February 2, 2011

Note To Self

Dear Body -

What in the hell did I do to deserve this? You're falling apart on me.

Yesterday it was my throat. Last night, my nose. Today it's a generalized pain that's spread throughout my entire body and taken root in my joints. And you're hot but not in the good way. So I repeat, what did I ever do to you?

Okay, okay, okay. Maybe I haven't always been as conscientious with you as I should have been. I smoked for a long time. For a while I didn't give you any beer. I'm sure that sucked. But I made up for it by eating a pint of ice cream every night. And I did lots of stupid shit. I distinctly recall road surfing (when you wear cowboy boots, hang out of a car and surf on the road) which was a patently idiotic thing to do. I rode bikes with no helmet. I haven't forgotten about that dance I came up with in seventh grade, the one I was told to stop because it was so explosive that it caused the records to skip on the DJ's two turntables. I also recognize that when you're old enough to have devised such an explosive form of dance in the seventh grade to records - actual, real-life vinyl - you've perhaps earned the right to be a little upset. But get over it. It's been years.

I need three hours. I need to get in my car, drive to an important meeting and get my ass back again before you completely shut down. That's all I'm asking. Three hours. Do that for me and there's a beer, a doughnut, some Advil and sleep in your very near future.

Mine truly,

Posted by Chris at February 2, 2011 6:39 AM

Good luck!

Posted by: alektra at February 2, 2011 8:36 AM

Ah, beer. The cause of, and solution to, all life's problems. Good luck!

Posted by: J at February 2, 2011 9:08 AM

You know you caught what Mia has don't you? Well you and the "Body" will get over this in a few days. You know what babies you men are when you are sick. Drink plenty of fluids and get some rest.
Poor baby.

Posted by: Trish V at February 2, 2011 9:09 AM

I hope your body stays intact long enough to pull this off! Good luck and feel better!

Posted by: Maribeth at February 2, 2011 11:09 AM

Let me know if the bargaining works...I may need to try it.

Posted by: Krush at February 2, 2011 5:29 PM

I feel you.

I mean, not literally or anything.

Posted by: Aimee Giese | Greeblemonkey at February 2, 2011 6:01 PM

I would like to see you attempt that 7th grade dance again. I have a feeling it would be highly amusing ;)

Posted by: Heather at February 3, 2011 3:03 AM

ttempt that 7th grade dance again. I have a feeling it would be highly amusing ;)

Posted by Heather at February 3, 2011 3:03 AM

Posted by: Alexander Mcqueen Bags at November 24, 2011 12:58 AM