June 19, 2012

Freakshow Part 182

Those of you who've been reading since the good old days - when blogs were cool, DSL was fast, and I hadn't yet achieved dadhood - might recall the fact that I've always been something of a freak magnet, particularly in the bathroom. Those odd encounters are few and far between these days, especially since I work from home a bit and the only freak to encounter is myself.

Occasionally, however, I'm able to see that my freak magnetism hasn't worn off. As exemplified by the Tale Of Mr. OCD and Mr. Indecisive.

I was seated in the middle stall (please see Figure 1.1 for a helpful diagram) when Mr. OCD arrived on my left. Mr. OCD proceeded to lock the stall, remove his pants and boxers as well as all accessories they contained. He neatly folded his pants and lined up his phone, keys, and other assorted goodies on the floor in a nice straight line as though to survey all he brought him. Now, I've always maintained that I don't understand people who drop trou completely because frankly a men's room floor isn't the place for clothes or, really, anything. But this so thoroughly confused me that I almost didn't notice Mr. Indecisive entering the stall on my right.

Mr. Indecisive clearly had commitment issues. He entered the stall, closed the door, stood and peed. An instant later, he dropped his pants, sat down, took care of business then, for act three, he stood up, turned around and peed again. I can think of no medical condition which would make this process necessary. I therefore consider him yet another bathroom freak.

Now, to encounter either of these individuals separately would be an experience but both at the same time was almost overwhelming. It was like having freaks in stereo.

So I assure you, readers, that my freakshine hasn't lost its luster. In case you were worried.

Posted by Chris at June 19, 2012 7:12 AM

I am not sure what it says about me that I was kind of excited you had another freak show bathroom encounter... it's been a while.

Posted by: stephanie at June 19, 2012 9:32 AM

Thanks for the laugh today! So glad I don't attract freaks in bathrooms...everywhere else, yes!

Posted by: Krush at June 19, 2012 12:10 PM

Don't you know to never ever take the middle stall? It's Manlaw. If the middle stall is the only one available I'll go to another floor...!

Posted by: Drew at June 19, 2012 12:36 PM

I love it. So when your first album finally drops, you know you have to title it Freaks in Stereo, right? I don't think I'll be able to got to the bathroom without thinking of it and giggling uncontrollably. And then I'll be the weirdo.

Posted by: Fraulein N at June 19, 2012 1:23 PM

wouldn't it have been smarter to park yourself in either of the end stalls so that maximum amount of crazies you'd have had to endure was one? and if only one other person had come in instead of two, that person would have rightfully parked himself two stalls over so you could have even not been next to anyone at all? i'm only saying that it might be a combination of freak magnetism and a failure to properly position yourself in the bathroom ;)

Posted by: kati at June 19, 2012 1:52 PM

I wonder why you pay so much attention to people in the bathroom. Seriously, I think there was one more freak in this situation.

Posted by: linda at June 19, 2012 4:32 PM

Yay! Another bathroom story. I really had been missing them. Now just throw in some midget ninjas and life will be complete.

Posted by: Heather at June 19, 2012 10:31 PM

I was beginning to wonder if your Freak Magnet was beginning to lose its magnetism... Glad to see it's still as strong as ever! ;o)

Posted by: ironic1 at June 20, 2012 11:03 PM