent parenting fail:
Dammit. I think I accidentally taught Owen to say dammit. He sat on the edge of his bed, naked, repeating it over and over, laughing like Beavis. After thinking holy shit, Beth is going to kill me, I tried without success to convince him I'd said slam it. Luckily for me he eventually forgot. Still, dammit is better than fuckstick.

This is the most awesome conversation I've overheard in a long time:
Guy One: Where did you park?
Guy Two: Over there. Way the hell out in buttfuck.
Guy One: Buttfuck? Do you mean bumfuck?
Guy Two: No, it's buttfuck. Like, yeah, I live way the hell out in buttfuck.
Guy One: Bumfuck.
Guy Two: Isn't bum just another word for butt? So what's the big difference?
Guy One: Yeah, no clue. But it's still bumfuck.
Guy Two: That's stupid.
Guy One: Maybe but do you really want to be that guy standing in a parking garage like you are now, with a guy like you are now who says hey, let's go to buttfuck?
Guy Two: Okay, yeah. Good call.

This will be our Christmas card this year:


Posted by Chris at December 2, 2010 6:35 AM

That is THE best card I have ever seen.

Posted by: Dawn at December 2, 2010 8:18 AM

Giggles!!! Love it!

Posted by: Maribeth at December 2, 2010 8:28 AM

I LOVE the card. Love.

My Mom accidently taught me to say dammit as a kid. My Dad found me wandering around the yard, randomly bumping into things and saying, "dammit, dammit, dammit." No lasting harm done.

Posted by: Annie at December 2, 2010 8:54 AM

I think it's hilarious that you taught Owen to say dammit. There are much, much worse things to teach him. ;) I remember a schoolmate of mine told me that when she was little, her parents tried to teach her the word "fire truck" only for her to understand (and say) it as "fire fuck." And so whenever she saw one, she'd scream it out over and over and over...

Also? Best holiday card ever. That's my kind of portrait. :)

Posted by: Jessa at December 2, 2010 9:04 AM

I love it.

The very best part of the whole thing is Mia's, "Yeah, um, I think I was adopted" face.

Posted by: Elise at December 2, 2010 9:12 AM

Damnit I love that photo!

Posted by: Kristy at December 2, 2010 9:19 AM

Cool card but hope your face doesn't freeze like that.

If you receive a strange Facebook message from me, it wasn't from me. It's spam and it's making it's way around the world.

Posted by: at December 2, 2010 9:51 AM

Best.Bathroom.Conversation.EVER! ;-) Thanks for the giggle.

And LOVE the Christmas Card!!

Posted by: cyndy at December 2, 2010 10:03 AM

Great card, but that overheard conversation is truly awesome! Thanks for the laughs!

Posted by: Kate M at December 2, 2010 10:07 AM

Here in Indy tween me and my sister I still say way over in BFE which stands for Bum Fuck Egypt. I have no idea how Egypt got into it. BTW I love the Christmas card picture. It is so Fish-Cactus :)

Posted by: Trish V at December 2, 2010 10:12 AM

I love how Mia's too proper to actually make a face!

Posted by: kalisa at December 2, 2010 10:14 AM

Great card! Love the overheard conversation. I can't use BFE because I don't want to have to explain it to my 10 year old. Instead I use one I got from a friend, "out where Jesus lost his sandals."

And I taught Lilli "Oh shit" when she was two. It's really hard not to laugh when they're saying it in a cute little voice. We eventually got her to stop by always saying "Oh no" in a funny voice when she said it. She finally started saying "Oh no."

Posted by: Kelley at December 2, 2010 10:29 AM

Love the card!!

I did the same thing with my son, and for a while any time Elliot got mad he would say "Mommy, that's a dammit!" :) He's over it now.

Posted by: Elizabeth at December 2, 2010 10:41 AM

Been there done that. Nicky learned dammit early on, but we managed to morph it into "donut!" which was much cuter from a 2 year old. Of course now his saying is "Oh MY GOD!" which he picked up from my mother in law. Which admittedly is better than the "God Dammit!" she'd taught him a while back, thus obliterating our cute "Donut!" curseword.

He's picked up the big guns from his dad in traffic, and we've managed to keep from reacting while hearing a 'fucking idiot' or two from the backseat. It seems to not be sticking though, thank goodness!

This whole language thing is complicated.

Posted by: Angela at December 2, 2010 11:03 AM

I am suddenly struck with complete jealously......That is the best card ever

Posted by: Shannon at December 2, 2010 11:36 AM

My son (Owen's age) learned to say "Fucking" from me. I quit saying it (around him), though, so he's off that now. I'm trying to teach him "Oh, snap!" It's hella funny when he says it: "Oh, thnap!" Good times, good times.

Posted by: Brooke at December 2, 2010 11:54 AM

Before Dresden started to talk, his parents allowed us foul mouthed people to say stuff all the time. Once he started to talk, it was hard for everyone to hold back. We all thought little D's first word would be "Fuck!" but gratefully, it was "Nom". LOL.

Another friend of ours would jokingly say "Take that, woman!" to his wife once in a while. It was a surprise when their 2-year-old threw a toy at mom once and followed it with "Take that, woman!"

Posted by: oakley at December 2, 2010 12:29 PM

Absolutely AWESOME card! It's a shame, however, that Mia's looking too normal for the rest of you.

Posted by: Heather at December 2, 2010 12:36 PM

Love, Love, Love the photo!! How do I get on the mailing list for that card?

If you don't make a big deal about the word, Owen will forget it. It is just fun to learn new words when you are working at it.

Posted by: Krush at December 2, 2010 1:50 PM

I very sincerely hope that you are actually using that photo for the cards, because it is so very awesome.

Posted by: Dawn at December 2, 2010 2:37 PM

I think that that dude is getting buttfuck mixed up with dumbfuck.

Nice card! I love how Mia is all, whatever dudes, I am the dignified one.

Posted by: Librarian Girl at December 2, 2010 7:06 PM

Nice card...

Nice profanities...

My 2 teenagers both stared me right in the face today and said "WTF"... (long version) ..... I squeal, grimace and complain about cursing but they are awesome, smart, creative beasts who don't smoke, don't drink. don't do drugs, get great grades at school and generally do me proud... never mind hey? : )

Posted by: english thorn at December 2, 2010 10:14 PM

I guess dammit is better than your kids muttering to themselves under their breath like so many parents do.

Oh, and I'll never think about parking in bumfuck quite the same way.

Posted by: Jacob @ The Family Bed at December 3, 2010 12:19 AM

that's the most awesome Christmas card I've seen to date! Ha!

Posted by: Dr. Dolly at December 3, 2010 9:39 AM

As I mentioned on Beth's blog...I LOVE this!!!

Posted by: Lujza at December 4, 2010 11:19 PM

Rock on brother!

Posted by: Aimee Giese | Greeblemonkey at December 7, 2010 12:41 AM