June 11, 2013

The Lawn Whisperer

We've got a neighbor with a lawn obsession.

It started last summer near as we can tell. It began with some light fertilizing and snowballed into a daily activity. Everyday - weekday or weekend - he's in his yard. On weekends he can put a good 12 hours of work in. How he's spending this time is a mystery. There are tarp-covered mounds of dirt that slowly but never completely go away. There's fertilizing, aerating, mowing, seeding, more seeding, more aerating, more fertilizing, watering, running over the whole damn thing with some sort of machine, then fertilizing some more...and it goes on. Occasionally he throws in something interesting. Like the time he removed a whole tree from his front yard with a crowbar. Or the time he decided to put a nice layer of topsoil on top of the grass. Or last week when he covered two large squares of his lawn with white plastic tarps, logs and sprinklers*.

Here's the thing. Despite all the sweat, attention, and unconventional lawn maintenance...his lawn looks pretty much like ass. I feel sorry for the guy. I want him to be some sort of yard savant capable of transforming soil into lush, heavenly grass. But, no, looks like crap.

* Beth and I tried to come up with some explanations for this last development. Our best guesses were getting rid of mushrooms, growing mushrooms, killing grass, and hiding bodies of the last two people who made fun of his yard.

Posted by Chris at June 11, 2013 7:22 AM

Our next door neighbor mows her lawn seemingly constantly, often at 8:00 am on a weekend. Also, she uses a feather duster on the lattice at the top of the fence. So we listen to swoosh-tap-tap-tap, swoosh-tap-tap-tap, for about an hour after she finishes mowing. Her lawn and fence look immaculate though, unlike your neighbor's!

Posted by: James Proffitt at June 12, 2013 4:20 PM