October 17, 2011

Emptying The Dishwasher

So, that's what a vasectomy is like.

I went into the hospital on Friday around 10:30 ahead of the scheduled 12:30 procedure. I was given a very fancy hospital gown which accentuated my eyes and made my butt, well, stick out the back. The kind nurse gave me the gift of a lovely IV then I waited until the surgeon arrived. When she did - slightly late - she told me all of the risks associated with the surgery at which time I wanted desperately to flee the hospital but I found myself joined to it at the wrist. Then they wheeled me into the operating room, sedated me, and did their thing. At least I suppose they did. I woke up an hour later with stitches in my, well, you know, a strange sort of jock strap on, and an order to stay in bed for at least 24 hours. It wasn't long before I was set free, wheeled to the car in a wheel chair, and Beth took over my care and feeding.

And now here I am. I'm taking the day off - or trying to - to add some extra time to the recovery. I've moved from Vicodin to Tylenol and augmented a meal or two with a beer. I'm still wearing the jock strap and will continue to for a couple of weeks. Yeah, a jock strap on the office. Full contact conference calls.

Overall - at this somewhat early stage in recovery - I have to admit that a vasectomy isn't so bad. The anticipation is terrible but might be the worst part. I mean, after all someone's going to attack our nether regions with a knife and there's nothing appealing about that. But I remember nothing from the surgery itself, the resulting pain has been mild - only a dull ache - and the most frustrating thing about the whole thing is having to sit around, useless, for a few days.

Though I could get used to that...

Posted by Chris at October 17, 2011 7:59 AM

Our little trooper!

Oh, shit. I have no idea as to the size of your junk, and I didn't mean to imply....

;) (Worked all weekend, this is all the funny I have.)

Posted by: alektra at October 17, 2011 8:07 AM

I thought it was an outpatient procedure and you only got a local anesthetic? Did you request to be sedated instead? That would be the way to go, in my opinion.

Best of luck to you and your balls for a quick recovery.

Posted by: Brad at October 17, 2011 9:22 AM

They knocked you out? My husband had his done last spring and his went like this: pop a Vicodin at home an hour before, go into the urology clinic's procedure room, get numbed in the area, then walk back out to me in the waiting room 30 minutes later. This was Friday; he went back to work on Monday. I think I'm going to blame the brutality and lack of empathy in his situation on ACTUAL military efficiency; they do 10 of these every Friday morning and give just that day off to the poor soldiers.

Glad it went well - and glad you finally emptied the dishwasher for Beth :)

Posted by: Heather at October 17, 2011 9:59 AM

Wow. Either you got lucky or my husband got screwed. He watched his whole procedure, wide awake. He was told to take Tylenol. Uh oh. But we're almost a year out and still a family of 4 so I guess he got that part right. Speedy recovery to you.

Posted by: Seekingelevation at October 17, 2011 10:03 AM

Oh, I hurt for you! Feel better soon!

Posted by: Maribeth at October 17, 2011 10:16 AM

Wow! Sedated??? I see I'm not the only one surprised by that! My hubby had it done at our doctor's clinic with local anesthetic and drove himself home afterwards. He said it was no big deal. I'm surprised they felt they had to sedate you for the procedure. That seems like overkill - although maybe it's nice for you if you're really anxious.

Posted by: Shannon at October 17, 2011 10:46 AM

Wow, I'm with the others...my hubby didn't get sedated..just a local and a bag of peas afterwards. No special jock strap either and he went back to work the next day.

I'm telling Beth you are milking it! LOL!

Posted by: Lisa at October 17, 2011 10:56 AM

Have a speedy recovery! Sedation is awesome :)

Posted by: Sue R at October 17, 2011 12:42 PM

Here is how mine went. http://tinyurl.com/3kgfdel

Also, when they say, go back in 4-6 weeks with your sample, I was told to make sure, that I cleaned the pipes at least 20 times. So it is 4-6weeks or 20 ejac. I made sure my wife participated in at least 19 of those times.

Posted by: William at October 17, 2011 1:31 PM

I'm praying my boyfriend doesn't read your blog today, and go off, again, about how he got screwed.

His was done under a local, he was awake for the entire thing, and he was told Tylenol and frozen peas for the pain.

He's still furious to know that 3 of my male friends got valium to take before their appointment. He got nothing.

Posted by: Mindy Lee at October 17, 2011 2:50 PM

I didn't realize you were getting knocked out for it. You can't complain about the suspense of the vasectomy now. Watching it live was so much scarier.

Posted by: Rex at October 17, 2011 3:06 PM

i love that the dishwasher analogy continues :) :)

glad it all went OK!

Posted by: kati at October 17, 2011 10:36 PM