April 04, 2004

Some Assembly Required

What's this weekend been about? Well, I'll tell ya. Furniture.

After the horriffic porn furniture incident, we decided that Ikea was still our best bet. Yesterday we ventured to Ikea once again and braved the Saturday crowds. Two hours later we emerged the proud owners of brand spakin' new bedroom furniture. We were able to bring some of it home but we're having the rest delivered (we thought today, but apparently that's changed to Tuesday). I promise before and after pictures upon the room's completion. In the mean time, some lessons-learned.

1. People walk crazy-ass slow in the middle of stores. There needs to be a fast lane. If you're in front of me and you're walking slow, I'm liable to unleash a beat-down. And before you ask, yes, this does apply to children and the elderly.

2. Assembly directions would be easier to follow if I spoke Swedish. Sadly, I knew of no way to get them to Tjej for translation. But hey, who needs directions anyway?

3. I did learn one word - "Ikea" is Swedish for "very long wait for furniture in the delivery department." This can be used as a noun or a verb.

Noun: Did you see the Ikea? I don't have time for that!
Verb: I'm sorry I can't make it. I have to Ikea this afternoon.

4. Upon slamming a hammer into one's thumb, the appropriate response is always a hearty "fuck!" I tried the rest. They're not nearly as satisfying.

Posted by Chris at April 4, 2004 12:47 PM

Interesting. I have yet to buy anything from IKEA with which the directions are actually written. Only furniture with those very clearly drawn out illustrated directions.


Feel the sarcasm.

Posted by: Tjej at April 4, 2004 01:26 PM

That #1, that's the reason I don't go to Ikea unless it's a weekday. Holy hell. I get the urge to beat old ladies in line at the grocery store, so by the time I get out of Ikea, I'm a mess.

Posted by: Anne at April 4, 2004 04:01 PM

i'm jealous. ikea is anti-denver.

Posted by: reb at April 4, 2004 05:25 PM

IKEA = difficult to assemble, but nice to have.

Posted by: cassie-b at April 4, 2004 06:15 PM

I'm sort of immune to the wonders of the Kea that is I, because the very first one in the U.S. opened up less than 10 minutes from my house.

That's right. I've logged more Ikea time than the entire cast of 'Trading Spaces.' Well, Doug at least.

Posted by: Coleen at April 4, 2004 08:35 PM

Oh! That explains a lot! I know that I always get the urge to buy more than I need in IKEA. But damn! I think you might have exaggerated just a liiiiiitle bit:


Posted by: Sweety at April 5, 2004 01:50 AM

I am with you on the meaning of the word Ikea!

abs x

Posted by: abs at April 5, 2004 05:16 AM

We went for an Ikea kitchen, which I love and I was very proud of hubby for putting it all together in a day and a half! I break sweat just looking at the directions!!

Posted by: amber at April 5, 2004 07:25 AM

I have no idea what Ikea is. And if for some odd reason, you can't say the word 'Fuck!' maybe you can use The Alternative Swedish Dictionary version: (keeping with the ikea theme)

jucka (verb)
to fuck Old Swedish word for jolt, jog, bop, rock, jump up and down or a movement back and forth.


fuck This word has only the meaning of the physical act.

Posted by: wlfldy at April 5, 2004 08:06 AM

I've never been to an IKEA store. But the lines at the Krispy Kreme this weekend were dreadful. :)

Posted by: Zoot at April 5, 2004 08:27 AM

We are moving this summer, and I swear that I am not taking like 3 major pieces of furniture, just to force us to buy something decent when we get out there. Especially because we are IKEA challenged in Massachusetts at the current time. And that is just wrong.

Posted by: feisty girl at April 5, 2004 08:41 AM

Connecticut will be getting it's first IKEA store this summer. I am so excited, which scares me somewhat, because how much furniture can I possibly need?

Posted by: Oliquig at April 5, 2004 09:23 AM

It could be worse, we've waited a month before for our furniture. I think the same goes for Costco. When the free samples come out, people just stand all over the place. I can't go to Costco without putting a few people down. :)

Posted by: Carla at April 5, 2004 11:25 AM

Or telling them to fuck off when they hear me bitch... :) forgot that part.

Posted by: Carla at April 5, 2004 11:28 AM

I bought some furniture from Ikea a few years ago, and I thought I was handy enough to put it together by myself. I was successful, but the dresser ended up falling apart less than a year later.

And I mean, literally...falling apart. The bottoms actually started falling out of the drawers. If I ever buy Ikea again, I'm getting some help. :)

Posted by: Zandria at April 5, 2004 03:02 PM

From an msnbc story...

"Ingvar Kamprad, the 77-year-old Swede who founded the IKEA retail chain, is worth $53 billion US, according to SVT2 news.

The figure puts him ahead of Microsoft chairman Bill Gates, 49, who Forbes magazine estimates is worth $47 billion US."

IKEA, sworn on especially by students and other budget-minded individuals, has created the world's richest man. Oy.

Posted by: Heather at April 6, 2004 03:46 AM