March 23, 2011

Why I'm Not An Award-Winning Blogger (And Should Stay That Way)

I got an email yesterday telling me that I was nominated for the Circle of Moms' Top 25 Daddy Blogs. At first I was only moderately interested because I've been doing this blogging thing for a long time and have seen awards and nominations come and go. Then I was curious so I read more. Then I was touched and honored. But the more I thought about it, I thought what the hell are these people thinking? Why? There are two reasons to nominate me. I am a daddy and I have a blog. But there are so many more reasons not to nominate me. Let's explore those reasons, shall we?

1. I am, most likely, in the company of better writers. I say most likely because I haven't actually read many of their blogs. I really don't read blogs much these days. I'm tied up with parenting and working and occasionally watching bad television. And drinking beer. Yeah. I do that sometimes. Anyway, if they can string two sentences together and actually take the time to edit their posts, they're already a couple steps ahead of me. If they're just posting pictures of their kids doing cute shit, well, we can all do that.

2. I love reading to my children but some nights when I'm reading to Owen and he picks an incredibly long book to read, I'm thankful that he insists on having me read only the pages with pictures. I'm even more thankful when it's a book with a mere handful of pictures.

3. I'm not sure I'm a daddy blogger, in the true sense of the term. Yeah, I talk about my kids. My family's the most important thing in the world to me so sure they get a lot of airtime. But I also talk about midget zombie hookers a lot too. You wouldn't call this a midget zombie hooker blog would you? Now there's an underrepresented demographic.

4. When my wife is home, I play good music around the house. When she's not and the kids and I are home alone I blast old-school Genesis and other similarly long-winded progressive rock masterpieces. That has to be considered cruel and unusual.

5. I don't know the difference between mischievous and mischevious. Although my spell-check is telling me that second one isn't actually a word which makes me feel even dumber.

6. Speaking of dumb, Beth and I have a list of categories of things we're each responsible for teaching Mia and Owen. It's based on our strengths. Hers is full of cool shit like art and English and history and math while mine has precisely two things on it - music and fart jokes.

7. I enjoy watching the video monitor in Owen's room when Beth goes in, tucks her hair behind her ears, bends over and gives own a kiss on the forehead before we go to bed. I enjoy it not because it's a touching moment - which it undeniably is - but because she has a great ass.

8. I liked Ishtar. I'm not really sure what that has to do with anything but liking what is arguably the worst movie ever made can't be good, right?

So there you go - eight reason why you really shouldn't vote for me as a top 25 daddy blogger. Go vote but make sure it's for someone else. Really.

Posted by Chris at March 23, 2011 7:58 AM

You are definitely an awesome blogger and an awesome dad, which must be how you were nominated as an awesome daddy blogger. You don't really fit the pigeonhole of "daddy blogger" though. But, hey, I don't read the others blogs either, so what do I know?

Posted by: Elizabeth at March 23, 2011 9:55 AM

Those getting the awards are touched, but never quite understand that what those who give the awards see is not 100% truth, but the filter through which the body of work has portrayed. So in short, even Einstein pooped. Enjoy the nomination, and keep on with this wonderful stream of consciousness. The regulars get it, the lurkers are interested, and the passing crowd will probably be confused by all the midgets.


Posted by: metawizard2 at March 23, 2011 10:02 AM

yeah, but then you read your last post ("Healing") and that kind of negates all your arguments. Sorry.

If it makes you feel better, I'm not going and voting for anyone, because I think blogging awards are kind of stupid. My favourite blogs (hint hint) are such because the people are doing it because they love it, have something moderately interesting to say and are moderately good at saying it (usually considerably better than "moderately", but trying to keep you modest).

Posted by: harmzie at March 23, 2011 10:23 AM

I can't think of a reason in the world not to vote for you.

Posted by: Ann Elizabeth Adams at March 23, 2011 10:32 AM

You now have one more vote and made it to my FaceBook page.

Posted by: Ann Elizabeth Adams at March 23, 2011 10:35 AM

I don't have kids, so don't read either mommy or daddy blogs. But I DO love the posts in which you talk about your kids (as well as the midget zombie hookers), and so I think you definitely qualify, because if a not-such-a-big-kid-thing person likes your "kid" posts, you're doing something awesome!

Posted by: Heather at March 23, 2011 10:56 AM

esp when she has on stripey underwear :-)

Posted by: Tera at March 23, 2011 11:26 AM

Okay. I have voted. But Chris you mentioned all this stuff about you that you claim isn't complimentary. You know rock music and fart jokes being your specialty. Well, comedian Bill Engvall's response to that would be "Well, you're just a guy"!
I think the reason I like your blog so much is that you are "just a guy" who writes about the things happening in his life. Work, bathroom life, wife and kids.
I say, Bravo!

Posted by: Maribeth at March 23, 2011 12:12 PM

i once was named one of the top 20 POLITICAL bloggers... i dont even write about politics..guess just being located in dc counted..and really...there are a LOT of real and (reallly good) political bloggers who must have hated ME... wtf?
i think we should BOTH get midget zombie hooker awards next year...

Posted by: suicide _blond at March 23, 2011 12:17 PM

You underestimate yourself. But that's ok.


Posted by: James Proffitt at March 23, 2011 12:54 PM

you deserve it, always an enjoyable experience reading your blog posts

Posted by: Heather at March 23, 2011 12:56 PM

But see, you ARE a daddy blogger. You are a daddy. And you blog. Ta-dah!

I've read other daddy blogs - and they all lost my interest. There is more to life than raising our kids. At least, for some of us.

I'm voting for you.

So nyah.

Posted by: Mindy at March 23, 2011 2:05 PM

Maybe, you feel that you don't rock in the things that you feel you should be teaching Owen and Mia. But, they learn from you everyday. That I am sure. Your teaching them to be themselves and raising them in a very loving home. You teach them about fun, play and how to use their imagination. That is often lost in busy homes.

Yes, you told us not to vote, but you gave us the trail. I'm voting next.

Posted by: One Mom's Opinion at March 23, 2011 2:58 PM

Ditto on what Heather said above!
I voted for you.

Posted by: Kristy at March 23, 2011 4:21 PM

I someday hope to find a guy who'll check out my ass while I tuck the kids in ;-)

Posted by: Heather at March 23, 2011 10:57 PM

I've read my fair share of parenting blogs and yours is by far one of the most interesting. You show your human side as well as the daddy side and that's what I love about your blog. I know a few dads who like midget zombie hookers (and much worse) but that doesn't take away from what great fathers they are. And a father who can appreciate his wife's ass is tops on my list. You got my vote!

Posted by: Nila at March 24, 2011 7:07 AM

Happiness is not a goal, it is a by--product.
Mrs. Eleanor Roosevelt, American president"s wife

Posted by: True Religion usa at March 25, 2011 10:53 PM

LOL Number 7 is awesome. Too funny!

I have you on my list of links of blogs I actually read, which should say something. Even though some of the names on my list change frequently, yours never goes. One of my favorite blogs to come back to.

Posted by: Debra at March 27, 2011 4:37 AM

#8... hahahaha

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