Behind The Curtain

In the evening - after work is over and the kids have gone to bed - I write the things that get spewed out here the next day. If I had to guess I'd say I spend 20 minutes a day writing. This accounts for the poorly edited and often badly conceived things I concoct for your reading pleasure. In the hours before, during the vast majority of the day, I try to think of something at least marginally compelling. There are three conclusions this effort comes to:

- I come up with something startlingly brilliant that I am sure will win whatever is the blogging equivalent of a Pulitzer. Or at least snag me a comment or two.
- I try my best to develop a lame, half-assed idea into something tolerable and somewhat amusing.
- I find myself unable to think of anything and pray for the baby jesus to give me a sign or at least allow a celebrity sex tape leak at which point I can act indignant and pretend I didn't watch it.

On any given day I've got an equal chance of these three options playing out. But when the third thing happens, I consult my notes. I have an extensive supply of lame ideas that I write down and forget about precisely because they're lame. I hunt them down when I'm desperate and hope to wring some brilliance from their excessive crappyness. (Aside: My spell check apparently has no clue how to spell crappyness so this is not the fault of the panic-stricken, hurried author.) Last night was one of those times. When I looked, however, the well was pretty much dry except for one hastily scrawled note.

For those of you who can't read my writing - poison microwave birds. I have no idea what this means. Absolutely none. I think it could refer to the birds that live outside our house where the microwave is vented. But it's equally possible that I'm a brainwashed Jason Bourne type person who's memory of a burned out African village will return and these three words will somehow save humanity. Or its a shitty band name I came up with after a few beers and a couple hours of VH1's Behind The Music.

Any ideas?

Posted by Chris at May 15, 2012 7:01 AM