November 28, 2012
We had an argument. It was a bad one. A blow-out, really. It was all about driving directions because fights like these usually start over something like that. See, I was leaving the house, heading for a meeting and she gave me directions. They seemed right and I'd never been there so I didn't know any better. Things started to go south when I found myself winding through a neighborhood. A short cut, I thought. But no.
Siri: Prepare to park your vehicle. Your destination is ahead.
Me: I'm in a neighborhood.
Siri: Your destination is ahead.
Me: Again, I'm in a neighborhood. With houses. I'm not even on the right street.
Siri: You have reached the end of the navigable route. You must now walk to your destination.
Me: That's someone's front yard!
Siri: You've reached your destination.
Me: Like hell I have. Your damn maps took me to the wrong place.
Siri: I don't see any places matching the wrong nearby.
Me: If you had eyes you would.
Siri: Would you like me to search the web for if you had eyes you would?
Me: No, just blow me.
Siri: I hope you don't kiss your mother with that mouth.
Me: I'm sorry Siri.
Siri: It's okay. Really.
Me: I was out of line. I won't let it happen again.
Siri: I'd like that Christopher.
I did eventually make it to the meeting, on time and without walking through anyone's backyard. And I made it with the help of another navigation app. Yes, I cheated on Siri. Though, when I opened the app and told it where I needed to go, because I was apparently in a neighborhood right behind the office building I was headed to, it encouraged me to walk as well. I think my iPhone thinks I'm fat.
Siri and I have made up, mended fences but I probably won't use Apple maps anytime soon. Unless I want to walk.
(Yes, this conversation happened exactly as written.)