October 26, 2011

Bathroom Encounter, In Verse

Some time ago, in the land of Mensroom
The Blogger he went, well, to do what men do.
And in the next stall he heard a sound like a roar
Twas the slumbering sounds of a Pooper who snored.
He soon was awakened by a call from his phone
He answered "bitch, what?" then he started to moan.
There soon was a zip then off came his pants
An unfortunate effect of a girlfriend who rants?
And, while they argued, "bitch" this and "bitch" that
The Pooper, he pooped, with a splish and a splat.
Then the Pooper's 'tude changed from angry to caring
He asked the poor girl, "bitch, what are you wearing?"
The moans they returned, this was different and new
"Uh-huh, that sounds good, and then what would you do?"
Though the poor Blogger, he still had to pee
He needed to dash before Pooper went "number three".
He ran to the sink, washed hands and dried
but just as he left "oh baby" Pooper cried.
The moral of the story? There's none. Just take care.
Masturbating poopers could be anywhere.

Posted by Chris at October 26, 2011 7:17 AM

I have never been so glad that I don't have a penis. In all my years of frequenting the women's room I have never had anything even remotely similar to that happen to me (or like any of your other unfortunate encounters either, for that matter)!

Posted by: Elizabeth at October 26, 2011 8:35 AM

Holy crapballs that is hilarious and awful all at the same time.

Posted by: MidLyfeMama at October 26, 2011 9:09 AM

for real?

Posted by: linda at October 26, 2011 9:09 AM

This made my morning, just a little bit funnier. omg.

Posted by: at October 26, 2011 9:31 AM

Oh how I've missed your bathroom stories!

Posted by: Heather at October 26, 2011 9:36 AM

I'm with Elizabeth!

Do these people think they are alone?

That is hysterical and disgusting!

Posted by: cyndy at October 26, 2011 10:34 AM

my word. that is all. I have to wipe coffee off of my monitor now.

Posted by: Sue R at October 26, 2011 11:02 AM

oh my! As stated by one of the previous commenters, I am *SO* glad I'm a woman--I've never have (and hopefully never will)experience anything like that! Ew!
This made me laugh though...

Posted by: Effie at October 26, 2011 11:54 AM

You are hilarious! I love your humor!

Posted by: niki at October 26, 2011 12:19 PM

Does this mean the Pooper might be a coworker ? Do you sometimes try to guess who? Ewwwww! (Beurk, we say in French)

Posted by: viviane at October 26, 2011 12:34 PM

Oh, I am so glad that I'm not a guy. Very funny, but gross.

Posted by: One Mom's Opinion at October 26, 2011 12:40 PM

I could see what was coming and yet I just couldn't stop reading.

Ewwwwww. You have the WORST luck.

Posted by: Carmen at October 26, 2011 12:41 PM

I do not think I could possibly add anything else~ My breakfast went from my stomach to the bottom of my esophagus. "Bitc* what are you wearing?" awww romance is grand.......

Posted by: Shannon at October 26, 2011 1:11 PM

No. Way. Just.


And from a human standpoint, I'm so sorry.

Posted by: Mindy at October 26, 2011 1:46 PM

I just don't understand:

a. how you end up with all these weird bathroom adventures. Have you been found out and they're just putting on a show, "Dude, quick! Chris is headed to the bathroom! Get in there and fake a snore THEN fake some phone sex!"

b. if you haven't been found out, 1. sleeping in the bathroom? 2. masturbating in a public restroom? WHAT IS WRONG WITH PEOPLE??

Posted by: zanie at October 26, 2011 4:50 PM

so very funny but at the same time... sorry you had to hear any of that.... Have your ears recovered?

Posted by: mutt at October 26, 2011 5:06 PM

This is part of the unwelcome trend of people talking on their cell phones in public restrooms. And when I say "public" I mean ... any restroom that is not in their home. I guess what people do in their homes - and in their homes' bathroom - is their biz.

On my floor at work, there is currently only one other business. This other office is FULL of guys who will sit in a stall, making the pooper noises, chatting away - personal and business calls alike. They do the same standing, peeing, at the urinals.

Either way I always make as much noise as I can washing my hands, flushing, etc., trying to alert the person on the other end of that call that this idiot thinks so little of you, that he is talking to you IN THE BATHROOM.

Grow up people, and get some class while you're at it.

Posted by: Mark at October 26, 2011 5:40 PM

LMFAO. That's all. Just LMFAO. And wiping cherry vanilla diet coke from the keyboard.

Posted by: Julee at October 26, 2011 7:30 PM

Wow. Just wow. That is all.

Posted by: ironic1 at October 27, 2011 6:50 AM

phone sex blumpkin? Do they charge extra for that I wonder?

Posted by: Lisa at October 27, 2011 7:54 AM

I am so glad I don't go to the bathroom where you do.....and I sincerely doubt you will ever use THAT bathroom again....or..well...I'm sure that is the ONLY stall that event has ever happened in........ewwwww!!!

Posted by: David at October 27, 2011 8:33 AM

NOOOOOOO! And then just when you think it can't get worse, IT DOES. How does this kind of thing keep happening to you? Did you wreck a bathroom in a past life or something?

Posted by: Fraulein N at October 27, 2011 9:18 AM

Maybe he's the operator of 1-800-crap-sex?

Posted by: BloggerFather at October 29, 2011 10:30 PM