April 28, 2004

My Other Car Is The Short Bus

All this talk of haircuts leads me to another story. Perhaps this walk down memory lane is turning into a marathon. Regardless, I’ll share.

In 1989, I moved to the Washington DC area with my family. Just before I started at my new school, planets aligned and several things happened that scarred me for life…or at least a few months.

- I needed a haircut. My dad and I broke open the yellow pages and found the closest place. And while he got a good haircut, mine was less than perfect. Actually, it was downright sucky. “Closest” does not mean “best.” When I emerged there was a sizable amount of scalp showing on one particular area of my head. This was not flattering. I was not impressed.

- Our new house was really brand new. They hadn’t yet installed the carpet so I was stuck sleeping on a mattress on the floor. Most of me didn’t mind. My neck? Thoroughly pissed off about the whole idea. One morning I woke up and my neck had actually quit working entirely. Sadly, this was the same morning I was due to start school.

When I reported for school, my first day in a brand new place, I turned heads. Here I was, the new guy, with my head twisted to the right, unable to move and a big chunk of hair missing from my scalp. I’m sure lots of people wondered why someone would come to school so soon after a full frontal lobotomy. Others were probably impressed that I’d made such a successful transition from the “special school.” Me? I just wanted painkillers and time for my hair to grow out again.

Posted by Chris at April 28, 2004 08:36 AM

I hope you got the hair cut and the painkillers!

Posted by: Maureen at April 28, 2004 08:49 AM

'I’m sure lots of people wondered why someone would come to school so soon after a full frontal lobotomy. Others were probably impressed that I’d made such a successful transition from the “special school.” '
that made me laugh !!!!!!! funny bugger

Posted by: fluffy at April 28, 2004 08:53 AM

LOLOL! Man, I had almost forgotten how much school sucks.

Posted by: Ginny at April 28, 2004 09:05 AM

That so made me laugh, the special school! HA!

Posted by: Oliquig at April 28, 2004 09:13 AM

I'm sure they just assumed you were one of "those kids". How long did it take before they realized you were one of them?

Posted by: Beth at April 28, 2004 09:46 AM

OH man...that's a sad sad tale.
But you know...sad for you...FUNNY for us.
thanks for sharing

Posted by: Another Pam at April 28, 2004 09:53 AM

hahahaha..oh, sorry, that's not funny.

i'm still traumatized by a bad haircut experience. I've had 3 hairstylists over the course of my life (except for exactly 2 haircuts by other people out of desperation in college). But there was one time when I was pretty young when Sylvia wasn't around and so her dad, Luigi, cut my hair. He and sylvia owned the business together so it's not like he wasn't experienced. Well, he cut my hair sooo short -- like a boy -- that I did NOT want to go to school the next day. I was mortified. To this day I don't trust male hairstylists.

Posted by: laura at April 28, 2004 10:06 AM

I changed schools in 8th grade. I showed up my first day after being talked in to PERMING. MY. BANGS. I also broke one of my toes a week before. Which usually no one would know about, right? A little tape and comfortable shoes? Not me. I SHATTERED my toe (after stubbing it on another girl's heel at the beach) and required a full cast shoe thing.

So. 8th grade. Joining a school where the kids had been together since 6th grade. Permed bangs and the stupidest, lamest injury story ever. I suffered for this until graduation.

Posted by: Amalah at April 28, 2004 10:25 AM

I would also like to add to the end of my last comment: Bitches.

Posted by: Amalah at April 28, 2004 10:26 AM

well well well...i see that i must now add you to my little list of blogs to hit daily...funny guy! my other car is the short bus, too...REALLY. some days i drive to work, some days i unfortunately...well...take the short bus (i prefer calling it the "baby bus"...) nice to meet you, rude :) will stop by again!

Posted by: Beej at April 28, 2004 10:38 AM

Awww poor thing!! :))) I can imagine what that must have been like. Actually you recall a memory of mine. I was at a sleep over party with my girlfriends, we laughed had fun, pillow fights, you get it.

So at one point I turned my head just a bit too fast, it hurt like hell and I could not move it for like 2 days. And the people I met those 2 days? Thought I was going to a special school aswell! :))

Posted by: Sweety at April 28, 2004 10:40 AM

lol!! i can totally picture that. *giggles to self*

Posted by: tiffanie at April 28, 2004 10:51 AM

Oh, man. That's funny, Chris.

I had a similar experience to Laura's. When I was maybe 13 or 14? Decided I wanted short hair. But the woman cut it...WAY WAY WAY short.

I remember crying on my bed, refusing to go to school because there was a certain boy I liked and there was no way I was showing up like that.

During all my crying, I asked my Dad what he thought about my hair.

He said, "It's not too short, SON."

Posted by: Lauren Brady at April 28, 2004 11:35 AM

My mother gave me this god-awful bowl cut when I was in sixth grade, and shaved the back of my head so closely you could see my scalp (this is below the bowl part, of course).

I cried for days. I made my mom cry because she made me cry. I started wearing earrings that brushed my shoulders because one teacher thought I was a boy on the first day of school.

Your story, however, sounds way worse. New school? It makes me queasy just thinking about it.

Posted by: Anne at April 28, 2004 11:45 AM

At least you weren't wearing Ninja Turtle sweats. Or were you?

Posted by: Dawnie at April 28, 2004 11:48 AM

Dagnabit. I'm gone for the net for about 4 days and I come back to a haord fo posts from all ym favorite bloggers. How do you people expect me to catch up? It's a conspiracy I say.

BTW, a bad haircut was what blew the whole "We're moving to Sweden" out in the open. I will always associate bad haircuts with one of the most emotional wreck-of-a-day I've ever had.

Posted by: Tjej at April 28, 2004 12:23 PM

Funny - I guess that got you right into the "in" crowd.

Posted by: cassie-b at April 28, 2004 04:44 PM

I've been thinking about the school year we moved back to DC lately, myself, mostly because that was also the last time Brood X came to visit. Or was that the next year?

Anyhow, yeah. We moved here in the 1986-1987 school year. I was small. Really small. And my first day at Stone Ridge was really scary, but I survived and grew up to graduate from Stone Ridge and be a grown up and everything. And now the stinky cicadas are coming back.

No, I don't have a point. Shut up.

Posted by: Michelle at April 29, 2004 12:54 PM