Textual Healing

I had a meeting with a colleague in Maryland yesterday afternoon. I didn't manage to get in my car to head home until 5:00. If you know anything about the DC area, you know this means that I was entirely screwed and doomed to a terrible commute. I texted Beth - who has the "find my friends" app installed on her iPhone so we can see where we are, geographically - to let her know I was stuck in traffic.

Beth: You're making great time I see.
Me: Ha. Yeah, right.
Beth: I could text you about everything I did today. The scintillating tale would really make the time fly.
Me: Go for it.
Beth: Grocery shopping.
Beth: Laundry.
Beth: Vacuuming.
Beth: Cleaning bathrooms.
Beth: Chopping vegetables.
Beth: Hot, huh?
Me: I have a raging boner.
Beth: I knew it.
Beth: Seems like you've gone four miles in 30 minutes.
Me: My raging hard-on is wreaking havoc with my car's wind resistance.
Beth: Close the windows.
Me: The windows are closed but obviously the sunroof has to be open.

The only thing that makes this whole exchange even more bizarre is that I was trying to be a good driver. Instead of traditional texting in traffic, I was using Siri, my hands-free electronic girlfriend. So, yeah, I was actually saying this stuff out loud. In my car. Alone.

Why don't Beth and I have a sitcom deal yet?