May 18, 2004

What To Expect When...

At some point in the not-too-distant future, my wife and I would like to become parents. This is no big secret (just please please please don't mention it to our parents if you happen to know them or something - we don't need that kind of pressure). Anyway, Beth finished off some book about pregnancy. I asked her about it when she'd finished.

Her: It was kinda stupid.
Me: But you read it quickly.
Her: It was written at like a fifth grade reading level.
Me: Must be for all those 12 year olds. You know, least common denominator and all.
Her: Sad but true. Oh! And the crack hos!
Me: Yes! You can't forget about the crack hos. "A Crack Ho's Guide to Pregnancy: What Your Pimp Won't Tell You"
Her: Or "What To Expect When You're Expecting A Crack Baby"

First off, we're SO going to hell. Second, can you believe they don't test people before they have kids? I mean, look at us?

Posted by Chris at May 18, 2004 12:17 PM

It's an adventure, I tell you. And make sure to hold on to that sense of humor -- you'll need it once you have kids!

Posted by: Martha at May 18, 2004 12:26 PM

That is too funny, can you imagine the marketing for the book? And what about the cover art?

Posted by: Oliquig at May 18, 2004 12:29 PM

Awwww babies..
Have fun trying.. heh ;)

Posted by: Cheeky Girl at May 18, 2004 01:01 PM

The one that's even more fun is "What to Expect the First Year". Someone gave it to me when Elizabeth was born. It was amusing to read the "What they Can Do At ___ Age" sections.

Posted by: amber at May 18, 2004 01:16 PM

I read a few of those books. Fifth grade reading level was even a little high for some of them. Oh - and I'm sooooo telling both your parents the next time I see them by the way. Just watch me.

Posted by: Zoot at May 18, 2004 01:55 PM

You should peer at my lil bubba for inspiration ;)
And ignore the bits on my blog about me pulling my hair out!

Posted by: Fluffy at May 18, 2004 02:16 PM

oooops. If it in fact is What to Expect When You're Expecting--rant alert! Ohhhhhh how I hate that book. Ohhhhh how it sucks. Ohhhhh what stupid frickin whores the authors are.

No--really-it just fills me with rage that this is the 'standard' American pregnancy book, because I've never seen a worse one. Try another--any other. This one comes pretty well recommended ...

Posted by: jilbur at May 18, 2004 02:39 PM

You have two wonderful cats and a life you both enjoy. Why ruin it?

Yeah, I know. Feel free to smack me...

Posted by: Burnt Fuse at May 18, 2004 02:50 PM

You'll be great parents and it is totally the most awesome experience of your life..nothing compares to coming home to a little lady or little gentleman who loves you with every tiny cell in their bodies. At least until they are teenagers. ;-)

Posted by: Ginny at May 18, 2004 02:55 PM

The important thing if that both of you guys can actually recognize that the book is written on a 5th-grade level. I would be more worried about the parents-to-be who were struggling through it.

Or if they actually used crack, of course. :)

Posted by: Zandria at May 18, 2004 03:52 PM

I'm sure there are better books out there about pregnancy, although I do notice that these types of books tend to talk down to women, as if wanting to be pregnant or being pregnant turns one into a child as well. Seriously, my best friend has a bunch of these kinds of books and they are all written like that!

Well, good luck with your baby-making plans! Now I can read your blog to see what it's like to be a parent first-hand, since I'm not having kids. :) (don't tell my parents, either!)

Posted by: dawn at May 18, 2004 04:42 PM

maybe the problem is that you're reading
too many books...

put the book down and, and, um...

and if that doesn't work,
try robitussin...

Posted by: stacy at May 18, 2004 09:49 PM

Avoid "What to Expect..." -- it is too alarmist. Try "The Girlfriend's Guide to Pregnancy" just for fun.

Posted by: Karen at May 18, 2004 10:07 PM

Too funny! Have fun trying :))

Posted by: Sweety at May 19, 2004 03:20 AM

"What to expect when you're expecting a crack baby..." Baha! That's classic stuff! Stop making me laugh out loud, or my boss will find out that I only read blogs all day! Ha ha. Ha.

You guys will make great parents, I'm sure. The fact that you're doing research before you've even conceived, that's great. Go for it! Or... should I say... get to it! Heh.

Posted by: Kim at May 19, 2004 03:43 PM

I agree with Jilbur. In fact my sister called this the Nazi book. She prefers the Girlfriends' Guide which is really freakin' funny.

Posted by: Heather at May 19, 2004 04:22 PM

Try a baby asprin a day. Your wife not you. Look I have six kids...I don't know how to keep you from getting pregnant but I have the GETTING that way down pat.

I know what you mean about the "letting anyone have a kid"...our saying when we see some idiot that has pro-created is : And you have to have a license to fish.

Posted by: NotQuiteJuneCleaver at May 23, 2004 06:08 PM