May 25, 2004

Mail Me America: The Results Show

A week or so ago, I asked a question that, when I started to see the answers coming in, got very interesting very quickly. I finally had the time to go through and compile the answers. I think it paints a very interesting picture of what we (or at least those of you who responded) think of America.

Check out the responses below and consider this - if you put all of these things together, do you think its a fair and accurate picture of America?

Food and Other Perishables

  • Big Mac
  • Can of Coke
  • Diet coke
  • Starbucks gift card
  • Steak
  • Donut
  • Peanut Butter (with a history of Booker T. Washington)
  • Jar of peanut butter and jelly,
  • Best looking version of Chinese in a small carton of take out anyone could want to dive into with chopsticks
    Fortune cookies, frozen pizza, frozen burrito
  • New Jersey pizza
  • Girl Scout Cookies
  • Candy bars
  • McDonald's happy meal
  • Freedom fries


  • US Weekly
  • Beauty magazines
  • TV Guide
  • DVD of "Jackass the movie"
  • Video games
  • Dictionary (and possibly a book of grammar) with all the pages ripped out
  • The Fountainhead by Ayn Rand
  • Sports Illustrated (preferably one with Lance Armstrong on the cover)
  • Compendium of all the best box office smashes,
  • Beavis and Butthead DVD
  • John Adams by David McCullough
  • Bowling for Columbine DVD
  • Tape of a Howard Stern broadcast
  • Comic that mocks Bush
  • Jazz album, Ella Fitzgerald perhaps
  • The Far Side comics
  • CDs representing the various music that America has contributed to the world
  • Book on the history of the United States
  • Short documentary - go to the largest playground i could find and film the children at play. Its title would be "My Country 'Tis of Me" and the theme would be diversity and hope
  • DVD player and one season of each reality tv series there has been and is
  • Hustler magazine
  • The Wall Street Journal
  • The New York Times
  • Newsweek
  • Episodes of Seinfeld
  • Sesame Street Sticker
  • Marines training video
  • Newspaper clippings for every gun-related death that week


  • Pictures of my daughter, my wife, and many of my friends
  • A random shot of a NYC street showing the diversity and the possibility
  • Ansel Adams book of the National Parks
  • Picture of Neil Armstrong walking on the moon
  • Pictures from around the country
  • Photos of my friends at protests

Patriotism and Symbolism

  • American flag
  • Miniature Statue of Liberty
  • Pre-amble to our Constitution
  • The Constitution
  • One-dollar bill
  • Bill of Rights
  • Army Achievement Medal
  • Text written at the bottom of the Statue of Liberty
  • Scales of Justice
  • Draft card
  • Tattered, unrecognizable flag
  • Composite flag that represent the flag of every nationality existing in this country
  • Voter registration card that had never been used
  • Card explaining the symbolism of the Flag and directions for proper car
  • Declaration of Independence

Sports and Amusement

  • Baseballs
  • Frisbees
  • Silly Putty
  • NFL football
  • Monopoly Game
  • Dale Earnhardt sticker


  • Cheerleader
  • Small lawyer
  • George W. Bush

Apparel and Accessories

  • J.Lo perfume
  • Pair of Levi 501's
  • God Bless America t-shirt
  • Bikini
  • Walmart T-shirt
  • Gift card to L.L. Bean (with catalog)

Health and Beauty

  • Pair of silicone tits
  • Syringe of emergency Botox
  • Unused gym membership card
  • Prescription for Xanax
  • Therapy vouchers, for a year on the couch
  • Anti depressants
  • List of every diet program available
  • Crack
  • Low-carb diet books
  • 3-ply toilet paper
  • Hospital bill

Needs, Wants and Desires

  • Subpoena to McDonalds for a lawsuit involving an obese person claiming McDonalds forced the burger and extra-large fries down his/her throat
  • Ammunition
  • Remote control
  • Subway tokens
  • Handgun
  • Nuclear warhead
  • Pink Cadillac
  • Bag of crap from Walmart
  • Maxed out credit cards
  • Portable TV set
  • SUV
  • TiVo
  • Gas receipt


  • Letter of apology from all of us
  • Diary of some common middle-class person
  • Big bottle of attitude
  • Letter of apology from George W. Bush
  • High school yearbook from the current year
  • Baby jar filled with soil and aloe seeds
  • Pieces of tornado debris
  • Voodoo doll labeled "American"
  • “Charleston Heston is my President” bumper sticker
  • Stem cells
  • Bible and something to BANG it with
  • Chunk of asphalt
  • Pen and paper
  • Pamphlets from the Christian Coalition
  • Pamphlets on every major religion in the world

Posted by Chris at May 25, 2004 10:28 AM

New Jersey pizza?

Posted by: laura at May 25, 2004 11:10 AM

Yeah, shouldn't that be New York pizza?

And, really, I think that covers it pretty well. Sadly, on some counts.

Posted by: Dawnie at May 25, 2004 11:24 AM

What a great list! A bit scary in some areas!

Posted by: dawn at May 25, 2004 11:27 AM

No, Jersey pizza. Getting pizza in NY can be expensive, here it's cheaper, in a smaller, more cozy pizza-shop-owned-by-the-CUTEST-old-Italian-couple kind of place rather than some fancy NY stuff, and it's still just as good - if not better! - than in New York. The Italian Mafia chose to come to Jersey, after all, and I believe it was for the pizza.

Posted by: Chrissy at May 25, 2004 11:33 AM

Cool little experiment ya had there! :)

Posted by: Lee at May 25, 2004 12:12 PM

I think that about covers it.

Posted by: Fraulein N at May 25, 2004 12:30 PM

Wow...that's quite a list. We'd need a SHIP to take all that stuff somewhere, rather than just a box. :)

Posted by: Zandria at May 25, 2004 01:08 PM

I forgot one thing - chicken wings! How can I be from Buffalo and forgotten about them?! This whole list is quite amazing. It's amazing the stuff that we all think represents the U.S.

Posted by: Maureen at May 25, 2004 01:09 PM

HEY! As a jersey girl myself, Chrissy knows what she's talking about. JERSEY pizza is BEST. Where are all the italians? NEW JERSEY. That's right. People just always talk about NYC pizza just because it's a big city. But NJ pizza is BEST. I've even written an entire post about it on my site once LOL I'm a pizza fanatic, and I'm missing that good ole Jersey pizza while living in Sweden :-( I've converted quite a few people by introducing them to Jersey pizza. Trust me!

Posted by: Tjej at May 25, 2004 01:24 PM

Freedom fries???? Or for the love of God PLEASE don't tell me they're still calling them that back home!!

"Letter of apology from all of us"


"Baby jar filled with soil and aloe seeds" ???

Posted by: Tjej at May 25, 2004 01:28 PM

What is funny, is that, when TJ and I were putting together this list, we really thought that the most important thing to share about the United States is our independence and diversity. And I think that this list you compiled really shows both independence and diversity in our country. In some very cooky ways of course. What a great idea!

Posted by: Nicole at May 25, 2004 04:08 PM

It's a great list, where can I send my address?? :)

One thing one the list seemed a bit weird.. "3-ply toilet paper" I'm assuming it means paper layer. What do you think we use in Europe? :))

Posted by: Sweety at May 25, 2004 04:32 PM

monopoly game! excellent, just excellent!

Posted by: tj at May 25, 2004 08:27 PM

Tommy Hilfiger, I'd put that one on the list. I have family in Portugal and when they see that stuff, they go crazy. That's what they ask us for every time we go there, Tommy stuff. Crazy! That's a good list though.

Posted by: Carla at May 26, 2004 01:45 PM