February 15, 2011

Brought To You By The Letter V

Beth and I are both low-key Valentine's Day people. We rarely go out. We generally skip the sappy cards and chocolates. I usually buy Beth flowers but that's about the extent of it. But this year, well, I celebrated in an entirely different way. This year, I dropped my pants for another woman and let her touch my junk.

I should have prefaced all of this by telling you that I had my initial vasectomy consultation yesterday. Nothing says Happy Valentine's Day like future sterility.

The appointment was fine. I'm not at all doubting the decision or the need nor do I have any reason to doubt they'll take loving care of my balls and treat them as if they were their own. But it's amazing how quickly a little fifteen minute procedure turned into something that involved four or five hours and medicated twilight (which up until now I thought was just the drunken stupor I'd have to be in to see those damn vampire movies). As is usually the case, things are a bit more complicated than they initially seem.


I realize that I'm the father of two and the slightly more flawed half of a relationship with my wife. And to have those wonderful children, Beth had to endure a lot of discomfort and pain, especially since those two children were surgically removed from her. Getting poked in the nads is pretty much the least I could do to keep up my end of the bargain.

But that doesn't mean I'm thrilled. My scrotum isn't real pleased either.

As for getting felt up by another woman, well, nothing to write home about. Unless you've got a thing for stethoscopes and latex gloves.

Posted by Chris at February 15, 2011 7:01 AM

I am sending this to my husband to read! I have been trying to convince him for years to do this! Hope everything is well.

Posted by: winna at February 15, 2011 9:06 AM

My husband said the worst part of the whole thing was the anesthesia shot. After that it was all good and recovery was a breeze.

I really appreciated that he did this so that I didn't have to go through surgery. And as a bonus, I got to watch the whole procedure...pretty cool!

Posted by: Kris H. at February 15, 2011 9:07 AM

I hadn't realized how common this procedure is becoming until I found out that 75% of my buddies had had it done. Good luck! Hope its quick and relatively pain-free.

Posted by: J at February 15, 2011 9:20 AM

Well, since my husband gets squeamish thinking about having the dog neutered, I guess it is good I had a hysterectomy.

Posted by: Maribeth at February 15, 2011 9:27 AM

Bravo! You need to give my husband a pep talk. Although the unanticipated 3rd pregnancy of one of our co-workers whose husband delayed getting the snip may have already pushed him over the edge :)

Posted by: Elizabeth at February 15, 2011 9:29 AM

I have had two men snipped and my dog, Yes-I'am ruthless. Good for you for stepping up, you will do great!

Posted by: Kami at February 15, 2011 10:53 AM

Brandon had his done for his birthday many years back. All I can tell you is make sure you have several bags of frozen peas or corns handy. Your balls will love you.

Posted by: oakley at February 15, 2011 11:42 AM

Hang in there; I'm scheduled for later this month ( or early next ); I am finding that my mind keeps not remembering when it is scheduled ( go figure ); I've definitely experienced a bit of "Wow, this is so final", but at the same time when the kids are driving me up the wall I'm ready to go _right_now_ :)

Posted by: metawizard2 at February 15, 2011 11:59 AM

My lover had a vasectomy years ago. And it was one of the things that really attracted me to him. Good for you, for getting it done. It's a good thing!

Posted by: Mindy at February 15, 2011 12:08 PM

At last, you decided to unload the dishwasher... !

Posted by: viviane at February 15, 2011 12:32 PM

My husband did this for us last month. I'm still kind of afraid to go down there. One word for you: ice. Lots and lots of ice. Matter of fact, apparently they sell this new fandangled type of boxers that have a built-in ice pack. I would say whatever that thing costs, it's well worth the expense.

Posted by: seekingelevation at February 15, 2011 1:01 PM

I agree with Kris H's husband. The anesthesia shot was the worst part. And my Dr looked like Kenny Rogers (the singer not baseball pitcher).

Posted by: Rex at February 15, 2011 2:16 PM

I think you guys make AWESOME kids, so I'm not personally for this, but if it's what you guys want...

Hugs. You'll be fine.

Posted by: alektra at February 15, 2011 2:28 PM

It was uncomfortable. Several days of discomfort for the hubby if I remember right. Good luck.

Posted by: One Mom's Opinion at February 15, 2011 2:35 PM

My husband had one many many years ago. His biggest mistake was 1)NOT just spending the weekend on the couch. Nooooo, he had to go to the wine festival that Sunday that was in town and 2)NOT wearing underwear while he was at above mentioned wine festival. Let's just say the boys were hanging reeeeeaaaallllll low by the end of the day and he was miserable.
The lesson here is: Stay home with ice and wear underwear!

Posted by: NancyJ at February 15, 2011 3:22 PM

A man who has this done is the sexiest thing on the planet. Look at you taking care of your wife! You go, stud! (Err, gelding)

Posted by: Stephanie at February 15, 2011 4:26 PM

Good for you Chris.

Posted by: Heather at February 15, 2011 6:18 PM

My husband's favorite part was the valium they gave him to take an hour before we arrived at the office. He asked for more, but they wouldn't give him any. It really was quick and relatively painless. He felt fine the next day. Hope you surgery is trouble-free.

Posted by: Annie at February 15, 2011 10:07 PM

You are the man! It looks like others have shared their or their husband's experience, so I'll spare you. Just know that it is a real act of love for men to do that for their wives!

Posted by: Magnolia Mom at February 15, 2011 10:51 PM

Good on you. And excellent rationalization (least I could do, etc).

I hope you find, as we did, that the aftermath - that of removed concern - most "helpful". Nudge-nudge, wink-wink, say-no-more. Just be sure you GO FOR THE FREAKING AFTER-TEST. Too many I know of didn't feel like enduring the discomfort of that one more splooge in a cup & ended up paying dearly.

Posted by: harmzie at February 15, 2011 10:59 PM

well your scrotum might not be pleased, the your ball still looks pretty happy in the picture...maybe you haven't told him yet?

we're headed this way soon too, but we're still at the damn full dishwasher stage.

Posted by: jackie at February 15, 2011 11:09 PM

My husband has been contemplating that one for about a year now (chicken)

Posted by: Shannon at February 15, 2011 11:28 PM

Good on ya. And thanks for the super helpful diagram ;)

Posted by: Heather at February 16, 2011 1:52 PM

I do hope you blog about this because I've only got a few years left before this is happening for me.

Posted by: Brad at February 17, 2011 9:39 AM

Wow, I thought my husband was good at procrastinating...

Seriously, when my husband had it done, he was pretty anxious but it was fine. Couple days of rest and ice and some doting on and he was as good as new. They gave him a prescription good for 40 Vicodin, and I think he took maybe 2.

Posted by: Tracy at February 17, 2011 5:12 PM